But Calvin’s name alone was enough to increase my pulse.
I clicked the email open, the contents an instant kick to my stomach.
James McAllister fucks Abbie White in public and in exchange for a promotion
No other text. Only a picture. Of me straddling Jay topless at the lake.
I felt like my office chair was spinning me at ninety miles an hour. James McAllister? As in the founder of Force McAllister? Once I recovered from the shock of the intimate photo of me, I Googled James McAllister. Page after page of images of Jay came up.
His name wasn’t even Jay. James. James McAllister who just three nights ago lied his face off and had said there were no more secrets between us. That I couldn’t take his picture because he was insecure about his looks. And I’d believed him. I grabbed my recycling bin and dry heaved into it.
Sam rushed into my office, pushing the door shut behind her. She was at my side, rubbing my back and hugging me. I stood and looked aimlessly around the room.
“Come on, I’m walking you home.”
“Look at the email Calvin just sent me. Jay Mickle is James McAllister.”
Sam looked at me as though she was going to cry. “Honey, he sent that email to the entire company.”
I collapsed in on myself but Sam’s arms were around me, holding me up. My mind crashed with the new information. As fast as they left my life, all my problems were back. And bigger. I couldn’t work here anymore. Not when everyone had seen the photo.
“No, no, no. This can’t be.” Who was I pleading with? Anyone. How did I get into another relationship built on lies? Why? I was adamant I would never have another man in my life because they couldn’t be trusted. None of them. I learned that the hard way. I swore off them, but I caved and went out with Jay. Jay, I mean James, proved that beyond any shadow of a doubt.
“Honey, it’s okay. You’re going to be okay, you’re strong. You will get through this.” Sam kept her voice low as she rambled on, trying to comfort me. But the truth was there was no way out of this.
Through the glass walls, people kept walking past. Slowly. Peering in but trying to make it obvious they hadn’t come to laugh at me. Laugh at me naked and fucking in the woods. Laugh at me for being promoted for fucking the owner of the company. Were they also laughing because I didn’t know who I was fucking?
My office door flung open, bouncing off the wall behind it. Jay stormed in. James. Sam gripped me harder as he rushed over to us.
Chapter 37
“Leave, now,” he said to Sam through gritted teeth.
“Absolutely not.” She stood her ground. She would protect me. The traffic of people going past the glass office wall increased as their paces decreased. My heart pounded off the inside of my ribs, so hard I thought it would crack the bones. I couldn’t focus. It seemed like I was drunk, with things moving in and out of focus. Jay. Sam. The spectators. My memories of Matt. I heaved again.
“I said leave.” Jay’s voice was so ferocious Sam flinched. They stared into each other before Sam relaxed her hold on me.
She looked me in the eye, tucked a strand of hair behind my ear and said, “I’ll wait right outside. I’ll be watching, making sure you’re okay. Is that okay? You signal if you want me to come back in. Answer me. Is that okay?”
I nodded, but the tears started. She kissed my cheek and left the office, closing the door behind her. I kept my eyes on her, to make sure she would watch and protect me. Sam flung her arms up at the nosy co-workers, ushering them away.
I couldn’t look at him. Jay. James. Whoever he was. I could never look at him again. My legs, drained of strength, gave out without Sam’s support and I sat.
“Abbie, I’m sorry this happened.”
Like sorry could fix this.
“I mean it.”
Like meaning it mattered.
“Come with me. Let me take you away from here and explain.”
Like this could be explained away.
The sobs fell harder each time he spoke. I reached for a Kleenex to wipe my nose. Then another. And another.
He rested his hand on my shoulder, and I wiggled and turned my chair to break the contact.
“Abbie, you don’t know everything going on. Let me explain.”
I snapped. “I don’t know everything going on because you’re a liar, Jay,” I spat his name. His fake name. “You’re a fucking liar. Jay or James or whatever the hell your name is.”
“I didn’t mean for you to get hurt.”
“Were you ever going to tell me?”
“I…”
“Don’t answer, because I don’t care what your answer is.” I turned and looked straight into his eyes. “James.”
He recoiled at my use of his name. His real name. James lifted his hand and stroked my hair. I spun my chair back away from him. Denying him the look on my face. The look of hurt. The look I’ve had before.
“Come on, Abbie, I can take you away from this. Shield you from any fallout. It will go away. Things always go away. This will become a distant memory.”
The hurt melded into anger. “It’s on the internet. Nothing on the internet goes away. Ever!”
“It will. I will make this go away.”
“You can’t.”
“I can. It will. People are scrubbing the email. Staff has been notified that anyone saving it or forwarding it will immediately be terminated.”
“And you? Will you go away too? Because I never want to see your lying face again!”
He was the same as Matt. How did I become involved with two men who lied about who they were? Made up a complete personality. A complete history. I didn’t know anything about either of them. Didn’t know who they really were, only who they made up.
Jay rested his hands on my shoulders. My body recoiled in response, trying to escape his touch. But he left them there, the weight heavy on me.
“I need you in my life. I waited so many years, watched you from afar. Wanting you.”
“But,” I struggled to get his words straight in my head. An entire new set of alarm bells screamed through my head. “But I’ve only worked here six months.”
James exhaled through his nose. I waited for an answer but none came. Instead he spun my chair around back to face him and crouched down looking straight into my eyes. I closed them. His hand stroked my cheek and cupped my face. I refused to open my eyes.
“I can fix this. I can make this right.”
“No, you can’t. How can you make it right? There is nothing you can do. I will never forgive you.” My voice got quieter with each word. “You have ruined my career. You have ruined my life.” I didn’t have to strength to add how he’d hurt me the most.
“Abbie, your career isn’t ruined, not at all. You’re amazing, you’re smart and you’re intelligent. And your career is going to be fantastic.”
“No, it isn’t. No one will hire me now. They’ll think I have no ability, that I just sleep my way to the top and nothing more. They’ll only hire me for that purpose.”
“That’s not going to happen.” His voice had been firm and metered every time he opened his mouth. A stark contrast to my own.
I took a few breaths to calm myself before speaking again. “You took the Calvin file from my desk, didn’t you?”
“Of course. You didn’t. I had to get rid of him and I needed the file to do it.”
“You only wanted to get rid of him to promote me! Because I’m fucking you!”
“No. I wanted to get rid of him because he’s incompetent. I wanted you promoted because you’re good at your job.”
At least that part was true. I was good at my job. I was just going to have to move far away if I ever wanted to get one again. To somewhere that didn’t have the internet yet. Like Timbuktu.
The anger rose from the pit of my stomach again. How could he do this to me? How did I let him?
“What were you thinking when I screamed the name Jay as I came?” I tried to keep my voice low, but I was yell
ing by the time I got to his name. His fake name.
“I won’t apologize for that, Abbie. There were reasons, good reasons, and you need to understand that.”
His words hit me in my ribcage and I hyperventilated.
“You would not say that if you knew what I have been through.” I pushed each word out one by one between my rapid breaths.
“I know.”
“No, you don’t. You don’t understand at all or you’d never hurt me like this!” I stood, but his body trapped me behind my desk.
“Abbie,” he said, placing his hands on my waist, “I know he hurt you. I am not him.”
“But you’re just as bad as him.”
“No, I’m not.”
“Matt destroyed me. And I thought there was just a little, tiny chance that I could be resurrected when I met you, but now, James, now I know there’s no hope.”
I tried to push past him. I needed out of there. Needed air. Needed Sam. Needed Jenny. He didn’t release me from his grip, his hands on my waist stopping my escape.
I stopped worrying about keeping my voice down. “Let me go. Leave. I never want to see you again.”
My eyes flicked through the glass, aware of more and more people on the other side of it. Looking in at me. Laughing at me. At least the humiliation Matt caused was only private. This was a public humiliation, and worse.
As if reading my mind, James said, “Don’t worry about them, they don’t know. They only know we have a relationship.”
“Had,” I said, my voice seething.
“Walk out of here with me. With my arm around you. I’ll take you away and we’ll get through this.” The comment caught me off guard and a wicked laughed emanated from my belly.
“We will not get through this, Jay. I will not walk out of here with you. There is no us!” I waved my hands above my head, then tried to shove him off me.
At the contact of my hands with his chest, he let go of me. He held his hands in front of him as he backed out from behind my desk. I grabbed my purse and hurried out the door, into Sam’s waiting arms.
She held my head to her chest and pushed us past the spectators.
Chapter 38
Sam held me all the way to my condo. I leaned into her, trusting her while I was blinded from my tears. Jenny arrived not long after and rushed to comfort me.
“My life is over,” I said between sobs.
“No, it isn’t, sweetie. I promise,” Jenny said, rubbing my back.
“Why did I ever agree to go to dinner with him?”
“Because you were attracted to him. And it didn’t work out. The end,” Sam said.
I turned to look at her through my watery eyes. “Yes, the end. No relationship. No career. No money to pay my mortgage. Only a big, gaping wound made by Matt and pissed in by Jay.”
“They’re different,” Jenny said.
“But he lied about who he was, just the way Matt did.”
“But his reason for lying was different. He lied to protect himself. Understandably. Whereas…” Jenny’s voice trailed off.
“Matt lied to take advantage of me. Just like Jay.”
“I don’t know that’s what Jay did,” Jenny said.
“Unbelievable. You’re taking his side?”
“No. Not at all. I’m just pointing out his motivation.”
“His motivation doesn’t matter, he still lied. Confirmed my belief in all men. I don’t know why I ever let you convince me to go out with him. If I hadn’t, I wouldn’t be hurt right now.”
“But you had so much fun,” Jenny said.
“Sure, until his lie was exposed all over the internet! I wouldn’t be surprised if I’m on the six o’clock news.”
“And Facebook,” Sam added, bringing us mugs of coffee.
“Fucking Facebook. Everyone will know. Everyone I went to high school with. To college with. People I haven’t even met yet.”
“What will they know? That you, Abbie White, scored with a hot billionaire. That’s it. And they’ll be jealous,” Sam said.
I sat straighter and wiped my eyes. Maybe that was true. My public humiliation was only limited to me looking like an employee sleeping with the boss. Explicitly. Naked in the photo as I straddled him topless in the woods. Thank God I’d still had my jeans on.
The memory made me smile. “It was an amazing day.”
“I’d guess so. Naked in the woods with a man like him,” Sam said, smiling at me.
The memory fell away. “What do I do now?”
“You don’t think you can go back to Force McAllister?” Jenny asked.
“No way.”
“You have your promotion. A secure paycheck. You have so much enthusiasm for this new position,” Sam said.
“But everyone would know. Everyone has seen me naked and fucking the CEO. There’s no way I can face them again. Besides, I’m staying as far away from Jay as possible.”
“It’s a huge company. There are a thousand people, you wouldn’t have to go anywhere near him,” Sam said, stroking my forearm. But her words had exploded into me. One thousand people had seen me topless. I broke down again.
The intercom buzzed, and I felt the color drain from my face.
“If that’s Jay, don’t let him up,” I managed to say between sobs.
“Of course, honey.”
“Delivery for A. White.”
Jenny buzzed him up. I knew what it would be. Some fancy, expensive gift from Jay, trying to buy my forgiveness. Except there was nothing that could buy my forgiveness. Nothing. I’d reject the delivery and have it sent back to him, except I didn’t have the strength to drag myself from the couch.
Sam clasped my hand while we waited. Jenny appeared in front of us, a look of surprise on her face.
A man walked behind her, carrying a vase so large he was hugging it in his arms. The vase was full of yellow roses. Another man appeared behind him, carrying a vase just as large, this one containing lilies. A third man came in, his vase a mixed bouquet. And a fourth, and a fifth. Their vases were full of tulips and sunflowers.
My living room was stuffed with the vases, and barely any room left over for the people in it to stand.
The men left and returned, so the first man now reappeared with another vase. This one had pink asters. The second man came back carrying a vase of purple flowers I didn’t know the name of. The living room was full, and they had to put some in the bedroom.
By the time the fifth man reappeared with another vase, he had to leave it in the entranceway. I couldn’t help but laugh. My condo looked like a florist’s.
The first man reappeared again, and I wondered how many more vases were going to arrive. The vases didn’t stop coming until there was no room to squeeze even one more stem. They’d put two in the bathroom, covered every inch of my kitchen counter, and left a narrow path to squeeze through to the front door.
Once the deliverymen left, Sam and Jenny ended up dragging over half of the vases into the hallway to create some space in my condo.
I welcomed the overwhelming scent that swirled around the room, somehow it comforted me. Though I could never forgive Jay, I appreciated the gesture. The thing that struck me most about the flowers was that none of them had a card. No note. Nothing. I guess he knew there was nothing he could say.
We ordered pizza for dinner. When it arrived, we had to open the oven and set the box in there, because there was no space to put the box. We turned the TV on to watch a movie, but much of the screen was blocked by sprigs of flowers.
“I’m staying over tonight,” Jenny announced.
I had stopped crying by then, but was drained. The life had been sucked from me. I’m glad she offered, I didn’t want to be alone. I needed to feel loved from someone. And I needed her to monitor my intercom. I was still nervous about Jay turning up at my condo.
“I’d stay too, but,” Sam looked around the room, “there’s no room with all these flowers.”
“Are you going to go to work tomorrow?”
“I don’t know. I should come back here.”
“You’ll be bombarded with questions about me. You know that, right?”
“I don’t care. You know I can handle myself. Maybe I should go in? No, I’m definitely going in. Someone’s got to be there on your side.”
My heart swelled at her words. I was so lucky to have such great friends. That was all I need in life.
My phone beeped. It had to be Jay. I hadn’t heard from him all day. Maybe he was letting me clear my head. Maybe he thought I’d calm down and get over it. No Jay, I wouldn’t. I picked up my phone but was trembling so badly I couldn’t hit the message icon. Sam took it from my hand and opened it for me.
Let’s talk. J.
“No fucking way,” I blurted. Sam typed what I said then added several exclamation marks before hitting send. Even though he deserved much harsher words, my stomach felt queasy at the thought of him reading the text.
“There, he should get the picture,” Sam said.
We sat for a few minutes, all of us staring at the phone, but he didn’t text again.
* * *
I barely slept and often woke, only to become aware of Jenny holding me tight. Each time the weight of her arm comforted me enough to fall back asleep. At least for a short while.
She was still asleep when I awoke around six. I didn’t want to wake her, so I tiptoed around the flowers and into the living room. My phone was still sitting on the coffee table from last night, and I picked it up, my heart pounding as I looked for a response from Jay. But there was none.
There was no way I wanted anything to do with him. To ever see him again. Still, it might be nice if he groveled a bit. At least showed some regret for what he did.
I sat and absentmindedly surfed the internet on my phone, being careful to avoid any websites that might have my story. Like Buzzfeed or Perez Hilton. Man, I loved those sites, but this was exactly the kind of story they loved. Instead I watched a load of silly animal videos on YouTube.
Billionaire's Secret: The Complete Series Page 13