We all hung out plenty of other times like that over the course of the school year, but right before senior prom we showed up to school one day to find Hannah’s seat empty. It stayed that way for the rest of the year. No one ever found out why, and for a small town like Hamden that was unusual; everybody knew everything about everyone. After school that day Logan went by her house, but it was empty with only a “For Sale” sign in the front lawn. He was devastated. I felt so bad for him. That night was one of the “toes hanging off the docks until the sun comes up” kind of nights. It was the one time I could recall I was able to be there for him the way he had always been for me. I just sat there next to him, head on his shoulder, my hand in his, and watched the ripples of the lake as the breeze blew.
The ripples of the lake disappeared as a hand fell on my shoulder. I shook myself back into reality a saw that Jesse had taken a seat next to me. Finn was now sandwiched between the other guys who had come in with Jesse.
“You okay?” he asked.
“Yes, I’m fine thanks.”
“You look beautiful tonight,” he said.
“Thank you.” In my mind I as grinning from ear to ear, but I didn’t let my face show it.
He leaned in, about to say something else, when the music cut off and a loud bell sounded. Trivia was about to start and it couldn’t have come at a better time. Our table was split into two teams and both were immersed in heavy conversation when the first question came over the loud speaker.
Name the celebrity couple who came under fire for referring to the end of their marriage as conscious uncoupling?
I heard “J-Lo” and “Jennifer Garner” being thrown around in the other group, but Jaycie and I slapped a big high-five over our heads for our 100% certainty of Gwyneth Paltrow and her rocker ex, Chris Martin.
“How could you possibly know that?” Jesse asked.
“We’re journalists,” Jaycie said, “it’s our job to know that.”
I nodded in Jesse’s direction. He winked at me and caught me a bit off-guard by sweeping his fingers across my cheek and brushing a fallen strand of hair behind my ears.
I couldn’t help but smile as I felt his fingertips on my skin. I looked into his eyes. The darkness of his hair and the way it once again fell over them made him so hard to resist.
I pulled myself together for the next question. Jesse’s fingertips moved down to graze my leg underneath the table. He slid his hand further around my thigh until it rested comfortably. My head was screaming at me to get it off, push it away, and show him who was boss, but my heart melted into millions of tiny little puddles as it raced at the feeling of his skin upon me.
There were two or three more questions I made it through before I couldn’t handle it anymore. His hand, where it rested, was now gently massaging up and down my thigh. My head couldn’t take it, nor could my heart. If I sat there any longer some part of me was going to burst, and to be honest, the slow strokes of his hand were close enough to my inner thigh that it was possible it would be more than just my heart.
“I’m sorry, would you excuse me for a second?” I said, putting my feet on the floor.
“What? Now? We’re in the middle of a game,” Jaycie said.
“I’ll be right back; I need some air.” I turned around and fumbled the stool out of my way.
The back patio was pretty empty at that point in the night. There were a few stragglers standing around smoking cigarettes, but based on the screams that echoed through the open doors, most of the crowd was focused on trivia. My weight fell heavily upon the railing. The breeze was calming against the warmth of my skin. It had a cool, gentle touch to it. I almost thought that’s what it was that set firmly on my bare shoulder for a minute until I heard a voice behind me.
“You okay?” Jesse asked.
His lips grazed my ear and I began to shiver.
“No, Jesse, I’m not okay.” I said, pulling his hand from me. “I told you I can’t do this.”
“I don’t know why you’re fighting this so hard,” he said. “I see it when you look at me. I know you want this too.”
My eyes were now facing him. “Jesse, you don’t want me.”
“Yes I do.”
“No, you don’t.”
“And why not?” He asked.
“I’ve had a lot of disappointment in my life. I’m tired of being let down. I’m tired of trying to hold on to people who will never give me what I need. I’m happy with my life the way it is. And then you come around and you do something to me I can’t explain. You bring up this feeling inside me that I thought I had buried.”
I let him step closer and rub his hand on my cheek. A chill rushed through me as he moved his body again toward mine.
“Do you know how badly I want to kiss you right now?”
I turned my head away from him even though I wanted the same thing. I had wanted to kiss him again the second we stopped outside my car that night. I wanted to kiss him at Logan’s party and I wanted to kiss him right now, but I resisted
“You don’t want to kiss me,” I said.
“And why do you say that?”
“Because if you did you would’ve done it already.”
I saw the dimple creep up as he smiled. He stepped closer to me and slid his hand around to the back of my neck. Slowly he leaned in. I closed my eyes and waited until his lips met mine. Each time he started to pull away he would come back stronger and firmer than before. My hands fell to his chest and I was so distracted by the sensation flowing through me that my mind went blank.
When we finally came up for air, a puff of stale smoke brought me back to the bar scene I’d forgotten we were in the middle of. Jesse’s forehead leaned against mine, and even as I inhaled the toxic fumes I couldn’t help but smile.
“Just give me one chance,” he said.
“Oh, Jesse, I make everything so complicated.”
“My whole life is complicated. I’m a musician.”
“That right there,” I said, “is what I’m afraid of. I write about people like you every day. You even said yourself, it’s a world like no other.”
“I’ll tell you what, look me in the eye and tell me you don’t want me to kiss you again and I’ll go away.”
I thought about it long and hard. I had fought my entire life to keep people like Jesse away from me. I couldn’t rationalize why he of all people was making it so difficult. As much as my head wanted to say it, my heart was winning this time. I wanted Jesse to keep kissing me the way he just did and the way I felt when he touched me; I didn’t want it to go away. Right as I was about to answer I heard Logan call out to us from the doorway.
“Everything all right out here?” he asked.
I looked over at his inquisitive eyes. I didn’t know how long he had been standing there or what he saw, but this was the second time he had found us immersed in a conversation like this. I could only imagine what he was thinking. I glanced back over at Jesse before I stepped passed him and started to walk inside.
“I got a little light-headed,” I said as I met Logan in the doorway.
He put his hand on the small of my back. “Want me to take you home?”
“Oh no, I’m feeling much better now. I think I just needed some air.”
“I had to make a phone call,” Jesse said persuasively. “I found Celia out here so I thought I’d keep her company once I was done.”
The three of us all walked back to the table, Jesse a couple steps behind. With Logan coming out before I had a chance to answer, I thought Jesse would be reminded of his insecurities. I felt as if our conversation had turned in the other direction. I knew the night Logan had called when I was with Jesse that my relationship with Logan was a blurred line to him. One he first hesitated about crossing. And now, after he had fought so hard to get me to make a decision, one that was in his favor, I was afraid that now he was going to be the one to walk away.
26
I squinted at the sun shining through my windows that next
morning. The covers were pulled up tightly to my chin and I lay there with a smile on my face as I thought about the night before. None of it was what I had expected, but I wanted to hold all of it with me as long as I could.
Jesse and I didn’t really confirm what we were or weren’t, but after we went back inside the bar, all my reservations were put at ease. His hand stayed with mine underneath that table for most of the night. When it was time to go he offered to drive me home. I gave some weak objection, but I could see the look on both Jaycie and Logan’s faces. Jaycie’s was “You go, girl,” while Logan’s was more of a “What the…?” I could tell it again made Jesse uncomfortable because he trailed pretty far behind me as we left the bar.
I rolled away from the light and closed my eyes, once again picturing our ride home. After flipping through a few stations on the radio, he wrapped his hand around mine and I could see a smile cross his face even with his eyes on the road.
A sigh slipped through my lips as I thought about the final red light before my house. No one else was on the road. It was only us waiting there for the go-ahead. I rested my head back on the seat and looked up at him. I could see it in his eyes; he was thinking the same as I. His hand reached out and pulled me toward him. The way his lips wrapped around mine sent the beat of my heart into a whirlwind. I could feel it through my whole body as he pulled back. I squeezed his hand tightly with both of mine as we rolled through that light to the sidewalk in front of my house.
All of my inhibitions had left me by that point and the invitation to come inside was only inches from rolling off my tongue. As I sat there, my head still resting on the seat, I stared into his eyes with a smile, picturing the way I would unlock the door. How I would take his hand and lead him into my bedroom. The way he would pull me into him as I flipped on the light, the way he would taste my lips, my neck, and my shoulders. The sensation between my legs was unyielding as I thought about the way he would run his hands up my sides, taking my shirt with it.
There was so much more I wanted to imagine him doing to me. So much I wanted to do to him…but the words never left my mouth. I said them in my head over and over again, but couldn’t form them out loud. Instead I let him walk me to the door, holding me in his arms while he apologized again. We stood on the porch in the moonlight as the minutes ticked by. I saw it so vividly, the way he kissed my forehead before his final goodbye rested on my lips.
I rolled myself out of bed after my vision of him walking to his car disappeared. I had slept much later than I had planned and the real world was calling my name. I quickly rinsed myself off and after a few splashes of water to my face I came to life. I brushed through the massive curls of humidity and twisted them into a bun before painting my face and throwing on the first outfit I could find.
I sprinted through the double doors of the office with only a few minutes to spare before our weekly meeting would commence. A strong cup of fresh black coffee met me at my desk. I scooped it up and traded my purse and jacket for my notebook and iPad before heading down the hall to the boardroom.
“Good morning, Ms. Westbrooke,” Frankie said sternly as I moved to the final open seat around the table.
I nodded at her nervously and slid deep into my chair, scurrying to get in my place. I winked at Jaycie across the table, tapping the cup of steaming coffee. She knew me so well. Once the meeting started I savored each sip in between my note-taking. We all sat around pitching new stories, and how fitting that Jesse happened to be one of mine. I pulled out the video I had taken of him the night I first followed his voice through the bar. Although impressed, Frankie didn’t see a story unlike any other musician that flooded the streets of Nashville hoping for their big break. Instead she wanted me t0 interview Maiden Voyage, a new female duo that just entered the charts for the first week with a song that had caused a serious wave of backlash in the country world.
“We need to find a hook. Something compelling before the competition does, so I’ll need you to get that interview as soon as possible.”
I made a note to search for their publicist this afternoon and see what I could do. Frankie shot down a few other ideas from those who sat beside me and adjourned the meeting for us to get started. My first stop was the break room to refill my now-empty cup with another jolt of needed caffeine.
“You look positively radiant this morning, Ms. Westbrooke,” Jaycie said.
“Is that a joke?”
“No, I’m being serious. You look like you released a lot of stress from your life last night.”
I could feel her elbow nudging my side, her eyes silently prompting me for the X-rated details she expected to come spilling out of my mouth. It came as quite a surprise to her when I told her that nothing happened. Nothing of that nature anyway. She didn’t believe me at first, but I assured her I would never keep any of those details from her.
“I don’t understand, then,” she said.
“Understand what?”
“Why you’re all giddy then, like a thirteen-year-old at a One Direction concert.”
I laughed, grabbing my coffee from the counter and leading us both back to our desks. I thought about it for a minute. She was right. I remember seeing it while staring exhaustedly into the mirror this morning, and when I brightened my lips in the rear-view mirror. It was still there even now, and I was doing it without even thinking. That smile hadn’t left my face since the moment Jesse told me he wished he could kiss me, and I swear it grew bigger with each kiss he gave me.
“Oh my god, you wanna be his Sunday morning, don’t you?” Jaycie asked.
“His what?”
“You know, like more than just a Saturday-night hook up. You want to be there on Sunday morning when he wakes up.”
I’d never heard that phrase before, but she was on to something. That was a feeling I couldn’t ever remember coming over me until the first night I spent out with Jesse, and it resurfaced again last night. I had to be honest, I liked the way it felt. I liked what he could do to me just by crossing my mind. I never really gave Jaycie an answer to her question, but inside I knew why. It was because I, Celia Westbrooke, whether I was ready for it or not, was completely and utterly smitten.
27
The sun still had about an hour left of sleep before it would be called upon, but not me. It had been almost two hours since the sound of my alarm and I was now at my terminal at Nashville International Airport.in the Nashville airport. When Frankie says make it happen, you do just that. Maiden Voyage was in the middle of a very action-packed radio tour and wouldn’t be back in Nashville into after our next publication was set to go live so I talked the publicist into being able to shadow them for the day in their latest city. Next stop for me? Chicago.
Two hours later, I lugged my carryon through O’Hare following the signs to what this city called the “L,” hoping Nashville had made me enough of a city girl for me to handle public transportation. The girls had an early morning ahead of them and we all agreed to meet for breakfast before it began. I was excited not only because I loved my “Day in the Life” features, but also because I had never been to Chicago. It was definitely on my bucket list and I was looking forward to checking it off.
The chill of the wind off Lake Michigan bit at me hard as I stepped off the L train into downtown Chicago. I searched through my oversized carryon for my notebook. In it I had written up a few questions to be sure to ask the girls, but I also wrote down my itinerary of tourist stops to be sure I didn’t miss any. With time to spare before breakfast I decided to hit the first one on my list.
A selfie in front of Cloud Gate was a must. I could see my reflection in the bean-shaped sculpture through the lens of my phone, making it an even more perfect picture. A nice businessman stopped, post-selfie, to offer to take one for me, so I quickly ran underneath the Bean to pose. Afterwards, I walked around Millennium Park to see what else it had in store, snapping pictures wherever I saw fit until it was time to head to breakfast a couple blocks away.
; Maiden Voyage was already nestled into a booth when I walked into the café. We ordered a round of coffee for the table and our breakfasts of choice before as we indulged in friendly conversation.
“Today is all about being yourselves,” I told them. “I love to give artists the opportunity to be real and candid and show their fans the things they can’t see from the stage. We’ll start with the obvious questions and then build from there.”
The girls were eager to get started. I had a whole list of questions prepared for them and when we were done I followed them over to the radio station. I sat over in the corner of the studio while the girls were on the air. In the middle of organizing a few notes my phone lit up. It was Jesse. I snuck quietly out the door to answer.
“Hello?” I answered.
“Hey, how are ya?”
“Other than ready to take a nap? I’m fine.” I went on to tell him about my trip so far. He hadn’t known I was in Chicago until then. Although we had talked often since the last time we’d seen each other, I hadn’t had a chance to talk to him since I booked the flight last night. It had all happened so fast.
“Bummer, was going to see if I could take you out tonight. How long are you in Chicago for?”
“Until tomorrow morning, but I don’t have much to do later in the afternoon, so maybe if you’re bored, I can call you once I check in to the hotel?”
“Sure,” he said. “I’m not playing anywhere tonight, so I’m pretty much at your beck and call.”
He laughed. I loved that laugh. I think it was because along with it always came that smile that I couldn’t resist. A part of me wished I could be in two places at once right now. Not since the night we met for the interview had the two of us really been alone together. There was so much more I wanted to know about him.
Behind the Strings Page 10