Carter thought that Nathan might want a divorce. More specifically, she thought he should want to divorce her. A few tears escaped her eyes, and she quickly wiped them away. She didn’t want to cry— she wanted to be strong. She didn’t want to make it hard for Nathan to do what she thought he should do. She had first started thinking about the possibility of Nathan ending their marriage the morning after they’d made love after the meeting. And ever since the thought had popped in her head, she hadn’t been able to shake it. Why wouldn’t he want out? Nathan hadn’t known who Carter was before he married her, not really. Carter hadn’t even known who she was then. She hadn’t known she was a target or the heir to a billionaire’s fortune. She hadn’t known that two dangerous families wanted her dead— or worse. And she definitely hadn’t known that she was the biological daughter of the homicidal, clinically insane maniac who had killed her husband’s mother.
Carter placed her hand on her belly as a wave of nausea hit her, nearly causing her to stumble. She felt this way every time she thought about her biological father. Every time she thought about what he had done to Nathan’s mother. She swallowed and waited for the feeling to pass.
She wouldn’t blame Nathan if he wanted out of their marriage. Who the hell would want someone with all that baggage? She would never be able to be what he needed. Not if she had to live her life looking over her shoulder. She wouldn’t be anything but an added stressor to Nathan’s already stressful life, and she didn’t want that. She wanted to be the reason he smiled after a hard day at work. She wanted to be the reason he laughed even when he didn’t feel like it. She wanted to be his happiness. He was her happiness. He was everything to her. She loved him that much.
Carter couldn’t help but wonder what her purpose was on this earth if all she caused was trouble. She could barely look at her reflection in the mirror. Every time she saw herself, she saw the monstrous man who took the lives of the innocent. The daughter of a man who sold innocent young men and women as if they were nothing more than objects used for the amusement of the highest bidder.
It didn’t really hit Carter until the evening she came back to the penthouse. She was alone with her thoughts, which proved not to be a good thing after finding out that the man you called Daddy your whole life was, in reality, your uncle.
Uncle, Carter thought as her heart tightened painfully in her chest. It had been happening for a few weeks. The pain of her heart breaking repeatedly was so intense she could feel it in the tips of her fingers. She hated it. It was so unfair.
The sound of the front door opening jolted Carter from her thoughts. She quickly walked over to finish setting the table as Nathan came into the penthouse.
“Hi, honey,” she said softly with a tentative smile. She pushed her emotions back in an effort not to ruin the evening she had planned.
Tonight, she was going to make an effort to spend time with her husband. Tonight, he’d sit with her, and they’d eat together. They could talk about anything. She didn’t care. As long as they communicated about something.
“Hey, baby,” Nathan said sweetly, a look of surprise on his face. He put his briefcase on the couch in the living room before coming to the dining room. He came around the table to where Carter was setting down a glass for his scotch, leaned forward, and kissed her cheek. “Something smells heavenly,” he said against her cheek.
“I made your favorite,” Carter said with a smile. “How was your day?” she asked him. This was the first time this week she’d been able to ask him the question. She noted that he wore his shoulder holster today. His two chrome Glocks and hunting knife rested at his chest. He usually wore those only when his work involved danger.
“Long,” he answered. “Boring work. I’m starving. I … umm …” He cleared his throat. “I talked to your mother today.”
Carter swallowed and nodded her head, but said nothing.
“She called to check on you. She’s back in the states.”
“That’s nice,” Carter muttered. “How is she?” Carter asked as she brought food to the table.
“She wanted me to tell you she loves you. And she misses you … and that she’s sorry.”
Carter kept busy as she listened to him. She opened the oven and retrieved the garlic bread.
“I know,” she said. She wiped her hands with a towel. “Do you want scotch tonight?” she asked, changing the subject.
Nathan didn’t speak, but nodded his head.
Nathan walked over to the couch and tossed his suit jacket over the back of it. He leaned against the back of the sofa and removed his cuff links. “I’m sorry I’ve been late getting home these past few weeks. I promise that will change soon. This project is time consuming, but Kyle found something, and he’ll be calling me soon.” He looked at the beautifully-set table with a smile. “We will be eating together tonight?”
Carter wiped her hands down the front of her sweatpants, suddenly feeling a bit nervous. “Umm … Yes. I thought that maybe we could …” Eat together tonight and talk … was what Carter had meant to say out loud, not in her head.
Nathan looked at her confused “Maybe we could what, baby?”
Carter swallowed nervously and shifted from foot to foot. She shook her head. For some reason, she could no longer find the words she wanted to say.
What the hell is wrong with me? she thought.
Nathan eyed her intently as he removed his holster. Once he had it removed, he came across the room to where she stood. Almost immediately, Carter lowered her eyes.
Nathan used his index finger and thumb to lift her chin until their eyes met. “Is everything okay, мое красивое Роуз? Is there something you want to talk about?” he asked. There was hope in his eyes as he spoke.
Carter immediately shut down. Suddenly, the thought of talking to Nathan about anything scared the shit out of her. She knew she wanted to talk to him, to feel close to him again. She’d been so lonely, and she needed the interaction. So why was she so hesitant all of a sudden? Carter really wasn’t making sense, even to herself. She wanted to say yes so badly, but the only word that came out of her mouth was “No.”
Sadness flashed through Nathan’s eyes, and Carter had to look away. She hadn’t meant to hurt him. She wanted to say yes to him. She wanted to pour out every emotion, every fear, every sad thought that had been breaking her from the inside out ever since they set foot in New York, but she couldn’t. She thought she would be able to, but she couldn’t.
She realized at that moment that it hadn’t been Nathan who had been distant, it had been her. She was the one who had been unwilling to talk. She was the one who had been coming home every night acting more like a zombie than herself. Carter inhaled shakily and frowned as she remembered the past few weeks in vivid detail.
She’d been coming home from work every day in a trancelike state. She would pull a bottles of wine from the cabinet and then start on Nathan’s dinner. After dinner, Carter would drink until she passed out in the living room. The next morning, she’d wake up in bed with a hangover, but still manage to find the energy for work.
The first few nights, Nathan came home on time. He ate dinner at the table, and even tried to start conversations. But Carter was closed off. Completely closed off. Nathan had been the one trying. He’d been trying to get Carter to open up and let him in. But Carter had shut down and pushed him away every time he got too close, too afraid of what he’d find if she let him in.
Carter knew what her actions the past few weeks suggested. But she was not depressed. Her mother may have put more on her than she could bear. A little too much revelation for one day perhaps. The Stone family, the Steele family, her father, her biological father, the truth about the fate of Nathan’s mother, Silas—
“Carter, baby?” Nathan’s concerned voice pulled Carter from her thoughts.
She met Nathan’s eyes and tried her best to push back the sadness, guilt, fear, and overwhelming sense of dread that was causing her to feel too much at once
. If she didn’t try to contain it all, she didn’t know what she’d do to herself. She looked at Nathan with a blank expression and empty eyes. She could see the sadness in his face.
“Please talk to me, baby,” he pleaded. “I miss you so much …” He peppered her face with soft kisses. “Come back to me, мое красивое Роуз. I can’t take seeing you like this anymore …”
Carter didn’t respond. At least she had tried today. Yesterday, she hadn’t spoken at all.
“Let’s eat dinner together tonight. Afterward, we can take a hot bath. I’ll give you a massage, help you relax.” He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her against him.
Carter looked into his eyes again before turning away. Every time she did, she saw him as a child, sitting in dead silence surrounded by his mother’s blood. The man who had given her life had done that. The man who had given her life had caused the man she loved to lose everything and had caused him so much pain.
“I’m … really tired,” Carter said softly, something she’d been saying to him every day for the past few weeks. “I’m actually not feeling too well now,” she whispered.
Disappointment was evident in Nathan’s features. “’Carter, honey, what about dinner?”
“I’m not hungry …”
Nathan frowned. “But you haven’t eaten in days. My father says you bring him lunch, but you don’t eat. You just go to sleep. Talk to me, baby, just … tell me what I can do …” He hugged her to his chest.
His scent and the warmth of his embrace bought her the only peace she would accept. He hugged her closely and gave her the love that she no longer felt she deserved from him. She wanted to do at least one thing for him tonight … “I’ll eat with you tonight,” she said softly.
Nathan pulled back from the hug with a smile. “Yeah?” he asked.
She nodded yes. “I’d love to hear about your day in more detail.”
He smiled and kissed her lips three times, then led her to the table. “Sit down, baby. Since you did the cooking, I’ll serve you.”
When Carter sat down, she immediately reached for the bottle of wine to pour herself a glass. Nathan’s hand stopped her.
“Please, Carter,” he said softly. “Not tonight, baby. Just be with me tonight.” He kneeled down beside her. “Can you pass on drinking tonight, for me?” he asked.
Carter looked away from his eyes, ashamed. She didn’t know that Nathan didn’t like it when she drank, but she understood. She’d been a borderline alcoholic for the past few weeks.
She nodded her head and let him take the bottle away from the table. When he returned with their food, they ate and had light conversation— mostly Nathan asking Carter questions to which she responded tentatively. She ate as much of the food as she could, but still not enough for Nathan to stop insisting she eat more. She did, just for him.
After they’d both finished, Nathan’s phone began to ring. He excused himself from the table and to answer it. While he was away, Carter sat and stared at the wedding ring on her finger. She twisted it around her finger as she remembered the day Nathan had proposed to her in their garden. She remembered how happy she was and how hopeful she was for the future. That day seemed like it had been years ago instead of just months. She was just a shadow of the person she was just weeks ago. She was stuck in a tortuous darkness with no idea of how to get out.
Nathan reentered the dining room with a remorseful expression. He sighed. “I have to go,” he said as he kneeled in front of Carter. “I’m so sorry, мое красивое Роуз, but I have to tend to something that can’t wait. It’s important …”
“It’s okay,” she lied. She didn’t want him to leave her alone.
Nathan knew she was lying. He always knew. “I’ll be home as soon as the deal is made, baby. I promise. I don’t want to leave you alone, but—”
“Go, Nathan.” Carter mustered up a small smile. “I’ll be here when you get home,” she assured.
Nathan kissed her lips softly, then deeply. Carter melted into him, surrendering to his kiss, feeling every bit of love he felt for her. She almost broke down in his arms.
When he ended the kiss, he whispered “I love you,” against her lips, grabbed his jacket and his holster, and left. Since he had taken his holster, Carter knew that whatever he had to do was potentially dangerous. She silently prayed for her husband’s safe return home.
Carter didn’t move from the table. She just waited for him to return. She didn’t want to go to bed without him tonight. About an hour had passed, and she was still seated. She stirred only when she heard the house phone ring. She frowned, wondering who would be calling the house phone so late. Nathan would call her cell if he needed her. Curious, she walked to the phone and picked it up.
“Hello,” she answered.
All she heard on the phone for a moment was soft sniffling.
“Hello,” a soft female voice said.
Carter instantly recognized the voice. “Jenna?” she asked surprised.
Jenna hadn’t called her in weeks. A twinge of happiness and relief breezed through Carter. Maybe she and Jenna would finally make up. Maybe her mother had been wrong about Jenna not being her friend. Maybe Jenna had missed Carter as much as Carter had missed her.
A smile spread across her lips. “I’m so glad you called, Jen. I just— I miss you so much. Maybe we can plan you a trip this weekend and hang out … like old times,” Carter said, feeling hope for her friendship with Jenna. “I could really use a friend right now, and … I have some stuff that I want to talk to you about.” Carter had decided that it was time to tell Jenna the truth about who she was … Well, some of the truth, not all of it yet. She wanted Jenna to meet her mother, whom she planned on calling soon. And she could use a little normal girl time with Jenna to pull her out of this depression-like state she was in.
Another soft sniffle was all Carter heard. She frowned. “Jen, are you crying?” Carter said, becoming concerned. “Is everything okay? Is it Benny? Is it your parents?” Jenna didn’t answer. “Jenna?”
“What’s your name?” she asked softly.
Carter’s brows furrowed. “Jen, you know my—”
“A woman who said she was your sister came by my house today,” she cut Carter off. “She asked me if I knew Cecilia Steele. Of course, I told her no because I was sure that I’d never heard that name before. Then she pulled out a picture of you in the front yard of a house in the country. You were probably— I don’t know— fifteen. And a man was standing with you. I’m assuming he was your father. She said his name was Silas.” Carter heard Jenna sob softly. “She had a gun. And she told me some … very disturbing things about your family,” she cried. “She said that you had lied to me. She said that your parents are alive, and you were running away from them. She said that they were murderers.” She cried for a moment before speaking again. “She told me to tell her everything I know about you, which I soon figured out isn’t much. I never really knew how little I knew until that moment.” Soft sniffles filled the phone again. “After she realized I knew nothing about you, she left and told me that I should probably stay away from you. I … I think I agree with her.”
“Jen—”
“I just called to say— goodbye. I don’t know who you are. I’m leaving New York, and I’m not coming back. You don’t have to say anything. I don’t want you to. I just didn’t want to disappear without telling you …” There was a long moment of silence before Jenna said, “Bye, Cecilia,” and hung up the phone.
Carter stood at the kitchen counter with the phone to her ear for ten full minutes before she placed it on the receiver. She left the counter and walked numbly to the cabinet where Nathan had put her bottle of wine. She removed a glass from the cabinet and drank until the bottle was empty.
She should leave. It was one of the first thoughts that crossed her mind. She should go to Hope Beach, find the woman claiming to be her sister, and hand herself over to Silas. He would tell her what the hell he wanted
with her, and they’d be done with it. No more threats to the people she loved if he got what he wanted.
Carter sighed. She knew for a fact that leaving wasn’t an option. Even though she felt Nathan shouldn’t want to be with her, she knew that she would never be able to leave him. She loved him too much. That love made it impossible for her to be away from him. Plus Nathan would flip if he came home and she was gone.
She ran her hands down her face and fought off succumbing to her emotions. She needed to think. She needed to figure out what she wanted to do next. She knew she didn’t want to mess up her relationship with her husband. Nathan was all she had. She had to make things better before they got worse, and she lost him. Just like she had lost Jenna. Carter didn’t think she’d survive if she had to go back to living her life alone. She knew that if she lost Nathan, she’d run. She’d run until nothing reminded her of the love that she’d lost.
Carter strolled over to the large window just as she saw lightning flash and thunder crack loudly in the sky. She sat on the large windowsill and pulled her knees to her chest, letting the sounds of the storm wash over her. She would wait here until he came home. Then she’d work on getting things back to normal between them.
24
The Truth
Nathan entered Warehouse B with ten of his men behind him. He’d been waiting for this moment for weeks. All the hard work, the searching, the countless hours devoted to locating this particular problem was finally about to pay off.
He’d found Adrien Stone in New York City.
This was it. It had taken a long time to get the man to agree to a meeting, but they had done it. Apparently, Adrien Stone knew Carter was The Russian’s girl, he just didn’t know that The Russian was Nathan Salerno. That was understandable. Many in the criminal world thought ‘The Five’ were five contract killers Angelo Salerno had hired to be enforcers for his organization. Nathan was cool with that. He didn’t want the attention anyway.
Dangerous Beauty: Part Two: A Mafia Princess Page 33