“She might want to end her life.” Savitri said.
Dia and Mia gasped. They had thought of it too but now that Savitri had put it so bluntly, it was shocking.
“See, all of you are good people and you are trying to help her. She never approached the Police and as her doctor I should have but didn’t. If she does something stupid…” She paused. She didn’t want to sound insensitive, but this family had to know what was at stake. “Your family will be under the scan. People will ask questions. What is she doing in your house? If she is only an employee of yours, why such familiar treatment? And we have records in hospital of having done D and C, that too at night. Usually it is scheduled for morning unless it’s an emergency. Being from an affluent family can bring bad attention. They could twist the story. What I am trying to say is…” she was not sure how they would react. “Maybe you should send her to a Rape crisis centre instead of keeping her here.” Savitri concluded.
Piyush stood up, almost toppling the chair he was sitting on. NO!” He looked at Dr Savitri, and for a moment she feared him. Mia nodded, acknowledging his decision. Sujal stood up and patted his cousin’s shoulder.
“She is going to stay here. She is our responsibility, a part of our family now. We are a mixed bunch ourselves. We accept her as a part of our family.”
Hearing Piyush’s words and seeing the family supporting the decision to keep this girl, Dr Savitri felt overwhelmed.
“You are good people. But remember what I told you. It’s easy for people with such mental trauma to do something stupid. All rational thoughts just go out of the window. You have to be very careful around her. Someone has to keep an eye on her, at all times.” Promising to come in the evening to check Sunaina’s progress, Dr Savitri left.
Piyush called his office and arranged for the meeting to be conducted via video conferencing. He, Sujal and Sunaina attended the meeting, apologising for not being present in person, but the clients quickly dismissed it. The new lead asked about the new person on the block -Sunaina. Her ideas were quick to be noticed by them during their discussion. Sujal said she had got sick last evening and was taken to the hospital and that’s why she couldn’t attend in person. He didn’t elaborate further. The meeting was a success. They were asked to go through the contract and check if they need any change and sign it in a day or two.
Mia had joined Sunaina after the meeting and when she noticed Sunaina’s hesitation, she started talking on general topics.
“Would you like to know how we got Piyush in the family?” Mia asked.
Sunaina frowned. “Got? He is your son, isn’t he? Is there a story of his birth?” She asked curiously.
“Well!” Mia smiled. She was used to get that question often. “Piyush is my adopted son.”
Surprise was written all over Sunaina’s face.
“Actually, out of my three children, Naina—the second child—and Piyush—the youngest—are adopted. Suba—the oldest—is my only biological child. I delivered her after —my husband—was reported missing in action.” Mia took a deep breath. Shaking herself of the painful memory, she continued before Sunaina could enquire about Venkat. That story can wait for another time. “Sujal is the youngest adopted son of Dia. Her elder son Salim is also adopted.”
There was pure wonder in Sunaina’s eyes. Mia chuckled and said, “Yes dear, you will be surprised. Ours is truly a family with diversity. Being an adopted child ourselves, it was as natural as breathing for us to adopt children we felt connected to.” Mia was again lost in her memories.
“What is Piyush’s story?” Sunaina’s hesitant voice brought her back.
“I adopted Piyush fourteen years ago. He was twelve at the time. He was always the silent one and never spoke much. Being very aware of his short temper, he liked to believe he had placed a firm lid on it. Except for the few times he did lose it. According to him, it was only to help people who were being bullied.
Soon his fights came to the notice of his orphanage principal Father Johnson. And Father Johnson started noticing this quiet, strong and bright boy who was always eager to help with anything only asked for access to books way beyond his age in return. I went to the orphanage with my mom, Gayatri, one day when Father Johnson mentioned Piyush. It didn’t take even a moment for me to feel connected to Piyush and I adopted him.
It didn’t take long for Piyush to adapt to the family and soon he was one among us. He started opening up and conversing easily with all the family members. Soon he was learning the different languages we use in the family and he found his true calling once he met his uncle, Raj. He excelled in Architecture and now he is handling a major part of Raj’s architectural empire at such an early age.”
Sunaina was mesmerised by the family whose backbone was Gayatri, Piyush’s granny. She smiled but slowly the smile turned to sadness. She wished she had a family like that. Mia saw the flash of wistfulness. She patted the girl’s head with affection and said that she is also a family member now, but Sunaina knew better.
*******
Piyush had just finished a call with one of their clients when Sujal came in hurriedly. “Bro, Sunaina is asking for you.”
Piyush frowned as he saw how worried Sujal looked. He rushed upstairs to the guest room. Sunaina was clutching her knees to her bosom and was rocking herself fast. He didn’t like it. No wonder Sujal was worried. He walked in without alarming her and made sure his presence was felt. She looked at him but continued to rock. He sat next to her but not too close. He made sure there were a few inches between them. He waited for her to speak as she had asked for him. He had checked his peripheral vision. No one had followed him. Somehow, he knew that whatever she had to say, it would be better if he was alone.
“Piyush…” Still rocking, she continued, “I think you should send me somewhere else, a hostel or someplace where they take care of ra-” she stopped herself, the pain of having trodden through hell etched on her face. With a heart wrenching sob, she finished her sentence, “…girls like me.”
“Why?” Before he could say anything further, she turned to him in a quick move and clutched his shirt by his collar.
“Don’t you sense it…” Her voice was barely a whisper, her eyes were brimming with tears. Her pupils moved frantically before it locked on his. “I…I am on the verge of wanting to end everything.” She started to shake. Her voice so low as if she was whispering, fearful that someone else would hear her. “I know that people with suicidal tendencies will succeed, sometime or the other. Life is absolute hell for all the people around them. For how long can anyone keep an eye on me? Do you know, I almost filled the tub with water just now and all I wanted to do was go under?” She let out another sob. “If I succeed my suffering will be over, but I don’t want any of you blamed for it.” She looked deep into his eyes, shaking him, “Do you hear me, Piyush? I am BAD NEWS.” she whispered a little louder. “Please don’t put so much pressure on me. Let me go.” By now her tears were flowing nonstop. “I can’t ask any of them. Your mom and aunt have already started talking as if I am a member of this family. Sujal hovers around me like a brother and you... you make me feel secure.” Her breath ended in a sob. “But, for how long? Please, let me be free!” Her body sagged. Piyush gathered her in his arms and pulled her closer. “Please, let me go, I don’t want to be the cause of all your trouble.” She sobbed and sobbed and slowly drifted into a tired sleep.
When he was sure she was deep in her sleep, Piyush slowly laid her on the bed. She was still clutching his shirt. He pulled the blanket over her.
“Is she alright?” Sujal asked from the door.
Piyush didn’t know how to answer that. “Sujal, she is not okay. She wants to go to some hostel or rape care centre. She believes she will commit suicide and she doesn’t want to end up doing it here and because all of us will be in trouble. In short, she wants me to let her go so that she doesn’t feel the pressure and she can commit suicide.”
Sujal came and sat on the couch.
�
�What are you going to do, Bro?”
Piyush didn’t have an answer to that. He just looked at the sleeping form next to him, still clutching his shirt.
After a pause Sujal added, “Bro, doesn’t her words sound like a plea? She doesn’t want to trouble us, yet she wants us to help her come out of the depression which is leading her towards suicide.”
Piyush nodded. He slowly released his shirt form her hold and he looked at her for a long moment.
Sujal sensed that Piyush had made some decision. There was clarity in his eyes.
“She needs help and I am going to be with her throughout this ordeal.”
Sujal looked at Piyush. He desperately hoped that both, Piyush and Sunaina, would manage to come out of this deep trough unharmed.
“Take care of her. I have some work to be taken care of. I’ll be back in a few hours.” Piyush said and left.
Sujal frowned. He was sure the ‘work’ was not office related. He wondered where Piyush wanted to go but he didn’t say anything. He knew the priority was to make sure Sunaina felt at home.
Dr Savitri came at 6:00 pm and after a thorough check-up, she told that Sunaina was recovering. The test results from the hospital indicated that Sunaina was anaemic and that could be the reason of heavy bleeding. She promised to drop in again to check Sunaina, and left.
Sujal made sure he was always around, keeping a hawk-eye on Sunaina.
All the while he kept wondering what was going through Piyush’s head and where he had gone off to in such a hurry. He didn’t like not knowing what was happening. Piyush usually shared everything with him, but this time he seemed to be a closed book. When Sujal heard the car, he knew Piyush was finally home. He wanted to know what it was that Piyush had ran off to do, though he didn’t want to leave Sunaina’s side because Piyush had asked him to take care of her.
Dia came in, asking Sujal to go downstairs since Piyush was looking for him. Sunaina opened her eyes and they caught Sujal’s. Immediately guessing her need to speak to Piyush, Sujal went downstairs after giving a silent nod. Dia went inside the room and sat next to Sunaina. Smiling, she placed her hands on the girl’s forehead and gave smiled.
“No temperature. Your body is healing good, honey. You are soon going to be as fit as a fiddle. Always remember that we are there for you. You are now a part of our family. No one can deny that. And you have to accept that it was never your fault. It was those men who were wrong. Please remove any other thoughts from your mind.” She raised Suniana’s face slightly to make Sunaina look at her. “It will be hard to come out of the trauma. But promise me that you will fight against the darkness. For yourself as well as for us, the family. I don’t have a daughter of my own though Naina and Suba are very much my own too. But if I have my way, I will adopt you as mine. I would feel honoured to have you as my daughter – a survivor. But now that you are a big girl, can you see me as your mother?” Smiling, Dia continued. “You did call me Ma, and I would love it if you continue to call me that.”
By now Sunaina’s tears were flowing non-stop. No words came out of her throat. In a moment she was hugging Dia who pulled the girl into her embrace and with Sunaina’s head on her bosom, she rocked her as if she were a small child.
Soon Mia brought in Sunanda’s dinner and Piyush also came in and said that he would join her for the dinner. The other members ate in the dining room.
The duo ate in silence, with Sunaina stealing a glance now and then. Piyush didn’t say anything until both of them finished. His silence seemed to be killing. Sunaina glanced at Piyush but he never asked her anything. She didn’t know how he was behaving so normally. Not even once did he bring up what she had told him, her fears, her worries.
Piyush noticed that Sunaina had leaned back on the headboard. He saw her throat move anxiously.
“Sunaina!” he called out.
She opened her eyes and looked at Piyush.
“Do you want to speak with me?”
She felt frustrated. After his silent treatment, now he was asking if she had anything to say as if they had never spoken earlier about her problems.
“Piyush, have you really not listened to me or do you think that once I expressed my thoughts, there is nothing to discuss or decide?”
“No.” He moved closer and held her small hands in his big ones. “I remember every word you said very clearly. Don’t worry, we will work on it. You will be perfectly fine one day. But I am not letting you go to some shelter or some rape crisis centre. But yes, we can meet a counsellor that can help you.”
She shook her head vehemently. “Piyush, look at me. You have no clue what phase I am going through at any given time. One moment I could be as normal as anyone and the very next moment I feel completely opposite. What will trigger my darker thoughts, I have no clue.” Seeing Piyush frowned at her description she continued, “Piyush I think I have depression.”
“Sunaina, whatever phase you are going through or the depression you are going through, we will sail through it together. We can meet a doctor who can help you. Trust me, we can deal with it, together.” He pulled her closer. “You said you trust me, didn’t you?”
She didn’t answer. She wasn’t looking at him, her eyes focusing on something in the distance.
“Look at me, Su…” He raised her chin and she looked at him. “We are in this together. We will handle it with proper help.”
She shook her head, almost defeated and said, “You think my depression is because of the ra… rape?” Her voice faltered. “It isn’t. I have had depression way before that. My father died when I was two years old and my mother married Subbaiyya, my step-father. He was a widower. His first wife had died while giving birth and they couldn’t save the baby as well. My step grandmother used to stay along with us in the same house. She didn’t like me or maybe I didn’t matter to her just like I didn’t to her son. But then my mother was more than enough for me. I didn’t want anyone in my life but amma.
Then amma’s health started to deteriorate when I was about ten years old. She died after two years, when I was not yet twelve. It is since amma’s death that I have been swinging from these self-destructive thoughts.” She looked unseeingly to a distance. “It’s not that they treated me bad, but their complete disregard to my presence was a trigger to me drifting into darkness. The feeling of being unwanted was too painful to express.
After school I helped with some household chores and I used to visit a small park by our house. Only for a few minutes. I never played with other kids, just sat in one corner doing nothing much. I would be either staring at a piece of grass or a bird or a branch of tree, all the time wondering why my life was so meaningless. One night, I think it was in the eighth or the ninth standard, appa scolded me badly and hit me. I tried cutting my wrist after that. I guess I didn’t have the courage to cut deep or to do any harm, yet the cut was deep enough and I had to tie it up with a piece of cloth. For me, the world was no longer was a happy place. I didn’t see the need to be in a place where no one wanted me. My family was not my family. My absence wouldn’t matter to anyone.
The next day in the park, an aunty came and sat beside me. She just said ‘Hello’ and I nodded. The next day again she said ‘hi’. Then one day after the other, she would come visit me and sit next to me and soon I became comfortable with her. We used to talk a lot. Those few minutes with her were very precious to me. Her name was Sujatha and she came with her kids to the park. She stayed close to the park hence she visited almost daily. I was so happy to have a companion at last. The long talks with her made me feel valued. She guided me to do meditation. I started sharing everything with her. She was like my friend even though she was my mother’s age.
She asked me to concentrate more in studies, especially my favourite subjects. She guided me in my studies and helped me chose a degree in architecture. I continued meeting her for few years in the park. I had completed my twelfth exams, and I was waiting for the entrance exam result. She told me that she was a Psychiatrist a
nd that she worked in the government hospital. She made me promise that even if I couldn’t meet her, I will continue the positive approach to my life and never let depression overcome me.
I never knew that depression was a sickness until then. And she explained to me that she noticed the signs of depression in me and my concentration in studies were one way of having my mind shifted to positivity. She asked me to continue my meditation and concentrate on my studies and have a career I loved. She made me promise to her. It was after I got the placement at your company and went home that I came to know of aunt’s passing two years ago.
Just a couple of days before I was to join the office, I woke up very tired and sore.” Piyush swore under his breath but she continued, even though she had heard him. “I didn’t understand what had happened. Even in my wildest dream I would never have imagined what was happening until one night I became conscious. At first, I thought it was a nightmare. There were two men touching, groping and tearing me apart. But soon I started to struggle with what little energy I had left, even with the drug they had given me. The next day when I woke up, I didn’t have any doubt left as to what was happening to me. It didn’t take long for me to fall back into the depths of darkness. I felt as if I was being dragged back into darkness, except this time it was too dense. I didn’t feel like living. If my own stepfather could do this, how could I blame the other men? I wanted to end everything. But I found it difficult to take the final decision. I have brought a blade to my wrist and backed away too many times. I thought of many different ways to end this terrible life. The quickest way, the longest one, the most painful one…every possible way.” She took a deep breath.
A Promise Togetherness Forever: Piyush and Sunaina's Sanctum (Verma Clan Sanctum Series Book 2) Page 4