“Maybe I can help you with that.”
I give him a mean look. “I’m okay. Besides, I want to live every moment I have left to the fullest. You know, I might die tomorrow.” The music is so entrancing that I want to move my body to the beat. For some reason, I feel much less inhibited than I did a few minutes ago and I shoot to my feet. “Wanna dance?”
He stands up with me, but continues to wear a frown. I walk toward the dance floor and Nicholas grabs my elbow, stopping me. “There are other registrars here.”
“They don’t recognize me. I want to dance. None of this prim and proper dancing stuff.” Right when I say it, I wish I could take it back. Because the way Nicholas held me when we danced earlier, has forever been placed with the group of memories I cherish. His expression remains unchanged—cold. Maybe dancing with me didn’t mean anything to him; he was just set on keeping his promise. I pull my arm away from his grasp and step onto the packed dance floor.
A young man comes up behind me and places his hands around my waist. I giggle and lean my head back onto his firm chest.
Nicholas steps onto the dance floor. “Get lost.”
“Sorry.” The young man leaves.
Acting on impulse only, I lock eyes with Nicholas and wrap my arms around his neck.
He immediately removes my arms, and looks around the room to see if anyone is watching.
“Come on, Nick. They can’t see us in the crowd. Have some fun!” I throw my head back and feel like a laugh just waits in the back of my throat. “You have to live in the present.” Words are coming out of nowhere and I’m sure once I return back to my normal self, I’ll be embarrassed.
“I do,” Nicholas says flatly.
“Then what are you afraid of?”
He sighs. “Nothing.”
Yeah, right. “It’s dark in here; don’t worry; no one will see us.”
He shakes his head and looks away.
“You need to move more,” I say, placing my hands on his hips.
“If you don’t go to bed…”
I interrupt him. “You know, you’re not very fun to be around sometimes. Most of the time.”
“Sorry to disappoint,” he says.
“Well, you could always lighten up.” I laugh and then I feel the sudden urge to kiss him on the cheek and before I know it, my lips meet the skin right next to his dimple.
“Careful,” he says, the muscles in his jaw tightening, but he doesn’t stop me.
“Or what?” I challenge him, running my hands through his hair. Would it be too crazy if I kissed him on the lips? The thought brings a smile to my lips and I giggle a little.
“What?” he asks, seeming slightly amused.
Then a cage catches my attention and I want to see if I can dance inside it. I run over and climb into it, grabbing onto the bars. Closing my eyes, I let my body rock to the music.
“You’re not yourself,” Nicholas says, glaring up at me.
Does he like what he sees? “It’s okay. I’m just having fun.”
Taking my hand, he pulls me down from the cage, and drags me off the dance floor.
“I’m not done yet,” I object.
“Yes, you are.” He pulls me into a corner and behind a curtain, his hands pressing up against the wall behind me—confining me. His shirt is fitted enough so I can see his chest and shoulder muscles and I notice how he smells like cologne.
“You smell good.”
“You’re drunk.”
I scoff. “I’m not drunk,” I say, feeling my head swimming. I wish he’d see me as something more than just a participant he needs to take care of. “I don’t need a babysitter.”
He shakes his head. “I know you don’t. And I’m not here to…I just want you to be safe.”
He leans his forehead against mine and it seems like all the air in the room has been sucked out. His mouth is open—an inch away—and I want to touch my lips to his. But he pulls away before I’m able to try.
“Can I take you back to your room now?”
“Fine.” I roll my eyes. “Just no sleeping powder.”
Before we get on the elevator, he stops and squeezes the bridge of his nose.
“What?”
“I can’t take you back up there dressed like this. The Unifers…” He looks around the foyer. “Can you wait in the Ladies room and I’ll get you a Savage Run outfit?”
“Okay.”
“Just don’t go anywhere, you hear?”
“Yes, Sir.”
I head to the Ladies room and he takes the elevator upstairs. A few minutes pass and I hear knocks on the door. When I open it, he hands me a plastic bag.
“Don’t forget the lipstick.”
After I change, he escorts me back to my room. “Will you be okay?” He leans against the door with his hands behind his back, holding onto the door handle
“Where are you going?” I ask.
“I have to take care of something.”
Somehow I know when tomorrow comes I’ll feel horrible about the way I acted, and I look away. “Sorry I…I don’t know what I was thinking.”
“Consider it forgotten. But this has to stop.”
His words are like a Master’s, pounding me into submission. Who am I fooling? He wouldn’t want me. He’s the son of President Volkov, a free man, a god, in some people’s eyes. I look down. He takes a step closer and lifts my chin until our eyes meet. Electricity spreads through me, making me even more confused. “You be careful out there tomorrow, you hear?”
I nod. Is his touch just that of a friend? A concerned representative?
“I’ll see you in the morning.”
Or is there more behind the tender way he handles me? “Good night.” I watch him shut the door. My head falls back, and a strenuous sigh escapes my lips. Gosh, I’m such an idiot. I bury my face in my hands and fret. “Stupid, stupid, stupid!” I drag my feet all the way to my room, undress and go to bed.
Chapter 19
Next morning, I wake up to Mai flinging open my curtains. Immediately, I remember what happened last night and I grunt.
“Rise and shine.” She’s in her white leather pants, white Savage Run shirt, and black stiletto heels. Her black hair is straight and reaches her waist.
What did I do? I haven’t even seen him and already I feel mortified. He must think I’m such an idiot. Which of course, I am. I don’t have time to think about some guy or make moves on him. Or get drunk. I want to sink into bed and disappear.
“When did you get up?” I sit up and my head spins. This is not good. The first obstacle—the floating disks—requires me to have impeccable balance.
“I never went to bed. Too many things to take care of.”
Half conscious, I throw the sheets off, and make my way across the hallway to check on Arthor. Passing through Mai’s living room, I notice Nicholas isn’t here yet. Did he come back at all last night?
When I get to Arthor’s room, he’s sitting on his bed, already wearing a yellow and red Savage Run outfit, pulling on his shoes.
“Ready for phase two?” I ask.
“Yes, my leg feels just like new again. How about some breakfast?”
I hadn’t noticed how tense my neck was until it relaxes with his answer. “Let me just get ready first.” Just as I get to the living room, Nicholas enters with a glass in his hand. The instant our eyes connect, my stomach twists like I just ate a jar of worms. Was last night as bad as I remember? Did I actually try to…kiss him? Wait, I did kiss him—on the cheek. And anyone could have seen us! Mortified, I look away. The drink must really have been strong for me to do something so irresponsible. I take a deep breath and try to clear my thoughts. This is beyond ridiculous. I don’t need this kind of complication right now; what was I thinking?
“Hi.” Nicholas hands me the glass and tells me to drink the green liquid. His expression is perfectly normal and it makes me think that maybe I’m exaggerating what happened. “Sleep well?” he asks.
“Yes.” I gulp
the drink down as fast as I can, the sour beverage having an aftertaste of grass. “Can I have a word?” I whisper.
He shoots me a glance, as if saying no.
“I just want to…I just wanted to say…” It’s hard to get the words out. “Thanks for bringing me back to my room last night.”
His face is unforgiving. “It’s hard to be partners with someone who keeps breaking the rules, Heidi.”
Like he keeps the rules all the time. Well, obviously he wants to ignore what I did last night, so I should, too.
Mai parades into the room and sits down at the kitchen table. “We have an hour until we need to be at the UVC station. Do you have any questions before we leave?”
“Just survive, right?”
“Right,” Mai says with a stern smile.
I place my empty glass in the sink. Though it tasted horrid, my head feels clear again and it took away the nausea. With no time to spare, I head back to my room and take a quick shower, after which I slip into my Savage Run outfit.
Just as I finish dressing, there’s a knock on my door and Nicholas enters. We’re alone again, and I have no idea what to say. I really hope he doesn’t bring it up.
“About last night…if you do something like that again, I’ll have to disqualify you.”
Something like what? Try to kiss him? Leave my room? Get drunk? Dress as a girl? I didn’t think he would revert to threats. “You know, you’re so two-faced.”
“We don’t have time to hash this out.” His eyes darken.
“That’s the problem with all you Masters. You have to control everything—even conversations.”
He rolls his eyes. “I’m your registrar! It’s my place to tell you what to do!”
“Sounds just like something your father would say.”
His lips squeeze to a line and his nostrils flare. “I’m here as your registrar. Will you let me deliver the message?”
I consider it for a moment, but I finally nod.
He takes a deep breath. “In the balancing phase, look for other paths—plateaus even. Remember, it’s just a game, and there are many ways to finish, not just the most obvious.”
I nod, forcing myself to calm down and think about the obstacles, not at how angry I am with him. “Are there shortcuts to every course?”
“I don’t know.” He reaches behind his head and cups the back of his neck. “They track your time from the moment of your first step to when you get back on the capsule, understand?
“Yes.”
“It’s not about who’s first. It’s about finishing in the top fifty percent, so pace yourself.”
My nerves creep up my spine toward my neck.
“Usually women have better balance than men do, so this next phase should go in your favor,” he says. “And the drink I gave you should help remove any toxins in your body from last night.”
I stifle a groan. Not thinking about it.
“You have little to worry about.” His eyes soften a tad. “You have a gift. Use it. I’ve seen the videos from the obstacle courses. When you’re in the thickest, you have no fear, only instinct, and that’s what’s needed out there.”
I want to scream at him. One minute he’s threatening me, the next, he’s building me up. But instead, I turn toward the window and look across the city.
“You have the edge over everyone. You are unique. You are strong.”
I don’t feel strong.
“What do you want, Heidi?” He’s right behind me now and places his hands on my shoulders.
“I want…” I can’t think straight when he’s so close to me. I try to refocus my thoughts. “I want to be free.” I turn around to find his burning eyes, and I notice how his breathing has become as shallow as mine.
“In another life…maybe…” He pulls me in close to him, his arms wrapping around my thin frame. I press my hands against his broad back, the side of my face resting against his chest and we stand for a while without words. What was he going to say? In another life I’d be free? In another life I’d live?
He releases his arms from around me and his eyebrows are drawn low over his eyes. “You will get through this next phase, you hear?” His voice has become demanding. “Just stay close to Arthor.”
“But…”
“Promise me,” he repeats.
“You’re forcing me to make a promise I can’t keep,” I say.
“I’m not forcing you. I’m just getting you to commit.”
“What’s the difference?”
“Think about it. You’ll figure it out.” He briefly presses his lips to my forehead and then without another word, leaves my room.
* * *
Nicholas and Mai take the remaining seven of us to the UVC station—the official starting point of phase two. No one speaks the entire way, each engrossed in his own thoughts about what’s to come or perhaps what has transpired. How many of us will die today? I glance at Nicholas only once, and catch him looking at me. He smiles softly.
After we exit the transporter, we look for the number sixty-seven—the capsule the Culmination participants are to leave from. Bumping shoulders with other participants, following after the others, I push my way through the crowd. I pass a sobbing guy with a huge red birthmark on the side of his face. His arms are flailing and his representative is shouting at him to get a grip. The young man braces his chest, his shoulders jarring with silent cries, his chest rising and falling quickly with every strained breath. I think we all feel the way he does, but the rest of us control our fear. Why can’t he?
Noticing that I’ve fallen behind, I run to catch up. When I find them standing by our capsule, Mai stands a little removed from Nicholas and the participants, and she’s yelling at someone on the phone. My first thought is that she’s talking with President Volkov, but what good is it to worry about that now?
Nicholas extends his hand to me like a proper representative should, nodding confidently toward me, scrutinizing me.
Is he still waiting for me to say I’ll commit to getting through this next phase? “Fine. I’ll commit.” I say.
He inhales, and his shoulders drop a half an inch. “Good.”
“Commit to what?” Johnny asks.
“It’s just something for the Imp and me,” Nicholas says, not taking his eyes off me.
The UVC emerges from the tunnel with a swooshing sound, and I file onto it with the other Culmination participants. I take my seat and buckle my harness, and as the doors slide shut, my chest tightens. When I look out the window, Nicholas is watching me, his expression unyielding, yet melancholy. He nods and mouths something, and even though I can’t hear his voice, I know what he’s saying: “Partner.”
I nod back, an aching weakness taking hold in my chest. Before I’m ready, the capsule whisks me away, but I continue to hold his eyes until I can no longer see him—and in my mind, even longer.
“Who’s going to protect you now, Imp?” Johnny says.
To my, and from the look on his face, Johnny’s surprise, Arthor declares, “I am.”
Johnny huffs. “You think you’re strong enough? You’ll see, once we get out there. There’s going to be so much going on that you can’t possibly be there all the time.”
“He’s not the only one who needs to watch his rear,” Arthor says. “So back off or you won’t know what hit you.”
“Hardly.” Johnny looks at me with a devilish smile, the wheels in his head turning, probably thinking about how he’ll finish me off. I need to stay as far away from him as I can. “Besides, I know your secret, and I know the best way to hurt you.”
That could be interpreted in many painful ways. I feel the blood leave my face.
“Dude,” Timothy says to Johnny. “Quit being such a jerk. We should hang together, us guys from Culmination.”
“Yeah, the more of us that make it, the more connections we’ll have once we become Masters,” Abe says.
“You only say that ‘cause you need somewhere to stay since your mamma kicked you
out,” Johnny says. “Besides, I caught Joseph dancing with Nicholas last night. And smooching. Betcha didn’t know he’s gay.”
“What?” I exclaim. “You’re absolutely crazy!” I know exactly what he’s doing—turning everyone against me. After this, they won’t know how to act toward me, just like people don’t know how to act toward someone who’s different than them. And instead of seeing a person, they see only a problem, in which the only two solutions are hostility or avoidance. I suspect they’ll be avoiding me, afraid I’ll be hitting on them. The imp. The gay imp. However, I doubt he knows that Arthor is gay, and this confrontation has a secondary effect: the more I deny being gay—saying it’s crazy—the more I’ll hurt Arthor. And of course it’s already working because everyone in the capsule is either staring at me or avoiding eye-contact at all costs. “It’s not true…” I look at Arthor and I see the subtle disappointment in his eyes. “I’m not gay.”
“I saw the way you were looking at Nicholas.”
“So what if he is gay?” Arthor’s voice is bold. “I know several people who are, and they’re actually some of the nicest people I’ve met.”
“It’s illegal,” Johnny says.
I smile a little. “Well, I’m not gay, but I can definitely vouch for what Arthor is saying.”
“I know someone who is gay, too,” Fletcher says. “He’s really nice.”
“Dude, gays are just disgusting,” Timothy says. “I was hit on by one once and…it was just gross.”
“Seriously, guys. Are we really going to talk about this all the way to the obstacles?” I say.
“Yeah, Johnny.” Arthor says. “We have more important things to focus on right now besides determining if we side with the gays or not.”
With that, the topic dies down, though I notice that they look at me with guarded eyes. We settle into a conversation about Culmination and how unfair the hierarchy is in our country. I learn that the Advisors are just as upset about their inferiority to Masters as Laborers are—maybe even more so—because they live between both classes, never being good enough to be a Master, yet not feeling they have the right to complain since they aren’t as destitute as Laborers.
Savage Run Page 18