“You should go. Try to move on with your life. Small steps. An outing might do you good.”
Arthur was surprised to feel a tiny kernel of excitement taking root in his stomach. He had found out something about his wife’s past life and his inquisitive nature was compelling him to find out more. The only feelings he experienced these days were sadness, disappointment and melancholy, so this felt new. “I like the idea of tigers walking around an English garden,” he said.
And he did like tigers. They were strong, majestic, colorful beasts, prowling around with the key purposes in life of hunting, eating and mating. Humans were so different with their lives of meekness and worry.
“Really? I’d have you down more as a small-dog person—you know, a terrier or something. Or you look like the kind of person who would like hamsters. Anyway, why don’t you come with us in the car? Nathan is driving.”
“Are you not taking the camper van?”
“I’m selling it. It’s too big for me to handle and I’ve been paying for storage since Carl died. Nathan’s got a Fiesta. It’s a rust bucket but reliable.”
“Shouldn’t you ask him first? He might have other plans...” Arthur instinctively found himself trying to get out of the trip. He should have kept his mouth shut. He couldn’t carry out his daily chores if he went away. His timings would be up the shoot. Who would care for Frederica the fern and stop the cats crapping in his garden? If he went down south, then he might have to stay overnight. He had never packed his own suitcase before. Miriam did that kind of thing for him... His brain ticked away trying to find excuses. He didn’t want to pry on his wife but he did want to discover more about her life before they met.
“No, no. Nathan doesn’t really do thinking. I do it all for him. It will do him good to have some self-responsibility. He won’t have remembered that he has to look at universities. I know he won’t need to apply for a few months but I want to start early. I will be so lonely when he goes. It will be strange being on my own again. I dread to think how he’ll cope away from me. I’ll visit him in his student digs and find his skeleton because he’s forgotten to eat...”
Arthur had been about to say that, now he thought about it, he might go later in the year. He already knew that he didn’t want to go on a trip with Bernadette and her son. He had met Nathan briefly once before when he and Miriam had bumped into Bernadette at a coffee morning. He seemed like a monosyllabic kind of young man. Arthur really didn’t want to leave the security of his house, the smothering comfort of his routine.
But then Bernadette said, “When Nathan leaves, I will be all on my own. A lonely widow. Still, at least I have you and my other friends, Arthur. You’re like family to me.”
Guilt twisted his gut. She sounded lonely. It was a word he would never have used to describe her. Every cautious nerve in his body told him not to go to Graystock. But he wondered what connection Miriam had there. It seemed a highly unlikely address for her. But then so was India. Lord Graystock sounded an intriguing character and his family had owned the manor for years, so there was a possibility that he might know or remember Miriam. He might know the stories behind more of the charms. Could Arthur really expect to be able to forget all about the charm bracelet, to put it back in its box and not discover more about his wife as a young woman?
“Do you mind if I’m honest with you?” Bernadette said. She sat down beside him and wrung a tea towel in her hands.
“Er, no...”
“It’s been difficult for Nathan since Carl died. He doesn’t say much but I can tell. It would be good for him to have a little male company. He has his friends but, well, it’s not the same. If you could give him a bit of advice or guidance while we’re traveling...I think that would do him good.”
It took all his might for Arthur not to shake his head. He thought about Nathan with his runner-bean body and black hair that hung over one eye like a mortuary curtain. When they’d met, the boy had hardly spoken over his coffee and cake. Now Bernadette was expecting Arthur to have a man-to-man talk with him. “Oh, he won’t listen to me,” he said lightly. “We’ve only met the once.”
“I think he would. All he hears is me telling him what and what not to do. I think it would do him the world of good.”
Arthur took a good look at Bernadette. He usually averted his eyes, but this time he took in her scarlet hair; her dark gray roots were springing through. The corners of her mouth drooped downward. She really wanted him to say yes.
He could take Miriam’s things to the charity shop. He could put the bracelet back in his wardrobe and forget about it. That would be the easy option. But there were two things from stopping him. One was the mystery of it. Like one of the Sunday afternoon detective stories that he and Miriam watched, finding the stories behind the charms on the bracelet would nag at his brain. He could find out more about his wife and feel close to her. And the second was Bernadette. In the many times she had called around with her pies and kind words, she had never once asked for anything in return—not money, not a favor, not to listen to her talk about Carl. But now she was asking him for something.
He knew that she would never insist, but he could tell the way she sat before him turning her wedding ring around and around on her finger that this was important to her. She wanted Arthur to accompany her and Nathan on their trip. She needed him.
He rocked a little in his chair, telling himself that he had to do this. He had to silence the nagging voices in his head telling him not to go. “I think a trip to Graystock would do me good,” he said before he could change his mind. “And I think me and Nathan will get along just swell. Count me in.”
On the Way
NATHAN PATTERSON EXISTED in that he had a body and head and arms and legs. But Arthur wasn’t sure if there were any thoughts inside him making his body operate. He walked like he was on an airport conveyor belt, looking as if he glided. He was reed thin and dressed in tight black jeans that hung off his hips, a black T-shirt with a skull on it and bright white training shoes. His bangs obscured most of his face.
“Hello, Nathan. It’s very nice to meet you again,” Arthur said brightly, and offered his hand as they stood together on the pavement outside Bernadette’s house. “We met at a coffee morning once, do you remember?”
Nathan looked at him as if he was an alien. His hands hung by his sides. “Nah.”
“Oh, well, it was only briefly. I understand that you’re looking at universities. You must be a very smart young man.”
Nathan turned his head and looked away. He opened the car door and got into the driver’s seat without speaking. Arthur stared after him. This could be a long journey. “I’ll sit in the back, shall I?” he said to no response as he got in the car. “Give you and your mum a chance to talk in the front.”
Arthur had wheeled his suitcase over to Bernadette’s house after lunch. He had given Frederica extra water and felt quite guilty leaving her behind. “It will just be for a couple of days,” he muttered as he gave her leaves a wipe with a damp cloth. “You’ll be fine. Me and you, we can’t just sit around any longer. Well, you can. But I have to go. I’m going to find things about Miriam that I didn’t know. I think you would want this for me.” He examined Frederica for a sign—a shake of her leaves or a bubble of water in her soil—but there was nothing.
He packed a spare shirt and underwear, his toiletries, cotton pajamas, an emergency carrier bag and a sachet of hot chocolate. Bernadette had booked him a single room at the Cheltenham bed-and-breakfast they were staying at that night. “It looks nice,” she said. “Some rooms have a view of Cheltenham Minster. It will just be like being in York, Arthur. So you won’t feel homesick.”
Bernadette bustled out of her house. She wheeled out a navy blue suitcase and then a purple one, followed by four Marks & Spencer carrier bags.
Arthur wound the window down. He assumed that Nathan would
rush out to help, but the young man sat with his feet on the dashboard eating a bag of crisps. “Do you need a hand?”
“I’m fine. I’ll just load this little lot into the trunk, then we can set off.” She slammed the trunk door shut, then took the front seat next to Nathan. “Now, do you know where we’re going?”
“Yes.” Her son sighed.
“It should take us around three hours to get to our accommodation,” Bernadette said.
In the car Nathan turned up the radio so loud that Arthur couldn’t think. Rock music blared out. A male singer screamed about wanting to kill his girlfriend. Periodically Bernadette turned and gave Arthur a smile and mouthed, Okay?
Arthur nodded and gave a thumbs-up. He was already tense about changing his morning routine. He hadn’t shaved and he didn’t remember washing out his teacup. When he got back from the trip it would have a thick collar of beige gunk inside. Perhaps he had overwatered Frederica. Had he swept up the crumbs from the worktop? He shuddered at the thought. And he had locked the front door properly, hadn’t he?
To cancel out his worries he tucked his hand in his pocket and wrapped his fingers around the heart-shaped box. He stroked the textured leather and felt the small padlock. It felt comforting to have something that belonged to his wife so close to him, even if he didn’t know where it had come from.
As they drove along tree-lined roads toward the motorway, Arthur felt his eyes shutting. He widened them but then slowly they flickered and closed again. The shush of tires on tarmac lulled him to sleep.
He dreamed that he was on a picnic with Miriam, Lucy and Dan at the seaside. He couldn’t recall which town. Lucy and Dan were still young enough to be excited by a trip to the sea and an ice cream cone. “Come and have a paddle, Dad.” Dan tugged his hand. Sunlight rippled like silver sweet papers on the surface of the sea. The air smelled of freshly cooked doughnuts and vinegar from the food vans on the promenade. Seagulls cawed and swooped overhead. The sun shone hot and bright.
“Yes, come on in, Arthur.” Miriam stood facing him. The sun was behind her and she looked as if she had a golden halo in her hair. He admired the silhouette of her legs through her translucent white dress. He sat on the sand, his trousers rolled up to his ankles. Perspiration formed under his mustard sweater-vest.
“I’m a bit tired,” he said. “I’ll just have a lie-down on the sand and watch you three. I’ll catch up on the day’s news.” He patted his newspaper.
“You can do that anytime. Come on in with us. We can relax tonight when the kids are in bed.”
Arthur smiled. “I’ll just stay here. You and the kids go paddle.” He reached up and ruffled Lucy’s hair.
His wife and two kids stood and stared at him for a few seconds before giving up on their persuasion. He watched as they held hands and ran toward the sea. For a moment he almost stood up and raced after them, but they disappeared into a sea of beach umbrellas and colored towels. He took off his sweater-vest, rolled it up and put it under his head.
But because this was a dream, he was able to rewind events in his head. This time when his wife stood before him inviting him to paddle, he said yes. Because he knew he might never have this moment again. Because he knew that his time with the kids was precious, and in the future Dan would live thousands of miles away and Lucy would be distant. He knew there would be so many times over the coming years that he would long to be on the beach with his family again.
So this time, in his dream, he stood up and took Dan’s and Lucy’s clammy, sandy small hands in his own. They ran down the sand together, the four of them in a line, laughing and squealing. And he kicked the sea until it soaked his trousers to the thighs and made his lips salty. Miriam waded toward him. She laughed and trailed her fingertips in the water. Lucy clung to his legs and Dan sat with the sea lapping around his waist. Arthur wrapped an arm around his wife’s waist and pulled her close to him. He saw that freckles had sprung to life on her nose and she had pink sun circles on her cheeks. There was nowhere he wanted to be more than here. He leaned in toward her, feeling her breath on his mouth and...
“Arthur. Arthur!”
He felt a hand on his knee. “Miriam?” He opened his eyes. His time with his wife and children vanished abruptly.
Bernadette was leaning over from her front seat. Her door was open. He could see expanses of gray tarmac. “You dropped off. We’re at the services. I need to spend a penny.”
“Oh.” Arthur blinked, readjusting to the real world. He could still feel Miriam’s hand in his. He wanted to be with her so badly, to kiss her lips. He wriggled out of his slump. “Where are we?”
“We’ve almost reached Birmingham already. The roads are quiet. Come on out and stretch your legs.”
He did as he was told and got out of the car. He had been asleep for two hours. As he walked toward the gray slab of a building, he wished that he could slip back into his dream to be with his family again. It had seemed so real. Why hadn’t he appreciated those moments when they were happening?
He meandered around WHSmith and bought a Daily Mail and then a coffee in a cardboard cup from a machine outside. It tasted of soil. The lobby rang with the sound of amusement machines, their colored lights flashing and piping out jaunty electronic music. He could smell fried onion rings and bleach. He carefully placed his half-drunk coffee in the bin and went to the restroom.
Back at the car he found himself alone with Nathan.
The boy was sitting with his feet on the dashboard again, displaying an expanse of milky ankle. In the back Arthur opened up his paper. There was going to be a heat wave over the next couple of days. The hottest May in decades. He thought of Frederica’s soil and hoped it would stay moist.
Nathan took a yellow curl from his packet of crisps. After taking the longest time that Arthur had known anyone to eat a crisp, he finally said, “So are you and my mum, you know...?”
Arthur waited for the next part of the sentence, which didn’t arrive. “I’m sorry, I...”
“You and Mum. Are you, y’know, getting it on?” He then affected a posh accent as he turned to face Arthur. “Are you dating?”
“No.” Arthur tried not to sound aghast. He wondered how Nathan could possibly have got this idea. “Definitely not. We’re just friends.”
Nathan nodded sagely. “So, you have a separate room at the B and B?”
“Of course I have.”
“I was just wondering.”
“We are definitely just friends.”
“I’ve noticed that she makes you the savory stuff—pies and shit. Her others only get sweet things.”
Her other lost causes, Arthur thought. Mad Mr. Flowers, housebound Mrs. Monton and Co. “I really appreciate your mother’s efforts for me. I’ve been going through a tough time and she’s been a great help. I prefer savory to sweet.”
“Oh, yeah.” Nathan finished munching his crisps. He folded up the packet, tied it into a knot, then positioned it beneath his nose and wore it as a mustache. “My mum gets off on helping people. She’s a real saint.”
Arthur didn’t know if he was being sarcastic or not.
“Your wife. She died, didn’t she?” Nathan said.
“Yes, she did.”
“That must’ve been pretty shit, huh?”
For a second, Arthur felt like jumping over the seats into the front of the car and ripping the crisp packet out from under Nathan’s nose. How easily young people could dismiss death, as if it was some far-off country that they’d never get to visit. And how dare he talk so casually about Miriam like that. He dug his fingernails into the leather seat. His cheeks burned and he stared out of the window to avoid catching Nathan’s gaze in the vanity mirror.
A woman wearing a black T-shirt printed with a badger was dragging her screaming toddler across the car park. The little girl clutched a Happy Meal bag. An
elderly lady stepped out of a red Ford Focus and began to shout, too. She pointed at the bag. Three generations of family arguing over a McDonald’s hamburger.
Arthur had to answer Nathan because it would be rude not to, but he couldn’t be bothered to describe how he felt. “Yes. Pretty shit,” he responded, not even realizing he had sworn.
“Here we are, then.” Thankfully, the front door opened and Bernadette maneuvered a series of stuffed carrier bags into the foot well of the car. She then tried curving into her seat to fit herself around them. “Are we ready to go?” she asked, fastening her seat belt.
“What have you got in there, Mum? There’s only a Maccie D’s and a WHSmiths in that place,” Nathan said.
“Just some magazines, drinks, chocolaty things for the journey. You and Arthur might get hungry.”
“I thought you had food in the trunk.”
“I know, but it’s nice to have fresh stuff.”
“I thought we’d be getting tea at the B and B,” Nathan said. “We’ll be there in an hour.”
Arthur felt uncomfortable. Bernadette was only trying to please. “I’m a little peckish actually,” he said, trying to support her, even though he wasn’t hungry at all. “A drink and snack would be just the ticket.”
He was rewarded with a warm smile, a king-size Twix and a two-liter bottle of Coke.
* * *
His bedroom at the B and B was tiny, with just enough space for a single bed, a rickety wardrobe and a chair. There was the smallest sink he had ever seen in the corner with a wrapped soap the size of a Babybel cheese. The toilet and bath (the landlady informed him) were on the next floor up. No baths after nine at night and you had to give the toilet a firm flush or else it wouldn’t get rid of all the contents.
Arthur couldn’t remember the last time he had slept in a single bed. It seemed so narrow and confirmed his status as a widower. The bedding was bright and fresh, though, and he sat on the side of the bed and looked through the sash window. A seagull strutted along the windowsill and there was a pleasant view of the park across the street.
The Curious Charms of Arthur Pepper Page 4