by Jill Sanders
The final straw in all this mess was the fact that her long beautiful blonde hair was falling out. Not just a few strands here and there, but handfuls of it came out each time she showered.
She felt like screaming. But instead, she stood in her bathroom and looked at herself for a long time.
“Get it together, Savannah,” she said and watched her reflection. “You can do this.” She lifted her arms and felt her stomach roll as she watched in horror as the skin under them flapped.
In that moment, she decided it was time she woke up. She used to love working out. After all, she’d wanted to make sure everyone looked at her and liked what they saw.
She knew all it would take is her doing it. She had asked about exercise during her last doctor appointment, and had been told she could get back to her normal routine. So why hadn’t she started?
She started to stretch. Her muscles were sore at first, but it felt really good to use them again.
Over the next few days, she cleaned the small kitchen of junk food. When she went to the store this time, she focused on buying only fresh vegetables. She had at one point been a vegetarian, and now when she walked up to the checkout, she realized she hadn’t bought any meat and didn’t care. The last time she’d stopped eating meat, she’d lost a few pounds in the first week. It couldn’t hurt.
She even picked up a workout DVD that she’d seen at the checkout stand and had started working out to it in the living room while Maggie lay in the small crib next to her.
She enjoyed cooking with the fresh ingredients and had gotten on her laptop to find new recipes she would enjoy.
She drove Maggie into Tyler and purchased a couple workout outfits and a new pair of running shoes. She had to try on a few to get the right size and was shocked when she saw the double-digit sizes she now wore; she’d always been a size three before. To take her mind off of herself, she had hunted the baby section and had bought Maggie a few things, which had instantly cheered her up.
A few weeks later, once she felt her energy growing, she took out the stroller her parents had purchased for her and started taking long walks with Maggie. She’d bundled the little girl up tight as she walked in the cool weather. Maggie seemed to enjoy it.
One day, she was late in leaving for her walk and Maggie started fussing. When she sat her in the stroller, finally, she settled down and began to smile and kick her feet excitedly.
“There’s my girl.” She smiled. “You like to work out with mommy?” She laughed as she took off at a slight jog. She was thinking of driving into town and purchasing one of the strollers she could run behind. This one, she could only jog slowly and walk with.
She couldn’t really tell if her body was changing, only that she felt more levelheaded and more energetic when she worked out.
Every time she went to the grocery store, she would visit with Carmen, who worked there almost every day. Funny, she really didn’t remember much about Carmen in high school, only that she’d been short, a little mousy, and unpopular enough not to warrant an invite to most of Savannah’s parties. But, now, each time she saw her, they ended up talking more and more. Carmen was a mother of two, a boy and a girl, both in elementary school. She was going through a nasty divorce and her husband was trying to get out of paying her anything, even though he’d talked her into giving up a full scholarship to Stephen F. Austin University to raise the kids. Now she was living with her parents and working at the Grocery Stop, just to make ends meet.
Hearing Carmen’s story really helped her see that it wasn’t just her that had been dealt a blow. Other people actually had it worse. Savannah found herself stopping in the Grocery Stop more often just to chat with Carmen.
It had been almost two months since Billy had left town for work. He called her almost every evening and she filled him in on everything about Maggie. She’d snapped pictures of them on her phone and sent them to his cell when he requested. He would send funny pictures of himself back and she’d show them to Maggie while he talked to the little girl on speakerphone.
She felt herself growing fonder of him as time went by. They often spent time talking to one another, and she was really enjoying hearing his voice every evening. She missed his calls when he wasn’t able to make them, and had even played a few voice messages for Maggie when the little girl would fuss. They always seemed to calm the baby down and helped her mind settle as well.
She hadn’t told him anything about her workouts, feeling like it would somehow overstep the personal line she’d drawn months ago.
He would talk to her about his work and the men he was in charge of. She found most of it boring, but he would often entertain her with a funny story of the men goofing off.
She wondered if he went out with the other men on the weekends. She knew that he’d run around with several other women in town after they’d discovered she was pregnant. Every time Billy and Corey had gone out, news had spread fast in the small town, mostly because they were usually in trouble. But somehow she doubted that he had continued his ways now that he was in charge of the work crew. And now that he was a father.
She fell into a pattern. For the most part, she stayed to herself in the tiny house, just her and Maggie. Her parents would stop by and give almost all of their attention to the little baby. She didn’t mind, since it allowed her to relax a little. Her mother kept bringing Maggie gifts and the little girl’s room was quickly filling up with too much stuff. She thought about arranging everything and maybe even decorating it, but just couldn’t bring herself to believe that they would be living in the small place for very long.
She really started enjoying her daily walks. Even though the weather had forced her to take them early or late in the day because of the pounding heat, she struck out each time with a smile on her face and enjoyed the way moving cleared her head.
She’d enjoyed taking the back roads just outside of town more than walking down the busy streets of row houses and people.
The old highway bridge had always been one of her favorite places to go. The old highway wasn’t used anymore and the old bridge sat high over a slow moving stream. There was plenty of fish and turtles in the water and she just loved watching them move about in the clear water.
On several occasions during the evenings, she’d come across the same young girl sitting on the bridge. At first, Savannah only nodded as she walked by, but one evening, she noticed that the girl was crying. Her face was bright red and her eyes were soaked. When she noticed Savannah, she frantically wiped her nose and eyes on the inside sleeve of her shirt.
“Are you okay, sweetie?” Savannah stopped and took a good look at the girl for the first time.
She was very thin and pale. She had braces and her auburn hair was matted and pulled back in a loose ponytail. Her clothes were baggy and not stylish at all.
When the young girl looked up at her and nodded, Savannah’s first thought was that she would have instantly made fun of the girl had she been in school with her. Then she took a closer look and noticed that her big blue eyes were sad. Very sad. No matter what her initial thoughts were, Savannah remembered seeing the same look in her own eyes just a few short months ago.
Pulling Maggie’s stroller around, she parked it near where the young girl was sitting along the old wood planks. Her feet were dangling off the edge of the bridge. Savannah squatted down and sat next to her.
“It’s a pretty spot you have here.” She looked off to the slow flowing water below them. A handful of turtles jumped into the water quickly.
When the girl remained silent, she looked over at her. “I’m Savannah Douglas.”
She watched the girl nod. “Everyone knows who you are.” Her voice was just a whisper.
Savannah laughed. “Don’t believe half of the stuff you hear about me.” She leaned closer to the young girl and realized she was a little older than she’d first gauged. “For example, these…”—she pointed to her chest and smiled—“are real.”
The girls jaw droppe
d and when Savannah smiled at her again, the girl laughed a little.
“Seriously?”
“Yup.” Savannah couldn’t stop herself from laughing, but then she frowned a little. “But I did recently get a nose job.” She reached up and played with the tip of her nose, remembering the incident. “But that was only because someone punched me in the face.” She laughed when she realized that she’d deserved it.
“What about you?” She looked at the girl who sniffled and looked off towards the water.
“Kids at school make fun of me. Of the way I dress, of how I look. They call me…” She paused and closed her eyes. “Greasy Tracy.”
“Is that your name?” She quickly added, “Tracy?”
The girl nodded without opening her eyes. “You know, kids can be pretty stupid.” She sighed. “I should know. I used to be one of them. And until recently, I never really thought about how I’d hurt someone else.” She shook her head. “I wouldn’t listen too closely to what anyone has to say about you.”
“Yeah, well…” Tracy stood up and dusted off her jeans. “What would you know; you’ve never been on my end of things.” The girl started walking away and Savannah’s heart sunk a little.
“Tracy.” The girl stopped. “I’m currently on your side of things. I have no friends.” She shrugged her shoulders. “The whole town is gossiping about me, saying mean and hurtful things to the point where I spend most of my days alone in a small house with the only person who loves me.” She nodded to her sleeping daughter in her stroller. “And that’s probably only because she doesn’t know any better yet.” She gave a half smile to the young girl. “But look at me.” She motioned to herself. “I still get up every day, take a walk, and enjoy life. I listen to what people say about me and if what they say is true and I don’t like those things about myself, I change them. If what they are saying isn’t true”—she smiled and looked down at her large breasts—“then I just ignore them and hold my head up high and let them think what they want.”
Tracy looked at her for the longest time. “I better get back home.” She looked down at her feet and kicked a pebble into the water below.
Savannah felt her heart sink and realized she hadn’t gotten through to the girl.
“Will you be here tomorrow?” The girl glanced up through a thick strand of dark hair.
Savannah’s smile was quick as she nodded. “I usually take my walks about this time. I can be here, if you want.”
Tracy took a few steps in the opposite direction. “Yeah, I guess that would be cool.”
She turned and started walking away without another word.
Over the next few weeks, Savannah and Tracy hung out on the bridge a handful of times. Each time Savannah tried to crack her shell and get through to her. She didn’t know if what she was saying was helping or hurting, but she knew she was slowly making a friend and hoped that somehow she could reverse some of the damage she’d done in her youth by talking to the girl.
One day, during her walk, she was pushing Maggie’s stroller past the bookstore when Holly rushed out of the front door and raced towards her.
“Savannah,” she called to her as she jogged across the street towards her. When she reached her, the slender redhead was almost breathless. “Wow, you walk fast.” She smiled at her.
Savannah nodded a little. She’d known Holly her entire life, but had never really paid too much attention to the bookstore owner. The fact that she was the one who had broken her nose only last year still didn’t sit well with her. She tensed a little as the woman stopped right beside her. “I’m trying to burn off some of the baby fat.”
“Well, you certainly have.” Holly smiled and Savannah had to admit, the woman had turned beautiful, despite how she had looked as a child. “You look wonderful,” Holly said, leaning down and looking at Maggie. “I can’t believe how fast she’s grown.” She brushed a hand over Maggie’s hair. “Her hair has lightened up. She looks so much like you.” Holly smiled up at her. “But, I think she has her daddy’s dark eyes.” She cooed and let Maggie take her finger in her chubby hand.
“Really?” Savannah walked around to the front of the stroller and looked down at her daughter. She hadn’t noticed it, but it was true. Maggie’s hair had lightened quite a lot since her birth. Now, she could see some of herself in the chubby cheeks and smiled.
“Yes, I noticed she had Billy’s eyes right away.” Holly said, smiling down at Maggie, and Savannah felt a jolt of pride rush over her. “Would you like to come in?” Holly nodded towards her shop.
Holly’s business was the local bookstore, coffeehouse, and wine bar all rolled into one. Savannah had been inside a few times since Holly and Travis had opened back up after a full remodel of the building, but she had never been there when they were in the shop. Instead, she’d always made sure that one of the employees, April or Karlene, were working instead.
Now as she looked over at the tall building, which sat only a few blocks from her house, she could see the place was full of people. She took a step back. “Well…” She tried to think of an excuse. Any excuse.
“Oh, please. I’m really sorry about breaking your nose,” she blurted out.
Savannah looked at her and realized the woman was as sincere as she could get.
Savannah nodded but remembered the pain and embarrassment. She knew now that she’d probably deserved it.
Holly sighed and looked off towards the bookstore. “Maggie would love seeing the other children. Besides, we’re just about to start reading time.” Holly smiled.
“Reading time?”
“Sure, we take time each week to read to the younger kids. You wouldn’t think of it to look at our town, but there are loads of smaller children here.” She smiled. “We have reading days, craft days, and even mommy break days.” She smiled.
“Mommy break days?” She walked back behind the stroller and thought about retreating.
“Sure, mommies need a break. Every Thursday morning, from nine to noon, we watch the kids so mommies can have a few hours to themselves.” She smiled and started walking back towards the building. “You’ll enjoy it. Besides, Maggie needs to be introduced to some of the other kids in town.”
Savannah frowned. Holly had a point. So far, Maggie hadn’t been around any other kids. Was she stiffing her daughter? She thought of Tracy and how she’d tried to encourage the girl. Maybe she should be taking some of her own advice and putting herself out there more.
Nodding, she followed Holly towards the building. She was going to give her daughter a social life, even if it meant she had to play nice with the other parents in the process. Her daughter was worth the awkwardness of having to deal with people gossiping about her and looking at her funny the way they always did.
When they walked into the building, every mother stopped talking and looked towards them. She straightened her shoulders and tried to put on her social smile.
“Everyone, this is Maggie,” Holly said as she gently pulled the baby from the stroller.
Everyone said, “Oh,” in unison, and then several women rushed towards them, and Maggie was whisked into the arms of the other mothers.
“I’m glad you came.” Savannah turned and saw Lauren West standing next to her, a chubby boy of almost two on her hip. She knew it was her sister Alexis’ son, Gavin. She and Alex had never really gotten along, but at one point, way back in grade school, Lauren and Savannah had been best friends.
She set the boy down and he waddled off towards a pile of toys that sat in the middle of a group of kids. “What do you say to a cup of tea and some crumb cake?” She tugged on Savannah’s hand until she followed her to the bar area. “You’ve met April?”
Savannah nodded at the tall blonde woman who had pink streaks in her hair. “I’ve watched you run by the window almost every day.” April smiled. “But I’ve never thought to run after you.” She smiled. “It looked like Holly was going to chase you down and tackle you to get you to stop.” She laughed and set a cup of
warm tea in front of her.
Savannah went to push the tea away. “I’m nursing.”
“It’s okay, honey, it’s caffeine free.” April winked. “Drank truckloads of this stuff while I was nursing my kids.”
Savannah nodded and took the cup. She frowned when Lauren sat a large slice of cranberry crumb cake in front of her.
“Oh, I don’t think—” she started.
“Hush now. You may not see it, but you’re skinnier now than ever before.” Lauren smiled. “It’s always hard to bounce back after a baby, but somehow you’ve managed to do it in only a few months, and I’ll bet without going to the gym once.” She shook her head and frowned a little. “Kind of makes me sick.” Then she laughed.
Savannah looked down at herself. She was very proud of the progress she’d made. She was back into the clothes she’d worn prior to getting pregnant and some of them were a little loose on her.
“Besides, you deserve a break.” She leaned on the bar. “Look at her.” She smiled. “She’s enjoying herself.”
Savannah took a little nibble of cake and turned around to see her daughter smiling as she was held by Haley, Lauren’s youngest sister. There were twin boys standing next to her making funny faces at Maggie, who was giggling like Savannah had never heard before.
The sound brought a tear to her eyes.
“Oh, honey.” Lauren took her arm. “Is everything okay?”
Savannah looked over at her and nodded. “I guess I’m just hormonal.” She used the napkin Lauren had given her to dry her eyes.
Lauren smiled. “Comes with the job.” She chuckled. “Now, let’s go sit down before the story begins.”
Savannah nodded and took the cake and her cup of tea and followed Lauren to a small table near the kids.
Chapter Six
As Billy listened to Savannah talk about Tracy and story time at Holly’s, he wished more than anything that he was back at home. He never should have taken this job. The hours were long and the work was back breaking. Even though he was a supervisor, he still walked into his hotel room each night with more aches and pains than he cared for.