The fury he had faced this morning in the dining room told him otherwise. “I prefer not to discuss my grandfather anymore. It will not change his mind about how he feels about me.”
“Then could you tell me when Faith should start eating solid food? She is constantly nursing. Is that normal? Is that…” She gasped, her hand to her mouth. “I should not have asked you that. I know you are a doctor, but…” Her strangled voice came to a halt.
Nathan couldn’t tell if it was embarrassment or the heat from the fire flushing her cheeks—or both. He compressed his lips to still a smile. “I don’t know. I realize that some physicians are delivering babies more and more, but I am afraid my experience is limited to older patients. Mostly soldiers and their ailments and wounds.”
“I am sure I shall figure it out.” Her expression full of doubt, Rachel yawned. “It has been a long day, and tomorrow will be another one, with you taking me to my farm.” Rising, she gave him a smile. “I cannot thank you enough for helping me these past five days. Good night.”
Nathan watched her disappear into the other room, the words he needed to say to her on the tip of his tongue. But he couldn’t tell her he was not going to take her to her land tomorrow. He had one last thing he would try to talk her out of staying at Dalton Farm. If that did not work, he didn’t know what he was going to do.
Turning back to the blaze, he stared at the yellow and orange flames. An idea began to take shape in his mind. Perhaps he should write her family in England and tell them of her plight. He gathered his writing supplies and sat in front of the fire to do just that.
When he finished, a restlessness still claimed him. He paced the main room, trying to figure out what else was nagging him. Bits and pieces of his conversation with Patrick infiltrated his mind. It had been five years since he had written his mother in England. Even if she wanted nothing to do with her children, he was going to write her a letter to let her know what was happening to them. He was not doing it for his mother but for himself. This sense of abandonment overcame him every time he thought about her. The same feeling he glimpsed in Rachel.
Is that why I cannot leave her at the farm and walk away?
Six
“I don’t understand why you cannot take me to my farm today,” Rachel said, cradling Faith close to her while she sat on the cart seat next to Nathan. He was so near his arm continually brushed hers as he held the reins. Perhaps she should have brought Maddy with her instead of traveling alone with Nathan, but this morning her maid had wanted to try to follow Pinecrest’s cook’s instruction on how to make tallow candles.
“I thought you might like to talk with my sister about raising babies.”
“This is about that question I asked you last night, is it not?” Rachel stared at his strong hands clasping the leather straps and remembered again those same hands covering hers and pressing them into the dough. The memory bombarded her with a finely honed awareness of the man beside her.
Nathan tightened his grip on the reins. “My experience as a doctor has mainly been on the battlefield.”
“Not the nursery?” She wanted to take his hands into hers and knead the tension from them. Ever since they had returned from Pinecrest, he had been wound so tightly, withdrawing into a place deep inside him.
“Right. I have absolutely no experience raising children. Sarah should know when to start Faith on solid foods and anything else you need to know.” He guided the cart off the road onto a lane.
Through the pine trees Rachel glimpsed a red brick house much like Pinecrest except that this place exuded warmth. A profusion of flowers softened the exterior and welcomed visitors. Rachel immediately thought of her family estate in England. The beat of her heart slowed to a throbbing ache. She missed her sister and two brothers. She missed her parents and wished she were going to her mother for advice about babies, not a woman who was practically a stranger.
“Then you will take me to the farm tomorrow?”
“Look, my sister is outside in her garden. She takes after my mother and loves to spend time among her flowers.” Nathan urged the horse to a faster pace and brought the cart to a stop near his sister.
Sarah got to her feet, removing her straw hat and wiping her brow with the back of her hand. “I must be seeing things. That is the only way to account for me seeing my big brother three times in a week.”
Smiling, Nathan jumped down from the cart. He reached to take Faith. “Come over here and be useful, Sarah.” After giving the baby to his sister, he placed his hands about Rachel’s waist to help her down.
The moment he touched Rachel her pulse began to pound and her mouth went dry. She stared into his eyes, her throat closing at the gentle look he gave her. So different from Tom. When he set her on the ground, his hands lingered about her, his gaze still bound to hers. She became lost in his blue eyes, like the sky as evening approached, and for a moment no one else existed.
Sarah coughed. Instantly Rachel pulled back from Nathan, averting her look while disappointment took hold of her. She missed the feel of his hands on her waist, the sense of security she felt with him near.
Rachel took Faith from Sarah and bent to coo at her daughter. Embarrassment burned her cheeks when she caught the speculative gleam in Sarah’s eyes.
“Did everything go all right at Pinecrest? You have not come to tell me bad news, have you?” Sarah angled her straw hat back on her head.
“I didn’t say I was going.”
“I know you, Nathan. You went. In spite of what has happened between you two, you still love Grandfather.”
“But that’s not enough,” Nathan murmured, almost to himself. “I would say our grandfather is getting better. He had enough strength to throw me off his land yesterday. I think my presence inspired him to get well so he could do just that.”
Rachel heard the hurt in Nathan’s voice and wanted to comfort him as he had her. But his closed look pushed everyone away, even his sister. “He threw us out of the house.”
Sarah swept around toward Rachel. “You were at Pinecrest, and my grandfather asked you to leave?”
“The moment he discovered I had recently come over from England.”
“Our family was originally from Scotland. There’s no particular love lost between my family and the English, but what really caused my grandfather to hate your country was his brother and eldest son were killed by the English soldiers in the Revolutionary War. Ever since our father died, Grandfather has grown worse in his hatred of the English.” Sarah returned her attention to Nathan. “How is Patrick doing?”
“Trying to run the plantation and take care of an old man who does not want to be taken care of.”
“I know it wasn’t easy to go see Grandfather, but I feel better knowing he’s all right now. He can be difficult, but he is family.”
With a frown, Nathan folded his arms over his chest. “I need to see John. Where is he?”
“At the stable. By the way, Rachel, a horse was found loose on our land two days ago. Do you think it is your horse that ran off?”
“I hope so. Amos fixed my cart, but I don’t have an animal to pull it.”
Sarah smiled. “Then the gelding is yours.”
Nathan’s eyebrows slashed downward. “But you don’t know if the horse is Rachel’s.”
His sister waved her hand in the air. “I will have John bring the animal up to the house for Rachel to look at. I am sure it is.”
“I will leave you two to chat.” Still frowning, Nathan nodded to the women then strode across the lawn.
Rachel watched him walk away, his strides as purposeful as everything he did. His movements were precise, economical. Over the past few days she had found herself watching him more and more—and liking what she saw. But then, Tom had fooled her before they had married. How could she ever trust her judgment again after being hurt so badly by Tom?
Sarah’s touch on her arm jolted Rachel out of her musings. “Let me get you and Faith inside, out of this sun. It can
be beastly.”
“I get the distinct impression your brother does not want me to go to my new home.”
“I have never been to Dalton Farm, but I understand it will require much hard work.”
“I’m not afraid of hard work.” What choice do I have?
“Good, because life on a plantation or farm is full of hard work. John wants me to slow down because I am with child, but there is just too much to do.” Sarah stopped under a large live oak, dripping with grayish-green tresses. “You might consider exchanging your horse for an ox. We could use another horse and in return give you one of our oxen.”
“Why?”
“An ox would be better pulling a plow than a horse. It can also pull your cart. Oxen are slow but steady and have more endurance than horses.”
“How do you know so much about this?”
“John. He wants me to know as much as possible about how to run the plantation in case something were ever to happen to him. We have a good overseer, but I was in charge when John went to war.”
There was so much for her to learn, but Sarah gave her hope. “Then an ox it will be.”
Nathan’s sister started toward the house. “Good. I feel much better knowing you will not have to deal with a skittish horse that left you in such a predicament last week.”
Rachel strolled next to Sarah into the coolness of the house.
In the parlor Sarah indicated a sofa for Rachel to sit. “I need to check on my son.”
After Sarah left, Rachel inspected the room. A sense of welcoming warmth permeated the parlor, from its blue brocade sofa and chairs to its yellow accents. Sunlight poured into the room from two large floor-to-ceiling windows with blue velvet draperies. The wooden floor was polished to a gleaming sheen and covered partially by an ornate blue and gold rug.
Sarah returned. “I have asked Bella to bring Sean down as soon as he is up from his nap.”
“How old is he?”
“Three, and into everything. He gave us a terrible fright this morning when he climbed on top of the chest of drawers in the nursery. He wanted to jump down. Thank goodness, Bella, his nanny, reached him before he leaped.”
“So I have that to look forward to.”
Sarah laughed. “I hope not. I am praying my next one is not quite as adventurous as Sean. He takes after his father.” She placed her hand over her stomach.
“How many more months until your new baby is here?”
Sarah’s look softened. “Too long. Four months. I think John is more eager than I am.”
A memory flashed into Rachel’s thoughts. She had been so excited to share the news of expecting a child with Tom. That feeling had died quickly. Now all she remembered was Tom’s anger when he had discovered she was going to have a baby, his disgust at her shape as she had grown big with child.
“I know Nathan wanted to see John, but I have the feeling there is more to this visit than that.”
Rachel glanced down at Faith still sleeping in her arms. “Nathan thought you could help me. I have a few questions about raising children.”
“I will try, but with Sean, it has been trial and error. Sometimes more errors than I care to admit. ’Tis times like this when you wish you had a mother around to ask. Alas, that is not possible for me or you.”
“No.” But that didn’t keep her from wishing it were so. Rachel leaned back on the sofa. Seeing Sarah made her miss her own sister all the more. “When do you start feeding solid food to your baby? Faith wants to nurse all the time.”
Sarah smiled. “It was the same with Sean. He has quite an appetite even now.”
A noise in the hall drew Sarah’s attention. A little boy with dark hair and sparkling eyes came running into the parlor. He flung himself at his mother, his chubby arms squeezing her, laughter sprinkling the air.
“This is Sean.” The boy climbed up onto his mother’s lap, and Sarah kissed him.
Rachel’s heart swelled. She wanted more children. She had dreamed of having a house full, but that didn’t seem possible now. She would have to content herself with learning to take care of herself and Faith and never be beholden to another.
“As you can see he is quite exuberant.” Sarah’s chuckles assuaged the anxiety taking root in Rachel.
“Do you need any help?” Nathan swung the stall door open and entered.
John looked up from checking over the foal. “No, I think everything is fine here. I didn’t realize you were coming by today.”
“I wanted Rachel to spend some time with Sarah.”
“This sounds serious.”
“Not for me.”
His brother-in-law stared at him long and hard. “Of course not,” he murmured, then he stepped over to the mare and began inspecting her.
“Married life might be good for you, but that does not mean it is for everyone.”
John glanced up. “Who said anything about marriage?”
“What Rachel needs is to return to her family in England.” Like my mother has.
“I gather Rachel does not feel that way,” John said with a chuckle.
“No.” Nathan plowed his hand through his hair, picturing the woman who came to within inches of his height, her long hair hanging loose beneath her cap, her brown eyes dark with the emotions she did not hide well from others. “She is one stubborn lady.”
John continued his inspection of the mare, his hands running down her hind legs. “You have discussed it with her?”
“What, that she is stubborn or that she does not want to go back to England?”
His brother-in-law stared straight into his eyes. “I think you know.”
“I tried to, but she refused to talk much about her family other than they disowned her when she eloped with her husband.”
“So you have something in common with the woman.”
“Believe me, that is all.”
Again John’s sharp gaze sought Nathan’s. “Then why are you helping her?”
“Because I can.” He could remember all the times he’d had to stand by helplessly and watch a man die because there was nothing he could do about it. He did not want to feel that way ever again.
“I’m not talking about delivering her baby. I’m talking about having her stay with you. Not something a recluse does.”
Nathan shifted his weight, uncomfortable under the perusal of his former commander. “I could not turn her out to fend for herself and still live with myself.”
“No, but she could have come here. Did you offer her that option? You know we would never turn anyone away in need.”
Nathan remained silent, his jaw clamped shut.
After a long silence, John sighed. “No more about this woman. Did you search me out for a reason?”
“I want you to post these letters for me.” Nathan withdrew the two sheets of paper he had sat up half the night trying to compose to Rachel’s parents and to his mother.
John peered at the top letter. “Going against her wishes?”
“Someone has to look out for her.”
“So you have become her guardian.”
“I’m no one’s guardian. I want them to come for her before something bad happens.”
“You almost sound desperate.”
“I am. Would you be able to take her to Dalton Farm and leave her?”
“No.” John’s brow furrowed. “What are you going to do?”
“That is the problem. Perhaps she could live here after all, since I know she cannot live with me, even with her maid.” The thought of her leaving his cabin should have brought relief. Instead, disappointment washed over him. That realization unnerved him more than anything.
“Knowing Sarah, she will try to convince her to stay with us. Is that why you brought her here?”
“I woke up last night in a cold sweat just thinking about her at the farm with just Faith and her maid. She wanted to go there today.” Nathan paced the length of the stall, the sense of being trapped engulfing him. “Will you post the letters?”
<
br /> “I will be going to town in a couple of days. I will do your bidding.” John shuffled the bottom letter to the top. His eyes widened when he saw to whom it was addressed. “Does Sarah know you wrote your mother?”
“No, and I would like to keep this between us. I know how she feels about what happened five years ago. I will not add to her distress.”
“Then why did you write your mother?”
“After talking with Patrick, I felt I had to try one more time to understand why she walked out on us.” I need to find out why she abandoned us.
“I don’t like keeping secrets from Sarah, but I will not add any stress to her, especially since she is with child. I cannot take the chance of something happening to her. She almost died giving birth to Sean. I often wonder if my being away fighting during the war had something to do with that.”
Nathan knew the dangers of childbirth for both the woman and the baby. Like John, he didn’t know what he would do if he lost Sarah. The difficulty with Rachel’s delivery only reinforced that. She could have died along with Faith if he had not been there to help.
John straightened. “Let’s join the ladies. I want to get to know this woman who has you so agitated.”
Nathan started to deny his brother-in-law’s last comment then realized it was true. He didn’t want to feel responsible for another human being, and yet he did for Rachel and Faith, even Maddy. Somehow he had to convince Rachel to stay with Sarah until someone from her family came for her. Since it would be months until they did, there was no way she and Faith could stay with him at his cabin.
Rachel heard voices speaking as if they were in the middle of a fog as thick as she had seen on the moors. Slowly she surfaced from sleep. Who’s talking? Then her mind flooded with memories of the past year—Tom’s coldness, the ship voyage, the birth of her daughter—and she came awake with a start.
Rachel shot up straight in the chair, glancing around her at Sarah and Nathan on the sofa across from her. Warmth singed her cheeks. She smoothed the loose strands of her hair back from her face. “I am so sorry. I must be more exhausted than I thought. I have never done something like this before.”
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