His large, blue eyes meet mine and there’s no secret smirk there. For just a second, I see the sadness there. The lack of control over . . . well . . . anything. He might cattily say that he and the others run the asylum, but at the end of the day they’re prisoners too.
I have a chance to get out, him not so much.
I must have been staring for longer than I thought, because suddenly Bentley is taking a step back up the stairs, his face contorted into a look of concern.
“What is it?”
In that moment, something about the light seems to shift and it’s not Bentley standing there, or even Kingsley. It’s my brother. Cruel. Unfeeling. Manipulative. One day pretending to be my protector, the next the sole source of my torment.
I freeze, one hand outstretched towards his and the other ready to undo the top button of my shirt . . . and suddenly my hands fall back to my sides. The moment’s passed and I know for sure it’s Bentley standing before me, but I can’t do this. I can’t.
“I have to go find Dr. Silver.”
I have to get out of this hell before it finishes digesting me. Like Bentley said before, the moment I stepped inside this building it swallowed me. I can’t let myself fall prey to this small sense of comfort.
“Why on earth would you want to do that?”
There’s an edge to his voice again. Fear.
“I…I shouldn’t tell you that.”
His face falls. “Because of Kingsley? I promise you, he can’t remember what I do. Just like I can’t remember what he does.”
I still shake my head. “Sorry, Bentley. I’m just not willing to take that chance.”
Bentley stares down at the surface of the water, and it takes me a minute to realize he’s looking down at his own shifting reflection. “I get it. I wish I didn’t…but I really do.”
Without looking away from his reflection, he points back at the door.
“Go past the stairs and take your first right. You’ll find Silver’s office in the hallway at the end…if the orderlies don’t find you first.”
“Is he…”
“Here? Silver is always here. It’s one of his more unsettling qualities.”
I turn on my heel and flee from the room before he has the chance to convince me otherwise.
This is exactly what Kemper meant to happen.
He wants me here long enough that I become confused. He wants the lies he locked me in here with to become the truth. I can’t let myself become close to the others, no matter how much they promise to know me and what I’m going through.
No matter how much I wanted, even if just for a moment, to believe that Bentley understands me. I can’t let that happen. I have to focus on getting out, and that is only going to happen if I don’t let myself fall prey to the system I’m stuck inside.
17
Thalia
True to Bentley’s word, the side passage leads directly to the hallway outside Dr. Silver’s office.
I never noticed it before because it’s partially concealed behind a massive urn with dead-looking reeds jammed inside it as a sorry excuse for decoration. I’ll have to start keeping a closer eye out for these servant’s passages.
You never know, they might come in handy the next time I’m trying to escape someone…whether it be the boys that run this asylum or the orderlies who think they do.
Look at you, learning the hierarchy already.
“Shut up,” I mutter. “Just until after I talk to Dr. Silver.”
“Sorry, did you say something?”
Dr. Silver’s voice over my shoulder nearly makes me jump out of my skin. I spin around to find him standing directly behind me, his arms folded neatly across the clip board he carries with him everywhere. As usual, he’s wearing that clinically cool expression that only thinly veils the psychopath that lies beneath.
Because that’s what you’d have to be to work here, day in, day out, at an asylum that doesn’t even try to properly treat its patients.
“Dr. Silver,” I start, trying as hard as I can to conceal my utter hatred for him from my voice, “I was just looking for you.”
“And what a coincidence. I was just talking to Craven, and he said the same thing.” He steps around me and unlocks his office, throwing the door wide and gesturing me inside. “Unless, of course, you’d rather be escorted back up to your room.”
“That won’t be necessary,” I say. “Not anymore. I’ve come to discuss my treatment options.”
For one second, a tiny flicker of surprise shows on Silver’s face. Then it’s replaced, again just for a moment, by something almost akin to disappointment.
But it’s gone so quickly I think I must’ve imagined it.
After all, what kind of doctor would be disappointed to learn his patient was finally ready to discuss the treatment he recommended?
“Glad to hear it, Thalia. Please, take a seat.”
The room is no less sterile than it was the last time I was here. The blank white walls feel like they’re pressing in, squeezing out what remains of my humanity.
“Before we go any further,” I say, as Silver settles into the seat on the other side of the desk, “I need to know. If I agree to go through with treatment…will I no longer be required to stay in my room?”
“So long as you do not pose a danger to your fellow guests, I see no reason to confine you,” Silver replies, one finger already twitching to make a note on my file—which he’s pulled out of the top drawer of his desk with suspicious speed.
He knew you’d be coming, eventually. He knew you’d crack.
“And there’s something else,” I say, louder this time to drown out the nagging voice. “I want to request my own visitors. For the open house.”
Dr. Silver presses his lips together into a disapproving line. “Do you really think that’s the best idea in your current state?”
“But the director…”
“The director doesn’t know what he’s doing,” Silver snaps. He leans back in his seat and swallows, hard. “Sorry. That was uncalled for.”
He takes another moment to compose himself before adding, “My main concern is for your well-being, Thalia. Given the fact that it was some of these…associations…that caused flare-ups of your condition in the past, I really don’t think that’s a good idea.”
“What do you mean?” It takes everything in me to keep calm. “What flare-ups?”
Dr. Silver carefully turns his notes to a copy of my admissions report. “Your brother mentioned you were keeping poor company in the weeks leading up to your breakdown at the funeral.”
“You mean Mackenzie and Garret?” I can’t keep in an audible scoff. “If anyone is guilty of corruption, it’s me corrupting them.”
Even as I say it, I feel a pang of sadness inside me. Mackenzie. Garret. They were the closest thing I ever had to friends. Real friends.
I guess, now that I think about it, they would be who’d I’d invite to the open house. The only two people who might actually care enough to show up.
As if anyone cares enough the way you’re always pushing them away.
“Even so, I simply wonder if exposing yourself to these stimuli right now, in your delicate position, might not set you back more than it would help?”
I scoot forward onto the edge of my seat, my hands slipping down to clasp together in my lap.
“Please, Dr. Silver. If you’re right about the director, then I don’t know if I’ll get another opportunity to see them.” I know I’m laying it on thick, playing on his obvious distaste for the new director’s methods…but I’m desperate. “You’ve seen my file. Under normal circumstances I’m not allowed any guests. Not one. This could be my last chance. My final goodbye.”
My cringe-worthy pleas have no effect on him.
He shakes his head and my heart sinks. “I’m sorry, Thalia. I just can’t recommend it in your state. You haven’t even begun treatment.”
I try one last appeal.
“What if I improve?
” I say. “What if I don’t just go to the treatments, but I really, really give it my all?”
“Now…that is an interesting proposition. Are you implying you weren’t planning on doing that before?”
“I think that goes without saying.” My breath is coming in short, rapid bursts. “I just wanted to get out of my room before. But now…now I want more.”
Dr. Silver taps one finger on the top of his desk as he considers my words.
“You do realize it’ll take some time to see any improvement?”
“Yes, of course.”
“There isn’t much time before the open house, Thalia. Unless you agreed to undergo a very intense course of treatment…”
“Whatever it takes,” I say, cutting him off.
You’re going to regret this.
I keep my hands steady and straighten my posture, keeping my gaze on Dr. Silver as I nod my head. “I’m willing to do whatever it takes.”
It doesn’t matter that I know the voice is right. I know, in some way, I’m going to regret this decision.
But when it’s my only hope, it isn’t much of a decision at all.
I know it’s a long shot, so much so that even I am surprised when Dr. Silver sets down the clipboard and actually agrees.
“Very well, Thalia. You drive a hard bargain…but first and foremost, my duty is to your health and recovery.” He nods a little, his eyes shifting to a far-off look as he starts to dream up everything he’s going to get to do to me in the coming weeks. “If a short visit with friends is what it takes to get you to take your treatment seriously, then I think that outweighs the potential risks.”
“Thank you. I…I won’t let you down.”
“It isn’t me you’ll be letting down if you fail, Thalia. It’s only yourself.”
He lets me leave, promising to radio security to lift the order on my isolation.
“See? There’s quite a few perks to following along,” Dr. Silver says, before dismissing me. “I think you’ll find your time here much more…rewarding…in the weeks to come.”
Though his tone never strays, his words make my stomach sour.
In my mind, I see a flash of Bentley’s face when he spoke of Dr. Silver, and I wonder if in trying to secure my freedom, I’ve just made a terrible mistake.
18
Price
I don’t normally follow summons, but after that little stunt Hedgewood pulled in the garden, I’m actually a little curious what Dr. Silver has to say.
However, even Silver knows I won’t step foot in his office, so we meet in neutral territory.
Newly neutral territory, anyway.
“Good to see you, Price.”
The billiards room already doesn’t quite have the same feeling it once did. In the span of a single week, the room that has been mine, Ives, and Kingsley’s has transformed into a creature I barely recognize. Even the floorboards seem permanently etched and the rugs contain the shadows of careless footprints.
There’s the scent of desperation in the air—and not the kind of desperation that makes my skin flush and hair stand on end in anticipation. It’s a lonely smell. A broken smell.
“Why don’t we skip the pleasantries and get straight to business,” I say in return. “I don’t wish to drag this on any longer than absolutely necessary.”
“For once, it seems we agree on something.”
“Don’t get used to it,” I say.
“No worries about that,” Silver says, and something about the tone of his voice makes me pause.
“What is it?”
A slight smile pulls at the corner of his mouth. It’s a wicked smile.
“It’s about the girl.”
Now it takes a moment for me to keep from showing surprise. “Thalia?”
“Who else would it be?” Silver snaps. He has to take his own moment to compose himself. “I’ve seen your eye on her. Even if I didn’t…I’ve been here long enough to know your plans for her.”
“Congrats. You’ve figured us out.”
“I’ve never interfered with the way this asylum is run,” Silver continues, ignoring my dry tone though it pains him. “Director after director, I’ve watched this place spiral into a laughable excuse for a care home.”
“Saying it like that assumes this place was ever anything else.”
“I have my own plans for Thalia,” he continues. “But in order for them to play out, I need you to keep from…doing what you usually do to them.”
I cock my head at him and give him another once-over. “I didn’t think you were the sentimental type. Or have you finally grown lonely stuck inside these walls?”
“Please. I’m not the prisoner here.”
“Yet you’re the one voluntarily here on a weekend,” I say, keeping my eyes locked on his. “So, what’s your fascination with this one in particular? Like you said…you’ve sat by for years. So why step in now?”
“Rather than focus on my plans for the girl, I’d like to focus on what’s in this proposition for you.” Silver turns his face away from me to look out one of the windows overlooking the lawn. He hooks his hands together behind his back, keeping his eyes focused on the few white-clad figures strolling down below as his posture remains erect. “How long has it been since you last saw your father?”
I turn on my heel and am about to walk straight out, but what he says next makes me pause.
“And how much longer still since you were offered a review?”
I stand in the doorway, my back to Silver. “What do you think?”
His lab coat rustles as he shifts away from the window. “A lot’s changed in the last decade since you were admitted. A lot of new directors. New doctors. New policies.”
“And you think that’ll make a review board reconsider my case?” I bark out a half-laugh. “Maybe you do belong here, Silver. You’re the insane one if you think that’ll make a difference.”
“Things are changing here in the asylum. I know even you feel it. All I’m asking is a favor for a favor. I make no promises about the outcome…but I can promise you a review. The board will already be here in a few weeks for Thalia, so I’m sure I could arrange for them to hear a second case. That is…of course…if you’re up to the task.”
Now I have to turn back to look at him. Thalia has a review? I knew something was off about her. Something was different.
It was. Unlike the rest of us, Thalia hasn’t yet been completely forgotten. Not yet entirely abandoned.
This place…it isn’t supposed to take patients like that. Ashford doesn’t take patients until all other options are exhausted. I would know. We all know.
I don’t think a review board has ever stepped foot in this place before. If what Silver says is true…then maybe things are changing here faster than I thought. More than just the lost billiards room or the ridiculous open house. Real change. Change that I’m not sure I’m going to like.
Dr. Silver eyes me with that look of his, the gaze that stares me down to my clinical core. “Unless after all this time you still can’t control it.”
I bare my teeth. If I was Ives…
But I’m not Ives.
And a review…I’m not even ready to really consider what that might mean. I’m not sentimental. I’m not about to start imagining life outside the asylum, but I’m also not a psychopath.
As much as this place would like me to believe otherwise…there’s still enough of a human left inside me to make it impossible to ignore the call of freedom. However unlikely it is.
But then if things really are changing…
There’s this new director, this new girl, this sham of an open house.
And then there’s Kingsley the other night. He’s always had a specific bond with Silver and the…treatments…he’s been subjected to. But it’s been ages since he’s seen this doctor…at least as far as Kingsley knows. With the way Bentley’s been acting up lately, who really knows?
“What game are you playing, Silver?”
&
nbsp; “The same game you are, Price. Just trying to survive in a system that seems determined to keep me running in circles.”
I don’t believe it for a second.
But it isn’t every year a doctor like Silver makes this kind of offer. I just hope he knows what he’s getting into.
“And you know what’ll happen if you don’t uphold your end of the bargain?” I ask.
Silver keeps staring me down, but something flickers inside his eyes. It’s not quite fear, but it’s an understanding.
It isn’t just the patients I rule over here at the asylum. As much as Silver wants to play my better, or even my equal, he can’t deny it. Not, at least, deep down.
“Fine.” I snap. “But I’m not going to wait forever. You have two weeks. You get me a verified date for review or all bets are off.”
The doctor lets his shoulder brush past me as he leaves. “You leave Thalia to me and I’ll get you that review.”
Ives and Kingsley will not be happy. I’m not accustomed to failing to uphold a promise. Maybe, I’m actually lucky that Bentley’s reappearance has bought me some time. At least enough time to figure out how to tell them. If I’ll even tell them.
I wait until Dr. Silver is long gone before I let myself breathe, really breathe. The monster inside me unravels, casting a tailed shadow across the wall. I taste blood and bile and sweat in the air.
It would be a mistake to let me out of the asylum, but that’s their mistake to make.
Let me out of this asylum and I’ll never be forced back inside. I won’t be naïve enough to let that happen again.
Dr. Silver might think he’s tying my hands by keeping me away from the girl. Well jokes on him. My hold over this asylum isn’t dependent on my powers.
He and the rest of Ashford is in for a rude reminder who runs this place…right before I leave them without the only thing still holding this place back from the brink of disaster.
I might have promised not to touch Thalia, but there are other ways to make her bend to our will. To my will.
There’s more than one way to gain control, to steal the life force of another.
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