“You’ll have to teach me someday,” Brad said. He leaned over and kissed his grandmother. “Mom’s here so I’m going home to help Dad with Shannon and Jack. We’ll get your grass cut too. Anything else?”
“Water the flowers out front, only wait until this evening when the sun is going down so they won’t burn. Thank you, dear.”
“Bye, Mom,” Brad said with a wave.
“How do you feel this morning?” Bobbi asked, taking a seat in the chair by the bed.
“If you had told me I would feel this good the day after getting my chest cracked open, I would have never believed it.”
“Why are they even keeping you?” Bobbi shook her head and smiled. “So you slept last night?”
“Decently. You know how hospitals are.”
“Did Brad tell you about Jack?”
“Yes,” Ann said with a broad smile. “I’d love to see him and Shannon.” She glanced back at the curtain and lowered her voice. “Maybe we can sneak them in later.”
“Maybe Wednesday,” Bobbi said. She heard footsteps and looked over toward the curtain, expecting to see a nurse, but instead she was delighted to see Donna Shannon.
Donna kept her hair the same honey blonde color and had a healthy tan. Her eyes had a sparkle that never left even after Phil died.
“Oh, Donna.” Bobbi crossed the room to hug her. “It is so good to see you.”
“I didn’t find out until yesterday evening, or I’d have been here sooner.” Donna leaned over, and hugged Ann gently. “You look wonderful.”
“You’re lying, but thank you,” Ann said.
“They did the bypass?”
“Three of them,” Ann replied.
“Oh, bless your heart, Ann. Did you have any idea this was coming on?”
“I thought it was stomach flu. I would have laid in the bathroom and died if Bobbi hadn’t come in.”
“It wasn’t quite that dramatic,” Bobbi said.
“Donna,” Ann said with a sigh, “I thank you so much for coming, but girls, I’ve been up four hours in a row, and I’m very tired.”
“Of course,” Donna said. “You rest. I’ll hang around and come back in later.”
“They have a sorry excuse for coffee here,” Bobbi said, “but if you’re game, I’m buying.”
“Lead on,” Donna said, and then she hugged Ann once more before leaving.
“I’ll look in on you later,” Bobbi said quietly to her mother-in-law before joining Donna in the hallway. “I can’t believe you drove all this way.”
“Oh, stop. It’s just an hour, little over an hour maybe.” Donna pushed the down arrow for the elevator. “You and Chuck are like my own kids.”
Once on the elevator, Bobbi said, “Brad has decided to drop out of law school and go to seminary.”
“That’s wonderful!”
“If you’re still here when he comes back, get him to tell you about it. He’s got a great story.” Bobbi led Donna to the cafeteria, and bought two large coffees, then found a table by the window. Donna quickly caught Bobbi up on each of her sons and their children.
“Do you still see Dr. Craig?” Bobbi didn’t want to come right out and ask if Donna’s struggle with depression worsened after Phil’s death.
“You know, I had to find another doctor,” Donna confessed. “I ran into some ethical issues with Dr. Craig.”
Bobbi sputtered, nearly choking on her coffee. “I’m shocked.” She still warmly remembered the doctor and his kind, gray eyes from her own time in his office during the days after Chuck’s affair. To imagine him guilty of impropriety was too much. “What on earth happened?”
“Well, it’s a longstanding rule in medicine that you can’t date your patients.” Donna’s eyes sparkled as she sipped from her cup.
“Date ...? Wait! You’re dating Dr. Craig?” Bobbi asked with a wide smile. “He’s perfect for you.”
“That’s what David and Michael said, too. Bless his heart, it took him three years to ask. He gave me some longwinded explanation about the grieving process, and so on, but I think he was just chicken.” Donna winked. “We’re getting married this Thanksgiving.”
“Congratulations!” Bobbi said. “I can’t wait to tell Chuck!”
“How is Chuck?”
“Fine.” Bobbi hid behind a long drink from her cup. “Have you heard any other news about Chuck lately?”
“I have,” Donna said quietly. “I hoped you would call me.”
“Frankly, I was too humiliated. In some ways, this is worse than the affair itself, because now I have to deal with this woman too.” Bobbi detailed for Donna the discovery, the paternity suit and the run-ins with Tracy. “Jack is the sweetest little boy, but Donna, every time I look at him, I see his mother forcing herself into our lives.”
“How are you and Chuck?”
“We’re okay. He took me to Virginia last weekend to get away from it all, and we’re able to be very straightforward about our feelings.”
“But?”
“I love Jack, but not like I love my own kids, and he’s going to figure that out one day.”
“Can I ask you some tough questions?” Donna asked.
“Of course.”
“Why did you forgive Chuck after he cheated on you?”
“Because I love him. I had to forgive him.”
“Have you forgiven Tracy?”
Conviction washed over Bobbi, and her heart felt tight and cold, squeezed by guilt.
Donna smiled, and spoke with a soft gentleness that reminded Bobbi of her mother. “Honey, I’m certain this woman fits the Biblical profile of an enemy like no one else. You know, the kind you read about in Psalms and Proverbs. You can just put her name right in there.”
“How’d you know?” Bobbi spent many hours reading Scripture exactly that way, even after she and Chuck reconciled.
“I’ve done the same thing with certain unnamed individuals.” Donna winked and took a sip from her cup. “I’d say she’s as unrepentant and arrogant as anyone else who thinks they’ve gotten away with something.”
“Unbearably so,” Bobbi said, remembering the smug coolness in Tracy’s voice.
“But Bobbi, you still have to love her.”
Bobbi swallowed hard and looked away. Loving Jack she could manage, but not that woman.
“That’s what’s holding you back,” Donna said. “When you see this woman, not as the one who nearly destroyed your family, and still gets a good night’s sleep, but as a woman dangerously unaware of where she stands before God, then you’ll see her with Christ’s eyes, and with His compassion.”
“I don’t think I can do that,” Bobbi whispered, fighting back tears.
“God wouldn’t have allowed her to come back if He didn’t think you could do it.” Donna smiled gently. “Honey, when you let go of the hurt and forgive this woman, then you’ll be able to love that little boy without reservation, the way you want to love him, I’m sure.”
“But I don’t think she wants forgiveness.”
“She may not. That’s not the issue, though.” She set her cup down and counted on her fingers as she spoke. “Biblically, we have to love God, our neighbors, ourselves ... and our enemies. When you love her, then you can forgive her.”
Sure. Just love her and forgive her. Invite her to Sunday dinner ... swap recipes ... chat on the phone ... just like best buddies. No way. Not in a million years. Bobbi swirled her coffee in her cup, then finally lifted her eyes. “But ... I don’t want to.”
“Of course you don’t, but Bobbi, you’re the only one being punished by that refusal to forgive. You’re the one who isn’t sleeping. You’re the one who’s torn up inside. She doesn’t give a hoot. That’s obvious.”
“You know too much,” Bobbi said, shaking her head.
“Then if I haven’t made you too mad, can I go one more?”
“Always.”
“You’re still afraid. Afraid of being hurt, of Chuck hurting you, of losing Chuck, maybe, I don’t
know. Forgiving that woman means you risk allowing her to be a part of your life, and with that, you risk that ‘something’ that you’re very afraid of.”
Bobbi sat in silence. In just a few moments, Donna read her, inside and out. “You’ve been hanging out with Dr. Craig way too much.” She pushed her empty cup out of the way.
“That’s entirely likely,” Donna said, “but I know that whatever you’re afraid of controls you.”
“So, here we are, seven years later, and I’ve not made any progress.”
“You’ve made tremendous progress. You’re an incredibly strong woman, Bobbi. Until my dying day, I’ll never forget that morning when you and Chuck renewed your vows. Just think what you worked through to get to that day. The struggle to take God at His word, to accept that Chuck had changed, and then when you finally did ...”
“You know, when Glen Dillard tried to ... encourage ... me to seize the opportunity God had given me by bringing Jack to us, I told him I was afraid,” Bobbi said. “She scares me. Chuck thinks I’ve lost it, but I think she’s unstable, and I am honestly afraid Chuck and the rest of us are in danger.”
“You’ve read the twenty-third psalm probably a hundred times, I’m sure, but down in the middle, there’s that one line, ‘You prepare a table for me in the presence of my enemies.' Remember that one?”
“Sure.”
“Think about that. A banquet table. You only have banquets when there’s a big celebration, and for God to take care of all the preparations, He not only knew in advance when you would be in the presence of your enemies, but He had to get there way ahead of you in order to have everything ready.”
Bobbi tapped the cup on the table. Tears were welling up, and if she spoke now, there’d be no holding them back.
“When you trust the Shepherd more than yourself, or the other sheep, and more than you fear the wolf, then you can celebrate in the middle of anything.”
“Donna,” Bobbi said, taking a deep breath and wiping her eyes, “do you know what it’s like to be smacked in the face with your shortcomings?”
“On a regular basis.”
“I can’t do it. I can’t forgive her.”
“No, you can’t. Let God do the hard stuff. Let Him work.”
Sunday, September 23
Bobbi left Chuck and Shannon, and headed down the church’s main hallway toward Glen Dillard’s office. She knew Donna was right - Donna was always right - but she wanted to hear her pastor’s take on it. Maybe he’d tell her to wait until Tracy asked for forgiveness. Maybe.
She met Glen halfway down the hallway. “Bobbi, it’s good to see you this morning,” he said, shaking her hand. “Ann must be doing well.”
“She said that if we didn’t go to church and leave her alone for three hours, she’d call security.”
“She was kidding, I hope.”
“We weren’t going to risk it,” Bobbi said, through a smile. “If you’ve got some time, I’d like to talk to you for a few minutes after church.”
“I always have time for my best customers,” he said. “We can talk now, unless you have to get to class.”
“Actually, I don’t. I didn’t think I’d be here, so Jenny’s covering for me.”
Glen led the way to his office, but after Bobbi entered, he propped the door open wide. “So what can I do for you?” he asked, taking a seat behind his desk.
“You don’t have to do anything, exactly. I just ... Donna Shannon came to the hospital yesterday to see Ann, and she and I had a long talk.” Bobbi quickly recounted the conversation, especially Donna’s insight that a refusal to forgive Tracy was the root of all her emotional turmoil.
“The ‘church’ answer,” Glen said, “is that Donna’s absolutely right. Of course, you love this woman and forgive her. But Bobbi, I’m with you. That’s a tough, tough assignment God’s giving you.”
“So what switch do I need to flip to be able to pull this off?”
“Now that would make it a lot easier on the preacher, if everybody had a bunch of switches inside, and you just go in and throw the ‘compassion’ and ‘forgiveness’ switches and it’s all good.” He leaned back in his chair. “I can’t tell you anything you don’t already know, but let me give you another perspective. Whatever hurt Tracy has inflicted on you, or whatever offenses she’s committed against you and your family, she’s done much more to offend God’s holiness.”
Bobbi could concede that much. And we have to ask God for forgiveness, right?
“And hard times are a lot easier to endure if we believe there’s a purpose behind them, or some good can come from them, right?”
“Usually.”
“Then the greatest good that could happen is for you turn that woman from the road she’s on, ’cause right now she’s headed for destruction.”
“Me? Why me?”
Glen leaned forward, and rested his elbows on his desk. “Bobbi, you can be Jesus to her in a way no one else can. By forgiving her, you demonstrate that God does change lives and that forgiveness is possible.”
“I don’t think she wants forgiveness though.” Say it, Glen. Say ‘wait for her to ask.’
“She may not, but you offer it anyway. If you do that in good faith, then you’ll be free of her, or at least the hold she has on your imagination.”
He wasn’t going to say it, so she prompted him. “But don’t we have to ask for forgiveness from God? She’s never asked for it.”
“All right, you have two different issues going there. You’re right, we do have to ask for forgiveness, but God makes it known that we need it, and it’s available. I’m sure she’s never considered that forgiveness, especially from you, is even possible. She’s hard, arrogant, and bitter because she thinks she’s a lost cause. And you and I both know that’s not true.”
But Bobbi could wash her hands and walk away from a lost cause.
Chuck swung his car door open so Jack could climb in. “You promise you’ll take the pictures I drew to Grandma,” Jack said.
“I promise.” Chuck raised his hand to his heart. “I’m going to the hospital right after I take you home.”
“How much longer is she gonna be in there?”
“Until Wednesday or Thursday, I think.”
“I hope it’s Wednesday so I can see her.”
Chuck closed Jack’s door, then got in the front seat. “Hey, Jack? When we get to your house, let me tell your mom about you going to heaven. I want to make sure she understands everything.”
“Okay,” Jack answered. He was unusually still for most of the ride home. Chuck glanced back at him several times, expecting to find him asleep, but he sat with his head against the window.
“Jack, do you feel all right?”
“Dad, do you think my mom is going to heaven?”
“Sometimes it’s hard to tell.”
“Are you gonna ask her?”
“Yes, and if she’s not, I’m going to try to explain it to her.”
“Like Brad did for me!”
“Exactly.” Chuck pulled up in front of Tracy’s house, thankful that Colin’s car wasn’t there. He would have a better chance of talking to Tracy if she wasn’t posturing. Chuck stepped through the door Jack had left wide open, and set the suitcase down. Moments later, Tracy came down the stairs. At least she was wearing a t-shirt and not a tank top this evening.
“Jack said you wanted to talk to me.”
“I do.”
“If it’s about the parenting plan, forget it.”
“Something happened with Jack this weekend.”
“Did you let him get hurt?” Tracy’s eyes flashed, and her jaw stiffened.
“No,” Chuck said. “Can we sit down or something?”
“Sure.” Tracy stepped out of the way, and motioned him to the living room, closing the door behind him. “You want a drink too?”
Chuck stopped and counted silently to ten before he spoke. “Tracy, have you ever been to church much?”
“Enough.” She dr
opped into the recliner and pulled her bare feet up under her.
Chuck sat down on the corner of the sofa closest to her. He had to sit this close. He had to draw her in, didn’t he?
Focus on her eyes, he coached, then he took a deep breath and spoke. “Because of my mother’s heart attack, Jack started asking questions about what happens when a person dies. We explained to him what we believe, what the Bible says about that.”
“So?”
“He wanted to know how to get to heaven. There’s only one way, and that’s believing Jesus’ death on the cross is sufficient payment for the sins someone’s committed. Without the forgiveness of that sin debt, a person can’t get into heaven.”
“And this affects Jack how?”
“He believes that. He’s going to heaven because he trusts that the Bible is true, that everything he’s done wrong, or ever will do wrong, has been paid for.”
“I don’t have a problem with that,” Tracy said. “Jack can believe whatever he wants.”
“But you don’t buy it.”
She gave him a condescending smile and shook her head. “If the system works the way you say it does, then it’s fatally flawed.” She held out her hand. “God cannot exclude anyone or else He’s not just.” She stretched out her other hand. “But if He offers forgiveness to everyone, He’s not just.” She folded her arms tightly across her chest. “Besides, my son cannot be put in the same category, needing forgiveness, as a murderer.”
“You mean your father,” Chuck said quietly.
She looked away and drew her fingers into two tight fists. “Yes, my father,” Tracy admitted. “How long have you known?”
In that instant, Chuck knew he was seeing the real Tracy, a Tracy no one else ever saw. “Not long. I’m so sorry. I can’t imagine how hard it’s been for you.”
“I watched it happen, Chuck. She begged him ...” She stopped herself, and closed her eyes for a moment, then she relaxed her hands, and the wall came back up. “For him to be eligible to go to heaven after the hell he inflicted isn’t fair. God can’t work that way.”
“But this is an individual thing, between you and God.”
Indemnity: Book Two: Covenant of Trust Series Page 22