‘What? Are you serious? I’m offering myself to you, Theo. As you know, I could have had any man I wanted when I first met you. And I’m still a desirable woman. Many a man would want to take me as his lover.’
‘Then I wish you good luck in finding the right man.’
She stepped back quickly as if he had struck her. ‘You’ve changed, Theo. That fire did more than just take away your sight and scar your face. It made you an imbecile as well.’
‘I’m sorry you’re hurt. That was not my intention.’
‘I suppose you think that other pretty little thing who was at the Walbertons’ is interested in you,’ she shot back. ‘Well, I very much doubt that. She’s almost as beautiful as I am and is hardly likely to settle for a deformed cripple when she is sure to have plenty of other opportunities.’
‘Estelle, you’re angry. I think you should leave,’ he said, surprised at how calm his voice was.
‘Oh, yes, you’re wasting your time there. She may have been paying you attention at the dinner party, but it will come to nothing. A pretty girl like that would merely be playing with you so she could incite the other men and get their attention. I know the games women play, and believe me, Lady Iris is not for you.’
Was that what had revived her interest in him? Jealousy that another woman who was reputed to be a beauty had been talking and laughing with him? Was she really that petty?
‘Lady Iris was merely showing pity towards you because you’re an invalid,’ she continued. ‘You couldn’t possibly think you have any more chance of marrying her than you did of marrying me.’
‘No, you’re probably right,’ he said.
‘Well, good, then,’ she said, her voice unconvinced. ‘At least you’re not making a complete fool of yourself over that young lady. And I know for a fact that Lord Pratley and Lady Iris are almost engaged.’
Theo gave a mirthless laugh. Last time he’d spoken to Lord Pratley they had been almost courting. Now they were almost engaged. He assumed they would soon be almost married.
‘I don’t see what’s so funny about that,’ she spat out. ‘The only thing funny is the laughing stock you will make of yourself if you pursue Lady Iris.’
‘I think it is time you left.’ He reached down and gave the bell a ring.
‘Would you please show Lady Redcliffe out?’ he said when Charles appeared.
With a loud huff of disapproval she walked out in a fluster of rustling fabric.
Theo sank down into his chair and shook his head slowly from side to side in disbelief. He had wasted too many years pining over something that had never existed. He had thought he was in love with Lady Estelle but had never really known her. All he had seen was her beauty and he had been blinded by it and by his own vanity and masculine pride. He had lost his eyesight in the fire, but it had taken becoming blind for him to finally see the truth.
Yes, he had wasted six years, and he wasn’t about to waste another minute.
He rang the bell again so Charles could fetch his coat, cane and Max’s lead. He would still walk over to the Walberton estate, but now it would be with an entirely different purpose in mind.
CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO
The Walberton estate was a hive of activity when Theo arrived at the front entrance. Carriages were lined up. Servants were stacking luggage and calling out instructions, and the horses were snorting and stomping at the ground, anxious to get moving.
Theo hoped he had not left it too late and Lady Iris had already departed. He stopped a passing footman and asked if he could take Max to the kitchen so he could have a drink of water, then asked if Lady Iris was still in residence.
‘Yes, my lord,’ the footman said. ‘But Her Ladyship and her mother will be departing soon. That’s their luggage we’re loading now. They’ll be taking the evening train back to London.’
Theo released his held breath. He wasn’t too late.
‘Would you please tell Lady Iris that the Earl of Greystone requests an audience?’ The man departed and, using his cane, Theo made his way up the steps to the entrance hall and waited anxiously. When the footman returned, he led him into the drawing room.
‘Lord Greystone,’ said Iris. Fabric swished softly as she walked towards him. ‘I did not expect to see you again. Please, sit down.’
She took his arm and led him to a chair. He waited till he heard the rustle of fabric to indicate she had sat down, then took the seat opposite her. Theo had not thought about what he wanted to say to Lady Iris, only that he needed to speak to her again, needed to be in her company again, needed to try and make things right between them, even if it was the last time he saw her.
‘So, have you come to reprimand me again for my reprimand?’ She gave a little laugh. He smiled. How he loved that little laugh that punctuated much of what she said.
‘No, Lady Iris. I have come to ask for your forgiveness.’
‘My forgiveness?’ He could hear the incredulity in her voice.
‘Yes, for everything I have done since I first met you.’
She made no reply and he could imagine her staring at him in wide-eyed surprise. He was not a man for apologies. At least, he had not been a man to apologise until he had met Lady Iris, and this was no easier than the previous half-hearted apologies he had made to her, but he needed to persevere. It was essential that he set things right before she left his life for ever.
‘I have been rude, curt and ill-mannered, and you did not deserve that.’
Still she said nothing. Had he shocked this delightful chatterbox into silence? He hoped not.
‘While I have treated you appallingly, you at all times have acted with kindness and courtesy.’
‘Kindness? Courtesy? The last time we spoke I gave you a telling-off for the way you lived, and you made it very clear you did not appreciate it.’
‘And for that I also apologise. Even if you were questioning my choices, I now realise it was done out of kindness, with the best of intentions. You are a lovely, warm, generous and caring woman and instead of responding to your well-meant advice as I should have, I repaid your kindness with ill temper and rudeness.’
‘Well, you’ll get no argument from me on that,’ she said, her voice returning to that teasing manner he was coming to adore.
He smiled, then adopted a more serious tone. He had so much more he needed to tell her and could not allow himself to become distracted by the sound of her lovely voice. ‘I didn’t realise it at the time, but now I understand that everything you said was true.’
‘It was? You do?’ Her startled disbelief made him smile again.
‘Until you came into my life, I did not know how angry I was with the world,’ he said. ‘I blamed everyone and everything for what I had lost. What I thought I had lost. I wanted to punish the world, so I locked myself away. You made me see that the only person I was punishing was myself.’ He drew in a deep breath, to drive away the anger he felt, anger that was no longer directed at the world but at himself, at the man he had once been.
‘You made me realise that the only person who was being hurt was myself. I could live with that realisation, but I couldn’t live with the fact that I had been rude and insulting to the woman who had the kindness and the courage to point these things out to me. So for that I apologise.’
‘Oh, Theo, I don’t blame you for the way you reacted. Nor do I blame you for locking yourself away. After all, there was the fire, and, you know... Lady Redcliffe and all that.’
‘Yes,’ he said with a resigned sigh. ‘There was the fire, Lady Redcliffe and all that. Those were the grievances that I had been clinging on to. Clinging on to so tightly that they were pulling me under and I was drowning. It was only when I let go of them that I could come back up to the surface.’
‘I’m so pleased.’ He could hear the smile in her voice.
‘I should also thank your moth
er before you leave for London.’
‘My mother? Do you want to thank her for blackmailing you?’
He laughed at the shocked sound in her voice. ‘No, I want to thank her for forcing me to attend that dinner party. If I hadn’t I would not have met Lady Redcliffe again.’
‘Oh, I see.’
He could tell by the strain in her voice that she did not understand at all.
Theo paused, determined to get this right. ‘When I met Lady Redcliffe again, after being apart for so many years, I have to admit, I was devastated. As you know, I had once been in love with her, had expected to marry her. Being in her company again, and the company of the man she did marry, made me think of all I had lost and would never have.’
‘I know, and I am so sorry for that, as is my mother. She didn’t know about your past with Lady Redcliffe at the time.’
Theo held up his hands to silence her. ‘That is not what I mean, and neither of you have anything to apologise for. Meeting Lady Redcliffe again also changed my life.’
He heard a quick intake of breath, then she quietly said, ‘I see.’
Once again, he knew she did not understand, that he was not making how he felt clear to her. ‘Meeting Lady Redcliffe again made me realise that I had never really been in love with her, that I had never really known what love was.’
‘It did? You did? I mean, you didn’t?’
He smiled at her confusion. ‘I thought I was in love with her. She was the most beautiful woman I had ever met and I was dazzled by her. I now know that that was all I was in love with, her physical beauty. I also now realise what a superficial man I was. I loved having the most desirable woman of the Season on my arm and being the envy of every other man. And for the last six years I have lamented that loss, but I had lost nothing. Certainly not love.’
He suppressed the anger he was feeling at himself for those wasted years so he could continue. ‘When she rejected me because I was no longer the man I had been, when I became a blind, scarred man, I retreated into myself. I hated the fact that other men no longer envied me. After the fire I couldn’t be that man so I hid myself away like a hermit, avoiding people so they wouldn’t pity me. But the only person who was full of pity was myself. I was drowning in self-pity for what I had lost, without realising that I had lost nothing. I now realise that if anyone should be pitied it was that superficial man I had once been, a man who only cared about external appearances. And it was meeting Lady Redcliffe again that made me realise that, and for that I thank your mother.’
‘She will be pleased to hear that. She never meant to hurt you and felt so bad about the dinner party.’ She paused. ‘Although that didn’t stop her from blackmailing you into hosting the fête, which she probably shouldn’t have done either.’
‘And for that, too, I should thank her. You were right. I did enjoy the day. As much as I tried to deny it, I enjoyed meeting people again, enjoyed having the house full of laughter and activity.’
‘Good, and does that mean you will now be entering Society again?’
‘Yes, I hope to.’
‘I am pleased. You do deserve to be happy, Theo.’
‘But I didn’t just come here to apologise to you and your mother,’ he said. ‘I also came to tell you how much I admire you.’
‘You? Admire me?’
‘Yes, you are a truly beautiful woman.’
‘Oh, I see.’ He could hear the disappointment in her voice.
‘I can tell you are a beautiful woman because of the way men react to you, but that is not what I mean. I’m talking about a different type of beauty. You have a beautiful soul, a beautiful heart. You are kind, generous, forgiving and brave, and for those reasons you are the most beautiful woman I have ever met.’
‘And I admire you, too, Theo,’ she said, and he could hear the smile in her voice. ‘For your courage and your strength.’ She gave a small laugh. ‘And you are still rather handsome, you know,’ she continued, causing him to laugh as well. ‘Not that I care about such superficial things,’ she added, still laughing.
Theo had almost said everything he wanted to say to her before she departed, but there was one more thing that he wanted to get off his chest. Standing up, he crossed the short space that divided them and knelt down in front of her.
‘Lady Iris. My feelings for you are more than just admiration.’ He drew in a deep, steadying breath. ‘I have also come to realise that I have fallen in love with you.’
He waited. She made no answer, and when she did it came as a gasp. ‘You have?’
‘Yes, Iris. I love you.’ It felt so good to say what he had been feeling for so long but had refused to acknowledge. ‘I know you are leaving for London this evening, and I expect nothing from you, but I could not let you go without telling you how I feel. Meeting you has changed me so much. You have made me a better man. You have brought light and warmth into my dark life. Meeting you was like the sun coming out on a cold winter’s day. I know I am not worthy of you. I know I have no right to ask for your love in return, but because of you I will continue to strive to be a better man.’
‘You are...you do...you can,’ she said. ‘Oh, what I’m trying to say is you are worthy of me, you do have a right to ask for my love and you have it. I think you have always had it.’
‘You do? You have? I have?’ he replied in the same manner, causing her to laugh again.
‘Yes. I think I fell in love with you the moment I met you, sitting beside your drawing-room fire all gloomy and grumpy. I knew that under that grim countenance was a noble, wonderful man. As soon as we met something deep down inside of me was telling me that this is the man you are going to m...this is the man you are going to fall in love with.’
‘Marry? Were you going to say marry?’
‘No,’ she stated emphatically. ‘That is, unless that was what you were going to say.’
‘It was what I hoped for, but never thought would be possible.’ He took her soft hands in his. ‘Is there a possibility that you would consider marrying a man like me? Would you consent to my courting you?’
‘Oh, stop being so coy. You know that I will,’ she said, and bent down and kissed him on the cheek.
A surge of happiness washed through Theo, the like of which he had never experienced before. He wanted to sing, wanted to dance, wanted the world to feel as good as he felt right now. But he did none of those things. Instead he forced himself to retain his dignity. He needed to maintain propriety.
‘In that case, I should do this properly.’ He lifted up her hand and lightly kissed it. ‘Lady Iris Springfeld, would you do me the honour of consenting to be my wife? If you do, I promise I will do everything in my power to make you happy, to make you feel loved every day of your life, the way you deserve to be loved.’
No answer came.
‘Iris?’ he asked again, less assured. ‘Will you marry me?’
‘Oh, sorry,’ she said. ‘I was smiling and nodding, when what I should have been doing was saying yes, I will marry you, Theo. Yes, yes, yes.’
Theo had believed it would not be possible to feel happier when she had said she loved him, but he was wrong. Her acceptance of his proposal had caused his happiness to soar, to make him feel giddy, almost mad with joy.
‘Then I shall ask your parents if they will agree to my courting you. Do you think your parents will give their consent?’
‘I can say with complete confidence that my mother will agree and if she agrees then it automatically follows that my father will also agree.’ She paused and he was sure she was smiling. ‘But if you want to make sure, you could always kiss me again. If my mother finds out, she’ll have no choice but to blackmail you into marriage.’
He laughed. It was an admirable idea, so he rose to his feet, took her in his arms and lightly kissed her, savouring her feminine taste, loving the feel of her silky skin against his.<
br />
He had meant to merely kiss her lightly, to seal their commitment, but with her now in his arms, with her lips on his, her hands around his head, he could not hold back. He pulled her tighter, kissed her harder, wanting to consume her, to make her his own. And she kissed him back with an equal ferocity. Her fingers wove through his hair, holding his head to hers, as if she feared he would escape. She had nothing to fear. Standing here kissing her was exactly where he wanted to be, exactly where he wanted to stay for the rest of his life. His hands ran down the length of her body, loving the curve of her waist, the feel of her buttocks under her skirt. How he looked forward to their wedding night when he could strip her of her clothing, could explore her body, feel, caress and kiss every inch of it.
The temptation to do so now was all but overwhelming. They planned to marry—would it be so wrong?
Behind him, as if from a long way away, he heard a door open.
‘Iris, we need to get ready—’ The mother’s voice came to a sudden halt as she registered what she was seeing.
‘Oh, Mother, you caught us...what a shame,’ Iris said with a laugh in her voice, her arms still wrapped around his shoulders, her lips still close to his. ‘I do believe you’re going to have to blackmail the Earl into marrying me after all.’
‘So I see.’
The mother rushed forward. Theo stepped backwards, expecting the worst.
‘Oh, I’m so happy for both of you,’ Lady Springfeld said instead, grasping both their hands. ‘I don’t believe I’ve ever seen a couple more in love and more right for each other.’
She released their hands. ‘Oh, but I suppose I’d better tell the servants to unpack the trunks and let Lady Walberton know we’ve changed our plans yet again.’ She headed to the door. ‘And I suppose I’d better start arranging a wedding. In the meantime, you two just carry on as if I was never here.’
When the door clicked shut behind her, they did exactly that.
CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE
Almost immediately Iris’s family arrived en masse to visit her soon-to-be husband, and Theo’s house was filled with laughter and chatter.
Harlequin Historical September 2021--Box Set 2 of 2 Page 43