It’s the first time ever those words have been spoken to me and all at once the strength and courage I have managed to cling to for the last few hours, days, months, year crumble in my chest. I bring my hands to my eyes and sob quietly for a long time. Drying my tears, I continue to read.
I knew your father was a cruel man, I knew he would abuse, demean you, and blame you. But when I left, I had no way to keep you alive. Or safe. At least when you were with him, I knew you’d stay alive. Being a Laborer isn’t all bad. There’s safety in it. But when the one you love turns against you, life becomes a living nightmare. I couldn’t stay with him and be me. And I left you with him because he was the only one who could keep you alive. Nicholas said to me that freedom is more important than being safe; he knows you well. You are your mother’s daughter. He is a good man, Heidi, and if he rises to power, this country will finally have the leader it deserves. He needs a good woman by his side—one who believes in freedom, but who also cherishes life, love, friendship. And he’s found all that in you. In the Caves of Choice, you proved how much you have grown by choosing to give up freedom for friendship. I wish I were as strong as you, but I have other demons to battle. Maybe one day I can. Maybe never. But I do love you, and I do believe as I said before that everything is the way it should be. I made the right choice and because of it you are alive.
I wish you well, Heidi, and maybe one day we will meet again. But as things are now, please respect and know that though nothing has been discussed, there’s nothing more to talk about.
Mai
Just as I let my hand fall to the table, Nicholas returns. His eyes narrow and he walks over to me. I stand up and curl one arm around his neck and the other around his waist, burying my face in his strong, warm chest. I hear his heartbeat—strong and fast. The top of my head reaches his nose and I feel his warm breaths against my hair, smell his mild cologne.
“Are you okay?”
I cry silently for a while, uncertain of what I’m supposed to be feeling, far less uncertain of what I really am feeling. “She says…there’s nothing more…to say.” I sniffle
“I know.”
“She needs time, I think. She’s not really the motherly type. She has fought so hard to get to where she is and she’s afraid…maybe…to be—”
“You don’t have to defend her to me, Heidi. How she’s dealing with this, though it may be all she can manage right now, it isn’t right.”
No, it isn’t. But maybe there are no more words to say because those words would only be angry. Hateful. Bitter. Accusing. Because I do despise how she left with just a letter. And all the years she’s been gone, I’ll never get them back. Now she’s taken away the future, too.
“When my father divorced my mother, it was the hardest thing in the world.”
I remember reading about it in the news, and it was the talk of Culmination how their relationship ended. And how President Volkov won custody of their nine-year-old son.
“How did you cope?”
“It’s probably not what you want to hear, but Mai was there with me, guiding me through it. My second mother. Looking back now, I think she tried to atone for what she did to you, like helping me through troubled times would somehow erase the past. She’ll never admit it, of course, but she knows leaving you was wrong. Freedom was more important for her, I suppose. And it still is.”
Freedom was more important for her. Than me. Those words are the harshest yet. And I will never again wear her locket.
“But that’s where you’re different.” He looks me in the eyes. “That’s why I fell for you from the very beginning. And wanted to be around you.” He closes his eyes and exhales, and when he opens them again, I see the fearless young man I first met. “I don’t understand this. All I know is that when I’m around you, my life has purpose again. And I just want to be with you.”
I give him a smile, and though Mai’s letter still hurts me, his words are like blue liquid on a sweltering burn. I want to be with him, too. More than be with him—be his. Because of how he cares for me, how he notices my shifting moods, making me feel important. How he makes me feel safe. Home.
He chuckles and suddenly the room seems so much lighter.
“What?”
“I’ve wanted to call you my girlfriend ever since you scrambled through that ridiculous magazine on the aircraft.” He takes a step closer.
I remember the completely embarrassing moment and the sides of my lips involuntarily curl upward. “That early, huh?”
His eyelids lower, and there’s a determination behind them I haven’t seen before. “Since then, I haven’t been able to get my mind off you.” He squeezes my chin between his thumb and index finger, lifting my lips to brush against his. His nose traces from my cheek to my jaw, and he kisses the side of my neck. “Heidi.” His voice is husky and his breath is warm against my skin. My breath trembles. He reaches behind my back and pulls my chest to his as he joins his lips with mine. I rise onto my toes and knit my fingers through his short, course hair while I drag him backward with me. I moan into his mouth and his kiss deepens. He lifts me up onto the table and I wrap my legs around his. I should stop before I can’t, but the way he tastes like mint and smells like the outdoors…
I pull him in close and his hands rest on my waist, my hips. Kissing him now is different. Before, I needed strength and release from the fear and tension—to feel safe. Now, I kiss him because I see a future together as partners, not only in crime, but maybe…just maybe in love.
* * *
Nicholas, Johnny, and I drive together over to the Asolo Center. Johnny doesn’t say a word the entire way, which I find ten times more disturbing than when he’s constantly hurling insults at me. He smirks like he knows something I don’t, like he’s thinking, “Just you wait, Heidi, because I have two huge cannons up my sleeves.”
We approach the Asolo Center. Huh, funny. The oval building looks like a gigantic version of Master Douglas’s home with pillars and tons of glass—except for this one is light gray with golden accents around the doors and windows. Outside on the roundabout driveway stands a bald man with a dozen Unifers. At first I think President Volkov is waiting for me and my heart immediately starts pounding. But the closer we get, the more I think he’s waiting for Johnny. The chauffeur stops the transporter and when Johnny steps out, President Volkov greets him with a warm embrace.
“Welcome home, my son,” he says.
Nicholas glances at me, but quickly averts his eyes. Just as I step out, President Volkov and Johnny enter the building. Not a word to me. Not a word to Nicholas. There’s no doubt what President Volkov will be announcing tonight. I decide right here and now I am not going to let it bother me, but when I look at Nicholas, his shoulders slumped, his expression empty, my hands winding to fists.
“Are you all right?” I ask, touching his elbow.
The muscles in his jaw tighten.
“I’m sorry.”
“It’s not your fault. I just think…this is where my actions have led me.”
“Oh.” I hear the disappointment in my own voice.
Then his eyes flick to mine—angry. “I would have done it again, Heidi. That’s not even a question. I just hadn’t expected it to happen so abruptly.”
We walk in together, hand in hand, and Nicholas escorts me to the seats up on the stage reserved for the top three contenders. I hug Cory and congratulate him on the victory. I wonder if he still plans to work against President Volkov, or if winning the entire thing will make him complacent, content to just live out his life in peace. Since I was third and Johnny second, I end up having to sit next to him.
“You going to be okay?” Nicholas asks.
“Nothing you do will spare her from what’s to come,” Johnny says without looking at either of us.
Back to normal? “Just…just go. I’ll be fine.” I don’t see any weapons and I certainly don’t think Johnny or President Volkov will kill me in front of everyone here. This is probably the safe
st I’ve been around either of them.
Nicholas nods and makes his way down to the audience. I recognize some of the faces from the benefits, and then I see Nicholas sit down next to Dr. and Mrs. Konders. I smile when they wave.
“Finally believed me, did you?” I ask Johnny.
“Little miss know it all.” He scoffs.
Well, that’s an improvement from imp. “I’m glad you learned the truth.”
“Sure you are.”
After the blaring Savage Run march, O. J. takes the stage and reads the list of every young man who died in the Savage Run—a staggering nine hundred and seventy-two. When Arthor’s name comes up, I let the tears roll down my face without shame. The bodies of the dead were cremated and their ashes scattered at sea. O. J. then reads off the names of those who quit and were sent home, a tone of dishonor in his voice. Seven hundred and seventy-one. When he announces that two hundred and ninety-six participants gained their freedom, the auditorium erupts into applause.
Next, President Volkov takes the stand. “It is my honor to announce the three fastest contenders. But first, I feel I should address the issue of our only female contestant.”
It only makes sense that he would bring that up, but it doesn’t make it any less uncomfortable for me.
“It was disturbing to not only me, but to many benefactors, to learn that a girl had registered illegally. I am not one to sweep anything under the rug, so if I offend, I am sorry…”
He does plenty of sweeping on other things.
“This course was not intended for females for one reason only. Not because they are weak, or should be submissive, or because they lack anything at all. Women are far more superior to men in many, many regards. Simply because of this.” He grips the podium. “Six months from now, another program starts where lower class females between the ages of thirteen through seventeen will brave through obstacle courses for a chance at freedom.”
I find Nicholas in the crowd, and his eyes are just as wide as mine. Why haven’t I heard about this before now? I feel like a complete idiot and it’s becoming difficult to maintain a neutral expression when the muscles in my face want to bend. However, had I known about this and waited six months, Gemma would have been dead by then.
“I promised the world that I was working toward changing the ways of Newland, and I hope you will take this new information as proof that I am a man of my word.”
Why can’t he just free everyone? Not have the ranked systems? It’s still all about power.
“Cory, Johnny, and Joseph, I mean Heidi,” President Volkov says. “Please come here.”
Cory stands up first and walks to the podium, followed by Johnny and me, even though in all truthfulness, I’d much rather not be here right now. President Volkov tells us that with our new citizenships come all the rights and privileges to Master status. We can own businesses, go to school, travel wherever we want, vote, run for office, and on and on.
“Heidi, before we hand out the IDs and certificates—”
My stomach sinks.
“I wanted to mention that due to the dishonest nature of your registration, we, the Savage Run board, voted on whether or not you were to receive your freedom.”
My stomach drops like a brick, and it’s as if the world is shifting beneath my feet. I look at Nicholas, and he’s staring at his father like he wants to kill the man.
His pale blue eyes peruse the audience. “Fortunately for Heidi, it has been unanimously decided that you will receive your Master status and certificate of freedom.”
I didn’t realize how tightly I had wound my shoulders until I release them.
Cory receives his ID and certificate first, followed by Johnny and lastly me. I sit back down when Johnny and Cory do.
“The funds of the top three participants will be distributed after the Closing Ceremonies in the green room. Now, before I let O. J. take over and distribute the rest of the IDs and certificates, I would like to personally congratulate all of you, and I am especially pleased to welcome you into the Master class.” He claps, and the audience applauds.
After O. J. reads off and distributes the rest of the IDs and certificates, Nicholas rushes up to me on stage. He scoops me into his arms and swings me around. My laugh gets caught somewhere on its way up because I’m a little shocked that he’s being so playful in front of everyone, in front of his father. Then he plants a kiss right on my lips. Pulling back, and looking into my eyes, he says, “Let’s go get your money and save Gemma.”
We walk down the aisle arm in arm, and I can feel President Volkov’s eyes burning in the back of my neck. Johnny’s threat to Nicholas lingers in my mind: “Nothing you do will spare her from what’s to come.”
But clutching my certificate and Master ID in my hands, there’s no one who can stop me now.
END OF BOOK 1
Savage Run Page 29