by Lovett, Jo
‘So. Wow.’ Dan couldn’t quite believe it. ‘Is that all true?’
‘Yes. One hundred per cent.’ Max shook his head again. ‘I’m so sorry that you’ve been holding this burden for so long.’
Dan couldn’t speak. He couldn’t even move his mouth into a smile. If he did disturb his features at all, tears might spill out, and he was a grown man and he didn’t want to cry.
‘Can I ask you something?’ Max said. ‘I was going to ask this anyway, but now feels like the right time.’
Dan nodded.
‘Will you be my best man? And help me plan the wedding? We have less than a year until the big day and that isn’t long.’
‘Really?’
‘Yes, really. Of course, really.’ Max looked seriously offended.
‘I’d be honoured.’ Dan could barely squeeze the words past the lump in his throat.
‘And I’m honoured to have you. Come here.’ Max moved round the table and pulled Dan into a rough hug. ‘Love you, brother.’
Dan’s eyes felt far too full right now but his shoulders felt a lot lighter, like years of guilt and shame had just been lifted off.
If he could ever talk about this without blubbing like a baby, he’d have to tell Evie. He needed to thank her.
Thirty
Now – September 2022
Evie
Evie was in the staff room with her friend Priya, feeling – like she did every September – both excited and shellshocked about the first day of the new school year, when she got a text from Dan. Her heart literally lifted at the sight of his name on her screen.
And now Priya was in full flow about three of her Year Tens having fainted during a fish eye dissection in the first lesson of the afternoon, which, to be fair, was a good story, but Evie was struggling to concentrate because she really wanted to read Dan’s text. But not in front of anyone. Just in case it said, well, she didn’t know what, but she was going to wait to read it.
She opened it between lessons.
Had beers with Max. Had the chat about the accident. All good. Incredibly grateful to you. Sending flowers to thank you. You in this evening between 6 & 8 for delivery? I have your address.
It was lovely that everything had gone well with him and Max, and lovely of him to send her flowers. Lovely.
If she was honest, though, she was really disappointed that he hadn’t suggested meeting up again. They had so much fun together, and, if she was being even more honest, he made her heart flutter more than a little.
Which meant that it was actually a very good thing that they weren’t going to see each other for a while. She wouldn’t act on any feelings for Dan, but she didn’t want to be disloyal to Matthew in any way, even just in her head.
Matthew was her partner and she was very lucky to have him.
This evening they were playing badminton and then going to the pub with the others from their little squad and she was really looking forward to it, and then on Saturday they were going for dinner near Wimbledon Common with Josh and his boyfriend Fergus – who he was still going out with after four months, his longest ever relationship – and she was really looking forward to that too.
* * *
Dinner on Saturday with Josh and Fergus was lovely.
As they were sorting out their jackets afterwards, Josh said in Evie’s ear, ‘Not so boring actually. I like him.’
‘I like him too,’ Evie said. ‘Is that an actual admission that you were wrong?’
‘Might be.’
‘Ready to go?’ Matthew asked Evie when they’d said goodnight to Josh and Fergus, who were going back to Fergus’s. ‘I thought we could take a walk on the common on the way back?’ He was staying at Evie’s tonight.
‘Perfect,’ Evie said. ‘I like a walk after dinner. Helps you digest.’
They wandered along the road to the common, admiring the amazing houses they were surrounded by and talking about the nearest golf courses.
They came to a pond, and Matthew tugged Evie’s hand a bit to bring her to a halt. He turned to face her and took both her hands.
This was nice. A kiss next to a moonlit pond. Or maybe he was going to point a constellation out to her. Nice. This felt like a romantic spot, a place for lovers. Nice. Although there were quite a lot of midges. Evie really wanted to pull her hands out of Matthew’s so that she could swipe them away. Eurgh. She was pretty sure she was getting bitten.
‘Shall we walk?’ she said. ‘Midges.’
‘Oh. Right. Yes, of course.’
They wandered a little further into the middle of the common, away from the pond. Evie really hoped she wasn’t going to end up standing in anything grim. A lot of people walked their dogs here.
Oh.
Goodness.
Matthew had stopped under a tree – which felt like it was going to prove to be another midge hotspot – and was kneeling down very carefully in front of her.
There was only one reason that she could think of that someone would kneel down like that.
She stood stock-still, quite frozen to the spot. This was just, God, what was it? It was unexpected, that’s what it was. They’d only been going out for eight months. He was lovely, he really was, but this was soon.
He was still holding onto her hands and looking up at her in a very sweet way and clearing his throat.
‘Evie Green,’ he said. Oh, God. He was going to do it. Right now. He looked so sweet and earnest, and also very handsome. What was she going to say? ‘Will you move in with me?’
Oh, okay, so this wasn’t a marriage proposal. It was still a big deal, though. Huge.
Evie thought about how much she liked Matthew. Then she thought about her mum and all her messed-up relationships. And about her own failed romances. Matthew wouldn’t let her down or be dishonest with her. He was solid. He was dependable. He was an accountant. He had a lovely, tidy flat. He was so much tidier than both Evie’s mum and Josh. They had a nice time together.
Evie would miss Josh and Mia if she moved out. She’d have to move out one day, though. They couldn’t live together forever. Maybe Josh would want to move in officially with Fergus soon.
‘Evie?’ Matthew’s smile was faltering a little bit.
Evie cleared her throat. Clearly, she needed to give him an answer, and she needed to do it right now. This was huge, though. It required thought. Matthew looked very serious. It felt like the next step – and maybe quite soon – might be a very carefully thought-out actual marriage proposal.
She suddenly thought of the pact she and Dan had made all those years ago. And Vegas. Dan. It was ridiculous to think of him now. Her crush – because that’s what it was – might as well be a crush on Ryan Reynolds or someone. It wasn’t real and it didn’t mean anything.
Real was lovely Matthew kneeling on the ground in front of her with a now very uncertain smile and a very anxious look around his eyes.
There was only one sensible answer.
Oh, but she wanted even just a fraction of the excitement and longing and fun she felt when she was around Dan.
She couldn’t do it. All she could think about right now was Vegas.
Thirty-One
Then – 23rd December 2021
Evie
Celine Dion impersonator (they hadn’t been able to get tickets to actual Celine Dion) smashing ‘My Heart Will Go On’ – tick. Feather boas, glitter, glamour, the works – tick. Everyone around their table all dolled up to the nines – tick. Piles of chips waiting for them later in the casino after they’d been instructioned-up on how to play – tick. Plus a great menu and a tableful of cocktails. Basically, your perfect Vegas last-night-of-your-twenties evening just starting.
So Evie should really not be constantly trying hard not to look over her shoulder to check whether Dan had arrived. And she should accept that there was no way it would look anything other than odd to ask Sasha to check her phone to see if he was definitely still coming.
And, honestly, why did she even care that
much? She hadn’t seen him for several months and she was with her old schoolfriends and this was going to be a fab evening. Best thirtieth birthday dinner she could ever have hoped for.
Their waiter – a man called Joe sporting a floral cowboy outfit – salsa-danced himself over to them with another two jugs of bright pink and bright orange cocktails.
‘Come on, birthday girl,’ he said. ‘Hit me with your order.’
‘Okay.’ Evie looked again at the starters section. ‘I can’t decide between garlic prawns and the quail’s eggs on crostini to start with.’
‘You gonna be spending any quality time with a partner tonight?’ Joe asked. ‘Because if you are, I’m thinking quail’s eggs. Those prawns are good, I’m not saying they aren’t, but they’re very garlicky, you know what I’m saying?’
‘I’d go eggs,’ Anita said from across the table. ‘I think tonight’s the night to end your dry phase. There are a lot of nice men here.’ There were a lot of men here, but they weren’t necessarily all nice. Evie definitely wouldn’t mind ending her dry phase, but she wasn’t sure she wanted to do that with a one-night-Vegas-stand.
‘I think eggs too,’ Sasha said. ‘You need to get some tonight. Eggs, eggs, eggs, eggs.’ She started swinging her arms in a conducting motion. ‘Eggs, eggs, eggs, eggs.’
‘Sasha, we haven’t even had our starters and you’re chanting,’ Evie said. ‘Drink some water.’ She was going to go with the prawns. She wasn’t going to ‘get some’ tonight and she loved garlic prawns.
‘Honestly, you sound like Dan,’ Sasha tutted. Her gaze switched to beyond Evie’s shoulder. ‘OMG, Daaaaaaaan,’ she screamed, standing up and pointing.
Evie turned round, her heart suddenly beating faster. It was totally okay to turn round when someone had pointed; it totally wasn’t desperate-looking. And no-one would know that she was really hoping that it was Dan. Unless they saw the huge smile that she could feel spreading across her face, because it was him. Looking extremely Dan-like. No concession at all to the glitz of Vegas. He was dressed in straight-legged blue jeans and a bottle green needlecord shirt, teamed with Timberland deck shoes. Pretty much the same style of clothes that he’d been wearing every time Evie had seen him since forever. She felt her heart swell with the niceness of how solidly reliable he was.
People were looking at him as he walked across the room, because that did happen with Dan – there was something about the way he carried himself. He always seemed completely unaware of it.
When he reached them, Sasha made her way round the table and chucked herself on him with an enormous hug.
‘Hey, sis,’ he said, laughing. ‘Good to see you too.’
‘Sit here.’ Sasha did some sleight of hand with chairs and cutlery and suddenly there was a free space right next to Evie.
‘Great, thank you. Hi, everyone.’ Dan nodded round the table and sat down. ‘Happy birthday for tomorrow,’ he said to Evie. ‘And I’m honoured to be sitting next to the birthday girl. Pride of place. How’s your evening going?’
‘It’s going very well,’ Evie said, beaming. It had felt like a good evening before; now it felt wonderful.
‘Welcome to our special new arrival,’ Joe said, winking at Dan, who laughed and winked back, which made Evie want to throw herself into his arms, or something; how embarrassing to realise that you had such an immense crush on someone when you were turning thirty tomorrow and you’d known that someone for so many years. But equally how cool that he was here and was going to be sitting right next to her for the rest of the evening. Hopefully dinner was going to last a long time. ‘I’m guessing you’re definitely going quail’s eggs now?’ Joe said to Evie, indicating Dan with a lot of eye and eyebrow action. God, embarrassing. What if Dan thought she’d said something before he arrived?
She shook her head. ‘We aren’t, you know, like that,’ she said. No, even more embarrassing. She should just have laughed and ignored what he’d said. ‘But the quail’s eggs do sound delicious and I will go for them. And for main I’ll have the cod,’ she said quickly, to try to stop any more garlic comments.
‘Good choice,’ Joe said, winking again. ‘I’ll come back to you, sir, when I’ve taken the ladies’ orders and given you some time to look through the menu.’
‘Thank you.’ Dan opened the menu. ‘So this is great,’ he said to Evie, looking up. ‘I’ve never been to Vegas before and so far it’s exactly what I always imagined.’
‘I know,’ Evie said. ‘Literally down to the Elvis impersonator who sat next to me in the bar earlier. Amazing sideburns and flares.’
‘I’m very pleased to hear that,’ Dan said. ‘So how’ve you been?’
‘You need a drink, Dan,’ Sasha interrupted. ‘And you need to drink faster, Evie.’ She filled Dan’s glass from one of the jugs and sloshed more pink cocktail into Evie’s glass. ‘Do you think we should play some drinking games?’
‘Absolutely not,’ said Angus, overhearing her. ‘God. It’s going to be carnage on Sasha’s own thirtieth.’
‘But fun,’ Evie said.
‘Are you ready to order now?’ Joe had made it all the way round the table and was waiting in front of Dan, pencil poised above pad.
‘Yeah, for my starter, I’m hesitating between the prawns and the pâté,’ Dan said.
Evie held her breath. What was the point of her being un-garlicky if Dan was going to be garlicky? What? Where had that come from? What was she even thinking? There was definitely going to be no kissing between them. All that stuff had just been one evening in time. She was still holding her breath, though.
‘I think I’m going to go pâté,’ Dan told Joe. ‘And ribs for main.’
Evie smiled and took another large sip of her cocktail.
‘Grrrreat choice,’ Joe said.
By the time they all had their starters, Sasha had them all going on a drinking game.
Evie downed half a glass while everyone shouted, ‘Three fingers,’ and said to Dan, ‘Honestly. Your sister.’
‘Your best friend. You can choose your friends but not your family.’
‘I actually love Sasha so much.’ The alcohol was leaving Evie with a warm, fuzzy feeling as it spread through her body. ‘I’m very lucky to have her.’
Dan laughed. ‘Me too.’
‘Your turn.’ Evie clapped as Dan started to recite the Fuzzy Duck rhyme.
It was a bad idea to drink a lot, and Evie definitely wasn’t going to drink too much this evening, but these cocktails were delicious and she was feeling sooo relaxed and happy now.
Halfway through their main courses, Joe brought jugs of two different cocktails. They’d finished all the pink ones.
‘They’re blue and green,’ Evie said. ‘Unusual colours for drinks. Very… bright.’
Dan nodded, very seriously. ‘Those are unusual beverage colours.’
‘We need to try them.’
Dan nodded again. ‘You’re right.’
‘I’m going to be thirty tomorrow,’ Evie told Dan. ‘That’s a big one.’
‘Yes, although, I hear that forty’s the new thirty. So maybe thirty’s the new twenty.’
‘No.’ Evie took a long drink of blue cocktail and then shook her head. ‘I’m a lot older than I was when I was twenty. I’m ten years older.’
‘Great arithmetic.’
‘Thank you.’ Evie leaned in towards Dan. ‘I’m not just ten years older, I’m ten years more experienced.’ She frowned. Had that sounded weird?
Dan smiled at her, like he was trying hard not to laugh. ‘Congratulations?’ he said.
‘Are you laughing at me?’ Evie drank some more. ‘Because it’s no laughing matter. Experience is important. I’ve learned a lot of things about life. I have a lot of wisdom I could impart.’
‘Okay, hit me with some of your wisdom.’
‘Well—’ Evie thought; she was definitely a lot wiser than she’d been at twenty. ‘I don’t even know where to start. There are so many different areas of life. For e
xample, there’s work. There’s exercise. There’s relationships. Take exercise: when I was twenty I really believed that I’d like to play women’s rugby and that I’d like to do an army assault course. I tried women’s rugby when I was in my final year at university. Terrible. I’m not brave enough. And I volunteered for a cadet assault course at my last school. So bad. I thought I was going to die, covered in mud under a net thing. I cried in front of the Year Nines and I had to pretend it was because I had mud in my eye.’
‘So your wisdom is if you cry at work pretend you have mud in your eye? Or never play women’s rugby?’
‘Both.’
Dan nodded. ‘Okay. I’ll bear all of that in mind.’
‘Yeah, I think I have better wisdom than that.’ Evie drank some more green cocktail. ‘I’m gaining wisdom all the time. Right now, I’m learning not to drink blue things. That blue stuff was horrible. This is nice.’ She pushed her glass of blue away and it wobbled a lot on the edge of the table and then spilled onto the floor. ‘Well, look at that.’ She pointed. ‘That’s amazing. It’s disappeared.’
‘It’s a magic floor.’ Dan was scrutinising the swirly carpet. He tipped a bit of his own blue drink onto the floor and nodded. ‘Gone. Genuine magic.’
Evie drank some more of the green one. She tapped the side of her glass. ‘That’s really nice. You have some. You can share my straw.’ She nodded approvingly while Dan drank. ‘Well done. We should get some more drinks.’ She looked up and then squinted down the table and round the room. ‘Where’s everyone else?’