“The brotherhood knows nothing of your betrayal. My father, Abram, and I all agreed it could spiral into panic and chaos if they thought they’d been compromised.” I know it must be killing Abram to keep this secret. He’d love nothing more than to make me look incompetent. “That’s the only reason Abram didn’t rat me out for initiating an FBI agent into The Fellowship.”
She hangs her head. “I’m sorry I put you in that situation.”
“Hey, you.” I place my fingers below her chin and force her to look at me. “I’m not sorry. Not even a little bit. I would do it again if given the choice.”
“Marriage might save me from being killed by Abram but your father knows about my betrayal. That can’t be fixed.”
But it already has been. “I told him you were Amanda Lawrence’s daughter but lied about it because you were investigating her murder. I explained that you thought he might be more forthcoming about information if he didn’t know he was a suspect.” It’s mostly true, minus the part where she planned his murder. “He has no idea you came to kill him. I swear.”
“You may have fixed things with your father but Abram is still coming after me.”
I take her hands in mine. “He won’t if you marry me.”
“Abram will never accept your marriage to me.”
“Good thing his approval is not a requirement.”
She can argue all she likes but I’ve thought this through for months and looked at it from every angle. Marriage is the only thing that makes sense.
“What do the brothers think happened to me?”
“I told them you were called away for a family emergency and you’re home caring for your terminally ill father. As far as they’re concerned, you’re still one of us and nothing has changed. You could return today and they’d welcome you back with open arms. Especially my mum. She misses you terribly.”
“I miss her as well.”
There’s still the matter of her wanting to kill my father. “I spoke with my dad about your mother’s murder. He stands firm that he isn’t her killer.”
She shakes her head. “No. I was there. I recognized Thane’s voice.”
“You were a frightened child who heard a Scotsman’s voice. You never saw his face. Even you must admit there’s room for error.”
I know my Bonny Bleu. She’ll never marry into the brotherhood if she believes its leader murdered her mother. I have to convince her my dad is innocent of this crime. “My father is The Fellowship’s leader. He answers to no one. That makes him untouchable. He’d take ownership of your mother’s murder if he were her killer. It’s our way. You know this about us.” She looks as though she’s considering my theory. “He was very much in love with your mother. He wouldn’t have harmed her.”
She looks as though she’s struggling internally. “Accepting his innocence means I’ve been mistaken for eighteen years. My whole life has been spent obsessing over killing the wrong man. You can’t possibly imagine the way that makes me feel—as a trained agent and as a person in general.”
“You were a young, traumatized child. It stands to reason you’d be easily confused.”
She looks as though she might burst into tears. “This means her killer is still out there. And I have no idea who or where he is.”
Bleu needs to know she won’t be alone in this. “We will find your mother’s murderer. When we do, I’ll help you kill him if you like. But first on our agenda must be making you safe.”
She nibbles her bottom lip for a moment before looking down at her hands in her lap. “Bonny. Look at me.” Her eyes meet mine. “Marry. Me.”
She shakes her head. “I don’t want to enter into a marriage for the wrong reason.”
“Then enter into it for the right one.” She told me she loved me on the last night we were together but she thought we’d never see one another again. I have no idea if her feelings still stand. “You told me you loved me.”
“I do. I love you very much.” My body instantly relaxes when I hear her declaration. The heavy weight of not knowing has lifted. “But marriage is drastic.”
“Any man can see the good inside you. But what you need is one who sees the bad and loves you anyway. That’s me.”
“Becoming your wife means I marry The Fellowship as well. I’m not sure I can handle that.”
“Tell me what part of it worries you.”
“For one, you’ll take your father’s place as leader one day. When you do, you won’t be mine anymore.”
She’s wrong. “Bonny. I’ll always be yours. Nothing will change that.”
“You can say you’ll be mine but it isn’t true. Not really. I’ll always have to share you with The Fellowship. In a sense, they own you.”
The part she possesses is so much bigger. “I belong to you, Bleu. And you belong to me. That is never going to change.”
“All of this is a lot to take in without any kind of warning. I need time to sort out my thoughts.”
This is the worst marriage proposal in history. Marry me or die. No woman spends her life dreaming of those words. “My proposal is unexpected and unromantic. I can’t imagine a worse combination. I don’t even have a ring for you.” I cradle her face with my hand. “For that, I’m truly sorry but I will spend the rest of my life making it up to you. I swear.”
She doesn’t reply.
“Say yes, Bleu. Take your place as my wife and mother of my children.”
“I can’t believe you just said something so cruel.” She jerks away. “You know I want to be a mother but there’s a very high probability that’ll never happen.”
I don’t believe that. I see our future when I look into her eyes and it has everything we dream of. “If you want babies, you will have them one way or another. I’ll see to it.”
“The Fellowship will expect you to produce a legitimate heir. What are they going to say when I can’t give you a son?”
“I don’t care what they say but we already know we don’t have the luxury of waiting. We’ll see the best fertility specialist right away. We’ll make our decision together based on what is best for us. Not The Fellowship.”
“I want to be crystal clear about one thing since we’re talking children. If I say yes and if by some miracle, I’m able to become pregnant and if it’s a boy, I won’t let you take him from me.”
“I know. I’d never expect you to go along with that.” I’m a little hurt she thinks I’d take our child from her. “I don’t think you fully grasp how much I love you, Bleu. I’m willing to change the rules for you.”
She reaches for my hand. “Believe me when I say it doesn’t go unnoticed.”
Although I’m willing to move heaven and earth for her, some things I can’t get around. “As much as I love you, I need you to understand something. Any son of ours will be raised in the way of The Fellowship. That part is nonnegotiable.”
“And that’s only one of a million different things I have to consider.”
I’ve dropped a bomb on her. “Take some time to think everything over—but don’t tarry for long. Abram’s men are closing in. It would be a much better scenario for Abram to call them off because we’re married rather than be discovered and have a showdown.”
Bleu has no choice, even if she’s yet to recognize that reality. That’s why it’s all the more important that I give her time to adjust and accept her fate without feeling as though I’m forcing her hand. My lass is stubborn and headstrong. I’ll fare much better as her husband if she believes she’s the one making this decision.
“I’m going to leave you to your thinking.”
Bleu puts her hand to my chest, stopping me from getting up. She swings her leg over my body, straddling me. Her hands slide up my arms and over my shoulders as her lips meet mine. “Don’t go, Breck. There’s been too much space between us as it is.”
I don’t want to go but I must. “This is the most important decision of your life. You don’t need me in your bed clouding your judgment.”
&nbs
p; “You aren’t going to cloud my judgment.” She leans forward and kisses my mouth again while her hands tug at the buckle of my belt.
I place my hand on top of hers to still it. “I don’t want you to look back on this years from now and wonder if you said yes because I seduced it out of you or you got caught up in the moment. You have serious things to consider.”
She must never question her choice. I won’t have her one day hate or blame me because she feels I swayed her decision.
I hold her face with my palms. “I won’t be far.”
She holds me firmly. That’s when I know she doesn’t plan to let me go. “If you’re not next to me, then you’re too far.”
I roll so she’s lying beneath me, my body pressing her into the bed. She beams, believing she’s getting what she wants, until I peel her arms from my shoulders and her legs from my waist. “I’m giving you three days to decide.”
“I love you, my sweet Bonny Bleu.” I kiss her quickly. “I’ll be back in seventy-two hours for your answer.”
Chapter Three
Bleu MacAllister
That fucking Scottish bastard! He waltzes into my life after we’re apart for three months and asks me to be his wife. Sort of. I’m not sure saying “marry me” constitutes asking. It sounds more like a demand. A man is supposed to go to his knee and declare his undying love with pretty words before asking his beloved to marry him.
That’s not at all what I got from Sin. No knee. No declaration of undying love. No pretty words followed by a question mark.
The jerk tells me to marry him and then swaggers out the door without making love to me. He claims he doesn’t want to alter my decision with sex but I’m not a fool. He wants me desperate for him. And I am. But I’m also furious. I would consider killing him if I didn’t already know how painful it is to live without him.
Sin presented his marriage proposal as though he was asking and the choice was mine. We both know that isn’t the case. He was being kind—and smart—since he can guess how well an ultimatum will go over with me.
I’m well aware of what my life looks like if I don’t marry Sin. That doesn’t mean I’ll accept without considering all the potential scenarios associated with becoming the wife of a Fellowship leader.
Divorce won’t be an option if things don’t go well. Neither Sin nor the brotherhood will ever release me. I’ll be married to Sinclair Breckenridge and The Fellowship until my dying breath. It’s literally a commitment until death do we part.
I’ll keep company with liars, thieves, and killers on a daily basis. In a sense, I’d become their leader as well since I firmly believe behind every great man is a great woman. Can I associate with these types of people every day?
If we’re able to conceive, do I really want to bring children into that kind of life? How would I possibly teach my kids right from wrong in The Fellowship world when they’ll be constantly surrounded by criminals?
If I decide I can’t become a permanent part of The Fellowship, I have the skills that will enable me to run so far, I’ll never be found. But even that scenario can’t happen before my dad passes. If I’m lucky enough to avoid Abram’s men until Harry’s gone, there’s still the matter of Ellison to consider. This isn’t my sister’s fight. She shouldn’t have to spend her life in hiding because of something I did.
I hear a crash in the living room and instantly transition into an agent on the defense. I streak to my nightstand and retrieve my gun from where Sin placed it before he left.
I move toward the door and do a visual check. I proceed down the hallway once I’m certain it’s clear. I’m doing a sweep of the living room when I hear a creaking noise in the wood floor behind me. I spin, arms locked, ready to fire on Abram’s men.
“Shit, Bleu! What the fuck are you doing?” Ellison yells.
“Dammit, Ellison.” I lower my gun. “You’re supposed to be drunk and passed out in a hotel with your friends.” I look at the man she has her arms wrapped around. “Not traipsing in with some random guy in the middle of the night.”
I’m suddenly aware that I’m wearing my robe in front of a complete stranger. I wrap it a little tighter and cross my arms over my chest since I’m braless. “You know you shouldn’t surprise me like that.”
“I’m sorry, Ty. This is my sister, Bleu. You’ll have to excuse her. She used to work for the FBI so she’s sort of a freakazoid with a permit to carry a gun.”
“Nice, Elli. I totally appreciate your summary of me.”
She points at her male companion. “This is Tyler Blackwell. We work together.”
He’s good-looking and well dressed—just Ellison’s type. I’d bet my bottom dollar this guy is a doctor. He looks the part. I hope this one is into her instead of another dude, or whatever that guy had planned.
We do the “nice to meet you” thing and I promptly return to my bedroom. I climb into bed and pull the covers high but I can’t possibly fall asleep after tonight’s revelation.
I toss and turn for more than two hours. On a whim, I call the number belonging to Sin months ago. “Aye, Bonny.”
Shit. I can’t believe he still has the same number or that he answered my call. “I can’t sleep.”
“I’m not surprised. I’m sure you have a lot of things on your mind.” I hear him chuckle and I’m reminded how he enjoys laughing at me. It pisses me off.
“True, but I have one very specific thing on my mind.”
“Bonny.” He says my name as though I’m a child who’s misbehaved. “You need to be concentrating on our future and the decision you must make in the next few days, not what you’d like to be doing in the present.”
It’s been months since we’ve been together. I don’t understand how he can be so strong. Is it because he knows I’ll be weak enough for the both of us?
“Where are you?”
“In the car.”
“Where exactly?”
“Outside your house.” I should’ve known. He said he wouldn’t be far.
I go to the window. I pull back the drape and see the dark sedan. “It’s an unusually cold night. You can’t sleep in a car outside my house.”
“I won’t be sleeping.”
This is stupid. He should be in here with me. “Please, come inside.”
“No.”
He’s absolutely infuriating. “Are you going to force me to take drastic measures?”
“Good night, Bonny.”
Click.
He hung up on me … like really hung up on me. That bastard!
There’s no way I’m having this. Uh-uh. Not for a minute.
I step into my sheepskin boots. I go out the front door, stalking toward the dark sedan. The windows are tinted black as night. I can’t see his expression as I approach but I’m certain it’s smug. He’s getting exactly what he wants—me desperate to be beneath him as soon as possible.
He opens the back door and gets out. He points at my house. “Turn yourself around and get back inside. Now.”
I stand with my arms crossed to prove I can be just as stubborn as he is. “No.”
He slams the car door harder than necessary. “I told you I don’t think it’s wise to be together while you’re thinking about this decision.”
“I don’t think it’s wise for you to be sitting in a car fifty yards from me when I haven’t been with you in three months.”
“Bonny.” He yells my name and then squeezes his eyes. His lips are barely moving. I miss the first movement of his mouth but I don’t mistake the second, third, or so on. He’s counting. I’m sure it’s so he can gain his composure with me. “I don’t want you to ever feel like I persuaded or romanced you into making the wrong decision. Please understand I feel very strongly about this.”
I’m tired of this game.
“Being separated from you while I know you’re near is excruciating.”
“Do you think it doesn’t pain me to know you’re right inside that house?” He points to my robe. “Wearing this?”<
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“Being apart is doing neither of us any good. With you out here, there’s no kind of rational decision-making process going on in my head. I can’t string two thoughts together. Separation isn’t working.” Or maybe it’s panning out just as he hoped since I’m standing outside nearly naked in the cold, begging him to come to my bed.
I move toward him but he lifts his hand to stop me. “Don’t. You can’t see them but three of my men are in this car.”
Ohh. His men are watching. I might as well use that to my advantage. “I guess that means you might not want me to do this?” I reach for the tie around my waist and loosen it.
“I know what you’re doing but it’s not going to work.”
I undo the first loop of my belt “You caught me coming out of the bath so I’m not wearing a thing underneath. But you already know that.”
“Don’t do this, Bleu.” His voice is pleading. I’m not sure that’s something I’ve ever heard from him before.
“You give me no choice.”
My belt goes loose and Sin rushes forward to catch the lapels of my robe. He yanks it together and not so gently makes a bow with the tie. He hoists me over his shoulder and I wave at the men I can’t see behind his back as he carries me toward my house.
He highly underestimates me and what I’m capable of. I can’t believe he hasn’t figured this out yet.
I slide down his body as he puts my booted feet on the foyer floor. I hook my hands behind his neck.
He’s unsmiling. In fact, he looks downright pissed.
“Dammit, Bleu,” he growls. “You can’t defy me in front of my men. It makes me appear weak as a leader when I can’t even control my own lass.”
He needs to learn early on I don’t have a submissive bone in my body. “Have you considered that instead of seeing you as a weak leader, they’ll view me as a strong woman?”
“My guess would be that they think you’re a foolish woman. Trust me. They’re assuming I brought you inside for a harsh punishment rather than give you what you want.”
The Next Sin Page 3