She raised up and peered down into his eyes, warm with love and concern. “It was kind of scary,” she admitted. “But the results were…”
“I’ll always take care of you.”
“I can do things on my own, you know.”
“Let me ask you something. What would your dad or Rob have done if you were on a roof by yourself?”
She immediately dropped her eyes, knowing that they would have had a fit also.
“That’s what I thought. Babe, look at me,” he ordered softly.
She lifted her eyes back to his.
“You’re strong. Independent. Capable. But in this relationship, I won’t have you take chances. The man I am is the same man you knew years ago only older and wiser. The same kind of man your father and brother are. The same kind of man Shane, Matt, and Gabe are. Old fashioned? Hell yeah. Dominating? Only when it counts. In control? You better believe it. But babe, I will take care of you in all ways. You jack up, then take your punishment. And I will always make it good for you afterwards.”
Pulling her lips in as she thought over his words, realizing that they didn’t upset her in the least. “You think Shane and the other men do this too?” she wondered out loud.
Chuckling, he replied, “Oh baby. We don’t talk much, but I can tell you that both Lily and Annie have had their asses spanked on occasion. And your brother? Hell yeah.”
Glaring, she asked, “You’re going to talk to the others about this?”
“Won’t have to.”
“What does that mean?”
“Baby, they knew the minute I saw you on the roof that your ass was going to be burning tonight.”
Blushing, she tried to push up off of his chest but he wasn’t having it.
“Oh no, babe. You stay right here. No running out of bed in a huff. You put yourself in danger and I just made sure that you won’t do that again.”
She stopped pushing but continued to glare.
“And can you tell me honestly, Suzy girl, that you didn’t just have the hardest orgasm you’ve ever had?”
Continuing to blush, she retorted, “That’s not fair. You know I did.”
“So then? What’s the problem?”
Put that way, she couldn’t come up with a good reason to stay huffy as the warmth of the lovemaking continued to spread over her. Her body relaxed against his again. “Have you had a lot of practice with that?” she queried softly, both wanting the answer and hating what his response might be. Knowing that each experience was new to her but that with his sexual escapades in the four years since they had been together, she disliked the possible comparison.
“Never done that before.”
At that response, she raised back up and peered down to see the honesty in his eyes. “Never?” she asked disbelieving.
“Baby, I’ve never cared about anyone but you. So the answer is no. I’ve never spanked and then taken care of someone before.” Seeing the surprise in her eyes, he continued. “I’ve only ever loved you. Just you. So I vow to take care of you in all ways, both when you’re good and when you’re not.”
A slow, beautiful smile spread across her face causing his chest to squeeze.
“I love you too, Brad.” She hesitated for a moment and then said shyly, “I might have to occasionally be bad.”
Laughing deeply, he held her tightly to his chest. “Girl, you can be bad all you want and I’ll give you exactly what we just had.”
She lay her head on his still-rumbling chest and found herself finally giving in to exhaustion.
BJ lay there listening to her soft snores and then turned her gently to lay her in a more sleep-comfortable position. He slid out of bed to turn out the lights and secure the apartment for the night. He walked back in and looked at her sleeping, her form illuminated by the lights outside. Long, midnight hair spread on his pillow. The lights and shadows making her alabaster skin seem as though she were carved from perfect marble. Ample breasts rising and falling with her breathing. Feeling his cock beginning to stir once again, he willed it to behave.
Sliding back in bed behind her, he pulled her once again to his chest with his arms protectively around her. Jerking the bedcovers over their bodies, he settled in as well. Sleep eluded him for a while as he thought about the miracle of her entering his life once again. I thought I’d lost her. And for four years I lost myself. Nameless fucks floated through his mind momentarily as he realized that what he had told her was absolutely true. No one had ever held his heart. Only her. Only Suzy. And with that he joined her in a peaceful slumber.
Chapter 17
Early the next morning BJ was jarred awake by the sound of retching coming from the bathroom. Bolting out of the bed, he found Suzanne on her knees with her head hanging over the toilet. He grabbed her hair and pulled it out of her way. Leaning over to the counter, he snagged a hair clip and awkwardly managed to get most of her hair on top of her head.
“Baby, what’s wrong?” he asked, wetting a bath cloth and holding it to her pale forehead.
Keeping her head on her arm, she plopped down onto her bottom as she looked wearily at him. Tears slid down her cheeks as she stared into his slate-blue eyes. Images of years ago flashed through her mind. Her voice shaky, she whispered, “I’m late.”
Concerned with her health, it took him a moment for her words to sink in. “Late? As in late?”
Afraid to speak, she just nodded.
BJ’s face broke out into a huge grin. “Late?” he asked again. Throwing his arms around her, he exclaimed, “Oh baby, that’s wonderful.”
“Wonderful? Brad, what a mess! We just got together. What will everyone say? Jesus, haven’t we learned from past mistakes? We haven’t even talked about anything. What if it happens again? What if I can’t carry a baby? What if –.”
“Shhh,” he said, placing his fingers over her lips. He sat on the bathroom floor, pulling her into his lap. Wrapping her body into his embrace, he held her tightly. “You’re getting all upset and we don’t even know what’s going on yet.”
Warm in his arms, she looked at him with his fingers still pressed on her mouth. A single tear slid down her cheek.
Cupping the back of her head, he pulled her into his chest. “Baby, we’ll take it one thing at a time. We’ll get you cleaned up. Get a pregnancy test. If it’s positive, then it’s fine. Suzy girl, we’re in love. Have been for years. We already live together and we’re planning on getting married anyway.”
She quickly pulled her face from his chest, looking up to search his eyes. “Married? You never mentioned marriage.”
Throwing his head back in laughter, he pulled her to a standing position. “Baby, you and me? Back together? Do you really think I don’t want to spend the rest of my life with you? Girl, that’s all I’ve wanted since I was sixteen years old.”
Standing in the bathroom they faced each other. His eyes latched onto hers and his laughter stilled. “You and me. Always. In sickness and in health,” he promised. “No more running, babe. Whatever life throws at us, we deal. And we deal together.”
Tears streaming down her face, she could only nod.
“How late are you?” he asked.
“About a week. I’ve been worried but with so much going on, I thought it might be stress.”
His body stilled against hers. Tight. Angry.
She felt the change and peered back up at him, a questioning look on her face.
“You’ve thought for a week that you might be pregnant and you got on Lily’s roof yesterday?” he growled.
She stood quietly, not wanting to poke the bear.
“I ought to turn you back over my knee and redden your bare ass again for that.”
She instinctively took a step back and her hands automatically slid behind her to cover her butt.
He noticed her movement and forced himself to calm. She doesn’t need this now.
Taking a deep breath, he gently pulled her back to his chest. “No baby, no more, I promise. But you’d better p
romise that you’ll take no more chances and no more risks.” He felt her nod against his chest. “Do you think you can eat something? Let’s at least get a little breakfast down you and then I’ll head to the drug store.”
“Now? Today?” she asked.
“No sense in waiting.”
Nodding once again, she allowed him to lead her out of the bathroom toward the kitchen. A small breakfast of toast and green tea settled her stomach.
One hour later they stood back in the bathroom, just like four years ago. Looking at the blue stick once again. Looking in each other’s eyes once again. Her fear was palpable and he reassured her once again.
And he kissed her once again. This time lightly. A simple touching of lips promising forever.
* * *
BJ looked over at Suzanne the next day in the kitchen as he was piled up on the sofa watching football. Matt and Shane had originally planned on coming over, but he begged off saying that she had a stomach bug. She had become very quiet since realizing that she was pregnant. He wanted to shout it from the rooftops, but she was afraid of letting anyone know.
“Please don’t tell anyone,” she had begged. “The first three months are the miscarriage time and I just don’t want to tell anyone yet.”
He had agreed, knowing it was best, but was concerned. She was making chili and the delicious smell was wafting through the apartment. Every once in a while, he would see her just standing looking out of the windows. Not moving. Her face lost in thought.
Finally, he could take it no more. He stalked over and wrapped his arms around her. “Baby, what’s goin’ on in that mind of yours? I can feel it racing from over there.”
Shaking her head, she looked and just said, “I don’t know. Lot’s of things I guess.” Sighing, she lay her head back on his thick chest, comforted by the steady sound of his heartbeat and the feel of his powerful arms around her.
He bent and scooped her up, then walked to the sofa and sat gently with her in his lap. With one hand, he grabbed the remote and clicked the football game off.
“Okay, let’s break it all down. What all is bothering you?”
She gave an unladylike snort. “You want a list? I’m pregnant again. Again, Brad. I didn’t do a great job the first time and I’m no more prepared now than I was four years ago. And my job. I just got my vet tech degree and now have to consider my job hours. We’re not even married or engaged. I can’t plan anything…there’s not enough time. My parents. Oh my God, Rob. My brother will have a fit…I can just hear him now. And we just got back together. You say you’ve loved me since you were sixteen, but we’ve been apart for four years. Brad, do I need to remind you that it was just a few weeks ago that one of your fuck-buddies showed up at your door!” She burst into tears again as she covered her face with her hands.
BJ looked stunned and for the first time felt unsure of himself. Is this pregnancy moods or is she this worried about everything?
Holding her head tucked up under his chin, he rocked her for a few moments letting her cry. As her sobs slowed to just sniffles, he leaned forward and snagged some tissues from the end table. I may need to restock on tissues.
Giving her a minute to wipe her tears and blow her nose, he then tilted her head up with his fingers under her chin. “Baby, you’re overthinking too much too soon. You’re letting everything overwhelm you, but we have time to work on each of those concerns one at a time.”
Her eyes latched onto his as though his words were going to make or break her. Trying to keep her chin from quivering under his fingertips, she just stared, not trusting her voice.
“You need to make a doctor’s appointment tomorrow. Let me know when it is and I want to be there as well. We can ask about your job at that time. If you want to keep working and are safe, then there should be no problem with it. Babe, I think your parents and mine are going to be thrilled. We’re not teens anymore. We’re independent adults who are planning on spending the rest of our lives together. Our parents want nothing more than to become grandparents.”
He stopped for a moment, checking to see her reaction as he took her emotional pulse. She seemed calmer, so he continued. “Rob? He’ll be fine and Laurie will bring him around if not. He’ll love being an uncle and his kids will have cousins to play with.”
That got a smile out of her and he breathed a sigh of relief. Okay, she’s getting this. Now for the sticky part. “Suzy girl, we’ve already had the conversation about Lisa. You know that I haven’t loved anyone since you. And whatever I did was in the past. You never have to worry about me being faithful, I hope you know that. I haven’t been with another woman since we saw each other at Shane and Annie’s wedding several months ago.”
“But she was so beautiful. And what happens when another one from your past shows up, all tall, thin, and big breasts that don’t sag and you turn and look at me waddling around with a huge stomach and boobs that hang down?”
His eyebrow quirked in question. “Seriously? You’re seriously asking what would happen?”
She tried to stifle a giggle, but it slipped out anyway.
“Maybe I should turn you over my knee,” he said jokingly. Brushing her hair away from her face with his hand, he cupped her cheek, feeling her lean into his palm. “Baby, do you know what I was thinking when I was looking at you earlier standing by the window?”
She held his eyes as she shook her head.
“I was thinking that you’re the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. And that you would trust your heart with me again? Amazing, baby. Fuckin’ amazing. And here is something else I want you to take down and take it down deep. The idea of you growing large with my son or daughter…there is nothing that would compare. No other will ever hold my interest. Only you. It’s always been, only you.”
“It’s only ever been you for me, too,” she whispered.
“So does that take care of everything that’s clogging up that gorgeous head of yours, baby?”
“What if –”
“Nope. We’re not going there. We can’t help what nature allows, but we’re not going to waste our time worrying about what we can’t control. So you make that call to the doctor on Monday and we’ll see where to go from here. Okay?”
Taking a deep breath, she slowly let it out. “Okay, honey. I’ll try.”
“Good girl. Now is that chili about ready ’cause the smell is driving my stomach insane.”
* * *
She called the obstetrician’s office on Monday but was unable to get an appointment until later in the week. Her group session for women who had had miscarriages was meeting that night and she wondered if she should go. Will it depress me? Will it make me feel guilty? She went back and forth all day trying to decide what to do. At the last minute, she decided to go when BJ called to say that he was working a little late on a surveillance program.
Entering the basement of the church, she smiled at the familiar faces. Grabbing a cookie and a water bottle, she sat in the circle just as they were ready to start. The group always started with a round-robin where everyone had a chance to say how they are doing. She listened as she heard the others, all in different places in their lives. And it struck her for the first time, how they are all different. Until now, she only focused on the fact that every woman there had suffered a miscarriage. That was what brought them there. That was what bonded the group of individuals together. She had listened with close attention as they described their miscarriages. At home. At the ER. Some early in the pregnancy. Some late. Some carrying full term and having their babies be stillborn. Always the same common thread. They were pregnant. And now they weren’t, but there was no baby to hold.
But this time she noticed their uniqueness. One woman had a miscarriage years ago but had two normal, healthy children now. The group leader had suffered three miscarriages before having a healthy child. Other women had recently lost but were anxiously trying again. Some were afraid to try. And a couple of women were now single, their relationships not stron
g enough to carry the couple through their grief.
There is no pattern. There is no sameness here except that we all had a similar experience. Her hand slid down to her stomach, fingers splaying out across her flat belly. Glancing to her right, she noticed the expanding stomach of one of the women who was now pregnant. Suddenly she was filled with the realization that she wanted that. She wanted this baby more than anything. Feeling her fingers pressing inward, she found a sob catch in her throat. One miscarriage doesn’t mean another miscarriage. I can do this. I don’t want to spend the next eight and a half months in dread. I can’t control the future, but I can control now.
The meeting finished and she hurried out of the building. The wind was cold and she pulled her coat around her protectively. Hustling to her car, she started it and headed to their apartment desperately wanting to see him, breathing easy for the first time in days.
He was just getting home when she ran through the door straight into his arms. Concerned, he held her tightly and as he lifted her feet off the ground, she wrapped them around his waist as though desperate to be connected to him in all ways.
“Baby, what’s wrong? What happened?” he asked, holding her trembling body.
Not receiving an answer, he carried her over to the sofa and sat down, settling her across his lap. Pulling her head gently from his neck, he peered into her tear-filled eyes. “Baby, you have to talk to me. What happened? Are you hurt?”
She shook her head as she tried to find the words to tell him what she was feeling. “I…I want…us. I…want the…baby. I want the…baby.” Her voice broke as sobs hiccupped through her.
Still not knowing what had happened, he pulled her in closely again giving her time to gain composure. He rocked her gently as he smoothed his hand over her back, willing his strength to give her ease. Her tears lessened and she finally pulled back to look at him.
“I’m sorry, Brad. I didn’t mean to scare you. I just…I don’t know,” she said, suddenly weary.
“Shhh, it’s okay.” He brushed her tear-stained cheeks with his thumbs.
Love's Trusting (The Love's Series) Page 18