by Lisa Lace
Except I never saw it as a fling. I thought my mystery man was the one.
Maybe now I’ll never know.
Tom
Two days later; Laura is still not awake. Things are growing tense in the house. Jack is starting to miss his Mom. The longer Laura is comatose, the less Megan can control her emotions. And I don’t know what the hell I’m doing.
It’s four p.m. on Sunday, and I’m trying to organize something to eat. “What do you want, Meg? I’ve got mushroom pizza, a frozen spaghetti, or I can make pancakes.”
Megan scowls. “I hate mushrooms, Mom doesn’t let us eat TV dinners, and who the hell eats pancakes for dinner?”
I put down the frozen boxes in my hands, and let out a long breath. “Megan, I’ve barely cooked in about a decade. I’m doing my best here. What do you say? Pancakes?”
She shakes her head. “I’m going to Justin’s for dinner. At least Tess knows how to use a stove.”
“You’ve been spending a lot of time at Justin’s. Sure you don’t want to spend a night with your Uncle Tom? We can put on some bad movies, pig out on junk food. It could be fun.”
She looks at me with disgust. “My mom has been in a coma for three days, and you want to have fun and ‘pig out’? You know she’s getting fed through a tube, right? Actually, she’s breathing through a tube, too. She’s hardly alive, and you’re not taking it seriously at all.”
I look down at the kitchen counter and give a defeated shrug. “I’m just trying to keep us distracted, Megan. I know how serious things are, but your mom wouldn’t want you to break down.”
“You wouldn’t know what Mom would want. You don’t even know my mom.”
Another burn. They hurt a little more each time. But, I need to take a leaf out of Laura’s book and be the adult. I can’t lose my cool.
“Your mom and I used to hang out all the time when we were about your age. It’s only in recent years that we haven’t seen so much of each other. I care about your mom a lot, you know. It’s more difficult than you know to walk away from the business.”
She rolls her eyes. “You could’ve walked away any time you wanted to. You’re the boss.”
“It’s not that easy.”
“You don’t care about her. Admit it.”
“I will not. Come on, Megan. I know you’re upset about your mom, but these personal attacks are getting old. I love your mom, and I love you and Jack. Why else would I be here?”
“To hit on Aunt Zoe.”
I fix her with an unimpressed stare. “Really, Megan?”
“I know you two are hooking up.”
“Your Aunt Zoe knows the way things are done around here. She’s been a huge help.”
“She should be here more. You don’t have a clue. I’d rather have the usual sitter than you. At least she knows the most basic details about my life.”
“I’ll give you a ride to Justin’s.”
“I can walk.”
“Your Mom doesn’t want you to walk alone at this time of year.”
“Then I’ll get Justin to pick me up.”
“That’s fine. Home by ten, please.”
“I’ll try.”
I could argue with her more, but I decide against it. Justin arrives ten minutes later, and she takes off with him. She says I’m useless, and I feel it.
You’re better off in New York, Tom. You never seem to fuck it up there.
An hour later, Zoe arrives. It’s almost six o’clock. She’s brought takeout with her. Pizza.
“Thank God,” I say. “We’re starving over here. These kids are fussy eaters.”
She raises her eyebrows in surprise. “You think so? They usually gobble up everything in sight. What did you try?”
“Frozen pizza, a TV dinner, spaghetti, or the offer of pancakes.”
“What kind of pizza was it?”
“Mushroom.”
“Uh-huh. Well, Megan doesn’t eat mushrooms. Laura’s against TV dinners, and who has pancakes for dinner?”
I raise my hands in frustration. “Jesus Christ. You’re all nuts. Where’s this rulebook you’re all keeping from me? I’m trying my fucking best.” I knock my fist on the counter.
Zoe frowns. “I hope you’re not showing a temper like that around the kids.”
“No. I haven’t said a word. Not even when Megan’s telling me how useless I am, and saying I don’t care about her mother.”
“She said that?”
“I guess she has a point. I left Maine because I was constantly fucking up, and the second I’m back, I’m fucking up again.”
“Language, Tom.”
“Jack’s upstairs watching a DVD.”
“Disney?”
I offer a weary smile. “Yes.”
“I told you so.”
I lift up my hands. “You know way more than me when it comes to these kids. I don’t deny it. I wish they’d realize I’m trying, though. Megan hates me.”
“She doesn’t hate you. She’s struggling. Jack doesn’t remember his dad. He was just a baby when Mike died, but Megan remembers. It affected her a lot. In her eyes, it’s happening all over again.”
“Laura’s doing well.”
“A fifteen-year-old can’t keep that kind of fear under control. She’s scared. I know she’s taking it out on you, but you have to be patient. She doesn’t mean it.”
“Yes, she does. The same way you meant it when you called me out for not being here, and the same way Laura meant it when she said the same thing.” I shake my head. “When I stay away from a crisis, I’m the world’s worst, and when I step up, I’m still the devil. I can’t win.”
Zoe stands beside me and lays her hand over my fist. I relax my hand and entwine my fingers in hers. I’m calmer when we are holding hands. “I’m sorry you had to deal with that, Tom. I’ll talk to her. Kids can be hard work.”
“Why would anyone want it?”
Zoe laughs lightly. “You take the bad with the good.”
“This is karma at work. I didn’t come back for four years, so now the universe is throwing all it’s got at me.”
“Enough with the self-pity, Tom! I know you’re finding this hard, but none of this situation is about you. Try to put yourself in Megan’s shoes, and realize that the insults, as personal as they seem, aren’t about you. Laura having an accident isn’t the universe teaching you a lesson. None of this is about you. You might cope better if you stop putting yourself at the center of everything.”
“You’re not the first person to call me arrogant since I got here.”
“Then maybe you should listen.”
I close my hand more tightly around Zoe’s, catching her gaze and holding it intently. “I really am trying, Zoe.”
“I know.”
She’s standing really close to me now. I turn my head, and my lips brush against hers. She takes in a sharp breath of surprise but doesn’t pull away. I lean in again, kiss her once more.
For a moment, she reciprocates, pressing her lips down against mine. Then she pulls back, placing a palm on my chest to keep me at arm’s length. She turns away. “We can’t do this, Tom.”
“Why not?”
“It’s not the right time. We have to put the kids first.”
“We are.”
“And what if we fall out again? The kids have enough on their plate without being in the middle of two adults fighting. No, Tom. We have to think of them.”
I step away and turn to the pizza box that Zoe has brought with her. “I’ll get some plates.”
Zoe starts bringing the pizza to the table. I watch her, my heart sinking and full of longing. She’s perfect. Even when she calls me out on my bullshit.
She’s kind, selfless, and entirely in control. And totally out of reach.
Zoe
We’re on the brink of November, a week since Laura’s accident. I’m in my shop, twisting wreaths into shape when my cell rings. It’s Tom.
“Hi, Tom?”
“Zoe. I’ve jus
t had news from the hospital. Laura’s awake.”
“What! That’s fantastic news!”
“She came to last night. We’re allowed to see her. The doctor says she’s a bit out of it, but she’s talking. No signs of memory loss or any kind of brain damage from the coma. They’re still running tests to see if they can detect any more nerve damage.”
“Thank God she’s awake. Megan will be over the moon. Have you told her?”
“No. It’s her first day back at school. I didn’t want to drag her straight back out again.”
“I think we should pick her up. We promised to keep her in the loop.”
“If you think that’s best. I’ll pick her up. What about Jack?”
“We can bring Jack later. He might be too rough with Laura. Let’s give her a little longer to come to.”
“Are you ready now? I’ll pick you up, we can get Megan, and then go straight to the hospital.”
I look at the dozens of unfinished wreaths in front of me. I have orders coming out my ears. Many are already late.
Laura comes first. “I’ll be ready.”
I close up the store, and when Tom arrives minutes later, I’m ready to make the dash through the cold to the Mercedes.
“Wow. You can tell winter’s here.”
Tom grins at me. “Laura’s awake. Can you believe it?”
“I know! I thought she was only going to be out a couple of days, so when they still hadn’t brought her around, I was starting to worry.”
“We’re out of the woods now. No brain damage. Thank God. Anything else, we can handle. The kids have their mother.”
He’s alight with joy. I don’t know if he’s more pleased that Laura’s come through safely, or that she’ll now be able to give him guidance with the kids. Either way, it’s nice to feel like it’s not a sin to smile anymore. The relief is indescribable. Laura’s going to make it.
We pick up Megan. When she first approaches the principal’s office, where we’re waiting for her, she looks stricken, taking small, terrified steps, but when we tell her the reason that we’re there, her face erupts into a huge smile.
“I told you we wouldn’t go without you, Megan! Your Mom’s awake. Let’s go.”
Megan throws herself into my arms, her grin contagious. “Let’s go!”
Within thirty minutes, we’re at the hospital. Megan insists we stop at the gift shop to get balloons and flowers. For once, she’s happy and animated. It’s good to see her smile.
We head to Laura’s room. True to the doctor’s word, she’s awake, although still locked into the braces at her head and lower back, her legs uncomfortably draped over the rubber block.
When we enter the room, it takes a moment for her eyes to focus, but then she smiles. A wave of joy passes between us.
Megan dashes across the room and leans over her mom to kiss her on the cheek. Her tears fall onto Laura’s face; happy tears. “Mom! You’re awake. How do you feel?”
Laura tries to answer but struggles to form the words. Her lips are chapped and dry, her throat sore from the breathing tube that’s now been removed, replaced by small plastic tubes at her nose.
I step forward and take Laura’s hand. “Ssh. Don’t try to speak. You’ve been through a lot of trauma. Have the doctors explained?”
I’m not sure if her eyes are telling me “yes” or “no,” so I tell her what’s happened. “You had a car accident. You’ve been in a coma for a week. Your back is broken. You’ve had surgery.”
I think she understands. I see panic in her eyes.
I stroke the back of her hand. “Don’t worry, Laura. They’ve put you into traction; a brace. They’re stabilizing you while you recover. It’s going to take a couple months, but you should be as good as new.”
Megan takes Laura’s other hand, holding it close to her face. “Mom, can you squeeze my hand?”
Her face lights up, and she turns to Tom and me with a huge smile. “She squeezed it! She can hear us. She understands.” She closes her eyes and lifts her face upward. “Thank God.”
“We brought you flowers, Mom. And balloons. See?” Megan holds the balloons where Laura can see them. A smile twitches at the corner of Laura’s mouth.
I take Megan’s shoulders and give them a squeeze. “Good idea, sweetheart. She likes them. Why don’t you put the flowers over by the TV where she can see them? We’ll put the balloons over in the corner.”
I watch Laura closely, looking for any sign that she’s not the same as she was before. Her eyes are darting side to side like she’s looking for someone.
I grab Tom’s hand and pull him forward into her line of sight. “Tom’s here, look!”
Another smile twitches.
I grin, and squeeze Tom’s hand. “She’s pleased you’re here.” I turn back to Laura and say loudly, “We’re taking good care of the kids. They’re both safe and well. Jack’s still at school. We didn’t want him to be too rough when you’d just woken up. We’ll bring him over a little later.”
Megan pulls up a chair beside Laura and holds onto her hand for dear life. She talks to her at a hundred miles an hour, filling her in on everything that has happened in the last week. When she runs out of news to share, she starts reading to Laura from one of the magazines on her table.
I collapse down into another chair at the back of the room. A tremendous weight has been lifted from my shoulders. Finally, I can breathe.
Tom
Tess has agreed to look after both Megan and Jack for a few hours, so Zoe and I can finally unwind. It’s been a long, difficult week, and at last, there seems to be light at the end of the tunnel.
I take Zoe out to dinner—somewhere low-key, with a few quiet, dark corners to get lost in. We sit at a booth at the back of the restaurant.
As soon as I sink into the fraying red leather, all my stress melts away. I don’t realize how tense my muscles have been until they begin to relax. The constant, dull headache that I’ve had for days finally starts to ebb away.
I smile at Zoe. “I told you she’s a fighter.”
“You told me.”
We raise our glasses of lemonade to Laura. We’re not drinking tonight. I’m picking up the kids from Tess later.
“I feel kind of guilty going out,” Zoe confesses.
“Why? We’re celebrating Laura’s first step on the road to recovery.”
“I can’t tell you how glad I am that’s she’s on the mend. My heart stopped when I heard she’d had the accident. I feel like I’ve been holding my breath since Thursday.”
“Now you can breathe.”
“Yes.” She lets out a long, low breath, then grins. “It feels good to breathe.”
“Interesting place you picked for tonight.”
“I didn’t want to dress up,” Zoe tells me. “After this week, I just wanted to go somewhere I could disappear for a while.”
“We didn’t have to come out.”
“No. Having a change of scenery is nice. The empty apartment has been haunting me this week. I couldn’t stop thinking about Laura and dreading the worst. Maybe I’ll finally be able to sleep again.”
“You could have stayed at Laura’s. You didn’t have to be alone.”
“You know why I wouldn’t.”
“And now?”
“What do you mean?”
“Now that Laura’s on the mend, does it mean we can get back on track?”
Zoe looks surprised. She clears her throat, tapping her fingers on the edge of her glass. “I know she’s awake, but it still doesn’t feel right to focus on anything else.”
“I don’t want to miss our chance.”
I wonder if I’m fucking up again. It seems that my priorities are never in the right place. My timing is always wrong.
I care about Laura, and I’ll be there for her kids. I want nothing more than for her to get better and come home. That doesn’t mean I’ve forgotten all about Zoe.
The more time I spend with her, the more I want her. She’s effortl
essly brilliant. She’s steady, sure and calm in an emergency. Since Laura’s accident, I’ve appreciated her lack of judgment—even when I’ve been making mistakes left, right and center.
“I don’t want to miss it either,” she says at last. “But we have to tread carefully. We’re still responsible for Megan and Jack. We can’t get carried away in some romance that leaves them behind. I’m serious about that.”
“I understand.”
She smiles at me, and then the waiter brings our orders. We both have a burger and fries. The taste reminds me of our teenage years. We used to pick up burgers on our way to the beach and suck down Cokes on the shore.
“The taste of burgers always takes me back to East End Beach.”
“I remember. The summer I was sixteen, I gained seven pounds. I was eating fries for breakfast, lunch, and dinner.”
“Where’d that go? You’re all muscle now.”
“I’m on my feet all day at work.”
“How’s it going?”
I make a face. “Things have been on hold. Laura comes first.”
“Do you need some help?”
She smiles. “You’d do that for me?”
“Of course, I would.”
“Maybe I’ll take you up on that. Are you any good with wreaths?”
“Wreaths aren’t my forte, but I’ll give anything a shot.”
Zoe’s smile grows. She’s looking over at me with eyes full of affection. I’m not sure she’s ever looked at me like that before. Annoyance, yes. Desire, sure. But affection? That’s something new.
After dinner, Zoe asks how much time we have before we have to pick up the kids. I check my cell; my Rolex is still in a drawer at Laura’s house, banned as a symbol of my apparent ego.
“A couple hours.”
“Do you want to come back to mine?”
“Yes.”
I drive to Zoe’s apartment, and we head upstairs. As soon as the door is shut, things pick up from where they were the night before Laura’s accident. We tear off each other’s clothes like we’re making up for lost time.