My slow motion continued as I bent down to make sure my eyes weren’t playing tricks on me because, yeah, that was my initial thought. They might be my panties. Because no way would my fiancé be getting “jiggy”—thank you, Will Smith, for that term—with someone else, right?
Go ahead. Say it. Say exactly what you’re thinking. Maggie, what the hell is wrong with you? Stop being delusional!
I kicked those panties to the side, slid my briefcase’s straps o my shoulder, and set it in the corner of the entryway. Walking down the hallway, I could hear my heels clicking along the hardwood floors. And do you know what I thought the entire walk to the bedroom—to our bedroom? I thought, Wow, these floors are gorgeous. And those oversized windows looking out onto downtown Saratoga Springs have a gorgeous view. I’m so glad I chose this apartment.
Weird, right? I think I had an idea of what I’d find in that bedroom, and my mind had officially gone into full-blown protective mode.
The noises were the worst. Let’s be real here. I get that, in the heat of the moment, you’re probably going to have harsh breathing and some moans, but what I heard as I approached that bedroom was something you’d likely find on the Discovery Channel. Elephants mating, perhaps? Something large scale. Maybe if wooly mammoths still existed, that would be the closest thing to what I heard coming from that bedroom.
That’s right. I know you’re cringing right now. It was absolutely mammaliciously awful. Yes, I made up that word, but you have to understand that mammals everywhere were shaking their heads in disgust at that moment.
I’m going to fast-forward a bit now because I’m pretty sure you know how what I call “the discovery” went. They both shrieked, he pulled out of her—out of her mouth, by the way—and claimed it wasn’t what it looked like.
Because, you know, his penis inside of a woman’s mouth was one of those blind taste tests or something. Like back in the day when they were all like, “This is Coke? Wow! I can’t believe it. I’ve drunk Pepsi my whole life.”
First of all, you should not be that amazed and mystified by a freaking beverage. That’s just lame.
Let’s move on.
I kicked them both out. Luckily, his name was not on the lease since he’d moved in with me. Not so lucky was the fact that this place was on the pricey side of things, so I’d have to watch my spending on happy hours, takeout, and dinner nights out.
Here’s the quick rundown:
1. I left all of Shane’s belongings outside the door. ALL of them.
2. Okay, so I might have tossed some of his things in the trash. My bad.
3. Luckily, our lead building attendant, Mr. Charlie, has adored me from day one and once I informed him of what went down, he told me not to worry about anyone reporting the overabundance of crap piled up near the trash chute.
4. I Craigslisted the hell out of that mattress. Because God only knows what had gone down—pun intended—on that thing when I hadn’t been home.
5. I did the whole bawling my eyes out to my best friend, Sarah, between bouts of inherent desire to maim Shane. Because, let’s be honest, that’s what women do. After too much Pad Thai— wait, I’m kidding; no one can have too much Pad Thai—at my pity party, I made some new decisions about my life.
a. I was not going to date for a while. Now, I’m not saying I refused to ever date again because, really. It’s not like I have my sights set on being that woman with seventy-two cats or anything. Plus, I’m allergic, so that’s a no-go.
b. If I were going to be single, footloose, and fancy-free—thank you, Auntie Patsy, for that phrase that I hope never spills from my lips again—I’d need to get a roommate because I’d need the extra money. You see, I’m not a fan of women who expect guys to buy them drinks. We all know those drinks of- ten come with expectations. The single’s world is flooded with douche bags, you know. Then again, so is the attached world, as my situation served as a prime example.
c. My roommate could in no way be a straight man. It couldn’t be a woman, either, because I’ve never been able to cohabitate with another female. I know it’s weird. But it is what it is.
d. I couldn’t exactly put out an ad for a “gay roommate” because, uh, dis- crimination? Who doesn’t want to get slapped with a lawsuit and has two thumbs up? is girl.
This is the point where the story really begins. Get comfy. Well, as comfy as you possibly can when preparing to read about a year of my life being clam jammed.
Shall we begin?
To keep reading Maggie’s story, click here.
About the Authors
Jennifer is a USA Today bestselling author of contemporary romance. She lives in Oregon with her husband, son, and poorly behaved black lab puppy. When not chasing after her kiddo, you can find her binging on episodes of Gilmore Girls and Supernatural, and locking herself in her office to write.
RC Boldt enjoys long walks on the beach, running, reading, people watching, and singing karaoke. If you're in the mood for some killer homemade mojitos, can't recall the lyrics to a particular 80's song, or just need to hang around a nonconformist who will do almost anything for a laugh, she's your girl.
Acknowledgments
Jennifer:
First, I want to thank my readers who have been so supportive over the years. Without you, I wouldn’t get to write all these ridiculously fun books. I’d also like to thank my family for their continual support.
A huge shout-out to Letitia Hasser who created a kickass cover. A huge thanks to our editor, Jenny, our proofers, Julie and Judy, and to the beta readers who read an early version of the book.
And most of all, I want to thank RC, who was nice enough to say yes when I sent her a crazy DM asking if she wanted to co-write with me. Your friendship means the world to me.
RC:
This book was tremendously fun to write and none of it would have been possible without:
My readers—Without your support, your sweet emails and reviews, and you sharing my books with others, none of this would be possible. I am forever grateful.
Heather R.—Thank you could never suffice. I adore you!!
The ladies at Give Me Books—You ladies are the best!!!
My readers group—I am beyond grateful for your support, excitement, and feedback when I share my ideas with you.
All the book bloggers & reviewers—Please know that the time you take to read and review my books and/or do promo posts is appreciated beyond words.
Our beta readers—For being so awesome and willing to read through my amalgamation of nonsense and help me make it better!!! I’m so grateful for your help!!
Our team that made this book so pretty, inside and out—Letitia, for our deliciously sexy cover; Jenny, for making sense of two brains combined; Judy & Julie, for poring over things with a fine-toothed comb. We are so grateful!!
Jen—Holy shadoobie! We did it! We wrote a book together! I’m honored to call you my friend and I hope for many more years of friendship and our work “marriage”! This journey with you was an absolute blast!! xoxo
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