by Girard, Dara
Philly rested against the kitchen counter and sighed feeling old—the kitchen was her prison and the ever growing Hawkes family her captor. She pushed herself from the counter and removed the sauce from the stove, feeling a little guilty. What were a few more years anyway? She had good meals and a roof over her head. She had no marketable skills, no money of her own, or friends or relations (Gladstone was the only one of her siblings still alive—there had been two) who would want to take her in. She was completely dependent on her brother’s kindness and she believed that in two more years he would let her go.
Philly glanced up and saw the mail carrier coming up the drive but gave him little notice--not knowing that he carried a package that would change her life.
***
“A package for Aunt Philly? How can that be?” Anita, the eldest, said after she’d signed for it.
Roger, the college freshman home for the summer, snatched it from his sister. “Let me see that.” He shook it. “I don’t hear anything rattling.”
“Who’d want to send her anything? She doesn’t have any friends.”
Their mother, Helen, entered the foyer and took the package from him. “That might be but it’s still not for you to play with.” Although she schooled her features to look uninterested, she was also curious about its contents, but the name on the return label meant nothing to her. She went to the kitchen. “Philly you have something here,” she said.
“Thank you,” Philly said in a quiet voice. “Just set it down please.”
“Aren’t you going to open it?” Roger said with impatience as he watched his mother place the mysterious package on the table.
“I’ll get to it later, dinner’s almost ready,” Philly said her voice becoming firm.
The idea of food, rather than her tone, took precedence over his curiosity and he left the kitchen to tell his siblings and father about the upcoming meal.
Anita and Helen watched Philly for a long moment surprised by her disinterest then they also left with Anita saying, “She can be such a silly old woman sometimes. She doesn’t need to be so secretive. It’s probably some stupid item from a catalog.”
But it wasn’t. Once they had all gone Philly rushed over to the package and lifted it up. She’d never received a package in her life. She looked at the name and her throat tightened as memories swept through her mind.
“So the boy wasn’t lying,” Gladstone said bursting into the room. “I couldn’t believe it when he said you’d received something in the mail.” He snatched the package from his sister. “Let me open it for you.”
“I don’t want to open it right now.”
“I know you’re busy with dinner. So finish it up and leave it to me.” He pulled out a knife from a kitchen draw.
Philly gripped her hands into fists. “If you open that package, I’ll burn every inch of your dinner.”
Gladstone slowly looked her up and down. “You don’t mean that.”
Philly held out her hand. “That package is addressed to me, not you and I’ll open it when I’m ready.” When he lifted the knife she said, “I’ll make sure your family starves tonight if you touch my box. And the next day there won’t be any breakfast.”
Gladstone hesitated then tossed the package at her. “No need to be dramatic. We’ll be at the table,” he said then shoved open the door with such force that it bagged against the wall.
Philly didn’t care. She’d won a small victory against him and she’d kept what was hers.
That night—after she’d served dinner, then stacked the dishes in the dishwasher and cleaned the kitchen—Philly hurried to her room in the attic, sat on her bed and stared at the package. “Millicent Carter,” she said reading the name of the addressee. She remembered that name from long ago. She’d met the young woman on her flight to America. Millicent was returning from a study abroad and the two women easily became companions on the flight. But once they reached Maryland things changed. Philly was to take a connecting flight to Illinois but planes had been grounded due to a snowstorm and she had no place to go. She was also woefully unprepared for the change in weather, her thin sweater no match for the winter chill. The clerk at the airline counter had said that the next available flight wouldn’t be for another three days.
“You can stay with us,” Millicent said eager to help her new friend. “You can’t stay here for that long. When my brother comes to pick me up I’ll tell him.”
Philly shifted feeling uncomfortable. “I wouldn’t want to be a bother.”
“It will be fun.” She looped her arms through Philly’s. “We’ll get to spend more time together.”
“If your family agrees,” Philly said cautious.
Millicent sent her a sly grin. “Once my brother sees you, he will.” Philly didn’t get a chance to ask her new friend about her strange statement because Millicent suddenly let out a cry of pleasure and waved. “Oh, there he is! Come on.”
Millicent dragged Philly beside her and then stopped in front of a striking looking young man wearing a dark blue cashmere coat. He was tall with haughty features and cold eyes. Philly took a step back, certain her friend was playing a trick on her. There was no possible way this cool, reserved gentleman would allow her to stay with them. Millicent didn’t seem to notice her new friend’s unease and offered her brother a big hug then made introductions, “Wesley this is Philomena. She’s going to stay with us for the next three days.”
His cold dark eyes measured her form and Philly felt her unease grow and she imagined spending the next three days in the airport terminal alone. When he shook his head her fears were confirmed. “No, this won’t do,” he said.
“Yes, of course,” Philly agreed wanting to burst into tears, but determined not to. She had her dignity and she wouldn’t shame herself, although she didn’t know this country or where her next meal would come from.
“I blame Millicent for this,” he said in a grave voice. “She should have known better.” He took off his coat and draped it over Philly then stepped back and studied her. “That’s better. We can’t have you freeze.”
“But you can’t,” Philly said stunned by his generosity.
“I can’t what?”
“Give me your coat. What will you wear?”
“I’ll be fine,” he said then reached down and took her suitcase and one of his sister’s and he and Millicent walked ahead of her. Philly quickly put her arms in the coat sleeves sinking into its warmth, the smell of honey and ginger wafting towards her and let the soft feel of cashmere touch her cheek. She’d been wrong about him; his eyes weren’t cold, just serious. His face wasn’t haughty but refined. Actually, he had a very nice face.
Millicent looked back at her. “Come on, Philly.”
She lifted the hem of the large coat and raced after them.
Over the next three days, Millicent introduced Philly to her beloved town of Hamsford tucked on the coast of Maryland’s Eastern Shore and its large immigrant population making Philly feel at home at the marketplace and little shops. Millicent immediately took Philly shopping for winter clothes and she and Wesley laughed at Philly’s reaction to her first sight of snow. Philly met their ailing mother and a great aunt who lived with them. Then Millicent persuaded Wesley to make Philly his signature fudge brownies and one night he treated her to scallops and fettuccine for dinner, another night he cooked red beans and rice.
“It’s his secret dream,” Millicent said when Philly complimented Wesley on the meal. “He’s always liked to cook.”
Wesley stared at his plate clearly embarrassed by her words. “No, it’s just a hobby of mine. I’ve never wanted to make it a profession. I have other responsibilities.” And Philly soon learned what they were. During one of the quiet moments, while they strolled in the garden enjoying the crisp winter air, the smell of smoke from a distant chimney and the call of a cardinal, Wesley shared that he was struggling to keep his father’s business afloat while also sending his sister to school and dealing with the health
issues of his mother and great aunt.
“I don’t know why I’m sharing all this with you,” he said with a nervous laugh. “I’m probably boring you to tears.” He smiled down at her. “But you’re so easy to talk to.”
“I’m happy to listen,” Philly said basking in the light of his smile.
He sighed then looked at the house which needed a new coat of paint and the roof replaced. “I want so much for my family, but after my father died…” He let his gaze fall. “I’m not sure I can make it all work.”
“You will.”
He looked at her, amused. “You sound certain.”
“I am. You have a beautiful house,” Philly said not seeing a dwelling in need of repair but a sturdy structure that had weathered many years and was much grander than the tiny two room shack she’d left behind in Jamaica. “A family that adores you and your work. Your life has a purpose. This is the land of opportunities. Seize them. I came here to help my brother, but one day I’m going to work in an office and become an executive secretary. I type very fast and I’m very detailed. I’ll wear fine clothes and have a nice car and people will call me Ms. Hawkes.”
Wesley laughed.
“You think it’s funny?”
He shook his head. “No, I think it’s wonderful. Maybe one day I’ll be able to afford to hire you.”
“If you ever need a secretary just ask for me, I’ll come.”
“Is that a promise?” Wesley asked in a low voice his expression suddenly serious, his eyes searching her face.
“Yes,” Philly said, her heart beating like the wings of a mad bird trapped in a cage. She met his dark gaze amazed that she’d ever thought his eyes were cold. “Because I believe you’ll succeed at whatever you try.”
***
Too soon the three days were over. Wesley drove her to the airport and Millicent stayed behind to run some errands for her mother, but the two women hugged and exchanged addresses promising to write. Inside the airport terminal, Philly shyly told Wesley that she hoped to hear from him too and that she knew his business would grow. He bought her a small glass figurine from an airplane shop then waited with her at the boarding gate until her flight was called.
“I won’t forget you,” he said in a rush before she stood in line to board the plane. “I have nothing to offer you now,” he said hanging his head with regret and for the first time Philly saw how young he was—that despite his reserved nature he wasn’t much older than she. “but hopefully one day I’ll be able to tell you how much I—how much you mean to me.” He then bent down and kissed her softly on the lips. To an outsider it looked like a quick, perfunctory kiss but to Philly it was like cinnamon butter melting on toast and far too soon he turned away. She licked her lips wanting to remember his taste and that moment forever.
“Wesley?”
He spun around and Philly rushed up to him. It was an uncharacteristic move because she wasn’t usually that forward but she had to speak. “Don’t forget if you ever need a secretary just call.”
His face softened into a smile. “I will.”
“And you can write me in-between,” she said desperately wanting him too, but thinking he never would.
“I will.” He nodded to the people boarding the plane. “You don’t want to miss your flight.”
“Yes, goodbye.” She gave a quick wave.
“Goodbye.”
Philly returned to the line and turned to see him one last time, but he was gone.
To her surprise and delight a letter arrived nearly two weeks later from both Wesley and his sister and they corresponded for the next three years with Philly reveling in her secret life separate from the Hawkes household. Then the letters stopped. Not returned, just stopped and bitterly Philly accepted that her new friends no longer wanted to know her. They’d grown tired of her boring life and wanted to expand to find new friends and adventures. Over the years Philly pictured Millicent getting her master’s degree in social work, a goal she’d been working towards, and being promoted in the company she worked for. She saw her later marrying and having three lovely children, who were as warm and generous as she was. She imagined Wesley’s business booming as her brother’s had, but she didn’t think of him marrying, although she knew he probably had. As the years passed she was certain they’d both forgotten about her.
But now she had this package. Her heart raced, her fingers trembled and she felt like a young girl again. She carefully opened it and saw a note:
I hope this package reaches you. It’s been a long time and you might have forgotten me but over twenty years ago we met on an airplane and spent three fabulous days together. I hope your family is well. I’m writing this note and sending this package on behalf of my brother, Wesley.
I know you’ll have no use for a scarf in the middle of summer, but it was one of Wesley’s last wishes that I send it to you (he always wanted you to stay warm) and the note attached. Call my cell phone number at the bottom if you want to talk.
Your friend,
Millicent
Last wish? Philly thought as she took the scarf from the tissue paper that cradled it. It was a silk and cashmere mix and when she wrapped it around her neck she felt rich then she took a deep breath and read the second note scrawled in a hand she remembered only too well.
My dear Philomena,
When I let you go all those years ago I never intended it to be forever. I loved you the first moment I saw you in the airport and even more as the days went by and I had every intention of asking you to marry me, to be my wife not my secretary, but I knew I wasn’t in the position to ask you yet. My father’s business was in a bad state and I had the obligations of my family. I couldn’t bring you into my life when I couldn’t provide for you. But I dreamed and planned for the day that I would be able to share not just my heart but my life with you. Fate had other plans, however. I will not bore you with the details and I am sure my silence was the best for you since you likely have a full life and family of your own. However, I hope you’ll grant me the selfish pleasure of being part of your life a little longer because you were always a part of mine. Any time I was down I thought of your belief in me and it helped me to carry on. Eventually the business turned around and made a profit as did the two others I started. You deserve to share in my success so I’ve decided to give you my house (I hope you’ll allow my sister to stay there as long as she wishes), all my investments, and I set up a trust for you so that you will be set for the rest of your life. You can retire from your job as a secretary and live life in comfort. At last I can provide for you the way I always wanted.
There were days that I convinced myself that you felt even a fraction of what I did for you, but after awhile I let that dream fade. Now as my life comes to an end whatever you felt for me whether as a friend or a lover, I hope you’ll remember me with fondness and know that my heart was always and forever yours.
Wesley
Philly’s eyes filled with tears. He’d loved her all this time and never told her. What had happened? She took off the scarf and gently placed it back in the box and let herself weep for the man she’d loved and lost. Then she wiped her eyes determined to celebrate the gifts he’d given her. With the gift of his house and money she would be free.
Free! She wouldn’t have to be stuck in a kitchen. She could get out and live. Really live. She could travel and the first place she would visit would be Hamsford to see Millicent again.
***
“Travel?” Gladstone said astounded when Philly announced her plans the next day. “Where?”
“To see an old friend,” Philly said.
Helen sniffed. “But who would want to see you? You don’t have any friends.”
Gladstone pointed at her. “And how can you afford it? Don’t expect a loan from us.”
“I won’t need a loan,” Philly replied in her usual quiet voice. “I’ve come into some money so I won’t need your assistance any longer. I’ll return and stay a week until you can find someone else
.”
Gladstone’s face brightened. “Money? You have some money?” He clapped his hands together pleased. “That’s great news! That will definitely help us.”
His wife nodded. “Oh, at last I can get that new carpeting I’ve wanted and drapes, oh and there was this dress in the shop—”
Philly shook her head. “I have plans for the money. But we’ll discuss it when I return. I’ll be gone two weeks,” she said then left them standing in the middle of the room, dumbfounded.
And they were even more stunned four days later when Philly emerged from her attic bedroom wearing a stylish summer dress and high heels. The Hawkes family no longer saw a dull, quiet middle-aged woman, but a beauty with smooth nutmeg skin, shining dark hair and bright brown eyes. None of them had ever noticed how attractive Philly was before. She bid them farewell then set off on her journey and as her brother watched her go, he felt as though a brightness had left their house forever. A warmth he’d taken for granted that would never be replaced.
***
It was just as she’d remembered, Philly thought as she stared at the old southern home. It was a little worn but fixable. She would strip the sides, replace some of the windows and add more flowers to the landscape. She walked up the driveway, stopped at the front door and took a deep, steadying breath before she knocked. Moments later a woman answered. A woman with light streaks of gray in her light brown hair and a round figure and a smile that melted away years.
“I’m so glad you’re here!” Millicent said enveloping Philly in a fierce hug. When she drew back there were tears in her eyes. “Even after you called my cell phone I wasn’t sure it was real. I wasn’t certain you’d come and when you said in four days I couldn’t believe it. Now I do.”