by Claire Adams
I breathed a subtle sigh of relief, thankful she hadn't said Savage.
“Consider it done. There's a long weekend coming up next weekend. I'll give you two extra days off to make it five days.”
“Thank you, Asher. This is very generous of you.”
“You deserve it. However, since you’ve chosen Hawaii, I hope you and Meg won’t mind putting up with me on the flight. I have some friends there I’ve been meaning to visit. An old buddy of mine owns a resort there, and I'd like to catch up with him. We'll take my private jet.”
She smiled. “I think Meg and I can handle your company for the duration of the flight. It'll be tough, but we'll do our best,” she teased.
I laughed along with her. It was so good to hear her laugh and see that genuine, carefree smile on her face. I saw something else there, too, an intense sparkling in her eyes as she laughed. She was doing her best to suppress it, but it was there.
“Great! It's done, then. I'll see to it that all the arrangements are made.”
“Thanks again, boss,” she chided as she left my office and closed the door behind her, leaving me with a little optimism that maybe Brendan Savage was, in fact, no longer in her life. I could only hope that when I met with Matt later that afternoon, he could confirm.
***
I hadn’t met with Matt in over a week. At our last meeting, he’d informed me that Savage had called Lilah several times, but she had only answered twice. They’d had drinks once, but it didn’t appear to be intimate. So, I’d been holding out hope that Lilah had given Savage his walking papers—straight off a cliff.
As I was on my way out of the building, I didn’t have to wait for my meeting with Matt to get an answer to my question about Savage and Lilah. A black Bugatti sat by the sidewalk and sitting in the driver's seat was Brendan Savage, grinning smugly as he always did. My heart immediately began to hammer, and I felt a cold sweat breaking out on my back when I saw Lilah walking around to the passenger door to get in.
I hung my head and trudged off to meet with Matt, a host of negative emotions flooding through me. What could I do? She was free to make her own choices.
I just wished one of those choices had been me.
Chapter Thirty-Two
Lilah
After I'd double-checked that I'd packed everything I needed, I called Lilah to see that she was on schedule to leave.
“Hey, Lilah, are you and Meghan all set to go? Should my driver pick you both up from your place, or should he pick you each up from your own places?”
“I was just about to call you,” she replied. “There's a problem. Meg can't go. She's come down with something.”
“Oh, no.”
“Yeah,” she said. “She thought she ate some sushi last night that was a bit off, and when she got sick for the fourth time at work this morning, her boss insisted she go get checked out. She says she'll be fine, but she's stuck in a hospital bed the next couple of days because the doctor said she was not only dehydrated, but severely sleep deprived.”
“I'm sorry to hear that. Do you still want to go? I can't reschedule it, I'm afraid. At least, not for some time. You know how much work there is to get done over the next few months, and there are no more holidays or long weekends for a while.”
“I know,” she replied. “I told Meg I was going to stay here with her, but she argued with me and insisted I go. So, I guess it’s just you and me on the flight there. I’m sure I’ll find plenty to keep me busy, even without Meg there.”
I did my best to remain calm and collected, but inside I could hardly wait to have Lilah all to myself on the plane. Even if it was just for five hours. It was more time than I’d had with her combined in three weeks.
“Okay, then. I'll send my driver over to pick you up. Sorry again about Meg. I hope she'll be all right.”
“She’ll be okay. I’m more concerned about the nurses who will be taking care of her,” she joked. “I’ll see you in a bit.”
An hour later, we were in the air, just Lilah and I on my plane. I had employed two private flight attendants for the trip, but they had been given strict instructions to make themselves scarce unless called for through the intercom system. They had been doing just that.
As the captain was preparing to take off, Lilah and I lounged in our large, plush seats and talked about how the VIV perfume campaign was going and my thoughts on opening an office in Europe.
“Would you like a drink to get this little vacation started?” I asked.
“That sounds lovely,” she said with a smile.
So, I pressed the intercom button.
“What can I bring you, sir?” the flight attendant’s voice echoed back.
“I'll have a scotch on the rocks,” I said. “Lilah?”
“A glass of wine. No preference. Just surprise me.”
“Coming right up, sir,” the flight attendant replied.
She arrived shortly with the glasses, and I selected a movie to play on the big screen as we drank. By the time the movie had finished, Lilah and I had not only finished our drinks, but we’d also finished her bottle of wine and an entire bottle of champagne. I was pretty buzzed—buzzed enough that the filter on my mouth wasn’t working so great, and I asked about Savage.
“Lilah,” I said, “I know it's probably not the right time to talk about this, but . . . Look, I just have to ask. Savage: you're seeing him, aren't you?”
A mischievous smile crept over her beautiful lips. “He thinks I am.”
I gave her an inquisitive look. “You’re going to have to explain that one.”
“Look, I'm sorry for keeping you in the dark about this. Yes, I have been seeing him. But, it’s not what it probably looks like from the outside. I am actually on a fact-finding mission.”
I was taken aback. “A fact-finding mission?”
“Yep. I'm sure he's behind the leaked tweet and the break-in. I've gathered some insight that supports my thought process. I just need the proof,” she explained.
I felt a surge of satisfaction spreading through me as she talked.
“Maybe if we combine what you know with what my private investigator has discovered, we can build a solid case against Savage,” I said. “Please tell me you haven’t put yourself in any compromising situations, Lilah. I would never forgi—”
“Asher! Of course not! I haven’t even let the sleaze ball kiss me. He’s lucky I let him touch me at all.”
Relief set in. The last thing I wanted was for Savage to know anything intimate about Lilah. I didn’t want to share that with anyone, especially not him.
“I can't believe that you were doing this! You're . . . you're something else, Ms. Maxwell. I never should have doubted you.”
“Doubted me? What exactly have you been doubting?” she asked pointedly, putting me on the spot.
I was pretty quick though, even in my tipsy state. “That you would even give the likes of Brendan Savage a second thought. I really should have known you’d have a plan. How’d you get to be so resilient, anyway?” I asked with a cheeky grin.
“Growing up in a family of boys, without a mother, and being raised by a distant father. That's how,” she replied. A sad look entered her eyes.
“I'm sorry,” I said. “You know I can sympathize. Hell, I can relate. You’re the only person I've ever told about my situation growing up. Maybe I somehow knew you’d understand.”
“It wasn’t just my childhood,” she said. “I was . . . I was in love once. Madly in love.”
“Well that's a good thing, isn't it?”
“I suppose it could have been. But it wasn’t. And heartbreak has a way of making you or breaking you. I didn’t have a choice but to strengthen my resolve. It was that, or wither in a corner. In the end, love turned out to be an awful thing.” Her eyes fell to the empty glass in her hand.
“Why do you say that?”
“Well, I placed all of my trust in one man. I gave him my heart, my soul. Everything. One month before we were suppose
d to be married, he destroyed me. Told me he'd found someone else. He left, and we haven’t spoken since. It broke me. It broke me into thousands of pieces.
“But it also made me stronger than I ever imagined I could be. I took all of that emptiness I'd had growing up and mixed it with the heartbreak, and I used that to focus my energy, my drive, my motivation. I became fixated with work and my career, and became absolutely dedicated to it. That's what got me where I am now.”
I nodded. “I'm sorry you had to go through that, Lilah. Do you think . . . do you think you could ever open your heart again?”
“Maybe. One day. But so far, it seems the past is always there, always waiting in the background to stir up the doubts. Isn't it like that for you, as well?”
“It is, sometimes. There's the shadow of my father, and how he behaved. The terrible thing he did to my mother. But there were other things. There was more.”
Tears began stinging my eyes and sadness tightened in my throat.
“More?” she asked gently. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have asked. You don’t need to feel like you have to tell me. That’s personal and private.”
My gaze caught hers and a jolt of something I couldn’t explain shot through me. “Lilah, I trust you more than I've ever trusted anyone,” I replied, my voice hoarse.
She reached over and squeezed my hand. She didn’t say a word. She didn’t have to. That one simple touch gave me all the courage I needed to talk about my father—something I hadn’t done in years.
“My father wasn't just a drunk with a bad temper. He was a womanizer, too. With his money and his good looks, it was easy for him. While my mother was pregnant with me, he got another woman pregnant. He paid her off—paid her to have an abortion and disappear. She didn't even have any idea that he was already married, and that his wife was pregnant.”
“Wow. He sounds like—”
“He is,” I assured her before she could even finish the thought. Whatever her thought was, I had no doubt it was still too kind to describe my father.
“He’s the reason I have never imagined I’d have children of my own. That’s not the kind of bloodline I want to pass on.”
Chapter Thirty-Three
Asher
When we touched down in Hawaii, the sun was shining and the sea was a deep blue. The Big Island was green against the ocean. It was as picturesque a setting as we could have wished for. But my mind was in a different place. I was still trying to digest just what had happened on the airplane.
One minute, Asher and I had been sipping on champagne and watching a movie. The next we'd been baring our souls to each other and splaying out our deepest, darkest secrets. The things he went on to tell me he’d struggled with were mind-boggling. It seemed nearly impossible that a child wouldn’t have been scarred by the things Asher shared with me. Even if he did have a stable parental figure in his life like his grandfather, he’d had more than his fair share of demons to face.
In return, seeing him so vulnerable, I'd been more open with him than I'd been with anyone ever —period. Sharing my feelings, fears, and issues had never been something I was comfortable with. Maybe it was the moment or the alcohol, or a combination of the two, but I laid it all out. In the aftermath of that, I had to wonder what was going on.
Maybe I was just caught up in the moment, but it felt like more than that. A little voice in my head tried to convince me it was fate, but I'd stopped believing in fate a long time ago—the day Jacob ripped my heart to shreds.
Everything had felt like destiny falling into place when I'd been with Jacob, it had all seemed like such a fairy-tale. Maybe it had been, but it was more of the Grimm Brothers’ version of a fairytale that ended with someone having a stake driven through their gut.
After that, I'd thrown “destiny” into the trash—along with love, joy, and a host of other happily-ever-after ideas. I became someone else after my heart was broken. Someone colder, more clinical, calculating, and cynical. True, it had been great for my career, but was life really all about a job? I'd forced myself to believe that it was. How else could I have gotten over the heartbreak? I never thought I’d find anything, or anyone, to unlock the person I used to be.
But when I was with Asher, all those negative feelings—all the doubt, anxiety, anger, bitterness—they just evaporated into thin air. It felt like the old me, the one who had been hiding in this suit of armor for so long, had finally emerged bruised and wounded, but intact. Intact, and full of a desire to love, live, and experience all the joy and wonder that was to be found in the world once more.
Yet also, the fear remained. Could I take that risk?
Despite the connection and opening up we'd shared in the airplane, Asher hadn't pushed for anything more. He'd never mentioned altering the original plan, even though Meg hadn’t been able to make it. We would still stay in our separate resorts.
Even though part of me wanted to speak up and tell him that I would love to spend the entire vacation by his side, I hadn’t said a word. What I wanted and what I needed weren’t the same thing.
So, we rode to my resort in relative silence, stealing heated glances. I could almost taste the desire passing between us with every look. When the car pulled into the resort I was staying at, Asher helped me out of the back seat and said goodbye with an unexpected kiss on my cheek and instructions to call him if I needed anything. I smiled politely and waved goodbye as the limo disappeared down the long driveway. I was on my own.
I checked in to the resort, then went to my suite and unpacked my bags. Despite the luxuriousness of my surroundings and the beauty of the secluded cottage, Asher had booked for me with its palm trees, private beach, and swimming pool, I was feeling a little down.
“Come on, Lilah!” I said to myself in the mirror. “You're at a five-star resort in paradise, with five days of luxury and relaxation ahead of you, and you're feeling sorry for yourself? Snap out of it!”
But I was struggling. I was—as much as I hated to admit it—missing Asher. Just like I had been for weeks. Having Meg with me would have kept me distracted but, without her, my thoughts kept drifting to him.
He seemed to have resigned himself to the fact that he and I couldn't be together, and he was perfectly justified in doing so. After all, I'd done everything I possibly could to push him away with my insecurities and lack of faith in relationships.
He deserved better than that. If he found someone who could offer him a solid relationship, he deserved her. It was selfish of me to want him, while simultaneously telling him that we simply couldn't be together.
I stared long and hard at myself in the mirror. “Damnit, Lilah. If you want him, you should be with him. You can’t expect him to keep burning a candle for something you keep telling him will never happen.”
I needed another drink. I went over to the phone next to my bed and ordered a pitcher of Long Island iced tea. It was just what I needed to get this Hawaiian holiday started.
Ten minutes later, an island native in a grass skirt knocked on my door and delivered my liquid distraction. I asked her what activities she could recommend for the afternoon. I needed something I could concentrate on, something that would take my mind off of Asher.
She suggested snorkeling, which sounded like a pretty decent idea to me. I called the activities desk and signed up for a session later that afternoon, then went out onto the beach to sip on my Long Island iced tea and tried not to wonder about what Asher was doing.
***
After a fantastic afternoon of snorkeling, and the jet skiing that the snorkeling guide had talked me into, my head was clearer than it had been in weeks. I joined some of the other snorkelers for a hearty dinner by the main pool and returned to my cottage feeling full and content.
No matter how much I didn’t want to, I wondered how Asher was doing and hoped he was trying to have some fun. He’d been more stressed by work-related issues than I had been. After all, it was his company and he stood to lose the most had things not panned out
in our favor.
As I walked through the front door of the cottage, I made a beeline for the hot tub I’d been thinking about since before dinner. After all the water activities of the day, I was tired and knew I’d used muscles that didn’t normally get so much of a workout. The hot tub was not only perfect for relaxation, but my muscles would thank me in the morning.
I ordered a cocktail, then started the tub up while I waited for the drink to arrive. There was a large screen television in the bathroom, so I started scrolling through the list of movies to watch in the hot-tub with my soon-to-arrive delicious cocktail. It was exactly what I needed to wind down and lull me into oblivion.
The cocktail arrived just in time and I was about to strip down when my phone rang. I'd already called Meg earlier to check on her. My first thought was that Eddie might be calling to make sure I’d arrived safely. But when I picked up the phone, it wasn’t Eddie. It was a FaceTime video call . . . from Brendan. I hesitated, not sure if I was up for talking with him, but decided to get it out of the way.
“Hello,” I answered, turning on the video.
“Well, hey there, sexy,” he chimed, grinning his usual Cheshire cat grin.
I tilted my head a bit at the sound of his voice. He was slurring his words. Judging from the stupid look plastered on his face, he was drunk. I’d been around Brendan once before when he’d had a few too many and knew that when he was drunk, he was even chattier than usual. I immediately knew that I was looking at a prime opportunity to capitalize on his loose lips and maybe sink a few ships in the process.
“Well, hi, yourself, Brendan. How are you?”
“I'm good. I'm great, actually! Yeah, just fantastic!” He held a beer up in the air to show me. “See?”
“I do see. I also see that you've had a little to drink, haven't you?” I said with a flirtatious smile. All the while, I was inching closer to my laptop where I could subtly turn on the video recording function and record this entire call just in case I managed to get him to talk.