“Fallon?” Nick calls.
I quickly scramble out the door and launch myself to my feet, running across the playground. The driver’s side door opens, and Nick climbs out and strides towards me. As soon as I am close enough, I fling myself at him.
His arms wrap around me, and he holds me close, pressing a relieved kiss to the crown of my head. “I’ve been going out of my mind,” he breathes with relief.
“Sorry,” I mumble into his neck. “Shit luck tonight.”
“I’d say. Come on, I want to get you out of here.” We pull apart, and I quickly hurry to the passenger door, climbing in. I sink back into the seat, relaxing as Nick pulls away from the curb. “So you went in search of a party tonight,” Nick comments, and I can tell that he’s not happy I’d gone out on my own.
“I just wanted a distraction. Not with anyone,” I quickly add. “I just didn’t want to sit around at my aunt’s.”
He doesn’t say anything.
“Did you hear anything about the shooting?”
“It was on the radio. Sounded like it was gang related,” he replies.
“Anyone dead?” I ask softly.
“Three.”
I blow out a breath, recalling the panic I’d felt as everyone had tried to escape at the same time. “It was really scary.”
“I bet it was.”
“Are you taking me home?”
“No, I’m taking you to my place as long as my dad isn’t home. Blake is headed there, and last I knew, he was twenty minutes away from town yet.”
“Blake’s on his way back?” I ask with surprise.
Nick glances at me. “You thought he’d stay with his parents?”
“Kind of.”
He shakes his head but doesn’t comment further.
When we pull up to the trailer, we’re relieved to find that his dad isn’t there. The second we step inside, Nick immediately draws me into his arms once more, pressing me tightly against his hard chest. “You scared the shit out of me tonight.”
My arms wrap around his waist, and I press my cheek to his heart, listening to the steady, soothing sound of it beating. “I’m sorry.”
Nick pulls back, and I look up only to have his lips touch mine in a sweet kiss. I close my eyes and enjoy the sensual, slow dance of his tongue twining with my own. The kiss is slow and mind-numbingly delicious. His lips linger a little longer until he gently ends it.
I open my eyes, and I peer up at him searchingly. That kiss was different than the ones I’m used to sharing with him. As his slate gray eyes gaze into mine, I know that he’s trying to let me know how much he cares without pressuring me. I smile and stand on tiptoe, giving him a soft kiss on the lips.
His lips curve upwards, and he leads me to the couch, his expression sobering. “Tell me what happened tonight.”
After we settle comfortably among the cushions, I tell him about everything that had happened. By the time I’m finished, headlights are flashing through the windows, announcing Blake’s arrival. I watch as Nick rises to his feet and walks to the door, opening it for Blake. With both of them here in the same room, I know I’m going to have to face what I’ve been trying so hard to avoid.
Blake steps into the trailer, and the second his dark eyes rest on me, he strides over. I stand, and he pulls me to his chest, hugging me tightly. “Don’t ever do that to me again,” he says lowly into my ear.
I nod against his chest.
“Nick said they never knew you were there?” he asks, referring to the men at the park.
I shake my head.
Blake releases a shuddering breath that has his solid chest trembling against my cheek. “Thank God. I had horrible thoughts when I couldn’t call you back.”
I ease out of his hold so that I can look up at him. “I was worried the vibration of the phone might carry. I didn’t want to take any chances,” I explain.
He tucks a strand of my hair behind my ear, and his eyes run over me. “You’re really dirty,” he muses lightly.
I am? I look down, and for the first time, I notice that the knees of my jeans are stained with dark smudges, and I’m betting my butt looks the same. I lift my hands, and they too are dirt-stained. My nose wrinkles. “Ew. It was dark, so I have no idea what was on the floor inside that playhouse.”
“Go wash up,” Nick suggests.
I look at him, and I bite my lip. He’d just watched me with Blake. His expression isn’t angry, but it’s certainly not pleased. I quickly turn and walk down the narrow hall to the bathroom. As I wash my hands in the sink and run water over my face, my mind races. I’m grateful that Blake and Nick had worked together to make sure I was safe, but I also know that there will be consequences. I won’t be walking out of this trailer without another discussion about how I’m supposed to choose one of them over the other.
They are not going to be happy when I tell them what my decision is. With a grimace, I wipe my hands on a towel and exit the bathroom. I can hear their low, masculine murmurs in the living room, and when I return, they both fall silent as they gaze at me.
It’s impossible not to stare back. They are so different, like night and day. Nick stands there in a tee with a skull on the front, his jeans well-worn but sexy as hell, his feet encased in his black boots. Then there’s Blake, who is wearing a white dress shirt with a tie, and black pants. He looks sophisticated, and all I want to do is pull that tie off and use it to immobilize him so that I can play with his body.
I quickly shake off my naughty thoughts.
Wanting to put off the inevitable, I focus on Blake. He’s standing a few feet away from Nick, his hands in his pockets, his shoulders relaxed—which is surprising since the sight of Nick typically puts him on edge. “You walked out on your parents?” I ask warily.
He meets my gaze. “Yes.”
“What did you tell them?”
“That a friend was in trouble. They probably knew it was you.”
I worry my bottom lip, wishing I had my lip gloss on me. “They’re going to be mad,” I say with regret.
“Fallon, I don’t care. You’re all that matters,” he says simply.
I guess it’s not worth worrying over at this point. I look at Nick, and he’s studying me. My eyes dart between him and Blake, and they both look at each other too. An awkward silence falls upon us.
“I think we should talk about the elephant in the room,” Nick finally says, breaking it.
Yep, I knew it was coming. I need to sit down for this, so I walk over to the couch and sink into the cushions, trying to pull myself together so that I can explain myself clearly. Nick walks away to retrieve a chair from the table, and it rakes across the linoleum until he brings it into the living room. Blake hesitates and then walks over to sit beside me. Nick situates the chair in front of us, and he straddles it, his expression giving nothing away except for the tightness around his eyes.
Both of them direct all their attention on me.
My throat is suddenly dry, and I’m nervous over how they’ll react. “I’ve made my decision, and you both are going to have to respect it,” I start out.
They both exchange a long look, and it’s as if they have their own silent way of communicating. I sense a lot was just said between them even though they hadn’t uttered a word.
“If you both are insisting that I only see one of you; then you guys can be the ones to make that decision. I’m refusing to choose,” I say simply. I sit back and let them process my announcement as a heavy silence fills the room.
Blake looks at me with disbelief as his entire body goes rigid. “You can’t do that, Fallon.”
“She just did,” Nick says dryly.
“Which means you two figure out which one is walking away…from me,” I say softly.
Blake’s eyes automatically swing to Nick’s. “Fuck that,” he says flatly to him. “I’m not going anywhere. She needs me.”
Nick’s eyes narrow ominously. “You don’t think she needs me too?” he asks in a decept
ively calm voice.
Uh oh. “Guys…”
Nick’s eyes suddenly shift to me, and I see anger in their depths. “You wanted this, now you’ve got it.”
I draw in a sharp breath as alarm stirs within me. I lean forward, holding up a hand to ward off further accusations from him. “Nick, I don’t want a fight or you two to argue—”
“What exactly did you expect, Fallon?” Blake cuts in.
Shit, shit, shit. “I don’t know!” I exclaim. “I just know that I care about you both too much to let either of you go. I can’t make that decision, which means it’s up to you guys.”
Blake shakes his head, rising to his feet as he begins to pace. “I’m not walking away,” he says to Nick. “You have no idea what we’ve got going on between us.”
“And you think what she and I have is less important?” Nick asks coolly from where he sits.
Blake stops short, glaring. “You don’t know the shit she’s dealing with at home. She needs someone like me in her life.”
Nick’s eyes sharpen as he goes still. “So you know about her past?”
Blake blinks, looking confused. “What do you mean?”
“What are you talking about?” Nick counters back.
“Stop it,” I cut in, shooting them both looks. “This isn’t a competition over who knows what. God, I only confide in you guys when I’m actually wanting to. It’s not about keeping you both updated on the same shit,” I say, feeling disgusted with them.
Nick’s eyes swing back to me with suspicion. “There’s more going on with your aunt than you’re letting on, isn’t there?”
“It’s never been relevant during our conversations,” I tell him levelly.
“So he knows about your past, and yet you refuse to discuss it with me?” Blake’s expression turns wounded as he folds his arms over his chest.
I drop my head into my hands. What the hell am I doing? Every time I think I’ve got it all sorted in my head, the guys’ reactions make me feel confused—like I’m doing something wrong with not wanting a regular relationship. Maybe it is wrong. I don’t know. I just know that my heart won’t let me choose, and after my research, what I want makes more sense to me than a monogamous relationship.
Blake sighs. “This is growing more complicated by the minute.”
If we’re ever going to work past this difficult conversation, I need to be completely honest with them both. I drop my hands and rise to my feet, walking over to Blake. I touch his arm, my eyes earnest. “I didn’t tell you about my past because I don’t want it to touch us. Maybe it sounds weird to you, but I feel that my past has no place in our relationship. You make me focus on the present, and all the bad stuff fades away. It’s like a huge weight is lifted off my shoulders when I’m with you, and I love how you make me feel. Our future is more important than my past,” I say softly.
“But your past makes up who you are,” he disagrees.
“You don’t need to know it to be with me,” I point out.
I turn and face Nick, who has risen from his chair, his expression grim. Everything I’d just said to Blake had likely made him feel like shit, and I can’t have him feeling that way. “He’s right, the past does make me who I am, and I can’t ignore the dark parts of me that find it impossible to escape those memories. You understand them, you understand that side of me. When I’m with Blake, I feel like I’m home, but when I’m with you, it’s the same feeling. Like I belong. You help me understand myself better, and I’m more connected to that part of me when I am with you. The way you make me feel is indescribable.”
I look at them both, trying to get them to understand what I see in each of them. “Blake, you’re like a light that beckons me, and I let everything go when I’m with you. It’s the most exhilarating feeling ever, and you bring me a sense of peace that I’ve never had before.”
Blake stands there, unmoving, his lips parted slightly.
My attention shifts to Nick, who is watching me with those penetrating eyes of his. “And you, you’re the very thing that keeps me stable. You understand the side of me that needs someone to relate with, and that anger within me, that desperation to feel, you embrace it and make it better. You make me better. Don’t you guys see? You both touch my soul in different ways.”
They are silent, and I stand there, my eyes darting between them as I implore them to listen to what I am saying—to try to understand it.
“I am one person, and I know I am complicated, but each of you make me better in different ways. You both make me feel good about myself, and I’ve never felt that way before. I see the world differently when I’m with you guys. Maybe I’m too much for one person to handle, and that’s why both of you ended up in my life,” I say dryly, trying to lighten the mood. “I have no idea why it happened this way, but I do know that I’m not supposed to walk away from either one of you.”
Neither one of them make a move to speak, and their expressions are indecipherable.
I just bared my soul to them, and my face heats. “So there you go. Make what you want out of what I’ve just said, but that’s the best I can do. I’m not good with sharing stuff, but I’m trying,” I tell them quietly.
Nick finally speaks up. “It was…enlightening.”
I look at him tentatively.
He looks contemplative as he absorbs everything I’d just revealed. “I don’t know about Blake, but I think I understand now where you’re coming from with all this,” he adds.
“You do?” I ask hopefully.
He nods, his eyes dark with emotion now. “I get it.”
I look at Blake.
He shifts restlessly where he stands. “He’s right,” he says reluctantly. “I think we both understand why you want what you want, but does that mean we understand the actual reality of it? That’s still pretty blurred, but at least it’s making more sense than it did yesterday.”
I breathe a huge sigh of relief, not bothering to hide it. “That’s all I wanted was for you both to understand where I’m coming from with what I want.”
“It still doesn’t change the fact that we don’t want to share you,” Nick reminds gently.
“I know,” I say miserably.
“We also have a new problem,” Blake says in a subdued tone. We look at him, and he reaches up to loosen his tie. “I think we should sit down,” he suggests.
I glance at Nick, and he’s looking at Blake with a sense of bewilderment. He too has no idea what Blake is thinking.
Blake and I take our seats, and Nick settles onto his chair, his forearms resting on the back of it. He looks at Blake coolly. “What’s this new problem? Haven’t we got enough already?”
Blake scrubs his hands over his face. “You heard everything she’d just said, right?”
“Yes.”
“Then if she ends up with one of us, that means her mind will likely be on the one she lost, wondering if things could have worked out and all that shit. She’ll be missing the other, and if anything, the more she misses him, the more she might resent the one she’s actually with,” Blake says in a heavy voice.
I’m struck speechless, and I look at Nick to see dawning comprehension in his gaze. His jaw tightens, and now he looks frustrated. I’d never even considered how losing one of them would make me feel towards the other, and Blake is trying to look at the situation from both sides. He may not want to acknowledge it, but he is anyway, because that’s the only way this is going to get sorted.
“Trust me, it’s not something I even want to think about or deal with, but one of us is going to end up with her, and that’s going to be one of the possible consequences,” Blake adds.
Nick rakes a hand through his dark hair. “Fuck,” he mutters under his breath.
“I’m sorry,” I whisper in a hollow voice. There seems to be no end to the problems developing, and I’m the reason for it all
Nick looks at me sharply. “Stop apologizing. You can’t help the way you feel, Fallon. We don’t blame you for this,
it’s just…not something him or I want.”
“I know, and the last thing I want is to force you guys into something that you’re not comfortable with,” I say softly.
“Hypothetically speaking, how would it even work?” Blake asks me cautiously.
I blink, and hesitate. “I don’t really know. All I can do is go by how I feel and what instinct is telling me. I know you two don’t want to be around each other, so I would have separate relationships with both of you, like we’ve been doing. The only difference is you guys are accepting my relationship with the other. There can be ground rules set if you want so that everyone is comfortable with the situation.” I look at them both. “We would decide together how to work it out.”
Blake is silent now, clearly thinking.
“This isn’t really what I want, but it’s something to consider since neither I nor Blake are willing to walk away,” Nick says grudgingly as he flexes his fingers along the back rim of the chair.
My breath stalls. Is this really happening?
Blake looks at Nick meaningfully. “Things could always change. Shit happens, you know.”
He’s referring to the possibility that the other relationship could crumble and fall apart, leaving me with only one of them in the end anyway. My heart sinks. If we decide to do this, both of them are going to be secretly hoping that the other relationship will fail, but I tell myself I can’t let it bother me at this point. They are willing to explore this for my sake, and I’m damned lucky with just that.
Both Nick and Blake study each other, and it’s as if they are having another silent conversation. I sit quietly, my fingers fidgeting in my lap as I wait to see what they decide.
Blake leans back in his seat, looking defeated. “Fine. I’m game, if he is.”
Nick slowly blinks, and then shakes his head with a hint of disbelief. “Alright, I’m in.”
Holy shit. They’re giving me what I want, but the coming weeks will definitely not be easy.
Blake leans forward again, his eyes on mine. “So right now, you feel that multiple relationships fit what you need. What’s to stop you from deciding you want a third relationship, or a fourth?” Blake asks bluntly
Shameless (Loving Fallon Book 1) Page 21