The Grass is Greener

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by Tom Fort


  Since then I have done nothing to the lawn – except walk on it, look at it and think about it. To be frank, its condition is terrible. The grass, what is left, is lank and feeble. Where a few months ago it sprang resiliently to the upright position when trodden upon, now it lays down in surrender. Its green is not vital but sickly. There are worm casts everywhere, dark curls of slimy earth extruded from wormish bottoms and rendered into slippery smears wherever anyone has walked. I am beginning to wonder if tolerance of worms cannot be taken too far.

  It is the evening of December 4th, a Thursday. The sun has shone all day from a sky of the palest eggshell blue, but without any warmth to lift the dampness which has settled like a sodden blanket on the outside world. The leaves lie dank and heavy, the branches of trees are slippery with the wet. The earth is dark and secret. Walking down to the bonfire, I seemed to feel the ground quaking beneath my feet. The tread of my boots produced a muted squelching sound, and left prints in the mud on the grass.

  I wonder how I could ever have been so absurd as to think that I could create a greensward. Nevertheless, this morning I did something I have never done before. I took both the mowers from the shed, the Ransomes Ajax first, then the Hayter Harrier. I scraped the muck from the cutters and rollers and massaged them with an oily rag. I cleaned the dark crannies of their accumulations of dead matter, squirted oil into nipples, junctions and holes. For the first time in history, I managed to find the implement for removing the spark plug from the Hayter, which I decarboned with a wire brush and returned. Like a groom with favourite horses, I took my time, pausing now and then to admire the fine lines and robust build of my charges. Finally, I rubbed linseed oil into the wooden front roller of the Ajax. It was not obligatory, the manual said, but advisable to prevent cracking. I felt it was a gesture of commitment, perhaps even of penitence for past neglect.

  It is dark now and the mowers are back in the shed, side by side, clean, sleek with oil, conspicuously cared for. I confess to feeling virtuous, having done my bit for them, repaid them, as it were. The grass still rebukes me though, for my pride and my carelessness and my dereliction. But I am consoled, because spring and summer will make all that right. I can see it now: the turf thick, smooth, springy, glowing in its green glory, offering itself up to the whirring motion of well-lubricated cutters. It is very forgiving stuff, grass.

  If you enjoyed The Grass is Greener, check out this other great Annette Roome title.

  Beginning life in the Sargasso Sea, the eel travels across the ocean, lives for twenty or so years, and then is driven by some instinct back across the ocean to spawn and die. And the next generation starts the story again. No one knows why the eels return, or how the orphaned elvers learn their way back. One man discovered, after many adventures, the breeding ground of all eels – and he is the hero of this book.

  Eels were being caught and consumed 5000 years before the birth of Christ – Aristotle and Pliny wrote about them; Romans regarded them as a peerless delicacy; Egyptians accorded them semi-sacred status; English kings died of overeating them. There are many strange practices among eel fishers all over the world, and many great fortunes based upon the eel harvest.

  The Book of Eels, a combination of social comment, biography and natural history, is also a fascinating and witty account of Tom Fort’s obsession with the eel, his journeying to discover the eel in all its habitats, and the people he meets in his pursuit.

  Buy the ebook here

  BIBLIOGRAPHY

  Bacon, Francis, Essays, or Counsels Civill and Morall, 1612.

  Batey, Mavis, The Historic Gardens of Oxford and Cambridge, 1989

  Baker, C. H. C. and M. I., The Life of James Brydges, Duke of Chandos, 1949.

  Beale, Reginald, The Book of the Lawn, 1931.

  Blomfield, R. and Thomas, F. Inigo, The Formal Garden in England, 1892.

  Borman, H. and others, Redesigning the American Lawn, 1993.

  Cobbett, William, The English Gardener, 1833.

  Comito, Terry, The Idea of the Garden in the Renaissance, 1978.

  Daniels, Stevie, The Wild Lawn Handbook, 1995.

  Downing, Andrew Jackson, Rural Essays, 1853.

  Evans, R. D. C., Bowling Greens, 1988.

  Evelyn, John, Kalendarium Hortense.

  Fiennes, Celia, The Journeys of Celia Fiennes, 1947.

  Fish, Marjery, We Made a Garden, 1956.

  Godfrey, Walter, Gardens in the Making, 1914.

  Hadfield, Miles, A History of British Gardening, 1969.

  Halford, David, Old Lawnmowers, 1982.

  Harvey, John, Medieval Gardens, 1981.

  Hibberd, James Shirley, The Amateur’s Flower Garden, 1878.

  —, The Town Garden, 1859.

  Hill, Thomas, The Profitable Art of Gardening, 1563.

  Hyams, Edward, Capability Brown and Humphry Repton, 1971.

  Jackson, Kenneth T., The Crabgrass Frontier, 1985.

  Jacques, David, Georgian Gardens, 1983.

  James, John, The Theory and Practice of Gardening, 1728.

  Kemp, Edward, How to Lay Out a Small Garden, 1850.

  Knight, Richard Payne, The Landscape, 1795.

  Landsberg, Sylvia, The Medieval Garden, 1995.

  Lees-Milne, James, The Earls of Creation, 1962.

  Loudon, John Claudius, Encyclopaedia of Gardening, 1822.

  —, The Suburban Gardener and Villa Companion, 1838.

  Loudon, Jane, The Ladies Companion to the Flower Garden, 1846.

  M’Intosh, Charles, The Practical Gardener, 1828.

  McLean, Teresa, Medieval English Gardens, 1981.

  Macky, John, A Journey Through England, 1714.

  Mahnke, Frank H., Colour, Environment and Human Response, 1996.

  Mason, William, The English Garden, 1783.

  Markham, Gervase, Cheap and Good Husbandry, 1614.

  Miller, Philip, The Gardener’s Kalendar, 1757.

  Partridge, Michael, Farm Tools Through the Ages, 1973.

  Pollan, Michael, Second Nature, 1991.

  Price, Uvedale, Essays in the Picturesque, 1794.

  Rea, John, Flora – A Complete Florilege, 1676.

  Repton, Humphry, An Inquiry into the Changes of Taste in Landscape Gardening, 1806.

  Robinson, William, The English Flower Garden, 1883.

  —, The Wild Garden, 1894.

  Sanecki, Kay, Old Garden Tools, 1979.

  Scott, Frank Jessup, The Art of Beautifying Suburban Home Grounds, 1870.

  Scott-Jenkins, Virginia, The Lawn – History of an American Obsession, 1994.

  Shenstone, Unconnected Thoughts on Gardening, 1764.

  Sitwell, Sir George, On the Making of Gardens, 1909.

  Switzer, Stephen, The Nobleman, Gentleman, and Gardener’s Recreation, 1715.

  Tann, Jennifer, Gloucestershire Woollen Mills, 1967.

  Taylor, Geoffrey, Some 19th Century Gardeners, 1951.

  Teyssot, Georges (ed.), The American Lawn, 1999.

  Thacker, Christopher, The Genius of Gardening.

  Tresemer, David, The Book of the Scythe, 1981.

  Walpole, Horace, On Modern Gardening, 1780.

  Waters, Michael, The Garden in Victorian Literature, 1988.

  Wright, W. (ed.), Practical Gardening for Pleasure and Profit.

  INDEX

  The pagination of this electronic edition does not match the edition from which it was created. To locate a specific passage, please use the search feature of your e-book reader’s Search tools.

  Abingdon 216

  Academy of Armory (Holme) 35

  Addison, Joseph 22, 54, 60, 69

  Albertus Magnus 15, 23, 24, 33

  All-England Croquet Club 128

  Alton Towers 84

  Amateur’s Flower Garden, The (Hibberd) 135, 137

  André, Edouard 144

  Andrews, Alan 213–16

  Anglo-Saxons 17, 18

  Angus, William 72, 73

  Anna Karenina (Tolstoy) 42

  Arch
imedean 128, 129–30, 136, 144

  Ardsley, New York 160

  Argyle, Prof. Michael 202

  aristocrats 72–4, 77, 120, 133, 154, 175

  Arlington 161–2

  Arnold, Matthew 83

  Art of Beautifying Suburban Home Grounds, The (Scott) 154

  Art of Gardening (Worlidge) 40

  Ashridge 74

  Asterix 197–8

  Atco 178, 183, 186, 225, 234

  Bacon, Francis 36

  Barber, Samuel 81

  Bartholomew De Glanville 24, 25

  Bate, John 130

  Beale, Reginald 178–81

  Beaulieu 214–15

  Beloff, Prof. Halla 202–4

  Benedictines 19–21

  Better Homes and Gardens 163

  Bingley Research Institute 181, 255

  Birkenhead Park 138

  Black and Decker 186

  Blomfield, Reginald 173

  Boccaccio, Giovanni 26

  Bogo de Clare 16

  Book of the Lawn, The (Beale) 178–9

  Books of Hours 28

  Bormann, Herbert 167

  botany 45, 121, 182

  Bowerman, Barry 261

  bowling greens 23, 34, 39, 43, 44, 45, 48, 64, 149, 223–4 crown 222–3

  Brasenose College, Oxford 44

  Brentwood Golf Club, Long Island 161

  Bridgeman, Charles 55, 56, 61

  Brimscombe Mill 104–5, 114

  Brithnod, Abbot 16

  Broughton, Rhoda 140

  Brown, Capability 61–2, 64, 68–71, 72, 73, 74, 255, 256, 260

  Buckingham Palace 145

  Budding, Edwin Beard 107–13, 115, 117, 118, 131, 221

  Burke, Edmund 62

  Burles, Dennis 216–19, 225

  Burlington, Lord 54, 56

  Cadbury Brothers 146

  Cambridge colleges 44

  camomile lawns 35

  Canons, Middlesex 46, 50, 56

  Carnegie, Lindsey 124

  Carson, Rachel 167–8

  Castle Howard 55 Celts 18

  Central Park, New York 153

  Challis, Thomas 129

  Chambers, Sir William 68–9

  Chandos, Duke of 45–6, 50, 56

  Charles II 39, 40

  Chatsworth 64, 133, 255–6

  Chaucer, Geoffrey 26, 27

  Chewing, Mr 250

  Chiswick 56–7

  Chiswick Gardens 127

  Christchurch, Oxford 44

  Clairvaux 22

  Claremont 55

  Clarendon 23

  Clarissa Harlowe (Richardson) 66–7

  Clark, Alan 226

  classicism 55, 56–7

  cloister garth 21, 24

  clover 65, 136, 150, 156, 178, 218

  Cobbett, William 25, 120, 135, 150

  Cobham, Lord 61, 259, 260

  Cocke, Gen. Hartwell 149

  Coldwell Lawn Mower 159

  Columbia mower 144

  Complete Amateur Gardener, The (Thomas) 178

  Conaty, Mr 128

  Conway Castle 23

  cottage gardens 143

  Crabgrass Frontier, The (Jackson) 150

  Crace, Jim 205–6

  cricket grounds 95–6, 146

  Crowley Invincible mower 144

  crown bowling 222

  Crystal Palace 143

  Curley, Steve 257–8

  Curtis, Mr 116

  Curwen, Mr 82

  Dahlman, Karl 184

  D’Argenville, Antoine Joseph Dezallier 32, 47

  Davis, Alexander Jackson 152

  Davis, William 107

  DDT 165, 168

  De Vegetabilis (Albertus Magnus) 23

  Deane lawnmower 127–8

  Decameron (Boccaccio) 26

  Deedes, Lord (Bill) 226–8

  Dennis Brothers 91–7, 178, 186, 230–7, 244

  Devonshire, Duke and Duchess of 254–5

  Dickens, Charles 150

  Doctor Cupid (Broughton) 140–2

  Downing, Andrew Jackson 151–2

  Drake, Sir Francis 35

  Drayton Green 84

  Duck, Michael 240, 242–4

  Durdans 44

  Dursley 111012

  Eden, Garden of 15

  Edward IV 34

  Edward VII 145

  Edwardian age 172, 175, 177

  Egyptians 41

  Eleanor of Castile 23

  Elizabethan age 32, 35–6

  Elvaston Castle 133

  Ely 16, 18

  Elyot, Thomas 25

  Elysium Britannicum (Evelyn) 43

  Empson, William 83

  ‘English Garden, The’ (Mason) 62

  English Gardener, The (Cobbett) 25, 120

  English Husbandman, The (Markham) 33

  environmentalism 168–9, 170–1

  Epsom 44

  ‘Essay on Modern Gardening’ (Walpole) 61

  Essays (Bacon) 36–8

  Essays on the Picturesque (Price) 69

  Evelyn, John 41, 43, 68

  Ferrabee, James 124–8, 130–2

  Budding 108–20, 123, 125, 127–8, 240, 243

  Improved Mowing Machine 113–14, 126

  Noiseless Lawn Mower 126

  Ferrabee, John 106–9, 111, 113, 115, 116, 118, 131

  Field, John 45

  Fiennes, Celia 44

  Fish, Marjery 188

  Fish, Robert 138

  Fitzgerald, F. Scott 158

  Flint, Charles 156

  Flora (Rea) 41

  Floure and the Leafe, The 26

  Flymo 184–5, 186

  Follows, Frederick 130

  Fontainebleau 39

  Formal Garden in England, The (Blomfield) 173

  France 39–40, 47–8, 53

  Freedom Lawn 168, 170

  Frome, River 101, 104, 111

  games, lawn 90, 218

  Garden in Victorian Literature, The (Waters) 140

  Garden Kalendar, The (Miller) 25

  Gardener’s Chronicle 112, 126–9, 142, 182

  Gardener’s Magazine 75, 109, 116–17, 118, 134, 138

  gardening 29, 32, 77, 81, 120–1, 123, 126, 133, 176–7, 186–7, 189–90

  Gardening Club of America 161, 162

  Gardens in the Making (Godfrey) 173

  gender 123, 164–5, 197–206, 228–9

  geometric gardens 40, 54, 61

  Georgian age 53–4, 75, 120

  Gibb, James 63 Gilbert, Dr 2555

  Gilpin, Revd William 67, 69, 79

  ‘Glory of the Garden, The’ (Kipling) 174–5

  Godfrey, Walter 173

  Golden Valley 101–5, 107

  golf 160–1

  Grace, W.G. 146

  Granada 28

  Grand Tour 55

  Grasmere 81

  Grassbox 239

  grasses 136, 152, 156, 166, 191–2, 248–51

  Great Exhibition (1851) 111, 125

  Great Gatsby, The (Fitzgerald) 158–9

  Great War 175–7, 180

  green, symbolism of 22, 23

  Green, Thomas, & Son 125, 127–8, 129, 130, 183, 186

  Silens Messor 125, 132

  steam-powered mower 145

  Hadfield, Miles 29, 32, 46

  ha-has 59, 61, 62, 73, 149

  Hall, Andrew 240–3, 245

  Hall Duck Collection 240–3

  Hamilton, Charles 65–8

  Hamilton, William 149

  Hardy, Michael 245–6

  Hardy, Thomas 83

  Hartley, David 22

  Hartley & Sugden Balmoral 144

  Hartwell House, Bucks 63–4

  Harvey, John 24

  Hayter rotary mower 244, 261, 266

  Hearne, Thomas 44

  Henderson & Sons 137

  Hennesy Book of Hours 28

  Henry II 23

  Henry III 23

  Henry IV 34

  Henry VII 29

  Henry VIII 34

  Hessayon, Dr David
49, 58, 190–4, 209, 248, 251, 264

  Hibberd, James Shirley 134–7, 178, 181, 209, 249

  Hill, Thomas 32–3

  Hirst Charm 144

  History of British Gardening (Hadfield) 29

  Holme, Randle 35

  Holt & Willis Easy 144

  Honda 186, 228

  Hopkins, Mr 255

  Hopwood, Tony 232–7, 240

  House Beautiful 162

  How to Lay Out a Small Garden (Kemp) 138

  Hudson, W.H. 172

  Hugh of Fouilloy 22

  Industrial Revolution 74, 104

  Jackson, Kenneth T. 150

  Jacobean age 34, 35–6

  James, Henry 133, 140, 175, 262

  James, John 47–52, 57, 58, 61, 173, 190

  Jefferson, Thomas 67–8, 149–50

  Jekyll, Gertrude 182

  Johnson, Dr Samuel 25, 59–60

  JP Engineering 178, 186, 245–6

  Kalendarium Hortense (Evelyn) 41

  Kemp, Edward 138

  Kent, William 55, 56–7, 61

  Kenwood 84

  Kew Gardens 69, 125

  Kinnaird, Lord 124

  Kipling, Rudyard 174–5

  Knight, Richard Payne 69, 134

  labour 80, 86, 174–5, 177

  Lady of the Unicorn tapestry 28

  Lake District 81–2

  lakes 64, 67, 73

  Lamson-Scribner, F. 156, 158, 161, 166, 173

  ‘Landscape, The’ (Knight) 69

  landscape gardening 56, 61, 62, 73

  Lane Fox, Robin 142–3

  Langley, Batty 57–9

  Lasseter Fairy 145

  lawn:

  creation of 23, 33–4, 41, 49, 64–5, 152, 173, 179, 210–13, 248–52

  definition 25

  first 23, 27

  lawn care 58, 79–80, 86, 187–8, 192–4

  beating 41, 50

  mowing 3–12, 93–6, 122, 123, 136, 143, 155, 167, 180–1, 197, 198, 202–4

  rolling 41, 50, 63, 83

  scarification 264 scything 41–3, 63, 73, 79–80, 110, 120, 129, 147, 152, 228

  sweeping 79–80

  tools 41, 43, 164, 219

  top dressing 264–5

  watering 192

  lawn care industry 164–8, 170, 182

  Lawn Institute 170, 171

  lawn mowers 6–9, 91–3, 95–6, 230–47

  American 128, 129–30, 144, 156

  collecting 237–45

 

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