by Soraya Lane
What did she say to that? Of course she knew her options, but hearing it from someone else, from Nate, was kind of reassuring. That it wasn’t just some line she’d been feeding herself to make herself feel better. “Thanks, Nate.”
He pushed back from her. “Let me finish.”
A loud bang of thunder made her jump back into his arms, pressed tight to his side. The horses were starting to skitter, too, kicking against the side of the barn.
“Settle down, girls. We’re all okay,” Nate called out to them, rising slightly to look in at them. “No need to be scared.”
Sarah fiddled with the hem of her wet shirt, hating that they were stuck here, soaking, and having a conversation she’d rather not be engaging in. She could feel him watching her, then his hands covered hers to stop her nervous fiddling.
“Just because one man couldn’t deal with your infertility doesn’t mean you’re not going to meet someone else. Someone different,” he told her. “You have options, and you deserve someone who can understand that.”
She looked up, met his gaze and stared into his bright blue eyes. “Maybe you’re right, but right now I think I might be better on my own. Given my current track record.”
The left side of his mouth kicked up into a curve. “Or maybe you’re just not giving the right guy a chance.”
Sarah’s heart started to beat too fast. Her mouth became way too dry for her liking. She needed to deal with this right now, tell him how wrong he was before the conversation went any further. Before he said something, or did something, that would stop her from telling him how she felt.
“Nate, I’ve seen you with Brady. I know how great you’d be as a dad, and I don’t want us to...” She shrugged, pulling her hands back from his and forming a knot with them instead. “I can’t deal with losing you again and I know we can’t work.”
He glowered at her. “And you think that’s a decision you can make on your own? Without asking me how I feel?”
Sarah bit down hard on her lip, wishing she could walk away. A quick glance out at the storm told her otherwise. The rain was so thick and hitting the ground hard, so there was no chance of escape. Especially if she didn’t want to risk becoming lost or zapped by a lightning bolt, not to mention hypothermic if her body temperature dropped any lower.
“Let’s not make this harder than it has to be. What we used to have was great, seeing you again has been amazing, but we don’t have a real future together.”
He touched her cheek, shuffling closer, forcing her to stare back at him. “Don’t tell me that,” he said. “I don’t care if you can’t have kids, I don’t care what’s happened in the past. What I care about right now is you.” He smiled. “You and only you, Sarah. When I told you that I loved you, I meant it.”
“Nate, if you left me again...” Sarah’s voice quavered. She wasn’t ready for this, wasn’t prepared to have this sort of discussion.
“I’m not going to. At least not like that.”
She had no idea what he meant, but...
Nate’s mouth met hers so fast she didn’t have time to think, to push him away. His lips were soft against hers, warm, taking all the cold from her body and replacing it with heat. He kissed her hard, like he didn’t ever want to stop, and she didn’t ever want to let him.
When Nate pulled away, his lips hovering over hers, she didn’t move a muscle.
“When you reminded me the other day about my dreams, what I used to want, you were right,” he said, touching his nose to hers before sitting back. “I want to do something on the land, think about the tourist stuff we used to brainstorm about. I don’t know, horse trails or luxury camping or something that makes money and lets me stay around here and be useful.”
Sarah placed her hands on her lap now, trying to stay calm. Her stomach was still full of flip-flops, but she wasn’t as nervous as she had been. She wanted to hear what he had to say, even if it scared her. She owed it to herself to listen.
“What I need is some time to figure out what I want, Sarah. What I want to do with my life.”
She wasn’t sure what he was trying to tell her, if he was asking her something. “You need to do whatever feels right, Nate.”
He grinned at her. “What feels right is us, you,” he told her. “But as much as I want this to work, I need to sort myself out first. Otherwise I have nothing to offer you. I need a month, Sarah. A month of figuring things out and spending time on my own, so we both know where we stand and what our future could be.”
Her hands had started to shake. Had she heard him right? “I don’t understand. Do you still want to be with me?”
Nate opened his arms and pulled her into his chest. “More than ever. If you can forgive me for leaving you all those years ago, I promise I’ll spend the rest of my life making it up to you.”
Sarah looked up at him, her arms wrapped around herself and her back twisted so she could stare up at his face. “I forgive you, Nate. Of course I forgive you.” How could she not? Truth be told, she’d forgiven him a long time ago, because the years she’d spent with him had been the best of her life.
He laughed and dropped a kiss to her head. “And no more baby talk, okay? I need you to know that I don’t give a damn about you not being able to have kids. Right?”
She shut her eyes, hoping he wouldn’t regret what he was saying. She knew how much he loved children; watching him with Brady was reason enough to see that he would be a great dad. “But if you do...”
He tilted her chin back up with his thumb. “I won’t. What I want is you. And if it becomes something we both want, then we’ll do something about it. Okay? We can find a kid who really needs us, who’s already out there in the world.” He sighed. “I saw plenty of children when I was away, kids in desperate need of someone to love them, so I’d love to help even one child, one day. To do something out of love.”
She shook her head. He’d managed to amaze her again. “I can’t even imagine what you’ve seen, Nate, what you’ve been through.”
He dropped another kiss to her head, and she didn’t pry. He’d keep opening up to her, when he was ready; she just had to be patient.
Sarah looked outside, suddenly realizing that there was no longer a constant drumbeat of rain in the background. The storm had passed as fast as it had arrived. Where else but Texas would a summer storm like that hit?
“Nate, it’s over,” she told him, gesturing with her head.
He grunted like he wasn’t that happy about it, so she kept hold of him, tucked against him. She might have wanted to run before, but now that all the hard stuff was behind them, the discussion she’d been so scared of having now out in the open, staying with Nate in the barn wasn’t sounding like such a bad idea.
“When you said you wanted a month...”
“I want to leave here and travel around a bit, see what my competition is in the tourism industry and take some time to get my head in the right place,” he told her.
So where did that leave them? What did he actually want?
“But,” he continued, as if he could sense her question, “it doesn’t change the way I feel about you. I need you to know that. Sorting my head out is about dealing with what happened to me back in Black Ops. I want to visit Jimmy’s widow and go to his grave, spend time on some other ranches and see what they do. Me going away is not for thinking about whether or not I want to come home to you, Sarah. Because right now that’s the only thing I do have clear in my mind.” Sarah smiled at him when he looked at her. “When I said I wasn’t going to leave you again, I meant it.”
Sarah shivered in her still-wet shirt. “But if you do...”
“I won’t,” he insisted. “What I want is for you to deal with your divorce, make sure this is what you want. So that we can both start over.”
The horses were starting to stomp again, their
cue that it was time to get a move on.
“And you’re sure about this?” Sarah asked, her cheeks flushing as Nate rose and then pulled her to her feet, so she landed smack-bang against him. It sounded too good to be true, like she was imagining the words he was saying to her so openly.
“What I’m sure about is that I love you, Sarah. I love you now and I always have.”
Sarah giggled like the first time he’d told her, under the tree that they’d spent so many hours making out beneath. “I love you, too, Nate.”
“Then promise me that we’re going to make a real go of this. Of us,” he asked, arms slung around her waist to keep them locked together.
“I promise,” she told him, tilting her head back for another kiss. “I promise.”
And she did. This was Nate, the love-of-her-life Nate.
And he’d finally come home for good.
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
SARAH stood on the steps of her porch, watching as Nate loaded his two bags into the trunk of his car. Her hands were starting to shake so she linked them behind her back. This was tough. The last time she’d said goodbye to Nate, he’d never come home to her. And now she had to take a huge leap of faith and believe that this time was going to be different.
“I think that’s all,” he said, joining her on the porch.
Sarah nodded, starting to panic. “And you definitely have to go, right?”
Nate chuckled and pulled her hands away from her back, slinging them behind him instead. They stood pelvis to pelvis, Nate’s head dipping down slightly so he could gaze straight into her eyes.
“I love you, Sarah. You do know that, right?” Nate’s voice was low, like he was struggling with leaving her as much as she was struggling with being left.
“I know,” she mumbled. And she did know; he’d made it more than clear. But it didn’t help how she was feeling right now.
“I promise I’ll be back by the end of the month. You don’t have to worry about me coming home, because there’s no part of me that doesn’t want to come back to you.” He paused, dropping a soft, slow kiss to her lips. “And that’s a promise.”
She could have held on to him all day, kept her body pressed to his and snuggled close for hours, but she knew she had to let him go. “I’ll be fine, it’s just...”
“You’re worrying it’ll be like last time?” he finished for her.
Sarah nodded. “I know it won’t be, but part of me keeps thinking that maybe this is the last time I’ll see you.”
Nate sighed, kissed her again, before stepping back. Just enough so that his arms were free. He took her hands into his and raised them up, slowly kissing each of her knuckles before meeting her stare again.
“You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me, Sarah. I need you to know that,” he said. “And when I come back, there’s something I’d like very much to place on this finger.” Nate plucked at one of the fingers on her left hand with his teeth, before grinning up at her.
“Don’t forget about the festival, either?” she joked, blushing furiously after his ring comment and ignoring it simultaneously. “You have to come back to meet your new siblings and help me organize all the finishing touches. Not to mention the dedication to your dad.”
Nate groaned. “Are you sure we can’t skip the festival and go away somewhere instead? I’m not that sure about meeting all these new people.”
Sarah swatted at him, aiming to punch him in the arm, but he grabbed her hand before she’d managed to connect. “I’ll have you know that your new sister, Ellie, is a good friend of mine now. What’s she going to think when I tell her you’ve skipped town already without meeting her?”
He didn’t seem to care what she said. “Come here,” he ordered, keeping hold of her hand.
“I do care, you know that. But what I care about most is you.” Nate put his arms around her and held her tight, his face buried in her hair. “I’ll be home before you know it, and I’ll phone you as soon as I get to Jimmy’s house.”
Sarah gave him one last squeeze, shut her eyes and tried to lock the way he felt in her arms into her memory. “I love you, Nate.”
“Baby, I love you, too.”
He walked down the porch steps and stopped at the bottom, turning around to blow her one final kiss. “I’ll see you soon.”
Sarah nodded and held on to the railing. A wet nose nudged her hand and she looked down to see Moose now sitting beside her. She couldn’t help but laugh at him, staring down at Nate like he was pleased to be rid of him, like he was the man of the house and he didn’t like being challenged.
“You better train that dog to like me before I get back!” Nate called out to her, waving through the open window.
Sarah was laughing so hard she couldn’t even manage to answer him.
Who would have thought she’d ever be sharing a laugh with Nate Calhoun again, let alone waving him goodbye and waiting for him to return?
EPILOGUE
SARAH walked out to check the mailbox. The sun was bright so she held up her hand as she peered inside, not expecting to find anything other than a bill inside. She was wrong. She pulled out the card, smiling to herself at the rodeo scene depicted on the front.
Nate. She flipped the card and looked at the familiar writing on the back. Messier than it had been when they’d written to each other while he was away serving, but she’d still recognize it anywhere.
Her heart started to race, then fell back to a more steady rhythm. So much for being home by the end of the month. She’d hoped to only have a few more nights without him, but from what he was telling her on the card, she doubted she’d see him for a while yet.
“Come on, Moose,” she called to her dog, turning to walk back inside.
“And here I was thinking you’d be pleased to see me.”
Sarah stopped. Stood dead still, knowing it couldn’t be him. That the deep, teasing voice she’d just heard had to be her imagination, because Nate must still be hours away from Larkville. If not farther.
She spun slowly on the spot.
Oh, my God. “Nate!” She laughed and walked toward him, not letting herself run at him and throw herself into his arms like she wanted to. “But I just got your...” She held up the postcard in one hand as she stepped into his open arms to explain her confusion.
“I just put it in your mailbox. I wanted to see how disappointed you’d look if I told you I wasn’t coming home yet. You know, just to make sure you were still into me.”
Sarah didn’t hold back when he bent to kiss her, looped her arms around his neck and let her lips dance across his, even though she should have told him off for his prank. “You are so mean,” she murmured, pulling back so she could look up at him. See that it was really him.
“Distance can make a guy worry,” he confessed, slipping his fingers into the loops of her jeans.
“Well, you didn’t have to worry about me,” she said with a sigh, standing on tiptoe and kissing him again. “Not at all.”
Now it was Nate clearing his throat and moving away from her. He looked...nervous. Sarah watched him closely, wondering what was wrong. Oh, no, had he had a change of heart? Was that what this was about?
“Sarah, I’d hoped to speak to your mom first but now that I’ve seen you I don’t think I can wait.” Nate was smiling but his eyes were darting around, like he was nervous, and Nate was never nervous.
“Is everything okay? Do I need to sit down?” What was he going to tell her?
Nate’s shoulders rose up, then came down. “No.”
Sarah closed the distance between them. “Whatever it is, Nate, you can tell me.”
He laughed and pulled something from his pocket. He held his little finger out to her, a big smile on his face.
There, perched on the smalle
r half of his finger, was a ring. A diamond surrounded by a cluster of smaller diamonds that threaded all the way around the band.
“Wow.” Sarah couldn’t take her eyes from it, not even to look at Nate. It was amazing.
“I don’t want to push you if you’re not ready, but I love you, Sarah. Always have and always will.” Nate’s voice was tender, his words making tears flood her vision almost immediately. “This is me telling you,” he said, taking her hand and placing the ring in her open palm, before closing her fingers around it, “that I will never leave you ever again. That I love you for you.”
Sarah stared up into Nate’s eyes, shaking her head slowly from side to side as his words sunk in. She opened her palm and looked at the ring sitting there, before slipping it onto her finger.
Nate’s hand nudged her chin up, forcing her to confront his gaze. “Marry me, Sarah? You don’t have to say yes now, you don’t even have to wear the ring yet if you don’t want to, but I want to make my intentions clear.” His mouth met hers, lips so tender and soft that she found herself clutching on to his shirt, trying to pull him closer. “I want you to be my wife. For now and forever.”
Tears did fall then. She couldn’t help it. They trickled freely down her cheeks and Sarah was powerless to do anything about them.
“Yes, Nate. Of course my answer is yes.”
His eyes widened. “It is?”
“Yes, I want to marry you, Nate,” she said with a laugh, finding it hard to believe that he was even standing in front of her, let alone proposing. “Yes, yes, yes!”
Nate grabbed her around the waist and swung her around, his smile as wide as hers felt.
There was something different about him, something more open and happy about Nate than before he’d left, and she liked it. As if the more grown-up Nate that she’d fallen in love with since he’d returned had merged with the old Nate, the happy young man she’d loved since she was a teenager.
“I think we should take this inside,” he whispered in her ear. “I’d hate to upset your neighbors.”