by Ruby Rowe
Scooting up in bed, he leans back against it.
“Do you remember Kayla Gentry from high school? She was in my class, so you would’ve only been a freshman when Jason was seeing her.”
“Red hair? Hung out with the book nerds?”
“Yep.”
“I remember she came over a lot for about a month or two, but like always with Jason, he dropped her like a hot potato. Oh, god, didn’t she die in a car crash?”
“Yeah, she did.”
“I remember now. He seemed really upset, but he wouldn’t talk about it, and then it was as if it never happened.”
“Originally, Kayla was a conquest. Jason only wanted to screw her so he could brag to our buddies about it, but she held out on him a while, which gave him time to really get to know her. He fell hard for her after that and confided in me about it.
“But our friends took notice, and since Kayla wasn’t popular, they began riding his ass over dating her. You know I love your brother like he’s my own, but he’s always felt this need to put on a front like he’s cooler than the next person. It’s irritating.”
“I wish he’d realize it’s when he’s not trying so hard that he’s great.”
“Exactly, but since he worried so much about what other people thought, he ended things with Kayla. She was devastated after he told her, and one day later, he was in the same shape, regretting what he’d done.
“He’d seen her crying all day at school, so he told me after basketball practice that he was going to her house to tell her he loved her before it was too late. Little did we know, it was already too late.
“She’d hit a tree on the way home from school. Summer, he was only barely too late, and he felt responsible for her death, certain it happened because she was upset over him.”
My watery eyes are fixed on Colton’s.
“That’s so … so Romeo and Juliet.”
“Tragic is what it is … what it was. He changed after that. I think he honestly believes she was his only shot at happiness. Either that, or he’s planning on punishing himself forever by not allowing himself to fall in love again.
“I’m the only one who knows how much he truly loved her, so you can’t say anything to him. I’m only telling you so you’ll cut him slack when he’s being an asshole.”
“It just seems like he’d be nicer to me, along with other girls, since he experienced someone being taken away without warning.”
“That’s my thinking, too.”
I sigh, frustrated that I can’t talk to Jason about it. Mostly, though, I’m sad for him. I’ve been under the impression that he’s never thought of anyone other than himself, but I’ve been wrong all along. He’s felt love and loss so deeply that he can’t bear to experience it again.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
One Month Later
Colton
Me: Be here in an hour. I’m sorry I can’t pick you up. It’s getting frustrating.
Summer: That’s OK. You’re still taking me on a real date with dinner and a movie. I’m going to warn you now that I will be all grins. I’m so excited. I promise I’ll look sexy for you, and you can have me for dessert when we get back to your place.
Damn, that text makes me feel all kinds of shitty. It’s like I’ve been keeping her hidden, using her only for sex, but I hope she doesn’t see it that way.
We do hang out, and talk and share meals. Although, there haven’t been too many instances where we didn’t have sex, too, but she wanted to participate each and every time, even instigating it often.
I’ll make her feel extra special tonight. Maybe I should buy her flowers. Damn, this feels like we’re dating … like we’re a couple.
I told her not to get attached, yet it’s more than obvious she has. But am I doing any better? She’s my first thought in the morning and my last thought at night. Honestly, I hate it when she’s not in my bed at night.
But I need to get out of my own head. Soon I’ll be going back to Emory in Atlanta, and we’ll once again be three and a half hours away from each other.
I stride to my bathroom to shower, hoping to shake the disappointment I’m feeling. My phone rings on the way, and I see it’s Jason.
“Hey, man, what’s up?” I ask.
“Are you home from work?”
“Yep. Getting ready to shower.”
“Perfect. We’re going out tonight to find some chicks. Porsha’s getting clingy, and I need a change. That’s one thing I’ll miss about college life; the girls are plentiful.”
“Uh, I think I’m going to hang around here. I’m exhausted from working today.”
There’s silence on the line.
“Something’s up. I haven’t seen you for weeks, so what is it?” he asks.
“Nothing. You try working on a roof in the blazing sun all day and see how much you feel like partying after.”
“Damn, I get it, but you know what happens when I don’t have a wingman; I wake up in the ugliest chick’s bed.”
I laugh. “So true.”
“Then come on, bro. I’m not taking no for an answer. I’ll drive over there and drag your ass out with me.”
Shit, I don’t know how to get out of this one. Jason is used to me doing what he wants. He’s spoiled that way. He’s already seeming suspicious, too, since I’ve hardly spent time with him.
I hate to cancel on Summer, but I’ll take her out tomorrow. What’s one more day? I sigh. Something’s not feelin’ right about my decision, though.
“All right. I guess I do need to protect you from the fuglies.” Ending the call, I think about what to say to Summer.
Me: I’m sorry, but I have to cancel tonight.
Summer: OK … are you going to tell me why?
Shit, she’s mad, and for a second, I worry about telling her Jason and I are going to a club. But, then I remember we’re not in a relationship, and I can do whatever the hell I want. I’m not planning on hooking up with anyone else, so it’s not a big deal.
Me: Jason and I are going out tonight. He cornered me, and he’s suspicious since I haven’t been around. Besides, you and I have spent a lot of time together. I can take you out tomorrow.
After hitting send, I mumble, “Fuck.” Why did I add the part about us spending a lot of time together? It sounds like I think it’s been too much. This right here is why I don’t keep one chick around for any length of time.
Summer: You’re right. We have spent a lot of time together–probably too much. Lydia is having a party tonight, so I’ll hang out with my friends instead. You don’t have to worry about tomorrow. It’s not important.
Yep, she’s pissed, and so am I. I slam the bathroom door and toss my phone on the sink. I hate the way I’m fucking feeling.
Turning on the shower, I set the water to scolding hot, like it’s somehow going to punish me for being a dick to her. I have been, too.
I’ve known all along she’d get too close, and I was going to take what I wanted and walk away regardless. What I’ve also known is that every guy at her college is going to put a move on her, so how long could she resist that if we were together?
God, now I’m thinking about what it would be like if we were in a long-distance relationship. My head is all sorts of fucked up right now, so going out might be exactly what I need.
***
Putting my truck in park in front of Jason’s home, I get out but avoid going to the door. He’ll want me to drive his car since I hold liquor better, so I shoot him a text to tell him I’m outside. Soon, he’s slamming the front door and stomping down the driveway, grimacing.
“What’s your problem? You were in a good mood an hour ago.” Tossing me his keys, he nervously runs a hand through his hair and strolls around to the passenger side without a word.
Damn, did Summer tell him about us? If so, I think he’d have plenty to say. We get inside, and I start up his Dodge Charger.
“Summer wouldn’t tell me who it was, but some little shit hurt her. She didn’t say what h
e did, other than he cancelled their date tonight, but there’s more to it, or she wouldn’t be this torn up.
“You should’ve seen her. I know she gets on my nerves, but it was killing me, man. She was super dressed up, curled in a ball on her bed crying. All she mumbled was that she should’ve known better to think her heart wouldn’t get broken.”
Jason slams his fist on the dash. “And I guess I should’ve known the day would come where I’d want to beat some guy’s ass for hurting my baby sister. Maybe I should go back inside and drag the name out of her. Then, we could go fuck up the asshole.”
Stunned, I stare straight ahead. My heart is pounding in my chest, the tightness a physical ache. Picturing her in her room sobbing over how I made her feel fucking stings like a bitch. I’m scum. My hands fist around the steering wheel.
“Dude, are you hearing any of this?”
“Uh, yeah. I was thinking about Summer lying in there like that. Maybe I should go talk to her.”
“No. She screamed at me to get out, so I imagine she’d do the same to you. Let’s go. I need to blow off some steam.”
Reluctantly, I back out of the driveway, but then I can’t bring myself to press on the gas pedal.
“Damn, Grandpa. Think you could drive a little slower.”
Clearing my throat, I increase the speed. I’m taking us farther away from the house; however, my heart is still in their driveway.
Guilt has crawled inside me and dug in its claws, not allowing me to run away. Hardly able to breathe, I cover my chest with my hand. This isn’t some girl. This is Summer; someone I’ve always protected and now hurt.
Although she’s become this gorgeous woman, I’ve known her since before she could write her own name.
Mother. Fucker. You win, Guilt. You win…
Steering the car to the right, I pull off on the side of the road before we’re even out of their affluent subdivision.
“What are you doing?” Jason asks.
I shove the gear shift into park, and in defeat, I let my head fall back against the headrest.
“I have to confess something. It’s going to piss you off, and if we need to get out of the car so you can punch me, I’ll happily oblige. I deserve it.”
“What the fuck’s going on?” Unbuckling, he shifts in his seat to face me.
Clearing my throat only makes it thicker–tighter–dryer. The guilt is strangling me.
“I’m the one who hurt Summer. We’ve been seeing each other since you and I returned home.”
His hands on his lap ball to fists.
“Tell me this is a sick prank the two of you have orchestrated.”
“I wish at this moment I could say that’s the case, but it’s not. I like her, bro, a lot.”
“Get. The. Fuck. Out. Get out of my car right now so I can knock your ass out! What were you thinking messing with my sister?” His door flings open, so I exhale a taxing breath and do the same, stepping out to face him.
Meeting me at the front of the car, he shoves me forcefully until I stumble back.
“Shit!” he exclaims. Gripping his hair, he paces away and back again. “You’ve had sex with her.” This isn’t a question. No, he’s going to make me say it.
“I have. I’ve liked her for a few years now, but I never touched her. Not ever, man. That is until we returned from Emory.
“Summer and I were alone, and she came onto me. We kissed, and then I was still going to stay away from her, but I saw her with Zane at that bonfire party. She was going to sleep with him, and I couldn’t let it happen.”
Leaning his weight against the hood of his car, he looks to the sky. The sun is close to dipping beneath the horizon, but it’s bright enough to show his disappointment in me.
“Do you love her?”
“I’m not sure what I feel, but it’s irrelevant since you and I are going back to Emory while she starts her new life here. We’re all young, but Summer hasn’t even lived yet. I mean, I’m the only man she’s—”
Shit, why did I say that?
“Wow, this keeps getting more disgusting. You took my sister’s virginity? Fucking unbelievable, Colton.”
“There’s nothing you can say that will make me regret being her first. It meant something, and I’d never hurt her. Someone else might have.”
“She’s crushed on you for years now. I saw it, but I never dreamed you could look at her that way.” Shaking his head, his eyes are a bluish flame, burning with disdain. “You’re going to use her like you do every other chick until you break her heart.”
I throw a finger out at him.
“Oh, don’t even... I’ve never in my life seen you treat a female with respect. Most of the time, you’re even a dick to your mom and Summer.”
Spotting movement to the left, I notice a woman moving her curtains aside to spy on us through the front window of her brick home.
“If you’re not going to hit me, can we get back inside the car before one of your snooty neighbors calls the cops?”
Debating on throwing a punch, he hesitates for several seconds before he finally marches to the passenger door. Once we’re both inside the car, I turn to him.
“I think this is a good time to talk about Kayla Gentry.”
Jerking his head toward me, he glares.
“Don’t try to deflect the attention from you and this fucked-up situation.”
“I’m not, but you need to hear that the shitty, insulting words you say to Summer hurt her.”
“What does that have to do with Kayla?”
“You’ve been keeping girls at arm’s length since she died, and the only conclusion I can come up with is you don’t want another female getting ripped away from you.”
“That’s ridiculous. What are you now, a shrink?”
“If you provoke Summer and she’s cruel back to you, then you can avoid feeling anything good for her. Then, you won’t feel the same hurt if something happens to her. It’s idiotic reasoning but the truth.”
“Whatever. This enlightenment doesn’t change the fact you slept with my sister.”
“No, but you need to see you’ve hurt her, too. Look, I’m sorry I hid this from you. I should’ve told you I liked Summer before I ever touched her. Even though I was upfront with her that it would only be a short fling, I should’ve known she’d get attached.”
“It sounds like you got attached, too,” he mumbles, the irritation still dripping from his voice.
“We have to go back to your house. I can’t take that she’s crying because of me.”
“So, you’re really not planning on dating her?”
“No. I’ll go back to Atlanta, and she’ll begin her life here. She deserves to experience some college years single to be certain of what she wants.
“I’m sure then she’ll fall in love with some prick who I’ll have to look at the rest of my life. Maybe that’s the punishment I deserve.”
“But she’s not stay—you know what? Never mind. I’m sure things will work out the way they’re supposed to. Let’s go back so I can talk to her.”
“Yeah, I need to speak to her, too.”
“And you can after me, asshole. She’s my sister.”
Not wanting to push my luck by arguing with him, I start the car and turn around. I don’t know what I can say to Summer to make things better, but I have to try.
CHAPTER TWELVE
Summer
The pile of used tissues is mounting on my nightstand. Touching the puffy skin under my eyes, I imagine how red and blotchy my face is. The top of my satin cream dress is wet, too, and I really should change out of it.
I’m not mad that Colton cancelled our date. I’m hurt by the words he sent afterward. He made it sound like I burdened him, crowding his time and space, when all along I thought the hours we spent together were mutually desired.
What makes my heart hurt most is how it put into perspective what’s real and not a fairytale. Colton’s planning on returning to Emory without me. He made it cle
ar in the beginning.
What he doesn’t know is I’ll be there, too, thinking about how close he is, yet he won’t be within my grasp. Like my brother, I’m sure Colton will go back to his man-whorish ways, and I’ll be doing everything possible not to run into him, all to protect my heart from this right here.
I can’t let him near me there, or he’ll suck me back in, using me when he feels like it. His text tonight sure suggested that’s all this is to him. I can’t believe I misread the loving ways he gazed at me or all the sweet words he said.
My door opens, and Mom is standing there.
“Summer, please let me at least get you something to drink.”
“I’ve got this,” I hear Jason say before he shoves past her. Sitting straight up, my eyes round as he shuts the door behind him.
“What are you doing here?”
“Colton told me, Summer … about you and him.”
I gulp, and my stomach sinks with it.
“Did you hurt him? Are you mad at me?”
“Not really, and no, I’m not mad at you.” Strolling over, he sits at the side of my bed.
“I’m pissed at Colton. He should’ve left you alone, at least until you were older.”
“It’s mostly my fault, but it doesn’t matter now. It’s over. He doesn’t care about me.”
Jason’s head shakes. “He’s downstairs waiting to talk to you. He confessed after hearing how upset you were. He does care.”
“But he’s not going to keep seeing me once he leaves.”
Picking at my pink comforter, my brother looks away.
“No, he’s not planning on it, and I’m sorry. Since he feels that way, I didn’t tell him you’re attending Emory. You can decide when to do that.”
“Why are you being so nice to me? I figured you’d lose your shit and call me many impolite names, slut included.”
“Look, I’m sorry I’ve been a jackass for so many years. I didn’t mean to hurt you. There’s just some shit from my past I haven’t been able to deal with.”
“What kind of shit?”
“Nothing I can bring myself to share. I’ll work on getting past it, though, OK?”