by Megan Hart
Still, guilt pricked at her. The sex in the living room had been fantastic and much needed, since she hadn’t had a good, strong orgasm in months. Ewan had probably been desperate for that release, too, after weeks without so much as a furtive jackoff session. She wanted to tell herself that was the reason why she’d finally succumbed to not only Ewan’s persistent come-ons, but her own simmering desires. Release and nothing more. The problem was, Nina wasn’t good at lying, especially not to herself.
The truth she could not ignore was this—there was something rough and rasping between them. Something like the snag of thorns on silk—or maybe, gravel on a knee. Nina knew well enough that in a world where she had not been enhanced and hired to keep him safe, she and Ewan would never even have met. Yet they had, and like he’d said, it had taken a myriad of connections for the universe to bring them together. That had to mean something, didn’t it? Nina had to admit to herself she wanted to think so.
Now in the kitchen she rustled around in the supplies to find exactly the items she needed to use in her mother’s recipe while Ewan continued to sleep upstairs. Her boss, she reminded herself. Not her lover. Not really even her friend, even though they’d come closer to that over the past few days than she’d have imagined possible.
Pulling out a mixing bowl she found in one cupboard, she laid out the ingredients on the counter as she measured, sifted, and poured. The kitchen in this remote, “primitive” cabin was better equipped than most of the places she’d lived in the past few years, and certainly far better outfitted than her own small house that she hadn’t even been inside for the past year and a half while she traveled from job to job. Mixing the batter by hand was how she’d learned to do it, though, and how she did it now, forgoing the fancy mixer with the stainless steel bowl and blades in favor of a simple fork she pulled from the drawer.
She lost herself in the rhythm of it, stroking the fork through the batter as she counted in her head to two hundred. The sound of footsteps in the bedroom above put a small smile on her lips, as did the stealthy slip of feet on the stairs and then in the doorway. He was trying to be quiet, maybe even trying to sneak up on her and catch her unawares. After what had happened in the waterfall pool, she was surprised he’d be so . . . well, she supposed she could never call Ewan Donahue stupid. Incautious, then.
He was watching her. The fine hairs at the nape of her neck tickled. She kept her back to the doorway as she mixed the batter steadily. He should know better than to surprise her . . . but he had to know she wasn’t going to be surprised. He slipped up behind her. Put his hands on her hips. His mouth found the nape of her neck in a gentle yet claiming kiss that sent a rush of arousal through her, and she welcomed it with a soft, indrawn sigh that sounded almost like a purr.
His heat against her back told her he was still naked. She’d dressed completely, including her gear. She could fight naked as easily as clothed, but it was always better to have her gear handy.
There was more to it than that, too. She put the bowl on the counter and turned to face him at his hands’ silent urging on her hips. Being naked during sex was one thing. Facing him naked in the morning was a level of intimacy and vulnerability Nina wasn’t ready for.
It obviously hadn’t bothered Ewan, who wore his bare skin as carelessly as he did those four-thousand-credit suits. He kissed her mouth, sweet and soft, when she turned. His fingers curled against the thin fabric of her shirt just above her belt.
“Morning,” he whispered into her ear. The flick of his tongue on her lobe sent a shiver tiptoeing up and down her spine. “You’re making me breakfast again.”
“I hope you like pancakes.”
He smiled as he kissed her again. This time, she let herself soften into it. His lips parted, his tongue probing gently against hers until she relented and opened for him. He backed her against the counter in a step or two.
Her hands went automatically to his shoulders, her fingers digging slightly into the muscles there. Seconds later, her grip tightened at the sound of his answering moan. Curiously, she let one hand slide down to his side. She pinched, lightly at first, then harder, above the bony curve of his hip.
Ewan reacted immediately by pressing his cock against her. With the barrier of her clothes between them, she missed the heat of his flesh, but there was no mistaking the hardness there. When she pinched still harder, he pushed his hips forward and broke the kiss with a small, groaning gasp.
His gaze had a smoky distance in them that sent a rush of arousal through her in response. She smoothed her fingertips over the spots she’d dug into. Her other hand went around the back of his neck to curl her fingers there, holding him in place.
“Do you like that?” she asked quietly as her fingers stroked the soreness.
In reply, Ewan let his tongue slip out over his lower lip. A flash of something far less dazed and dreamy glinted in his dark hazel eyes. His mouth firmed. He tried to pull away from her, but her hand curled at the back of his neck kept him from it, at least unless he wanted to really struggle. She was able to easily keep him in place because he wasn’t willing to make that effort, and because she was so much stronger.
She would always be stronger than him, and for the first time in a long, long time, Nina didn’t think it mattered.
She pinched his side again, then again, using the tips of her fingers to nip at him. He tried to pull away from her again, but she held him still. Between them, his cock got rock hard.
“Your cock says you do,” Nina whispered, her gaze fixed on his.
Ewan’s lips parted. She caught the glimpse of his teeth inside. The pink sweetness of his tongue. She wanted it, right then, and she leaned to take it. When she bit it, he shook.
This time, when he pulled away, she let him go.
He moved a step or two, his chin lifted. Fists at his sides. His cock had softened, but only a little, and although she wanted to let herself glory in the sight of it, and his reaction to her, Nina made sure to keep her eyes fixed on his.
“I only want to hurt you if you like it,” she told him. “It’s no good for me, otherwise.”
Ewan scowled, and she wondered if he was regretting not taking the time to slip into at least a pair of briefs before he’d come downstairs intent on revisiting what they’d done the night before. “Do you like it?”
“Yes,” she admitted.
“Is it something you . . . usually do?”
A pang filtered through her watching the shadows she’d grown to find familiar, if inscrutable, shutter his gaze. “I don’t like to compare relationships.”
“Is that what you think this is?”
She chose her response carefully. “Neither of us is the sort to confuse sharing a few hours of physical intimacy with something deeper. We needed something from each other last night, and we got it. That’s all that part of it has to be. But that doesn’t mean this isn’t a relationship, and there’s no point in comparing what we did to anything we’ve done with other people.”
“Who says I need anything from you?” Ewan said.
Nina shook her head and turned back to the bowl. She beat the batter a few more times with the fork, then set it on the counter to settle while she turned on the stove burner and found a pan and some synthbutter from the cupboard.
“You came down here this morning, naked, to kiss the back of my neck,” Nina pointed out. She’d have none of his bullshit. This was far from the first time she’d dealt with the regrets of a romantic partner who tried to turn the blame on her. She’d known better, and fucked him anyway. That made her foolish, but not a fool.
When he didn’t answer, she turned back to the stove and poured a thin circle of batter to test the temperature in the pan. It was a little too hot, so she adjusted the flame. She looked for a turner, found one in the wooden utensil holder on the counter, and used it to test the edge of the pancake.
Ewan still hadn’t said anything by the time she flipped it, a bit too early, since the cooked side was still pale. She
looked over her shoulder. At the look on his face, she turned completely around to face him.
“What?” she demanded.
Ewan opened his mouth. Closed it. The struggle to find the right words was clear. Her irritation with him eased.
“You do need something from me,” she said. “Right? And you hate it.”
Without answering, he turned on his bare heel and left the kitchen. With a sigh, Nina took the pancake out of the pan and turned off the heat. She went after him. By the time she got up the stairs and into the bedroom, he’d already pulled on a pair of pajama bottoms. He didn’t turn when she came into the room.
“You wanted this. Us. Together, like last night,” she said flat out, getting right to the heart of it because there was no point in pretending this wasn’t the problem.
“You’re the one who said it would be a mistake.” The straightness of his spine and squared shoulders and the gritted sound of his voice told her he was still struggling to find the right words.
Nina pressed her lips together before she spoke, trying hard to figure him out but unable to. “Was it? Are you one of those men who only want something until he’s had it? Or are you the sort who doesn’t like to think about anyone else having something you’ve had?”
“Is that what you think about me?” He frowned with a shake of his head.
“Maybe you don’t like that I’m stronger than you. Most men don’t,” Nina said in a hard, flat tone.
His frowned deepened, becoming a scowl. “I am not most men. And this isn’t about what gets my cock hard.”
“What, then?” she asked, frustrated and not surprised when he gave her no answer.
“I wish I could tell you, but I can’t,” he said finally.
She wanted to cross the room and touch his bare skin. Press her lips against it. She wanted to feather her touch over the small spots of bruising on his ribs, to caress all the places she’d pinched him. The desire for this was what kept her from doing it. It hit her worse than a punch to the gut, this sudden need to comfort and soothe him, which was very different from knowing she needed to make him comfortable or ease his worries, or get him off.
“You’re angry,” she said.
He turned his face to give her his profile, and that was all. “You’re not.”
“Are you trying to make me angry?” She paused, frowning.
Ewan hissed a sigh. “Yes. Maybe. Hell, I don’t know, Nina.”
“Because you still don’t believe me?” She took a step toward him, but only one. “I can be annoyed. Irritated. But you’re not going to push me into a rage. It doesn’t happen to me anymore.”
“I’m not angry.”
“You know I can tell the truth by the way you stand, your tone. The fact you’re running a few degrees hotter than normal,” she said. “You know I’m able to judge things like that. So don’t pretend you’re not furious with me. I’d rather you just be honest and say so.”
His hands went to his hips and he slouched, hanging his head. He muttered an invective. “I’m not ashamed. I’m not angry. I’m afraid.”
A tingle of emotion twisted inside her. “That I won’t be able to protect you?”
“No.” Finally, he turned. “You’ve more than convinced me of that.”
“What, then?”
“I’m afraid I’ve found something I’ve wanted for a long time,” Ewan told her in a low voice. “And now that I have, I’m afraid I won’t want to give it up.”
His words shook her. Her chin lifted. She wore thousands of credits’ worth of gear designed to defend and attack, and yet she felt more vulnerable than she ever had in her life.
She could not look at his face. She had to cut her gaze. She had to turn from him, and the two of them stood in that attic bedroom, neither of them speaking, so that the only sounds were the heavy shush-shush of them breathing and the throbbing pound of her own heartbeat in her ears.
“Why . . .” she said after a moment or so, her mouth so dry she wasn’t sure she could speak at all. “Why would you have to?”
“Because I hired you to perform a job. To protect my life. That’s what this is. It can’t be more than that.” Ewan’s voice dipped, then rasped. “Not long term. We don’t live in the same world, Nina.”
“Don’t we?” She looked at him then, her tone clipped. She knew what he meant, and although she’d had similar thoughts herself, hearing him say it made her angry. “Seems to me that we do.”
Ewan shook his head. “Not really. My world is fund-raisers and bank accounts and shaking hands and yours is . . .”
“Mine’s what?” she challenged.
“Fighting and weapons and running,” Ewan told her. “Your world is hard and fierce and dangerous.”
She couldn’t disagree, but the way he said it sounded like an insult and not the simple truth. “And who do you think made it that way? People like you. And it’s going to keep being this way so long as people like you are in charge of it.”
She hadn’t meant to slap him so hard with a truth of her own, but she saw by the way his expression twisted that she’d hit him someplace tender. She didn’t care, she told herself. He was right. He’d hired her for a job, not to dance to old music and to make him her mother’s special pancakes in the morning. Not to kiss him or touch him. Certainly not to love him, even if she were capable of it.
Ewan crossed the room to her. He put his hands on her shoulders. He waited until she met his gaze full on before he spoke.
“I like that you’re strong, Nina. And beautiful. And funny. And smart.”
“You’ve mentioned that already. But you don’t like that I’m a soldier,” she said before he could continue what seemed was going to be a long list. She didn’t move away from him. She let herself search his gaze, looking for something she knew she was not going to find. “Not only that, but one of the enhanced. And you couldn’t possibly want something long-term with one of us, not when we barely qualify as human.”
He said her name with a shake of his head, but as far as she was concerned that was not a denial. Frowning, she let her fingers curl into fists at her sides. She breathed deliberately and deeply, one, two, three, four.
“I will do the job you hired me for, and I will do it better than anyone else in the whole world possibly could. I’ll keep saving your life until you don’t want me to anymore. But if you want to try to make me feel like somehow last night was a mistake, you won’t convince me of it, and you will never make me believe you thought it, either. You wanted me last night, and you wanted me this morning. You’re not a man who ever seemed to be worried about the long-term, so I don’t know why you’d start now.”
“Because for the first time in my life, Nina, I feel like there could be a long term.”
Stunned, with a heat rising in her that was more than sexual, Nina stepped toward him. “With me?”
Ewan ran a hand over the top of his head, then scrubbed down his face and chin. He rubbed his eyes next, like he was trying to clear his entire face of any expression, but he failed because when he looked at her again all she could see was a mingled chaos of fear, exhilaration, and anticipation.
“I’ve tossed it around from every direction. What it took to bring you into my life. How you’re the worst possible choice for me—”
“As far as compliments go, I have to say, you could use a few lessons in how to give them better.” She shook her head and moved to stand in front of him. Close enough to touch her, if he wanted to.
Ewan didn’t reach for her, but he didn’t back away, either. “You’re not like anyone I’ve ever known. You make me crazy—”
“Again,” Nina put in with a wry twist of her mouth, “you’re not selling me on this.”
He kissed her. Hard. Abrupt. Rough. She wasn’t the one who liked pain, but the sting of his teeth against the inside of her lips sent shivers of desire coursing through her with as much spark as an electric shock.
“Anyone I’ve ever been with has always wanted more from
me than I felt I could give.” Ewan licked his lips, his gaze steady and unwavering on hers. “More than I wanted to give. But you . . .”
Nina shook her head. “I’m not going to fall in love with you.”
This time, his kiss was softer but no less tingle-inducing. His hands anchored on her hips as he pulled her closer. When he pulled away, Ewan nuzzled her throat, not nipping but pressing his teeth against her skin for a second or so before kissing again. His breath caressed her.
Her nipples peaked, and a languid, sensual heat rolled through her. They moved together, dancing again, this time to the music of their mingled sighs. Ewan kissed her mouth again.
This was probably not the best idea she’d ever had, but it felt too good to stop. When she sucked his tongue into her mouth, he groaned. The sound was a trigger straight to her core. Heat rose. She breathed out a sigh and left the sensual glory of his mouth to kiss along his jaw and throat, nipping every so often until he muttered her name.
Then she looked at him. His gaze had gone dreamy. She smiled and stroked her fingertips over his eyebrows. One down his nose. Finally, across his lips until he opened his mouth and tried to snag her finger with his teeth.
“I want you,” Ewan said.
Nina arched a bit and ground herself against him. “Yes. Bed. Now.”
He gave her that shining, killer smile, and although part of her tried to wonder how many women he’d used it on, the rest of her didn’t give a good onedamn because the growing fire in her center felt so good. It must have shown on her face, because in the next moment he’d walked them both backward until she settled on the edge of the bed. She was already unbuckling her belt while he undid the straps on her thighs. Moments after that, she was naked from the waist down, with Ewan kneeling so he could get his mouth between her thighs.
“Oh . . .” The exclamation slipped out of her on a sigh. Her fingers threaded through his thick, dark hair. “Oh, yeah. There, right there.”
Pleasure built as he feasted on her. He swiped her with long, flat strokes of his tongue, steady, consistent, every so often holding off to flick the tip against her until she was mindless and writhing, her hips lifting to meet every lick. He slid his hands beneath her to hold her still. Small, murmured vocalizations slipped out of him, and at the sound of him so clearly enjoying what he was doing, Nina at last slipped over the edge into ecstasy.