“What the hell?” I ask, gesturing the length of her body.
“Oh, shut up, Ray. You know I’m twenty-one, right? Lost my virginity and everything.” She swings her legs over the bed and Sydney snickers.
I scowl at them both then remove my jacket. “Put it on and let’s go,” I say. “It’s cold.”
“You sure you don’t want me to wait in the car?” Mariah asks. She winks at Sydney who blushes.
“Come on, Mariah,” I say, my eyes still on Sydney. “Apparently, we have to talk.”
As we walk out the door and down the short hallway, I turn back for second, hoping to catch her gaze, but the door is already closing, so I trail after my sister instead.
I fold the paper and shove it back into my pocket. Mariah sits in the passenger’s seat, her hands clasped on her lap. She is uncharacteristically quiet and I can’t blame her.
“Em,” I say. “I…” I, what? I’m sorry I let them send you away? I apologize for not noticing how much you needed me? I feel like a jackass for burying my head in my own life and not thinking about yours?
“I get it,” she says, quietly. “You didn’t know.”
“But I should have,” I say. “I was just too caught up in my own damn life.”
“What are you going to do?” she asks.
It’s a good question. I’m beyond angry with my mom, but I’m also not sure how to approach the subject of her abandoning my baby sister. My mind wanders back to the conversation from the night before. When I accused her of leaking the information about Dad.
I was desperate, I didn’t know what else to do.
So she sent her away. A seventeen-year-old girl, who was a little rebellious—okay, so a lot. But so what? She packs her up and ships her to another city, without even telling me?
If I’d known then, what would I have done?
We arrive back at the ranch a little over an hour later. I’ve taken my time getting here. Partly because I don’t want to face reality but mostly because I am scared of two of the most important women in my life being in the same room together.
“You should probably stay here,” I say. “Until I’m finished.” I reach for the door handle and Mariah stops me, a hand on my arm.
“Ray, wait. What are you going to do?”
“I don’t know,” I say. “But I’m not going to just let this go.”
“Well, maybe you should calm down first. You’ve got a look in your eye.”
My gaze shoots up to the rearview mirror. She’s right. It’s not me. I don’t have deep set lines between my eyes, my face doesn’t get this red, my heart doesn’t beat this fast. I loosen my fingers, the numbness dissipating. I am always calm. What’s happening to me?
“I’m mad too,” Mariah says. “I hate her. But you don’t, I can tell. And I don’t want you to. I only…I wanted you to know. That’s it.”
I close my eyes and take a deep breath. “And then what. Just walk away and pretend that for the past four years of my life she hasn’t been lying to me?”
“If that’s what it takes.” She smiles then, her gray eyes twinkling in the dim light. “Do you have any idea how much I’d love to see you chew her out?”
“I’m so sorry I yelled at you earlier.”
“It’s okay. You didn’t know.”
“It’s not okay. I thought you were trying to start something.”
She chuckles. “I was.”
“I’m so sorry,” I say again. “If I’d known—”
“But you didn’t. And,” she shrugs. “I’m sorry too. For trying to extort you. And for calling you a pussy.”
I chuckle. “I’d have given you anything you asked for. Trust me.” I reach over and grip my sister’s hand. “I may not have known the whole story before, but I do now, and she’s going to answer to me. And when it comes to Mom—to her—I can be a little weak.”
But not anymore.
Five minutes later, I close the front door silently behind me. Mariah was right to stop me. Otherwise, I would have raged in here slamming things and screaming at the top of my lungs. It’s what I feel like doing, but a part of me tells me it’s not the way. If I’m going to deal with Aunt Sheila and her lies, I’m going to do it her way.
She’s sitting at the kitchen table, a cup of tea in front of her. When I walk in, she glances up at me, her gaze icy. Still miffed about my decision to sign with Reese, still playing the guilt card.
But it’s all about to change.
I pull out a chair and sit down across from her. She still doesn’t look up.
I take a few deep breaths, doing my best to calm myself. I form the words in my head, and carefully execute each one as the plan falls into motion.
“Mom,” I say and reach across the table to place my hand on her arm. “I apologize for not consulting with you about my decision. I know you thought it was smart to sign with Mr. Mahr, but I trust Miss Clarke. Just like you should trust me to make the right decisions for my life.”
She sips her tea.
“Here’s the thing. I’ve had a lot of dishonest people around me for a long time and it’s really worked my nerves, made me less of a man because I believed them without question. But I have questions now. About two things in particular and I’m not leaving here until I get the truth from you. And trust me, after what I’ve learned today, I will be leaving. ”
Her gaze locks with mine. She swallows, her hands gripping the teacup. “What do you want to know?” she asks, her tone hushed.
“First, I want to know about my father. Where has he been all this time and why didn’t you tell us?”
She closes her eyes for a moment before resting her tea in front of her. “I told him. I always said it was a mistake, but he wanted to protect you. He wanted you both to have a good life. A better life.”
Thinking of my sister, the life she’s lived and the things I’ve learned, I force myself not scoff, my eyes still on our aunt, urging her to continue.
“He loved you. Very much. He still does. But we were young and so much happened that year, so much has happened to him in one lifetime. I think he was just trying to make the best of it. Luke—your father—he’s a good man.”
“Good men don’t abandon their children. They don’t go twenty-some-odd years pretending they don’t exist.”
“Circumstances change a person, Ray. When your mother died, he didn’t just lose the love of his life, he lost himself.”
“So she died and he just walked away from us?”
“It was more complicated than that.” She clears her throat. “The night your mother passed away we’d just gotten back from a five month tour.”
“We?”
“Yes, we. I was Roscoe Gold’s manager back then. Your uncle, Ross, hired me when I was just a kid. Seventeen. I…” She glances up at me. “I ran away from home shortly after and went out on their first ever tour with them. Back then they were just a group of boys from Idaho trying to make a name for themselves. One of several obscure opening acts. But they were good.” She chuckles. “They were really good and before we knew it, they were superstars. Your mother and father met a few weeks before that tour and they fell for each other pretty fast, but Luke had to leave her behind. It was a crazy summer. A lot of a drama. Tons of infighting.” She snorts and shakes her head. “It was the time of our lives. They eventually reunited and soon after she was pregnant with you. They got married when you were a baby, which we all thought was crazy. Your grandparents weren’t too thrilled with that. They weren’t too happy with the idea of your father at all. But Luke and Shannon loved each other…so much. Their relationship was a tumultuous one. All of our relationships were. Even Dad was in the mix.”
“Uncle Dave? What do you mean in the mix?”
“He was your mother’s best friend. Her high school sweetheart, he loved her and Luke hated him.”
“But he let him raise us?” I frown. “Doesn’t make much sense if you ask me.”
“Luke wasn’t fond of Dave at first, but
he eventually recognized him for the man he is. He was there for you from the beginning, Ray. Stood in for him so to speak. In her Will, your mother named Dave guardian. Along with me. I was only nineteen at the time. And I thought it was crazy. I thought she was crazy. I almost didn’t…” She presses her lips together. “I made this huge decision at a young age. But it was the right one. I’ll always believe that. Unlike your father’s. I told him to rethink things. I begged him to reconsider. But he was determined he was cursed or something and that having you in his life would only ruin yours. So he asked me to leave it alone. For years, I pestered him. Six years to be exact. But eventually I had to focus on you. So I gave up. Let him have his way.”
“So he really did abandon us.”
“Not at first. He was in jail when he signed you over to your grandparents. He was confused, hurt and grieving. When he got out, a year later, he tried to make things right, but Grandma and Grandpa weren’t that easy to convince. As far as they were concerned he’d given up his rights once and for all. He tried to prove himself, but I guess he was too beaten down by then. Too broken.”
“So he just gave up.” I laugh a little even though my chest feels like it’s trying to squeeze my heart right out of my body.
“You have to understand he had nothing. A criminal record, no money because he signed his entire Trust Fund over to you as well. Even this house. A judge would have never given him custody back. It was over and he knew it. By the time, I was ready to branch out on my own—move us to Sagle and away from my parents’ scrutiny—it was too late. He spent the first few years beating himself up about that decision and the last few convinced it was for the best. I tried so hard to get him to come around again, but he insisted we leave it alone. You’d both grown used to life with Dad and me. He didn’t want to confuse you. He wanted you to have the best. He always did.”
“Is it true I have a brother?”
Her gaze shoots up to mine. “Where did you hear that?”
“Mariah.”
“What do you…?”
“She knows a lot more than I ever did. She’s known he was alive all this time. Why would you do that? Why would you let me believe he was dead?”
“I’m sorry, Ray. I…I really am but a decision had to be made regarding your care. That decision fell on Dave and me. I decided to leave my youth behind and do the right thing. Take you both as my own. And Luke decided to give you up. All I’ve done since then is the best I possibly can.”
I focus on my mom, fully aware that it’s becoming harder and harder to see her that way as this conversation continues.
“I get why he gave up. It doesn’t make it right, but I get it. I just don’t understand why you did. You could have told me. Even if it was in my best interest to keep me in the dark as a kid, I’m not a kid anymore. I had the right to know, to find out before the rest of the world did that my father was…I just don’t get why you’d lie to me.”
“I’m telling you the truth now. I promise, I will tell you anything you want to know. I’m so sorry you had to find out this way.”
“Anything?” I ask.
“Absolutely.”
“I’ve been speaking with Mariah.”
There’s that look again.
“More importantly,” I add. “I had a conversation with Sydney. You know she’s a private investigator.”
Her expression hardens. “An amateur.”
“Yes,” I say. “An amateur. I was an amateur once. In fact, once I’m drafted to the NFL, I’ll be one again. Thing is amateurs always get better. That’s the point. It’s a level of skill most people improve on.”
She sighs then picks up her teacup, bringing it to her lips again.
“Anyway, my point is Sydney is good at what she does. Despite her ranking. And she gave me some information that hurt.”
She huffs. “You mean the story she leaked?”
“No,” I say. “Information about Mariah. And you.”
The cup clatters in the saucer as she rests it down.
“You know.”
“I do.”
Her blue eyes begin to glisten and her lip quivers as she reaches for me. “I didn’t know what else to do. She was so angry. All the time. She was…difficult and relentless. Elgin Place was the best thing for her.”
“That wasn’t your decision to make.”
“Of course it was.” She wipes her face. “I was her caregiver. It was my choice to make. What was I supposed to discuss it with you?”
“Did you talk to Dad?”
She opens her mouth to respond but I cut in.
“Think, Aunt Sheila. Before you speak. Before you tell another lie. Because all it will take is one phone call.”
She gasps. “Ray, I don’t think—”
“I don’t think you should try defending yourself on this one. You sent my sister away. The closest family I have. You sent her to a strange city and when she left the home, you didn’t even bother looking for her.”
“She was eighteen. I asked her to come back, Ray. I begged her. But she was so angry with me for sending her away in the first place she just shut me out.”
“And all these years, you pretended. Put on a charade. For what?”
“For you. You were away from home. Not doing as well as you let on. Reese told me how hard it was for you. How you were depressed and—”
“Wait, what? Reese? Miss Clarke.”
“I…yes.”
“You’ve spoken with her about me? You know her?”
“She introduced herself a few years back. Said she met you at UDub and promised to keep an eye out. I didn’t want you to know about your sister’s latest arrest. I didn’t want you to have a reason to come home and give up on your dream. So I didn’t tell you we’d sent her to Elgin. And when she signed herself out and disappeared, I didn’t know what else to say.”
“So you lied.”
“Yes. But we did look for her, Ray. I swear. Dad found her. But she wouldn’t come home. She hated me, didn’t want anything to do with me. She was so angry.”
“What did she do? Why did you send her away?”
“Ray…”
“You promised. The truth.”
“She broke into Dad’s office. Into the safe and stole over five thousand dollars worth of crystal and silver.”
“She stole from the church?”
“That’s why I didn’t tell him. I knew it would break his heart. The worst part is that it was part of a stupid dare. She’d started hanging out with this girl she’d been locked up with. I just wanted her to distance herself from that life, to take on better influences. But she shut out every effort. It was the last straw. I’m the one who called the police. I thought it would give her a good scare. I didn’t know they’d charge her. Elgin was the alternative to jail. So I took it.”
I scoff. “You think she was angry before? I’m not sure she’ll ever come back from this.”
Her nose flares and her chest rises and falls, her hands shaking in front of her.
I take them in mine and manage a smile that doesn’t feel quite right. “I guess I understand what you’ve done. But I’m starting to wonder what it is about this family and lies. We say we’re protecting one and other. But I don’t know, it seems like all we’re doing is making things worse.” I get up from the table. “She’s back,” I say. “For good I hope. She’s staying in my room tonight. But you should probably give her some space. She’s had a rough couple of days.”
“Do you think she’ll forgive me?”
I shrug. “She’s angry, but still just as sweet as she’s always been. She apologized to me for the way she came in here the other day. If you ask me, I think she’s trying to find her way back to her family, but I don’t think it’ll be easy. I think we’ll all have to start showing her just how much we care. Together.”
I get up from the table and head back toward the front door.
“Where are you going?”
“Out,” I say. “To face another trut
h and hopefully get a little forgiveness of my own.”
CHAPTER THIRTY
Sydney
This is the first day of the rest of my life, I think as I slip into my gym shoes. They pinch my baby toes and I can’t help but laugh at myself. My cheesy mantra and fresh resolution won’t last more than one hour. I’ve had these sneakers for an entire year and they look brand new.
The last time I vowed to change my habits, I allowed Reese to drag me to her gym. I was exhausted before we even got there and, after the first five squats, ready crash on my futon with a can of root beer and perfectly powdered doughnut.
But this time I need the change. I need the distraction. It’s been a stressful few weeks and relieving my woes with alcohol—especially cheap beer, isn’t doing me any favors. My job is safe now. In a few months, money will be good. And I need to be in top form. So I can peruse my real dreams.
I’m good at what I do. It’s why I do it. That and I love it. I’m not cut out for this cutthroat bargaining crap. I need stability. I need a job that depends on nothing more than my own skills.
I swing the door open and step forward smacking straight into what feels like a wall. Then I look up to meet Ray’s gaze.
“Hey.”
“Hi,” I say.
“Where are you going?”
“For a run.” It sounds even more stupid than in my head.
“Oh,” Ray’s thumbs hang in his belt loops. “I didn’t realize you were…”
“Athletic?” I laugh. “I’m not. But…I don’t know, maybe the run will turn into a walk. Probably. I just needed to clear my head.”
“Everything okay?”
All I can do is chuckle.
“Kind of late for a run isn’t it?”
I shrug. “It’s better than lying in bed and staring at the ceiling all night.”
“I could lie with you.”
My cheeks grow hot.
“I mean,” Ray smirks. “We could talk. It’ll be better than counting sheep.”
“You’re that boring huh?”
“You mind if I come in?” he gestures inside and I step back.
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