“Either way,” Blake said, seemingly oblivious to the war going on inside my head, “I can promise you, men look twice now. Or at least this man does.” The heat in his expression did a serious number on me.
A series of tingles shot through my belly and up my spine. I was glad when this traffic light turned green so he had to focus on the road again.
Within a few minutes, he was pulling into my driveway…and I was experiencing another war inside my head. I wanted to dart out of his car and race into my house and lock the door while he was still on the other side of it, but I also wanted to stay right where I was for a little longer—and it wasn’t just the lure of the butt warmers.
The truth was, I liked the sensation of his hand resting on mine, his powerful arm brushing up against me. I liked the way his cologne tickled my nostrils. I liked the chills he elicited in my body and the way they turned to an all-encompassing heat a moment later, kind of like Icy Hot for my insides.
I liked an awful lot about him, and I didn’t know what to do with that.
“Can I walk you inside?” he asked, and it might have been a casual, maybe even chivalrous, question if I hadn’t just told him I’d never slept with a man before. But my admission seemed to change everything about our dynamic.
Or maybe it was only changing things in my head.
My pulse was so loud it was deafening. I nodded and unfastened my seat belt. By the time my fumbling fingers had managed that task, Blake had shut off his engine, gotten out, and come around to open my car door for me. He even offered his hand to assist me out of his car, as if he knew how wobbly my legs must be.
“Hey,” he said, and he tipped my chin up with his free hand until I lifted my eyes and looked up at him.
“Hmm?”
“I just want to take you inside tonight. I mean, maybe I want more, but that’s all I intend to do. It’s all I expect.”
“And maybe a good-night kiss?” I suggested. Heat flooded my cheeks, making me glad it was dark outside so my embarrassment wasn’t obvious.
“I’d never turn down a good-night kiss.”
“Good.”
“Or any kiss from you.”
“You’d better not.”
I didn’t know where the boldness had come from. But I liked it. I liked this new side of me a lot, and I hoped I could keep it up.
If I could, Dani would be proud.
Well, she’d be proud if she could get over the fact that Blake Kozlow was the one bringing it out in me. But that was neither here nor there, because she wasn’t involved.
This was just me and Blake.
I fumbled around in my purse, digging for my keys and dropping them on the ground once I’d finally wrapped my fingers around them.
Blake bent to retrieve them, and instead of handing them back to me, he tugged me toward my front door and unlocked it so I wouldn’t have to.
I brushed past him on my way inside, every nerve ending in my body on high alert, my thoughts whirling at breakneck speed. The slight skim of my arm against his chest as I slipped by him made goose bumps pop up all over my body. I shivered, but not from cold.
He closed the door and hung my keychain on the hook where I kept my keys.
Then, before my nerves could get the best of me and I could scurry away, he took my hand in one of his, linking our fingers together, and backed me up against the wall. He did the same with my other hand.
I looked up and met his eyes.
But I wished I hadn’t.
Because the heat in his gaze had me locked in place, and I doubted I’d ever be able to move a muscle again.
BEA WAS SUCH a contradiction in so many ways. She was bubbly, fiery, and fierce most of the time. But in the next breath, she could become as timid and unsure of herself as anyone I’d ever come across.
I wanted to see that fire come out in her more often. It killed me to see her retreating into her shell, trying to be invisible. There was probably a hell of a lot of truth in what she’d said about people not seeing her when she’d been heavier—but most likely it was because she’d done everything possible to avoid being seen.
But I definitely saw her now.
She’d been helping me with my ADHD and repairing my relationship with the fans and the team…but maybe there was something I could help her with, too.
There were still a few inches between us, other than where our hands met. My fingers were twined with hers, our palms pressed together, but that was the only contact between our bodies. But I could feel her nerves, and maybe a hint of her longing, and even a tiny bit of fear.
I didn’t get the sense that she was scared of me, per se. It seemed to have more to do with the unknown. Maybe she feared the way she felt at the moment—about me or about what she’d told me or about what we were about to do. Whatever it was, I didn’t want her to be nervous or anxious right now.
I wanted her turned on. I wanted her to be as hot and bothered as I was.
But to accomplish that without potentially sending her running like a skittish rabbit or hissing at me like a cornered alley cat, I’d need to take my time.
Going slow might just kill me, but boo fucking hoo, too bad for me.
“This is okay?” I asked, just to be sure.
And even though her eyes were wide enough they could be saucers, she nodded, keeping them locked to mine.
I lowered my head, angling it to the side so I could nibble on her jaw and neck.
She sucked in a sharp breath before releasing it, and her pulse pounded against my tongue when I licked her there. Hell, her response was turning me on like I never could have imagined. Most of the women I’d been with were experienced. They knew what they wanted and they weren’t afraid to ask for it. For that matter, a lot of them just plain demanded it.
But for Bea, this was all new. I couldn’t afford to forget that. If I fucked this up, not only would she never let me near her again, but she might not ever let any man have a chance.
That was a lot of pressure, and I tended to go one of two ways with pressure: either I exceeded all expectations or I fucked up royally. There was no in-between.
But I didn’t want any old guy touching her. Only me. No clue where the hell that thought had come from, but it was there, and I didn’t think it’d be going away any time soon.
I wanted Bea Castillo more than I’d ever wanted a woman before, and I wanted her all to myself.
“I need to touch you, Bea,” I said, trailing my tongue over the hollow in her neck as I made my way back up to her mouth. “I want to put my hands on you. Can I?”
“Yes,” came out as a strangled sound.
I’d barely let go of her hands and started to move them toward her waist when she grabbed hold of my wrists with a grip that surprised me in its strength.
“What?” I asked, trying to figure out how I’d already fucked up.
She took a couple of deep breaths, her eyes wide and wild. “Over my clothes,” she insisted. “Only over them.”
“Okay. Whatever you say, Bea. Over your clothes.” I felt the need to repeat her words—not for me, but so she’d know I completely understood and agreed.
She nodded, her eyes closed tight.
Fuck, she was still so scared and unsure of it all. Unsure of me. I hoped she wasn’t scared of me, but just scared of the unknown.
I started by brushing only the tips of my fingers along her jaw and then down her neck, planting soft kisses over her cheeks and nose until I felt her shudder. “This okay so far?” I murmured between whisper-soft pecks and tiny tastes with my tongue.
“Mm hmm.”
The pulse in her throat throbbed against my thumb. It was going wild, the realization of which was enough to make me crazy with need. My dick was pure steel behind my zipper. Throbbing. Painful. Desperate. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d wanted a woman as much as I wanted her.
This was going to be torture. Pure, utter torture. But hopefully torture that would pay off—eventually.
&nbs
p; “If you don’t like something or you want me to stop, you just say the word,” I said, and I felt her nod as I dipped my head in to suckle the lobe of one ear. “I’ll stop. Or I’ll change to what you want. You just say the word, okay?”
“Mm hmm.” The sound was barely a vibration beneath my lips.
I licked her where the vibrations had just been.
She sucked in a sharp breath, which pushed her breasts toward my chest. I bit back a groan of longing because I was dying to get my hands on those tits. And my mouth.
Patience, I reminded myself. If I could be patient enough, it would be rewarded—eventually. Maybe. Hopefully.
Tentative hands splayed over my chest. I let out a growl of approval that got swallowed by her lips as she unexpectedly grabbed hold of my collar and tugged me closer.
An inch at a time, I moved my exploration along her neck, over her collarbone, down until I could fill one hand with her breast. It was soft and full, and her tit pebbled like a rock against my palm when I gently squeezed. She nipped my lower lip in surprise, which prompted me to squeeze a bit harder.
“Oh my God,” she murmured against my mouth.
“More?” I asked.
She nodded, so I moved my other hand to her free breast and deepened the kiss, taking long, slow drags of her tongue as I rolled her nipples between my thumbs and forefingers.
Bea ground her hips against me, and my dick almost whimpered from the combination of ecstasy and torture.
I wanted to strip off all her clothes and screw her against the wall. I wanted to sink inside her and lose myself. I wanted to drive into her until she was shaking and limp and calling my name. I wanted it so much I was practically desperate from it.
But instead, I took what she was willing to give, and I gave her as much as she was willing to accept, and I told myself to be happy with it.
Soft, surprised sounds kept coming from the back of her throat, which only turned me on more. Her body was on fire, just as much as mine. I had no doubt she was slick with need.
She was ready.
Scratch that—her body was ready. Her mind hadn’t caught up yet.
So after long minutes of kissing her like there might be no tomorrow, I forced myself to separate from her. Her lips were pink and swollen from my kisses, her eyes almost black with longing and fully glazed with lust.
“I should go home,” I rasped, planting another chaste kiss on her forehead.
“You should.” She nodded, her hands still clasping my collar and holding me close.
“Yeah. I should.”
But neither of us made any move to release the other. We were both still gulping air, our hearts pounding.
I forced myself to relax and pressed my forehead against hers, my hands resting on her ribs so I could casually brush my thumbs along the undersides of her breasts. “I want to do this again, Bea.”
“A date?”
“All of it.”
“All of…?”
“A date. Driving you home. Laughing with you. Making out until we’re both horny as hell and desperate for more and we can’t catch our breaths. Everything.”
“Everything?” she repeated, still winded. Or maybe it was what I’d said that had stolen her breath this time.
“Yeah. Everything. I want it all with you.”
It was an admission that should have terrified me. But instead, it did the opposite. For the first time in as long as I could remember, I felt an immense lightness spread through my entire body, a warmth that had nothing to do with the lust still raging through my blood.
I wanted this woman more than I wanted my next breath. And I was willing to do whatever it took to make her want me just as badly.
Never woulda seen this one coming.
“THAT’S IT,” DANI said emphatically, propping herself up against the pillows. “You’re not allowed to make decisions about your love life anymore.”
I rolled my eyes and shifted my body in her bed, crossing my left ankle over my right instead of the other way around. My legs and feet were going numb from being in the same uncomfortable position for too long—I shuddered to think how uncomfortable she must be by now, which was all the more reason I kept bringing her goodies. “Hate to break it to you,” I said, “but you don’t exactly get a say in this. And I don’t know that I’d call it a love life, anyway. I wouldn’t say I have one of those. Besides, Blake and I have only been on one date. One.”
“Two.” She scowled spectacularly. My homegirl was nothing if not dramatic. “And the fact that you’re calling him Blake now speaks volumes.”
“I’m not counting the first one. It was a huge flop due to a misunderstanding. We’re starting from scratch.”
“Scratch sounds good. As in if he does anything to hurt you or if he comes near me, I’ll scratch his eyeballs out.”
“Good thing he won’t be coming near you, then.”
“Are you scared to bring him near me? I think you are. And I think it’s because you know he doesn’t deserve you.”
“And it’s even better that you’re stuck in bed so you can’t do anything to him,” I added, ignoring what she’d said about him not deserving me. If anything, I was starting to think it might be the other way around. I’d thought nothing but the worst of him for so long, and most of it was due to a misunderstanding. He had his fair share of flaws, sure. But who didn’t? I definitely hadn’t been giving him enough credit when it came to his ability to see past my flaws—and my own inability to do exactly that.
“I will cut off his balls with a rusty spork if he does anything to hurt you,” Dani said fiercely. “I notice you conveniently neglected commenting on that part of my statement.”
“He can’t hurt me unless I let him.” And I wouldn’t be allowing him close enough to hurt me. Would I? Hmm. Didn’t think so. But still… “And to cut off his balls, you’d have to be close enough to reach them. And you’d have to get your hands on a rusty spork. No one in your life is going to give you access to either of those anytime soon.”
“I can get my hands on one,” Dani insisted.
“And I can inform Cody and everyone in your family of your plans and make sure it doesn’t happen,” I countered. “Between them, I’d guess your father, Cody, Jamie, Luke, and now Cole can restrain you.”
She harrumphed. “All sorts of places will deliver. Some of them even deliver within an hour. I’ve got an app on my phone for that.”
Further proof that there truly was an app for everything.
I chuckled. “And you’re stuck in bed, so how are you going to accept your delivery?”
“Just because I’m supposed to stay in bed as much as possible doesn’t mean I’m completely incapable of getting out of it. I have to get up to use the bathroom and other crap every now and then, you know.”
“Doesn’t mean you should be going up and down stairs. Especially not on your own. That sounds like an accident waiting to happen.”
“I can hold on to the rails.”
I lifted a dubious brow. “So you’d put your baby at risk over this? You’d take the chance of falling down the stairs just to prove a point or get revenge for a slight when you don’t even know the full story?”
Dani gave me a pout that could put all other pouts in the history of the world to shame. Apparently, I’d finally struck the right nerve.
“What kind of misunderstanding?” she demanded, making me do a double take.
“Huh?”
“You said it was just a misunderstanding on that first date.”
“The date that we’ve agreed wasn’t a date?”
She waved a dismissive hand through the air. “I haven’t agreed to anything.”
Wasn’t that the truth? I sighed. “He said something that I took to mean one thing when really, it was about something else entirely.”
“Maybe he’s just trying to save face by claiming that. Maybe he really did mean the other thing and he just wants to get back on your good side. I mean, the guy has no filter.
He says everything he’s thinking—but that means he has to be thinking it to begin with, or it wouldn’t come out of his mouth.”
I chose to ignore the niggling bits of doubt that wanted to creep back into my mind. She had a point, no matter how much I wanted to believe what Blake had told me. I didn’t want Dani to be right. For some reason, I wanted to believe in Blake and his pure intentions.
Was it lust talking, though? Was I only having a change of heart because of the sensations he’d roused in my body when he’d kissed and touched me? It was hard to know, because I’d never been involved in any relationship of this sort before now, and so I had nothing to gauge my response against other than the ways I felt when I read certain books or watched certain movies.
But I wasn’t ready to give in to that sort of thinking so soon. I wanted to believe—not only in him but in my skills sensing ulterior motives. “You can think whatever you want, Dani. I can’t change that. All I know is what I believe to be the truth.”
She pouted. In defeat? I could only hope that she would give up so easily. She never had before. My chica liked to dig in her heels, especially when she was sure to lose.
“Seriously, though?” she said. “Koz? Of all the men in Portland that you could have possibly started a relationship with, why does it have to be Koz?”
“I don’t know that I’d call it a relationship. Not yet, at least.”
“Meaning you want it to be one.”
“I don’t know what I want.” More than that, I wasn’t sure what my fears would allow me to go after. He’d had a point about my insecurities, and I had to be ready to confront them or else this would all blow up in my face in the worst possible way.
“You let him kiss you.”
“We don’t choose who we’re attracted to,” I said, shrugging.
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