by Marie Cole
He was getting married. He had asked his mom for an engagement ring. And he hadn’t told me. He had left me out of it all. I grabbed my phone and started scrolling through it. Had I missed some phone calls from him? Text messages? No. Nothing. I felt pain in the corners of my eyes and blinked as my vision blurred. My chest squeezed and I tried very hard to keep it together until I got to the privacy of my dorm room.
Later that night, I heard a soft knock on my door. I didn't know who would be knocking on my door at this late hour but if it was some weirdo wanting a booty call or something I wasn't interested so I yelled, "Wrong door! Go away!" My voice was scratchy and raw from the crying I’d been doing since I’d come back.
There was another knock. It seemed the person on the other side was either ignoring me, or didn't hear me.
I exhaled loudly and rushed to the door, opening it violently, ready to yell at whoever stood on the other side. My words froze in my throat as I saw Kent standing there. I saw his smile light up and then fade as he took in my appearance.
My mind was racing, I knew he could see my tear stained face, my puffy eyes. I stepped back so he could come in and looked down at my bare feet. A suitcase was on the bed, half packed, my walls empty, boxes packed and half packed all around the edge of the small room.
He stepped into the room and shut the door behind him. "Elly, what's wrong?" His eyes moved around the packed up room and stopped on the suitcase.
"Nate and I broke up." I lied, he still had no idea that we’d broken up months ago so it was time to get it out and save face because the real reason was too painful to admit. I wiped at my eyes and went to my dresser, continuing to pack.
"I'm sorry to hear that, Elly." He kind of stood there awkwardly.
"What's up? Are you here because Jen told you that I came by?"
"You came by? Jen didn't tell me anything about that."
I turned from the dresser, bras in my hands and stayed across the room from him. I smiled, hoping like hell that it looked sincere, "So congratulations are in order. You're getting married."
Kent shook his head. There seemed to be something else that bothered him. "So, I guess you heard the other news too, huh?"
I shook my head slowly. "What other news?"
Those dark eyes of his looked towards the floor. "Jen is pregnant."
My mouth dropped open. "But, I mean, that's not why you're marrying her."
"So, are you really upset about, Nate? Or is it something else?" He wasn't looking at me.
Why would he be asking me that? Did he come to my final? Did he hear my song? I wasn’t going to ask him, not now that I knew he was marrying Jen, had been planning it long enough to find a ring for her finger.
“Don’t be stupid, of course I’m upset over Nate. So tell me, is that the only reason you're marrying her?" I was looking right at him, but Kent still wasn't looking at me.
"I wanted to come tell you and hoped you would be happy."
"I'll be happy, but only if you are." I stayed across the room, not trusting myself to stop touching him if I started. "Are you happy?"
"I'm happy." The words sounded sure, but I swore there were tears in his eyes.
"Are you about to cry because of how happy you are?" I motioned to his eyes. My sappy tears were clearing up as my anger pushed through. Anger at him for lying to me. Anger at him for being so careless and knocking Jen up. He ruined everything! He always did.
Finally his eyes looked up at me and his tears seemed to be threatening to spill. "Why are you being so mean, Elly?”
"Because you're being stupid!" The dam was open and there was no closing it now. "You're repeating the history of your parents, don't you see that?! Your dad knocked up your mom, didn't really love her and then left her high and dry when he couldn't take it anymore! You can't coast through life, Kent! At some point in your life you're going to have to stand up for yourself." I shook my head as I stalked over to my suitcase and threw my bras in.
Kent stood there for the longest time. The tears had already spilled from his eyes. He was never one for confrontation, ever. There was only that one time that he had a confrontation that I saw. At our first high school party a guy was picking on me and Kent punched him in the face.
His face became solemn as the emotion faded from his eyes. The tears still stained his cheeks as he turned away from me.
"I'm sorry you feel that way, Elly. I hope you have a good summer.“
When he shut the door I reached for my stereo and turned it up loud, loud enough to cover the sobs that racked my body when he walked away from me. I felt, in my heart, that it was forever.
Chapter 19
I glanced around the packed bar, a smile on my glossy lips. A guy dressed like a cowboy wolf whistled and put his arm around me as I tried to get to the bar. "Princess Leia, will you be my slave?" I laughed and held tightly onto the golden chain that was around my neck.
"Not tonight, cowboy." Luckily for me, the men had plenty of eye candy tonight and moved on quickly when I showed my disinterest.
I was almost to the bar when I tried to squeeze past a nurse and a maid.
"Elly!" The nurse's voice made me jump and look at the face. It was Jen, and holy shit for six months pregnant she looked very...unpregnant. "Who are you supposed to be? A belly dancer?"
There was a tall dark haired person behind her wearing a lab coat who turned around after Jen spoke, his hands in his pockets. Kent looked as good as ever and it made me a little bitter to admit that. I had hoped that after our fight and our summer hiatus that he’d look like shit. He was wearing a lab coat with a nice polo under it, dress pants and shiny shoes. Around the neck of the lab coat was a stethoscope.
I cleared my throat as I met Kent's eyes with my own. "I bet Kent knows."
“Princess Leia, the Sex Slave, of course.” Kent offered a little smile as he stood there but I didn’t return it. “It looks good on you,” he said. The comment got a nudge from Jen to his ribs.
I raised my hands in surrender. "I don't want to cause any premarital strife."
Jen gave me an unwelcome hug. "It's okay, Elly. I was just giving him a hard time."
Kent was standing behind her and raised his hand to scratch his head with a chuckle.
I smiled softly and pat Jen uncomfortably and then pulled back, looking her over. "So you are due in what? Three months?"
Jen looked over her shoulder at Kent and shook her head, "No. No, I lost the baby over the summer."
I nodded slowly and looked from Jen's face to her hand and then to Kent and saw that the ring was still there. I looked at Jen.
"I'm sorry to hear that. I can't imagine how tough that must have been." It was the only genuine thing I’d said to her since we started talking.
Jen nodded again and reached out, gently clasping my elbow. "We missed you at Kent's birthday this year!" She looked over her shoulder at Kent, "Why didn't we invite Elly?"
I didn’t need to hear whatever lame ass excuse they had for “accidentally” misplacing my invite. I wouldn’t have gone anyway. It took me all summer but I had finally come to terms with the end of my relationship with Kent. And I didn’t need to stand there and pretend that I wanted to be friendly to either of them.
”Must've slipped your minds. Sounds like you had a hectic summer,” I said. I pointed to the bar sheepishly, "I'm gonna go get my drink. I'll see you guys around." I raised my hand and waved at them both before turning away, heading for the bar to order myself a shot.
I was glad to be away from that train wreck of a relationship. I didn’t need him in my life anymore. Once my tequila shot arrived I tilted my head back. I blew out hard trying to calm the fire as it slid down my throat. I looked at the clock and then around the bar, smiling softly as I took in all the costumes. The girls, much like myself, dressed like a bunch of sluts. The guys costumes ranged from super lazy to super crazy.
Someone dressed as Chewbacca came up next to me and put a hand on my boob and honked it. I looked over
my shoulder and laughed, slapping the hand away.
“Want a drink?" I asked.
Chewie nodded and then pulled off her mask. It was a girl. Man-ish in a tall way but certainly not a man. I ordered another shot and then pushed it to my bandmate, Susie.
I watched her take the shot and then looked around the bar again, my eyes meeting with Kent’s. He was standing at the other end of the bar, a beer in one hand, a Cosmo in the other. He stared at me and seemed torn. He stuck his tongue out at me.
Susie’s paw waved in front of my face and I turned away, breaking the spell.
“Earth to Elly! It’s time, girlfriend.”
I nodded and then looked for Kent again. When I spotted him I stared for a few seconds and then moved away, Chewie following. More Star Wars characters were on the stage, tuning their instruments and that was where I was headed.
I made my way up on stage and grabbed the mic. I cleared my throat and started speaking, "Happy Halloween!! We're Duds..."
I looked behind me at the band I’d joined over the summer. We were all a bunch of self-proclaimed nerds and had an awesome time playing and spending time together. They saw me through my heartbreak with Kent since Stacy was not around. They allowed me to musically unleash my feelings. I looked at the drummer and nodded my head. The music started, No Doubt's “Don't Speak” filled the bar.
The men in the bar wolf whistled when I bent over to get a drink of water as the intro played. I looked behind me and grinned, moving a slow hand up my bare, toned, shimmery leg.
I looked out into the crowd as the words poured from me, I couldn't see past the bright lights but I knew he was out there and yes, damn straight, I was singing this with him in my heart and soul.
The last of the chorus was sung with everything I had. I felt like I was on fire whenever I was on stage, it was where I was meant to be. The applause was deafening and we continued right into our next song, Blur's “Song 2.” The bar was a collective "Woohoo!" when the song called for it and the pulse was live through the jumping, dancing crowd. After the short two minute Blur the Kent-smashing continued with Alanis' “You Oughta Know.” I touched myself during the interlude, touched myself on my shoulder where he'd kissed me the night we’d had sex and then it got more intense as I matched the lyrics with a scratch on Chewie's back. I went through the set list as it alternated between a crowd-pleaser and a Kent-killer.
They lowered the lights for the last song, the spotlight off of me. The soft guitar intro of “Lips of An Angel” drifted through the bar. My eyes searched the crowd and landed on Kent who stood there at the bar, his eyes on already on me. He had two drinks in his hands again but didn’t move while I sang to him.
I closed my eyes at the end of the song and then spoke into the mic, "We're Duds! Thanks for coming out tonight!" I gave one wave and then turned off the mic, the applause overpowering anything I would've said anyway.
I made my way to the bar, pushing through the crowd. I ended up at Kent's side and ordered myself another shot of tequila. I glanced at him but wasn't going to say anything to him unless he said something first. Kent sat the drinks down and pulled some money out to pay for my drink.
"I'm sorry, Elly."
I pushed his money back to him. "I get free drinks on gig nights. What are you apologizing for exactly?"
Kent took the money and put it back into his pocket. "I was listening to those songs and the words. I know some of those were meant for me, Elly."
"And you're apologizing because...?" I stared up to him, not letting him get away with being vague tonight.
Kent looked like he was having trouble finding his words. "For how we left each other before summer. "
"Oh. You mean how you just walked away from me?” My eyebrows lifted in unison along with my voice.
"Yes. For how I left you. I know you were crying as I walked out of your dorm room. That's what I was sorry for."
I threw back the shot and set it gently on the bar as I swallowed.
"No apology needed. I'm good. Singing is very therapeutic. I hope you two are happy together." I reached up and put my hand on his cheek, my thumb grazing at the very corner of his mouth gently. I knew I was playing with fire but I just couldn't seem to help myself. But being friends again wasn’t in the cards.
His face turned just slightly as if he were going to kiss my thumb. It was much like the way he kissed my cheek that night we’d slept together.
I was pulled to the side abruptly, my hand leaving his face. "Stop flirting, Princess,” a male voice purred in my ear.
The man who held me had blonde spiky hair, multiple face piercings, and a mean look about him. He was dressed like a pimp complete with the tall feather in his hat. I smiled at him and wrapped my arms around his neck and stepped close, pressing myself against him. I wanted to be sure that Kent got an eyeful. I wanted him to regret his choice. The choice he continued to make. The wrong choice.
"Make me,” I purred back. He flashed me his charming smile which kicked his looks up at least four pegs. He pressed his lips to the side of my exposed neck.
"Gladly," he growled in his deep, raspy voice. I giggled and looked in Kent's direction. Kent was picking the drinks up and was getting ready to move back through the crowd.
I smiled, I bet it stung on the other side of the table. I knew, I’d been there. Before Kent could retreat all the way Jen came by and tapped me on my shoulder. I turned around and was met with the sharp sting of Jen's open palm. My head whipped to the side and my hand covered my cheek. There were collective gasps and “Ooh"s in the immediate area. I turned my face, hand still on my cheek and glared at Jen.
The crackling of glass breaking sounded in the background as Kent moved up between us. He seemed angry. Very angry.
My boyfriend put his arm around my chest, holding me back.
Jen looked at Kent and then pointed a finger at me. "She was groping you!"
Kent looked at me and then looked at Jen. “Let’s go, now.” He grabbed her by her upper arm and pulled her through the crowd.
I still had my hand on my cheek. “Bitch.” I fell back against my new boyfriend and turned, heading to an empty booth with his hand on my hip, not looking back. Good riddance to both of them.
Chapter 20
Kent had only tried to contact me a few times after the bar incident. One of them was on Thanksgiving. He hadn't left a voicemail so I didn’t feel obligated to call him back.
I didn't want to see him or Jen at Christmas so I skipped it and let my mom know I'd be coming in after the party was over.
As I walking up the driveway I saw Kent standing outside in the cold. His cheeks were rosy with color and so was his nose. His hands were tucked into the pockets of his thick jacket. I froze when I saw him and then turned on my heel, heading back down the sidewalk.
My heart hammered in my chest as I heard him call out my name. I heard his footsteps as he came jogging up behind me. "Elly, wait." His hand wrapped around my arm to stop me. I yanked my arm away and turned around, my voice thick with anger.
"What?!"
“I’m sorry. I blew up because of Jen’s jealousy issues She got in the way of our friendship.”
"Newsflash: That's what she does! And she'll continue to do it because you're getting married to her. You know, I was glad she slapped me. I deserved it. I did. But I won't give her a reason to do it again. I'm staying the hell away from you." I tried to step around him but his large hand stopped me.
"Elly. I've talked to her about it, a lot. Either she accepts the fact that we are friends or it's over between us. I'm not willing to lose you, Elly. I'm sorry."
I pulled my arm away again. "You've already lost me, Kent! Just accept it like you do everything else."
"No, Elly. I will not accept that. We've been through some hard times together and I'm not willing to give up."
"I have nothing to give you. What we had...It’s gone. We can't hang out anymore. Our lives are rapidly going in different directions."
&
nbsp; "Will you take a ride with me? I have a gift for you, but it's not here."
"No. I won’t accept any gifts from you." I tried to step around him one last time.
Kent stepped in front of me, his hands up in defense. "At eight years old we made a promise to each other, that we'd be friends forever, no matter what. I intend to keep that promise and that is what this gift is about. It's something that goes with that promise."
"Yeah, but we aren't. So, you broke the promise. You broke it when you started dating Jen and let her come between us. You broke it when you walked out on me last year and didn’t call me all friggin’ summer.”
"Then what am I doing here now, Elly?"
"You're trying to take it back but you can't." Tears pricked at my eyes and I struggled to keep them from falling. "Tell me this Kent, if I said that in order to get me back as a friend you'd have to break off your engagement to Jen and never talk to her again, would you do it?"
He reached into his pocket and pulled out his cellphone. "I'm not going to lose you, Elly." His fingers started typing in a number, I could only guess it was Jen's. "Is that what you want me to do? Is that what all this is about?"
I stared at him and shook my head, looking down at my feet. I wasn't going to force him out of his relationship. Even if he wasn't with Jen there was no guarantee that he'd pick me and then we'd be in the same situation just with a different girl. "No, I'm sorry."
"I stood up for myself with her. I told her that you were going to be my friend and she had to stop being jealous. I came here tonight to say I was sorry." He put his phone away and got down on his knees in front of me, his arms limp at his sides, like a man defeated. "I'm begging. Do you want me to crawl? Cause I will." He bent forward, putting his hands on the ground too.
"Kent..." I stepped away from him, "Stop. Is this what you did for her too? Crawl on your hands and knees? Beg her to stop being jealous over me?"
"No,” he sat back on his haunches, “she begged me. I told her how things had to be or we weren't going to work out. Then I told her that I was going to be friends with you and that I had to show you I was sorry. I also told her that I wanted to get a gift for the both of us. She wasn't happy, but it was accepted. So will you take a ride with me? At least come to my car so I can show you what I want to do?"