by Rebeca Seitz
“Bye, Anna.”
She closed the phone and looked down the road, her lighthearted feeling gone. Even if she’d wanted to stay awhile longer, it was impossible now. Levi Walker had been one of her very first clients, back when he served as mayor. She didn’t know him well enough to believe in his innocence, but he’d always been kind to her. When he moved to the lieutenant governor’s office, she’d expected him to ask for a partner to handle his legal matters, but he’d never done so.
Now she almost wished he had. She checked her mirrors and pulled back onto the road.
She managed to push Levi and his legal troubles to the back of her mind. Tonight was POP. Tomorrow was the parade. She could leave after that and be back in Orlando by early Sunday morning. Plenty of time to rest, get a handle on the situation, and be ready for Levi Monday morning.
She swung the Beamer into a parking space and killed the engine. One look at her and Clay would know something had happened. He may have even seen it on the news, though she doubted he’d connect the scandal to her. Should she tell him? Or shield their last two days from the intrusion of her other life?
Playing it by ear had worked in the past, and it would have to work now. She got out of the car and took a deep breath. Smoothing the wrinkles in her dress, she walked toward the park. Clay had closed the diner in honor of POP and was meeting her at their table.
The leaves rustled overhead and the scent of barbecue hung heavy in the air as she entered the park. Smoke from the roasters rose into the trees and blended with the gray branches.
“Hey there, Taz.” Clay ambled over. “Hungry?”
“Starved.”
“You look beautiful.” He hugged her close, then let her go. “Have fun with your dad today?”
“I did. He worked me to death, but we got a lot accomplished.”
“Then you, madam, deserve a reward.” He snagged a glass of iced tea from one of the vendor stalls and handed it to her. The best part about POP was that everything was free.
She took a sip. “Thanks.”
He stopped and looked closer. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing. Other than my aching muscles, that is.”
“You sure?”
“Positive.”
“You know I’m going to get it out of you sooner or later.”
“Can we make it later?”
“Will it get worse if we wait?”
“No.”
“Then we can make it later.”
“Thanks.”
He looked at her a second longer, then let it go. “Kendra and Darin are holding our spots over there.” He pointed to the picnic table, and they began walking. “We’ve got you a plate, but if you want to walk around first we can.”
“Nah. I’m sure you got me the good stuff.”
He faked an offended look. “Of course.”
They reached the table and Darin started to stand. “Sit, sit. How’s the barbecue?”
“Fabulous.” Kendra smacked her lips. “I foresee a gain of at least five pounds tonight.”
“That good, huh?”
Kendra nodded and drank her tea. “Charles outdid himself this year. I’ve got ten bucks that says he takes home the trophy.”
“Have you tasted Corner Bar-B-Q yet?” Clay asked. “They won last year, remember.”
“Only because Charles sat out the competition.”
“Okay, I’ll take that bet. Put ten for me on Corner.”
Tandy bit into her sandwich and smoky flavor exploded in her mouth. “Mm-m-m. Ten bucks on this.” She pointed to the sandwich.
“That’s Charles’s.” Kendra’s grin was triumphant. “How about we make this easy? If Corner wins, you boys win. If Charles wins, we girls are the victors.”
“What do we win?”
“Whatever you want.” Kendra batted her eyelashes at Darrin.
“Within reason,” Tandy added in a rush.
Clay and Darin spoke in unison. “You’re on.”
They finished their sandwiches and cleaned up the trash, sparring about whose food was better.
“I need to walk.” Kendra patted her stomach. “I can feel my arteries hardening the longer I sit here.”
“I told you to stop at two sandwiches,” Tandy said. “But you wouldn’t listen.”
“Does she ever?” Darin received a swat on the arm for his efforts. “What? That was a compliment. You’re a woman who knows your mind and doesn’t let others tell you what to do. That’s a good thing, right?”
“When you put it that way … okay, thanks.” Kendra looped her arm through Darin’s as they left the park and walked down Lindell. The street vendors were still up, getting in every sale they could before dusk when they’d have to tear down and pack it in.
Tandy smiled, just glad to have time alone with Clay. “What are you guys playing tonight?”
“Little of this, little of that.”
“You won’t tell me?”
“A guy’s got to have some secrets.” He took her hand in his. “Wouldn’t want you to get bored with me.”
She saw Kendra and Darin stop at a booth and pulled Clay into the alley. “Hey, I told Daddy I was okay with him and Zelda.”
He tucked a curl behind her ear. “I’m glad.”
“If she hurts him—”
“He’ll live. Your dad’s a big boy.”
She sighed. “You’re right. But I still may break her kneecaps.”
“Remind me not to get on your bad side.” They shared a laugh. “You going to tell me what’s on your mind?”
His hand was so warm around hers, she considered not telling him at all. Why ruin their last days? But running from the problem wouldn’t solve anything. “A client got in some trouble.”
He stiffened. “Do you have to go back?”
“Not until tomorrow, which we already knew. I’ve got a meeting with him Monday morning.”
“What happened?”
She told him about Levi and the embezzlement, the weight of dread settling back on her shoulders.
“Did he do it?”
“I’m not sure. If you’d asked me that a few weeks ago, I’d be positive he was innocent. But I thought Harry Simons was innocent, too, and look where that got me.”
“Here with me.” He kissed the top of her hand. “I’m okay with you assuming things.”
She smiled. “Anyway, this is going to be a media feeding frenzy, so we have a press conference scheduled on Monday.”
The sadness in his eyes nearly broke her resolve.
“Hey, you two lovebirds, come on.”
Kendra shushed Darin. “Can’t you see they’re having a moment?” Tandy laughed at her sister’s reprimand. “We’ll just be over here when you’re ready,” Kendra called to them and Tandy nodded.
“Tandy, can I ask you something?”
“Of course.” As long as it’s not asking me to stay.
“Do you like what you do for a living?”
She blinked. “What? I don’t understand.”
“It’s a simple question. When you heard the news today about Levi, were you excited to help him? To get back to Orlando and defend him?”
“No.” The word escaped before she could stop it. She put her hand over her mouth before anything else could get out.
He gently moved her hand and ran a thumb over her lips. “Then why do you do it? I’m trying to figure this out, Tandy, because if I can, then I think it will be easier to let you go. But you’ve got to help me out. When you talk about Orlando, you don’t seem happy. When you told me, just now, about Levi, that gorgeous smile went away.”
She didn’t know what to say to that. Here, with people milling everywhere and plenty of ears desperate to pick up any tidbit of gossip to share, she didn’t want to tell him. Didn’t want to tell herself. Levi’s problem was easy. Her own life was another story entirely.
“I can let you go if what you’re running toward is something that makes you happy, that makes you feel inside the way I feel
when I look at you. I won’t like it, it’ll wreck me; but I can do it, and I will for you.” He pulled their joined hands up and held them to his chest. “But I can’t seem to get to the place where I can let you go without a good reason. So I need you to tell me you want to go.”
His eyes searched hers, and she saw the desperation in them. Felt her heart breaking into pieces. Knew it would never be whole again. But also knew that she couldn’t be her mother, running from the duty she had toward her parents, her sisters. Meg was raising a beautiful family. Joy had built a lovely home and garnered a reputation for her hospitality. Kendra won awards for her amazing art. There was nothing in Stars Hill that would let her do something like that, be something they could be proud of.
And even if there was, she’d have Clay and a thousand emotions crashing around in her life all the time. That didn’t sound as bad as it did a week before, though. Maybe the emotional mess was worth having him close, holding her hand, talking to her again. But taking that felt selfish, felt like a betrayal of her commitment to Momma and their dream.
“Tandy, look at me.” His voice washed over her and she closed her eyes, unable to see the honesty of him. “Look at me, babe.” Warm knuckles grazed her cheek, and she opened her eyes. “Just tell me you want to go.”
She considered it, but lying to him now when he’d been so real with her didn’t seem possible. She loved him. Had never really stopped, if she wanted to be honest. The cheering section in her brain went into overdrive again, and she tamped it down. It didn’t matter if she loved him or he loved her because she had a duty to perform. And that duty didn’t allow for an existence in Stars Hill. She shook her head at the irony—finally, her heart had melted from the deep freeze of mourning, but it came about ten years too late. The luxury of loving him, of living here in Stars Hill, was not a possibility. It wouldn’t let her be successful. And she had to be successful to prove her worth and the enormity of the price of Momma and Daddy’s sacrificial love.
“I have to go.” Tears formed in her eyes, and she blinked.
“I don’t understand that.”
She shook her head and the tears traced tracks down her cheeks. She swiped at them. She hadn’t cried in the last ten years as much as she had the past nine days. “You don’t have to.”
“I do.”
“Why do you have to go back there? Is this about your mom? Tell me.”
She shook her head harder. “It won’t help.” She gulped. “And it won’t change things. I can’t do this now. Kendra and Darin—”
“Are fine.”
“Are waiting.” She sniffed and looked down. His big hands enveloped her own and were rubbing those small circles again. She burned the sight in her memory banks and tried to force her heart into deep-freeze mode. It would make this so much easier. “I can’t do this now.”
“If not now, when?”
“I don’t know, Clay. Not now.” She pulled away from him and went to find Kendra.
They were stopped at a booth of toys, Darin demonstrating yo-yo techniques. Kendra looked up at her approach and hurried over.
“Are you okay? You look like someone just died.”
“Someone did. Can you cover for me a second? I just need a minute.”
“Yeah, yeah, go.” Kendra pushed her on, and Tandy ran to her car. Her flip-flops slapped the pavement, their clapping mocking the cheering in her mind. Panic rode on the edge of her brain, but she pushed it away, hanging onto her crumbling composure until she fell into the car in a heap. Leaning over the steering wheel, she let the tears come in a rush. They poured down her face, and she wondered if a human heart could break twice. Leaving him was so hard. For the first time she began to understand her birth mother.
If she’d loved Tandy’s dad like this, then no wonder she’d numbed herself with drugs. A sob escaped, scaring her with its wild sound.
It wasn’t going to get any easier between now and tomorrow to leave. It would only get harder. Every second with him made leaving harder. Might as well go back to the house, pack up her stuff, and hit the road. Clay would be hurt—her tears intensified—but he’d be hurt just as much tomorrow as today. She put her hand on the keys but couldn’t bring herself to turn them in the ignition. The selfish part of her, the one that wanted to tell Levi Walker to handle his own problems, wanted to run back there, find Clay, and hold him until she died.
But that wasn’t enough. Another sob escaped, and she bit her lip to keep them in. The metallic taste of blood touched her tongue. She didn’t care. Loving Clay was not enough to justify her existence in Stars Hill or the work Momma and Daddy put into her life. She couldn’t be big enough here.
The reality of what she was leaving behind, not just Clay, but the sisters and Daddy, melded into one in her mind. Where in Orlando would she find the steady friendship like her sisters? Were there women who got together to scrapbook, poring over life’s minutiae in a scrapbooking studio? Going to Orlando wasn’t just the end of her and Clay; it was her return to an existence that revolved around Meyers, Briggs, and Stratton. To attending basketball games by herself, to taking pictures of Cooper so she’d have something to scrapbook, and then scrapbooking by herself while she watched TV. To eating lunches at her desk.
Loneliness, a familiar foe, crept into her car. It seeped into her bones and wrapped its tendrils around her heart, suffocating her, stealing her ability to cry. Her eyes dried, and after a while she sat up. She dug in the glove compartment and found a pack of tissues and repaired her damaged face as best she could.
This wasn’t a surprise. Nine days was nine days. It was always going to end. This was nothing new. She’d see Clay tonight, watch his band perform, and laugh with Kendra. She’d hold his hand tomorrow during the parade between bouts of running with James and Savannah to scoop up candy. And while she wouldn’t get to scrapbook with her sisters before she left—there simply wasn’t time—she’d made some memories with them on this trip. When this Levi Walker thing was handled, maybe she could come back and scrap with them again.
The thought comforted her a little. She opened the car door and stepped out.
Kendra was leaning on the car behind her. “You okay?”
She nodded and sniffed.
“Yeah, sorry I ran out on you back there.”
“Not a problem. Clay didn’t look any better than you. Care to tell me what happened?”
She shrugged a nonchalance she didn’t feel. “Reality. Same as ten years ago.”
Kendra came over and put her arm around Tandy. “Anything I can do?”
“Not unless there’s a big law firm in town I’m unaware of.” Her laugh sounded shaky.
“You could start one.”
“No.” She shook her head and sniffed. “I don’t think so. Not enough business to justify it here.”
“Then start something else. I know a certain owner of a diner who would be open to having a partner.”
She gave a wobbly smile. “Did he say anything to you?”
“No. He came out of that alley, and Darin went to him. I didn’t think I should go there.”
“I’m glad he’s got Darin.”
“I think he’d rather have you.”
“I know.” Me, too.
They leaned against the back of her car. “Kendra, do you ever think about how much Momma and Daddy did for us?”
“Every day. It’s why I work so hard at my art.”
“Exactly. That’s exactly it. It’s like we have to give back to them or something.”
“Prove ourselves worthy.”
“Yes.”
“Is that why you’re going back to Orlando?” Tandy nodded, and Kendra squeezed her shoulder. “So you do love him.”
Why pretend? “I do.” She wiped an errant tear and looked up at the perfect blue sky. “How dumb is that? I love a man I can’t possibly be with.”
“It’s not ideal, I’ll give you that.” Kendra patted her shoulder. “But it’s a relief you’re loving him again. I’d seen e
nough of frozen Tandy to last me a lifetime.”
Tandy smiled. “Yeah, me too.”
“I can’t stand in the way of you justifying Momma and Daddy’s sacrifice since I’m on the same mission. But are you sure there isn’t a way for you to do that here? In Stars Hill?”
“I’ve wracked my brain, Ken, but I can’t come up with anything. The two little law firms here have all the business sewn up, and I don’t know how to do anything else.”
“You can scrapbook.”
“Yeah, I thought about that. But Emmy’s got a good thing going, and I wouldn’t want to compete with her.”
“There’s got to be something. We’re smart women. We should be able to figure this out.”
“You’re assuming there’s a solution to find. There isn’t. I know. I’ve looked.”
“You’re like that story about the fish and the bird.”
“What?” Tandy rubbed her nose.
“You know. Momma read it to us. A fish and a bird fell in love, but they couldn’t be together because the fish can’t live in the air and the bird can’t live in the sea.”
The impossibility of the situation hit her again. “I wish he hadn’t pushed until tomorrow.”
“Why?”
“We could have had another day.”
“You still can.”
“We could, but I’m not sure he wants that.”
“Well, you’re not going to find out by standing here. Let’s go hang out near the diner until we see them.”
“What if he doesn’t want to see me?”
“Then I’ll help you pack.”
Her heart felt like a hot knife had sliced through her chest. Pack. Leave.
They walked down the sidewalk, arms around each other’s shoulders like they’d done in grade school. “You’re a good sister, Kendra.”
“Back at you.”
“What do other women do?”
“You mean if they don’t have sisters? Find friends, I suppose.”
“But how? I’ve been in Orlando three years, and I haven’t found someone like you or Meg or Joy.”
“That’s because there’s nobody like us. God wouldn’t have done that to the world.”
Twenty-Four