by Ruby Dixon
He is? I’m so astonished that I can’t answer for a moment. “You’re…letting me pick where we go?”
Taushen nods. “I shall take you wherever you like. You decide.”
I blink and then pull my knees up to my chest, considering. At first thought, I want to say “I can’t possibly pick,” but that’s because I’m used to letting others get their way. If I want freedom and to do things on my own terms, I need to learn to make my own decisions. So I think. Do I want to go back to the little stone city in the canyon? I’m not in any particular hurry, honestly. There’s no one waiting for me back there. Go back to the tribe and meet up with Vektal and the others at the ocean? While I’m curious about the newcomers, I’m also not in a big rush to head in that direction, either. I do want to see the ocean…but not if it means I’m going to resonate to someone like Taushen’s afraid of.
A thought crosses my mind, and I glance over at my companion. “I don’t suppose we can go on vacation?”
Taushen pauses, a curious expression on his alien features. “Vacation? What is this?”
Now that I’ve said it aloud, I like the idea more and more. “A vacation. It’s where humans decide they need a break from everyday life so they escape for a little while. They go traveling. Exploring. Do new things, just to change stuff up in their lives, and then they go back home again, refreshed and ready to take on their problems once more. We could do that. Have a little adventure of our own and see the world.”
“You…do not want to rejoin the tribe right away?”
“No. Not if we could just do our own thing. Is it safe if we go traveling, just you and me? We’re not going to get caught in a blizzard or anything, are we?”
He considers. “As long as we do not stay away for many moons. If we are back to the tribe before the brutal season, it will be fine.” Taushen says the words slowly, as if he doesn’t want to admit it. “They will need me as a hunter, though, especially if there are more mouths to feed.”
“Then we’ll hunt as we go,” I tell him quickly. “You guys store food in caches, right? We can fill them as we go. It’ll be vacation and work all rolled into one.”
“But where would we go?” Taushen asks, a genuinely curious look on his face. It’s as if he’s never considered such a thing before.
“Anywhere we want to.” I’m excited at the prospect. I remember car trips with my friends back after I graduated from high school, when we’d fill up the tank and just drive and see where it led us. I turn toward him on the blankets, eager to plan things out. “Do you ever just explore out on your own? What’s your favorite place?”
He thinks for a moment, and then touches his horns. I’m curious about that, and then he begins to speak. “There is a cave…in the mountains a very long walk from here. It is close to where Shorshie and the others landed when they arrived. It is small, and the icicles that hang from the ceiling scrape your horns when you walk in. But…it is the most beautiful place I have ever been. Everything shines, and there is a hot spring that bubbles from the cracks in the rocks and it trickles down over a pond that has fish with no eyes.” He closes his own eyes as if to demonstrate, and then opens them again. “They are pale and ugly, but they are good eating.”
I clasp my hands, excited. “That sounds lovely. Let’s go there!”
The look he gives me is uncertain. “It is a long walk.”
“I don’t mind walking. You can teach me how to hunt and follow tracks.”
A half-smile tugs at his mouth. “Any kit can follow tracks. They are obvious in the snow.”
I swat at his arm, chuckling. “Well, then give me the basics on how to handle myself in the wild, all right? You can teach me how to survive.”
“This is what you wish to do?”
I nod, eager. “I think a vacation is just what the both of us need.”
He rubs his chin, thinking, and then shrugs. “We can leave by midday then. If we pace ourselves strongly, we can make it there in a few days.”
Midday? Today? I glance outside, where the snow is starting to fall thick on the ground. “This is vacation, dude. We don’t have to be anywhere fast.” I lean over and slouch down on the furs, relaxing. “We can just hang out.”
“Hang…out?” He looks over at the propped spear, where my clothes are hung and drying.
“Not hang like that,” I say, poking him in the leg. “Hang out like just relax. Enjoy the day. Be lazy. Crawl under the furs.”
His eyes gleam. “Your furs?”
“Nice try.”
17
BROOKE
It takes Taushen a little time to warm up to the concept of vacation. It’s almost like if he’s not busy for every minute of every hour of every day, some invisible force is going to appear and slap his hand, chastising him. The first day of our official “vacation,” we stay in the cave, hanging out and getting comfortable around each other again. We play games to make the time pass, and I rack my brain to try to come up with entertainment. Playing cards is out, since we don’t have paper. I could probably manage to make bone dominos, except I don’t know how to play anything like that. We settle into the most basic of games after a time—Truth or Dare and I Spy. I keep things squeaky clean because the last thing we both need is to muddy the waters between us with some filthy “dares.” It’s like it never occurs to him that the game can be played any way other than innocently. Taushen enjoys the heck out of the games, and nothing makes me feel better than seeing a genuine smile curve his hard mouth. He needs more smiles, I think.
It snows hard for two days, so we stay in our little cave. Well, mostly. Taushen makes me go out with him to the nearest cache, and we dig it up, counting inventory to make sure that the tally marks on the marker are correct. We excavate a frozen quill-beast, recover things, and then set a few traps so we can replenish before we leave.
Taushen catches sight of my wrinkled nose and distaste at the frozen dead animal and just hoots with laughter. “You said you wished to learn to hunt. I am teaching you.”
“I would have said anything if it meant a vacation,” I grumble, but I resolve to suck it up. Preparing what looks like frozen roadkill can’t be worse than whatever they do to food at the chicken nugget factory back at home.
On day three, the weather clears, and we decide to head to the fruit cave to get a change in our diet. Plus, after a few days of snow, I’m looking forward to hanging out in a sauna-like cave.
At the fruit cave, we give ourselves a day or two to bake in the heat, eat all the fruit we can stomach, and then we head out back into the snows again, this time heading for Taushen’s icicle cave in the mountains. We take our time walking, and as we trudge through the valleys and over rocky cliffs, we chat. Taushen’s so easy to talk to, and our conversations are endless. It’s like I can start on one topic and end up on a completely different one and he follows me completely. After a while, it’s almost like our brains are in synch. We share stories of our childhoods, I tell him all about my horrible ex-boyfriends, and he offers to beat them up if they ever show up as slaves.
It’s awesome.
The travel with Taushen actually makes me realize how long it’s been since I had a true, honest-to-goodness best friend to share my thoughts and secrets with. I love it. I love that I can tell him anything and he won’t judge me or think I’m silly. He thinks that being a hair stylist is wonderful, because I got to make people smile and feel good about themselves. He thinks that I’m smart and that I work hard. And even though he teases me about my hunting skills, I don’t give up. Everyone’s bad at everything in the beginning, and you just have to stick with things. I’m determined to stick with hunting, if nothing else, so he can be proud of me.
Every day we grow closer in our friendship, and I think I’m so lucky that we could be friends after everything that happened. That he’s not trying to hold a grudge or possess me. That he’s fine with being just friends.
It takes about two weeks before I start to wonder if I’ve made a mistake.<
Maybe it starts when we get to the ice cave. After days on end of walking, hunting and traveling, we make it to our destination. On the outside, it doesn’t look like much. As Taushen mentioned, the exterior of the cave is tiny, with the entrance so small that you have to bend over just to get inside. I can well imagine horns scraping along the rock, and I think he’s brave for ever coming in here in the first place.
But then we get inside, and Taushen lights a torch.
And it’s the most beautiful, surreal place I’ve ever been. Crystals cover every inch of the cave, as far as the eye can see. He’s right that the ceiling isn’t tall, and it’s a bit like standing inside of a hollow egg. If I reach a hand up, I can touch the ceiling, and it extends, cocoon-like, into the rounded cavern. It’s definitely too small to make a comfortable sort of cave.
But oh, the view. Thick, blocky crystals crust the ceiling. Long, drippy crystalline icicles hang along the edges and down the walls. Along the floor, stalagmites rise up to meet their sister stalactites, and those seem to be made of a shiny crystal as well. It’s like stepping into a rock candy paradise…or a big people-sized geode. The torch that Taushen holds up seems to make everything glitter, and in the back of the place I can see the hint of the pond he mentioned, and the steam curls that let up from the water itself.
It’s incredible, and I tell him that. I’m surprised he’s not looking at it, but his gaze is fixed on me, as if he doesn’t want to miss a moment of my reaction.
“I come here when my heart is sad,” Taushen says softly. “And somehow, this place makes my spirit glad once more. That I can see such a place and touch it. That I can live where such a thing can exist, and then, perhaps, I think everything is not so bad.”
And my heart just aches and aches for him.
I just wanted to be friends…didn’t I? Just wanted my freedom.
Wasn’t interested in a partner. At all.
Guess I’m pretty good at lying to myself, because what I’m feeling right now is decidedly…un-friendlike.
That could be a problem.
Ever since we’ve decided that we’re going to be friends and just friends? Things between us have been so, so great. I haven’t felt uncomfortable around him and there hasn’t been any weird tension. We can laugh together about the dorkiest of things, and even when there’s accidental nudity or something equally embarrassing, we both just laugh it off. The friendship is the only thing that matters, and now it’s like all the anxiety is gone and the only thing left is the awesome, easygoing vibe between us. It feels like a deeper, unshakable bond than just sex.
I’m scared to mess it up.
I’m also ashamed to admit to myself that I’ve been thinking about the sex a lot.
Maybe I’m a perv at heart. Maybe I can’t have a friendship with a guy without wanting to get him in the sack. Maybe I’m the problem, but it seems like the closer we get as friends and the more I know about Taushen, the more I wonder if I’ve made a mistake.
Perhaps I shouldn’t have been so quick to scream freedom and I should have let the guy claim me instead. Of course, then I’d have to give up our wonderful friendship, which right now is the only good thing about this ice planet.
That and this gorgeous cave, of course.
I can’t change the vibe between us, though. Things have been going so good.
I tell myself that we can just be friends. That sex doesn’t matter.
That I shouldn’t notice the way his arms flex when he throws his spear. Or the way his face lights up when he sees me wake up in the morning. Or the delighted laugh he gave when I flung a snowball down the back of his tunic and then tried to run (unsuccessfully) for the hills before he caught me.
I shouldn’t notice that his tail is incredibly mobile and it moves with his mood. If he’s sleepy, it flicks slowly. Angry? It lashes. Pleased? It’s a sensuous undulation that moves back and forth and makes me think dirty, dirty thoughts.
I also shouldn’t notice that I like the way he smells when he sweats, or that he makes the most adorably sexy groans when he sleeps, as if he’s dreaming about dirty, sexy things.
My mind is definitely in the gutter lately, and that’s a problem.
I’m the one who demanded friendship. I feel like I can’t change my mind now, even if I wanted to.
I wanted freedom, and I got it. I wanted a friend, and I got it.
Didn’t think I’d want more than that.
18
TAUSHEN
“That was so beautiful,” Brooke tells me dreamily as we lie beside the fire that night. “Thank you for taking me there.”
She reclines across from me, stretched out on her pallet of furs in the hunter cave we have bunked down in for the night. The fire flickers between us, and she props her head on one arm, gazing into the fire. I sit across from her, legs crossed as I tend the fire and warm tea for us. After weeks of traveling, I know how Brooke likes her tea, and I make it without being asked now. It is a small thing, but I like pleasing her.
I nod. “It is my favorite place.” And it feels good to share it with her. It feels right, like I have exposed a part of my spirit and shared it with her. I like that thought. “I am glad you liked it.”
Her smile is sweet but distant, and she continues to gaze into the fire thoughtfully. She has been quiet this day, and when I asked her about it, she only said that she was thinking about the cave. I worry something is wrong, but I do not know how to ease into the subject. I have learned much about my Brooke over these last days and nights, and I know that she will talk about things, but in her own time. She does not like to be rushed. So I decide to care for her in the only way I can, at the moment. I offer her a pouch of travel rations, and when she declines it, ask, “Tea?”
She shakes her head.
“Not thirsty?”
“Just thinking.” Her gaze meets mine and she smiles softly. “Weirdly enough, thinking about the others and the twenty newcomers. I wonder how they’re doing with them.”
I ignore the stab of jealousy in my stomach. We are friends, I chant mentally. Nothing more than friends. If this is all that I can have of her, I will take it and be glad. I tell myself such things a dozen times a day in the hopes that one day I shall believe it. So far, though, it is not working. I still dream of Brooke and her soft limbs every night, and when I wake, it takes every bit of my strength to not cross the small cave and pull her into my arms. To kiss her until she decides she wants me as much as I want her.
Being “friends” has not eased the ache for her. It has only made it worse.
“Thanks for traveling with me,” she says, the thoughtful note still in her voice. “Feels like I’m getting to see stuff I’d never get to see otherwise.”
“Eh? Why would you not get to see such things?”
She shrugs. “Seems like most of the girls don’t travel much. They either have kids or are pregnant, so I guess that puts a damper on the wandering spirits.”
“Leezh and Mah-dee have kits,” I point out. “And Li-lah. They enjoy traveling with their mates.”
“Yeah, because they have a mate with them. I’m single, remember? No one to watch my back.”
I would watch it for her. “I will go to the ends of the land if you wish to. Anywhere you want to go, we will go.”
Her smile curves her mouth, and then she gives a soft chuckle. Her sweet, happy, true chuckle that makes my chest ache with want. “What if you resonate?”
“She can wait.”
Brooke just laughs even harder, shaking her head. “Says a man that hasn’t resonated. I suspect it’d be different if your ladylove was waiting for you.” She gives me a thoughtful look. “You think it’ll happen this time?”
“No.” I hope she does not ask me if I think it will happen for her. I worry my face will give away the truth.
“Mm. If you could pick a mate, any mate, would you pick a sa-khui or a human?”
“There is no sa-khui female of appropriate age to mate.”
“I know. We’re playing a game of pretend.” She gives me an exasperated look. “Go along with it.”
A game? It sounds like a dangerous one. I give her a wary look. “Very well. I would pick human.” My mind cannot wrap around the thought of picking another female. There is only Brooke in my mind.
“Dark-skinned or light-skinned?”
I sense a trap. Does she wish for me to confess my feelings for her again? To tell her that they have never changed? That I wake up every morning with no desire but to see her smile? That I care for her more and more every day? That the thought of bringing her back to the tribe and watching her resonate to another fills me with dread? But if I tell her such things…will it ruin our friendship we have built? Will she get uncomfortable around me and will our easy camaraderie disappear? I worry it will be so, and so I choose the answer least like her. “Dark.”
She nods, as if considering this thoughtfully. “Dark hair or light hair?”
Pink, I think to myself. “Dark.”
Her brows draw together, and she gives me a curious look. “So…basically like Tiffany.”
I shrug. What is the answer she wishes to hear? That I dream of the pink waves of her mane tickling my stomach as she curls up against me in her sleep? That I wish I had never stopped her when she put her hand on my cock? That I want her to demand more from me than just companionship?
I do not want to lose what we have, though. So I say nothing.
BROOKE
His perfect woman is Tiffany.
Damn it, I fucking hate Tiffany. I don’t even know her all that well, and I hate her. I hate her pretty face and her bouncy curls and her smile and how she’s good at everything. Oh, you want leathers? Talk to Tiffany, she’s the best at dyeing things. Plants? Tiffany. Traps? Tiffany can show you. Tiffany’s good at everything.
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