by Cameron Jace
“There is nothing wrong with it,” Flam says, eyes on Vern. “Just look at the number seven, right in the middle between five and nine. You’re expected to play Switzerland—you know what that is of course,— ”
I nod. Leo told me about it. “What’s wrong with Switzerland?” I ask.
Flam turns his head to me, looking serious. “What do you think happened to them when the world fought each other, Decca? Which side do you think they took? Nobodies. Because as much as they wanted to be peaceful and smarter than everyone, they lost their identities by not taking sides.”
I have sudden goosebumps on my arms. I am not sure I agree with Flam’s explanation but it got to me somehow, so I occupy myself with watching Vern step up toward the microphone.
My video games loving friend is sweating real bad. The idea of standing in front of a crowd that’s looking up to him drives him crazy. Vern is more of a follower, not used to having to influence others. If I were there with him I would’ve advised him to think of this as a video game, but I don’t think it’d have worked. This feels so painfully real to him. And he has to say something that satisfies the many Sevens of Faya.
“Hey,” Vern says into the microphone, avoiding eye contact. No one says anything back. His shrug is so loud in the microphone it sounds like someone flushing the toilet. A couple of girls hiss and chuckle somewhere in the Zeppelins. Vern tries to unchain his fear by adjusting the microphone that is already perfectly placed. It produces another set of undesired, loud sounds in the huge speakers on the roof of the Royal Tower. Clumsily, Vern puts the microphone back in place and glances upward for a moment, unable to take in the scene of the hordes of the people staring at him from the Zeppelins.
I purse my lips, watching on my iAm as the cameras zoom in on every twitch and awkward facial expression on his face.
“Come on, Vern. You can do it.” I tap the floor with my shoes.
“Sorry for that,” Vern smiles wickedly before he decides to let his hands dangle to his sides. “I love to play Zeragon 5,” He offers unnecessarily.
The Milmilk slips from Flam’s hands as he opens his mouth wide, staring at Vern on the TV.
“Ouch,” I say almost closing my eyes as if that will wipe the embarrassment on Vern’s face away.
“Really,” Vern insists innocently, which makes me worry about bringing him in the game. Woo is right. Vern shouldn’t have come with us. “You can ask Leo. He is my friend. We play together.” Vern says, gesturing back at Leo who bravely nods to affirm Vern’s claim. Still, the crowd keeps hissing. Someone calls Vern a douchebag, and another calls him boring.
“I believe in… “ Vern starts saying, finally getting himself together. “Hmm. Video Games?”
No one makes a sound. I see only appalled and disbelieving close-ups of some of the crowd on the iAm.
“Fun?” Vern says, looking puzzled.
“Come on, man,” Flam says, now crawling on his hands and knees closer to the TV screen. “You can say the magic word.”
“What’s the magic word?” I ask Flam.
“If you don’t know it then you’re not a Seven,” Flam says, focusing on Vern.
“I believe in heroes,” Vern tries his bad luck. “Superheroes?”
A bell rings, indicating that his time is up. Eliza Day shakes her head and signals for the guards to pull Vern back from the microphone. The iAm closes in on Woo, who’s been silent and aloof all the time, rubbing his bare feet together at most. Now he is shaking his head at Vern’s vulnerability. How is he going to survive the show?
As the guards pull Vern away, he gets furious and starts kicking the air with his legs, reaching out for the microphone like a boy drowning in the sea and looking for a lifesaver.
“Give me one more chance. I can do it,” He screams in a thin pitch that is more laughable than pleading.
“That’s sad, Vern,” Flam says. “You could have said the magic word.”
Vern tries to slide himself loose from the guards’ grip, curving his body like a snake until he finally manages to run back to the microphone which he holds awkwardly in his hand, looking like a young Elvis Presley, about to sing his first song on stage. He catches his breath, his eyes dare the ground, and he is about to say something.
“I think he found the magic word,” Flam is glued to the TV.
“I believe in…” Vern says, fisting one hand high up in the air. “The Nerdfighters!”
Somehow this moment sends shivers through my spine in a way that makes me recall when I killed Carnivore. It’s that low buzz and vibrating tone that you hear in the crowd as if they are shocked, but in a good way. They just need a moment to make sure they heard it right. And then… Faya lights up the night. The Sevens of Faya raise their fists in the air; boys, girls, and elders hail Vern as if they were fierce pirates saluting their leader. Fireworks light up the night with the weirdest colors. Sevens hold each other by the arms, side by side, dancing to the echo of Vern’s voice in the microphone.
“That’s the magic word,” Flam almost cries, and I don’t know what to do. He is a forty-year-old man. I didn’t expect myself to be calming him down or drying his tears. “That’s the word, Vern.”
The iAm shows Vern raise his hands with a single tear in his eye before the guards finally pull him away.
Although it’s Bellona’s turn now, she has to wait until the Sevens of Faya calm down.
I watch Flam walk back to the refrigerator, getting himself another bottle of Milmilk. “What better way to celebrate than with this?” he smiles at me when he comes back.
“You think Bellona will do well?” I ask, watching her approach the microphone with her machine gun right beside her.
“She will be alright,” Flam sinks back in his comfortable white sofa. “She is a fighter. Everyone respects a fighter.”
Bellona looks confident in a wicked way. She holds her machine gun up high and says, “As long as there are those who threaten to bring down our nation and all that we believe in, I will always believe in this.” She says in a straight tone, pointing at her gun.
The Sixes are much fewer than the Sevens in Fays but they stand up and salute her in a military way, which causes almost all of Faya to stand up and salute her, too.
“Wow,” I say, feeling a little envious without consulting my inner cuckoo.
“Can’t resist a soldier girl with pink hair,” Flam muses.
“So all that is because of her being a soldier?” I ask.
“Part of it is respect,” Flam says. “Part of it is the crowd being happy they are not pulled into doing the hard work of the military. If you spend your life in Faya, partying and having fun while others fight for you on the borders, you better hide your embarrassment with a fake smile on your face and salute the soldiers every now and then.”
“You sometimes sound as weird as Woo,” I comment.
“Woo is not weird,” Flam says. “He just wears his pain on his soul right out without concealing it. Why do you think he is always barefoot? If it were up to him, he’d walk the world naked. He wants you to see him as he is.”
I don’t comment on this one, distracted by Pepper’s charming appearance on the stage. God. With her bracing, chewing gum, recklessness, full of life, with one eyebrow missing, she has that certain, ‘I don’t give a bleep’ about her that makes her so appealing without even trying to be.
“I love this girl,” Flam says. “I love her so much I wouldn’t be surprised if she does something so interesting that it leads the superficial people of Faya to wear bracings like her to show off one day.”
“What do you expect her to say to the Fives?” I ask Flam.
“I don’t know, but I am sure she will put a smile on my face. I am a Five myself, and I really trust her representing me.” Flam says.
Pepper steps up to the microphone, casually, carelessly, like walking into your kitchen to get a glass of water. It’s no big deal. It’s something you do every day
and whoever criticizes you, the hell with them.
“I believe in…” Pepper says then notices she has her gum in her mouth. She pulls it out, sticks to the microphone’s handle, and moves her jaw to the left and to right like a fighter knuckling his fingers before the final hit. “I believe in Mac and Cheese!” She says, pulls her gum back into her mouth, and walks away.
Flam spits Milmilk out of his mouth, spattering the rug and the TV with pink curly trails. He keeps laughing until his face turns red. The Fives in Faya, who are the majority of the nation, laugh and keep saying, ‘Mac and Cheese!’ They high-five each other and spatter the sky with more fireworks. Pepper has certainly drawn a smile on everyone’s face and mine. She’s got the votes of all Fives. Some Sixes and Sevens, too. I am not sure about the Nines and Eights.
To my surprise, Pepper winks at Leo on her way back and then hugs him. Leo is so proud of her. I know Pepper adores him. The scene is mind-blowing. Did this new show connect the dots between the Fives and the Nines? I don’t think so. Because whatever my friends pretend to be, I know what they really are. I know what makes them appealing to their so-called factions. They are all Monsters, and I am so proud of them.
“Mac and Cheese,” Flam is on his back on the floor, kicking his legs in the air. “I sure feel hungry right now.”
The flare of celebration and fireworks dies as barefoot Woo steps up. His stare at the crowd is so unavoidable. It shows how disgusted he is with Faya. It occurs to me that it is unfair that his followers, the Monsters, are not allowed on the Zeppelins, still trapped in the Playa. Did Xitler and the Summit foresee and plan this ahead of time? Woo isn’t here to sweet talk his Monsters. They already believe in him and support him – including the newcomer Monsters after tomorrow’s Ranking Day. Whatever he says, I don’t think he could attract any of the factions. Let alone that I know for sure that he has no intentions of attracting any non-Monsters.
Flam turns back to the TV, tranced by Woo’s silence. “You see what I told you now?” Flam says to me. “You see that look in his eyes? That little Peter Pan?” Woo is not as tall and slender as Leo, and not half as beautiful. He is just a little taller than me and pretty much ordinary looking. It’s his eyes that could burn through you and send curing rays to mend the wound seconds later.
“I don’t know what I really believe in…” Woo says. “But I surely don’t believe in you.” He says and walks away.
Before I can even register Woo’s action, my phone buzzes. It’s Leo, and he says he’s coming over to Flam’s to drive me home. I find myself agreeing, my eyes still glues to Woo’s image on the TV.
14
Surprise
On the way home, we don’t say anything. Leo plays, ‘If I Could Only See Through Your Eyes’ on repeat. It’s his admirable, silent way of passing his thoughts across to me without having to talk. The world would be so much better if people could enjoy each other’s silence.
When he parks in front of the gates of my mansion, I feel like I have to say something.
“Why are you doing this, Leo?” I ask, and the light in his eyes shines down on me.
“Doing what?” He wonders, gazing at me with this triangular gaze from eye to eye and then to my lips. I hate when he does that. It feels as if he hasn’t seen me in years and all he wants is to stare at me. It’s ridiculous – but really cute.
“Keeping faith in me,” I feel like my eyes are stuck in their sockets. All I can do is look straight into his as if we’re connected with invisible wires that force me to follow his gaze.
“It’s a bad habit,” Finally, he looks away, a little distracted. “I don’t think that I could explain any of my actions since last year’s game. It’s all too emotional. I have that instinctual fire in my guts that I’ve followed blindly since then. If I have learned one thing from the Monster Show, it’s that logic and reason are the enemy right now. I know it doesn’t make sense. But if we had relied on logic in the games, none of us would have survived.”
“That doesn’t make sense, Leo,” I say. “It’s so illogic.”
“You’re very observant. Someone in this car just said so.”
I pinch him for making fun of me.
“You know I understand how much you feel for Woo,” He says. “All these memories that came back to you since I removed the iAm’s receptor from under your ear. All that you have done and risked to go find him. We only knew each other for three days, Decca. Although I know what I feel is true, I see it in your eyes how you care for him, even when you know what kind of jerk he’s become. But I still try to be close to you. Do you think that is based on logic?”
“It’s not like that—“ I try to deny my deep feelings for Woo, but who says I don’t have feelings for Leo too? It’s just that I can control my feelings for Leo but not for Woo.
“Don’t explain,” He interrupts. “Your heart will sail you across this tidal ocean of conflicting emotions until you reach the shore.”
Did Leo just say that? OMG. It’s sometimes really hard to believe that this is the boy who shot people all the way through the Playa. I don’t say anything and hope Leo doesn’t either. I want to indulge in the silent echo of his lovely sentence. Usually, Leo follows up with words that mess up everything.
“Woo is a jerk, you know that, don’t you?” Leo says. OK. Thank you. I can’t say I didn’t expect that, so I don’t say a thing. If Woo hadn’t sent Leo to save me, I wouldn’t have met Leo and shared these feelings with him. I might have lost the games. This is all messed up. My brain is frying slowly.
“Can I tell you a secret?” I ask Leo.
“Is it a big secret? Because you know I am irresponsible and I can’t keep my mouth shut.”
“Stop it,” It’s weird how he switched from anger to being funny all of a sudden. “Sometimes, I feel I want to go back to the Playa.” I shrug.
“To live with the Monsters?”
“No, to fight someone, to be back in the games,” I say.
“OK,” Leo puffs. “That’s it. I know the iAm number of a great psychiatrist. I am going to rendezvous you with her.”
“No. Seriously. Don’t you ever feel that way? It’s so boring out here in Faya. I mean it. You know, before last year’s game…” I stop suddenly, hearing myself saying this. Am I mad or something? Why would I want to go back to fight? Instead, I keep staring silently at Leo.
I want to tell Leo that he is not one inch the boy I knew last year. The arrogant, silent terminator who didn’t believe in friendship. But I can’t because he will tell me that I am the reason for his change of heart. I am the reason for him showing his softer side, which is becoming alarming since he could be killed in the show if he stays like this.
But I don’t say anything again because I don’t know which Leo I like more. The killer arrogant type, or the softer one. It’s strange how all of us can change from one moment to another. Woo once told me that he hates fiction books that expect the hero to be stereotypical, either a hero, or a romantic, or whatever. Woo said that we’re lost in the world, and our most precious trait, yet most dangerous – that none of us was predictable enough to fit in shoes of the protagonist of a stereotypical novel. I wish Woo still talked like that now.
“I guess we’ve both changed so much within a year, Leo. You went on the softer side, and I am on the verge of hysterical numbness. Is that because you removed the receptor from my brain? Is this who I really am?” I look in the rear-view mirror for a second. “A Ten. A Girl with Golden Eyes. Sometimes I wish you haven’t removed the implant at all.” The words I say are firm and steady. There’s no hint of tears coming out soon from my eyes, and I wish there were. I feel so much stronger in an inhuman way.
“Sometimes I wish you didn’t follow us after I sedated you,” Leo says, lowering his head and fiddling with his iAm. “The plan was to save you. Woo should have picked you up when the cameras were all focused on us, and convinced you to stay with him and never declare that you we’re alive.
I removed the receptor so the Summit couldn’t track you and would think of you as dead. But he was too late and you were stubborn enough to come after us.”
“I can’t believe you did that,” Again, the anger inside me isn’t showing. I am as blunt as they come. “I can’t believe they all knew about this. Why didn’t you tell me? Why did you and Woo insist on saving me all the way? First, he fed me chocolates to submit to the iAm’s rules, and then he sent a soldier to save me from dying. Why was I so important?”
“That, only Woo knows.”
“And it doesn’t seem like he will ever tell me. I am just a celebrity doll now. I don’t know who and what I really am,” I grab the door. Suddenly, I feel like I am starting to feel something and I don’t want anyone to see me cry, even if it’s Leo.
“Wait,” He grabs my hand and shows me his iAm. “I have something for you. You think I drove you home to have this endless and useless discussion?”
“Then what is it?”
“I bought you a birthday present.” He smiles. Damn that irresistible smile.
“You remembered?” I am genuinely flattered.
“Who’d forget the girl who was born on the tenth day of the tenth month in the Year of the Ten?”
Again. Damn that damn smile. So kissable.
“Wow. I’ve always thought it was a curse coinciding with the Ranking Day and the Monster Show.” I shake my head. “And you brought me a… present?” I raise an eyebrow at the iAm in his hand. Such a cheesy present. “Well, if you insist, I’d prefer a pink new iAm…with sprinkles?”
“Shut up,” he teases me. Wow. Isn’t this the Leo I once knew? “This is a disposable iAm. There is a video message for you in here,” He pushes the button, kisses me on the forehead, saying happy birthday, and grabs for the door handle. He does it abruptly as if he can’t stand facing me. “I think I should give you privacy. I hope you will like the message.” He says, opens the door, and stands outside in the rain. I hardly noticed it started raining an hour ago. I see his silhouette out in the rain, black and wavy behind the raindrops. Is that a gun in his hand? I am not sure. And I don’t care. I am sitting with an open mouth, staring at the disposable iAm he just gave me. That couldn’t be.