by Claire Adams
I looked closely at the photo, but I was still unable to see what Grace seemed to be seeing. Instead, what I saw was betrayal. What I saw was a man that had let me believe he was different than most men in his position. What I saw was a man I couldn’t trust.
How could I live in his world with the constant worry that he was going to move onto something new, something different one day just because it was presented to him? After all, he wasn’t lacking for a constant supply of young, hot, eager women. How could I keep up with the rigors of being involved with a rock star? Just the thought scared the hell out of me.
“God, it’s almost time for lunch,” Grace announced with a sigh. “Want to go grab something to eat?”
I nodded. “I’ll go get ready,” I replied and walked back to the bedroom, turmoil churning in my gut. What if I had been wrong to leave Owen? What if I had thrown away what we had because I assumed something was going on? Ugh, I was so unbelievably confused.
Grace and I walked to our favorite place on the corner to grab some salads. As we sat and ate, I tried to catch her up on everything that had happened since the last time we’d talked. We hadn’t had much time to talk because she’d been busy working during the days, and I typically did most of my work at night. So, I gave her the entire, sordid story of Owen and me. Not the easiest thing to do since I found myself fighting surges of intense emotion from time to time as I talked about him. I had loved him, and I couldn't deny that no matter how much I wished it hadn’t been true.
“I hate to say this, Nay, but I still don’t really understand why you left,” Grace remarked as we walked out of the restaurant and toward a frozen yogurt place a few blocks down, the heat driving us to something cold. “Why didn’t you at least talk to him?”
I hesitated before answering. It was a question I’d asked myself at least a hundred times. The conclusion I had come to was, “I was scared,” I admitted with a sigh, thinking of the sheer terror that had been in my heart last night as I dialed the number to Owen’s hotel room. Leaving that voicemail had been the hardest thing I had ever done, and I knew Owen was probably pissed off. Not just about my leaving, but the way I had left. I just hadn't known what else to do at the time.
“Well, I just don’t know what to tell you, Nalia,” Grace said as my phone vibrated in my pocket.
I pulled it out and frowned, not recognizing the number. I hesitated to answer it, but I pressed the green button and held it up to my ear. “Hello?”
“Nalia? This is Beth from the agency.”
“Hi, Beth,” I said, hoping that Owen hadn’t called and raised hell or done anything to prevent me from getting another position through them. I still needed to support myself, and if I got a black mark against me, I wasn't sure how I was going to do that. “What can I do for you?” I asked.
“Mr. Young’s secretary called,” she said, causing my heart to slow in my chest. “She stated that he left you a bonus check at the studio to be picked up at your convenience. He appreciates all of your hard work.”
I stood there, mouth gaped open, confused. He had given me a bonus? I had ditched them and fled in the middle of the night, yet he had given me a bonus? “I, um, thanks for letting me know, Beth,” I mumbled.
She said something about letting them know when I was ready for another assignment and then said her goodbye. I hung up the phone, shaking my head.
“What’s wrong?” Grace asked, surely puzzled by the look on my face.
“That asshole gave me a bonus,” I uttered, my voice shaking with anger. “He paid me off.”
She frowned. “And you are pissed because?”
“I don’t want to be paid off!” I exclaimed, shoving my phone back into my pocket.
“Okay, I’m confused,” she announced. “What do you want?”
I had wanted him, his heart, all of him. I didn’t want his money. That bonus was nothing more than an insult to injury. Besides, the last thing I wanted was to risk running into him at the studio if I went to pick it up. “Damnit, I don’t want his money. I still fucking want him. But, at the same time, I don’t.”
“Hate to play Devil’s Advocate here, but you left him, remember?”
“Damnit, Grace,” I muttered, no longer wanting yogurt. I had left him, yes, but I hadn’t wanted anything else from him. My heart still ached every time I thought about him. “I’m not going to take it. I’m not taking his damned bonus.”
Grace grabbed my shoulders and forced me to look at her. “You’re insane. Take the money and forget about him. You still have to live, you know. Do I need to remind you that you're now unemployed again? What if it’s months before you find another position?”
I sighed, knowing she probably right. My car had broken down on the way back from the airport this morning, and after some fiddling with the battery, I was able to get it to limp back home and leave it in the driveway. It needed some serious work, and the extra money would go a long way toward making that happen.
“Fine,” I finally said. “I’ll go get the money.” Besides, Owen was in Florida for another few days, and my chances of running into him were non-existent if I went before he and the band got back to L.A.
Chapter Thirty-Five
Owen
It was a perfect Southern Florida day, the sun high in the air with a slight breeze coming off of the ocean as Talon and I sat down at an outdoor table alongside the beach. As I looked out over the blue expanse of the ocean, my stomach started to rumble at the thought of a big breakfast.
We were actually finished with the first leg of the tour. But, for some reason, as well as all of our shows had gone, I didn’t feel like I had accomplished anything. Instead, I felt empty, the sting of Nalia’s abrupt departure still a bruise on my heart.
I hadn’t realized how much she had become part of my life until she was no longer there, and I hadn’t slept much at all since her absence. As much as I tried to ignore them, thoughts of her ran through my head so much that it was rare now to find myself thinking about anything else. Still, what could I do? What happened had happened. She made her choice, she left, and that's about all there was to it. I would simply have to accept it and get over it.
“I’m starving,” Talon remarked as he looked at the menu. “I think I could eat everything on this damn thing.”
“Well, I guess that means I’ll be fronting the bill then,” I said dryly. He gave me the middle finger, and I sighed, glad my brother was talking to me again after our “heated misunderstanding,” as Talon was calling it.
Fighting with Talon wasn’t really anything new—that’s what brothers did—but it didn’t make me feel any better about it. I had, after all, been the instigator, and it wouldn't have happened if I hadn't let my personal feelings get in the way and then taken them out on him. I was a mess—confused and unable to concentrate on anything. I wanted to snap out of it, but it just didn’t seem to be happening.
The waitress came by, and we both ordered a Bloody Mary and omelets before handing our menus back to her.
“So,” Talon said, leaning back in his chair. “Half of the tour is down. Can you believe that? We've finished half of the tour. Man, it really feels like it's been just a couple of days on the road. Crazy how fast time flies by when you're having a good time.”
“No, I actually can't believe it,” I replied with a grim smile. “Not so much the tour, but in general. Back when we started out, I would have never thought we’d get this far. We’ve really had quite the run.”
“That we have, bro,” he answered as the waitress deposited our drinks onto the table. Talon picked his up and saluted it my way. “To good times.”
I picked mine up and clinked glasses with him. “Agreed.”
“This tour has been better than I imagined,” he said, “and it's been so good for all of us. Me especially, you know? This band means so much to me. I just wanted to say thank you again for keeping your promise and getting this whole thing going again.”
“No problem, little brother.
It's been good for me, too.”
We each took a sip and then settled back in our chairs, the sound of the ocean filling the silence between us. Five days of rest lay ahead, and I had no idea what to do with the time. Our lives had been so hectic over the last month or so, and now that I had down time, all I wanted to do was to go back out there and just start it over again. I wanted something to keep me occupied.
My only solace since Nalia had cut off any contact with me had been found in playing shows. I needed to rehearse, to sing, to write new music...anything that would keep my mind off of her and the future I kept thinking about with her. The future that wasn’t going to happen.
“Ya know, I’ve been thinking,” Talon said. “I think I’d like to have a few kids.”
“What?” I asked, turning my attention back to my brother. “Did I just hear you right?” I asked, shocked.
“I didn’t stutter.”
“Don’t you have to get married and all that shit first to be thinking about kids? Besides, you're the absolute last person I had ever expected to hear utter those words.”
Talon laughed. “I’m not gonna run out and drop little Talon bombs everywhere. But I have been thinking about it a little lately. Ya know, wondering what it would be like to have someone to come home to. As much as I love the attention we get from all the women on the road, it does get a bit old after a while. I can't help thinking about what it might be like to have something more...you know...lasting. Permanent.”
I thought about what my brother said, and once again Nalia overtook my mind. I had to force myself not to think about what it would be like to come home to her, to have kids with her. But that just wasn’t meant to be. The facts were clear: she was gone and I was sitting beside the ocean with Talon, not her.
“I want the same thing,” I admitted. “Actually, it would be pretty amazing to have that, the more I think about it. Just not so sure it’s in the cards for me.”
Touring was a blast, and so were all the perks that went along with it, but once the fans went home and the bright lights were shut off, there was nothing left but a lonely hotel room. I had filled mine with a woman I thought would stick around for those times, but apparently, I had been wrong.
I guess I couldn't blame her; we had agreed on certain things beforehand, just so that neither of us would wind up getting hurt. But I guess that hadn't been enough, because here we were. Or rather, here I was. Hurting like hell.
“Dude, what’s with the weird look?” Talon asked.
“Nothing, man, nothing. Don't worry about it.”
He laughed. “Yeah, let me guess. I bet it has to do with Nalia, doesn’t it?”
I exhaled sharply. “I just don’t understand. I thought she was, hell, I guess... I guess I thought she was the one.”
“Whoa, wait a minute. Are you serious? I knew you cared about her, but I didn’t know you were in that deep.”
I sighed, shook my head and looked out over the ocean. “She just left. Left me high and dry without an explanation.”
He swore. “I don’t know what happened with you two, but, dude, that’s fucking cold.”
“I know. And now, after everything, I don’t think she even cared about me in the first place.”
Talon burst into laughter. “Yeah, right. You’re as blind as she is. That girl loves you, man. How could you not see that?”
Narrowing my eyes, I looked at my brother. “What did you say?”
“She loves you. Trust me, dude, she is head over heels in love with you and was completely devastated when those girls were crawling all over you. That girl, she would have done anything for you.”
I grimaced. She loved me? Then why the hell had she left? Those girls, they meant nothing. Being a rock star and having girls crawling all over me was part of the gig. I had told her that, I had explained it. Just because they were coming on to me all the time didn’t mean I wanted them.
Our waitress arrived and set our food on the table, but I just looked at it, no longer ravenous like I had been when we arrived for breakfast. In fact, my appetite seemed to have disappeared altogether.
Talon leaned forward and stared at me over his omelet. “Dude, just go get her.”
“What if she doesn’t want me anymore?”
“Seriously? Dude, come on! Are you a pussy? Or are you my brother, the legendary Owen Young?”
“Fuck it, I’m going after her,” I announced, looking at my watch. I could catch a flight out before noon and have a few days to coax her to come back again before the second leg of the tour would kick back up. I just needed her to at least listen to me, no matter what I had to do. I would put on a hell of a show to get her to do just that if I had to.
“So, what’s the plan? How are you gonna make this happen, bro?”
I thought about it and a smile spread across my face. “The check. She’s coming to get the check. It’s still five in the morning there. I need to catch a flight out of here.” I had sent my secretary an email to drop a pretty significant amount in the form of a bonus to Nalia, knowing she could use the money. But now, that check would turn out to be my saving grace.
“I have a plan, Talon. I have a plan.”
He grinned. “Well, what are you waiting for, bro? Go get her!”
Chapter Thirty-Six
Nalia
I pulled up to the recording studio and put the car in park, fighting back the anxiety, apprehension, and sense of hesitation that seemed to be infecting every cell of my body like a virus. I knew Owen was on the other side of the country currently, sunning it up in Florida, but I still had a funny feeling in my chest. I couldn't explain it because there was absolutely no reason to be nervous, but for some unexplainable reason, I couldn’t shake the feeling.
“Are you going to stare at the building all day or actually go inside? Come on, sis. It's not a fire-breathing dragon, it's just a lump of concrete and steel, and it happens to have a chunk of change waiting inside for you.”
I glared over at my brother before offering him a close-up view of my middle finger and a snarky frown.
“Give me a break, all right?” I said.
Jackson held up his hands mockingly, a cheeky grin plastered across his face. I loved my brother, but sometimes he could really irritate me, and often, he seemed to have no clue about when humor was appropriate and when it wasn't.
Jackson wasn’t my first choice as backup. Grace had an early studio call, so she hadn't been able to come with me. Call me chicken, but for some reason, I didn’t want to show up at the place all alone. Just the thought of it sent butterflies flapping their wings like crazy through my stomach.
So, I had called up Jackson, taken him out to brunch as a bribe and then talked him into riding with me so that I would be able to actually go inside of the studio when I got there instead of sitting in the parking lot for an hour trying to talk myself into it. As Grace had reminded me, I needed to pick up my bonus check. Or, rather, my pay-off. I felt a bitter sting of resentment biting at my insides as I thought about it.
“What’s wrong, Nay?”
I sighed, rubbing a hand over my face. “I don’t know. You remember when we used to sneak into the music room at the orphanage, and I would just stare at the piano, wanting to play but not brave enough to risk making a noise?”
“I do. I also remember the way you used to touch the keys, as if they were made of glass,” he added, a faraway look in his eyes. “I knew then that you were going to be something special. None of the other kids could ever hold a candle to what you were able to do on that piano.”
Tears threatened to fill my eyes as I continued to stare at the building. “I had such high hopes of making it in this business. I only wanted people to hear my music, you know? Is that so wrong?” I glanced over at my brother, remembering our childhood and the dreams I held that had started back then.
Pangs of regret and sorrow began working their way through my body like an invasive parasite. I had come so close to getting a foot in the door o
f the industry I had dreamt of for so long, but now it looked as if that would never happen. My hopes and dreams lay in tatters and ruins.
He reached over and touched my arm. “Of course not, Nalia. You're meant to be a star, and you will make it in this business. I promise you that. You just have to believe in yourself. You're so talented, and you work so hard at it; it's just a matter of time before the right person notices you. Don't give up now.”
I looked at him, giving him a soft smile. “You should have been a motivational speaker. Or maybe a therapist.”
“Well, if I was,” he said, his eyes narrowing, “I would have told you to stay far away from that d-bag rocker. Oh wait...I did tell you that. Hmm. You, however, chose not to listen. This would be where I give you the dreaded I told you so speech. But, he already broke your heart, so I’ll spare you. This time.”
My heart ached at the mention of Owen, and all the feelings of what he meant to me came rushing back. Sitting there, staring at the studio I dreaded entering, I found myself wishing things would have worked out between us just so I could prove everyone who had doubted us wrong. But, in the end, it seemed they had all been right.
Grace’s words, however, continued to haunt me. What if I had been wrong? What if I had jumped to conclusions and never gave him a chance to explain? What if Owen hadn’t been the ass I assumed he was, and, instead, was actually the exception to the rule?
“Hey. Earth to Nalia,” Jackson broke me from my trance. “How about you go get that check so we can get the hell out of here,” he suggested, his voice jolting me from my inner thoughts and self-questioning.
I nodded, pulled in a deep breath to steady myself, and opened the car door. Seconds later, I walked into the building and took the elevator up to the floor where the studios were. When the elevator doors opened, the place was eerily quiet. The lights were off, but there was still a good deal of light entering through the windows, so it wasn’t dark, but it did feel a bit like a ghost town.