“Hi, Krystal. How are you feeling today?” the doctor asks.
“You know my name already?” I ask, somewhat confused.
“Your parents told me your name. I am Dr Stone and I just want to talk to you. Is that okay?” Dr Stone asks me.
“I guess,” I answer. I look up at my dad and he nods his head.
“I understand that you were hurt by somebody you loved very much,” Dr Stone says. He then puts a drawing of a girl on the desk in front of me. “Can you please point to the places on this picture where he hurt you?”
“No, I don’t think so. I don’t even know you,” I say to the doctor. “Besides, Ralph took care of it already so everything is okay now.”
“Ralph?” the doctor asks.
“Ralph is her toy bunny,” my father answers.
Dr Stone glares at my father and I can feel his anger towards my dad. Oh, Doc, you do not want to start anything with my Daddy! I frown at the doctor and an electric shock makes Dr Stone jump from his chair. My father looks at me, worried. The love that I’d felt from him earlier seems to be mixed with something else now: fear. I wonder why my dad is suddenly afraid of Dr Stone. Suddenly wishing this appointment to be over with, I point to the places on the picture to where my grandfather touched me before taking my father’s hand, standing up and walking out, refusing to say another word.
Chapter Six
Things in the house are very uncomfortable for all of us after the doctor’s appointment. My sisters and I are embarrassed and ashamed of what our evil grandfather did to us and to our mum. Dad is angry, sad and afraid. I can feel what they are feeling inside and don’t know what to make of it. As a four year old, I am not supposed to know what others feel unless they tell me. Or maybe everybody knows what other people are feeling? I don’t know.
My sisters and I hear a lot of yelling now between our parents when they are at home. They fight a lot. They never did that before. Sometimes Dad storms out of the house and slams the door so hard that the windows shake. Mum sits in her bedroom and cries. Both of them blame themselves for what we have had to endure at the hands of that man before he died. I feel like I am partly to blame too. Had I known that he hurt my mother and my sisters before, he would have died much sooner. Why didn’t Karma take him before he hurt me?
When Dad finally comes home, the tension is high. I miss the days when we were all happy. Hoping to make him feel better, I grab on to his leg and pull it into a hug. He grabs my shoulders, gently unlatches my arms and looks at me so sadly. “Not now, Krystal. Daddy has to think.”
“Why can’t you think while I hug you?” I ask, puzzled by his rejection. He had never turned his back on one of my hugs before.
“NOT NOW!” he shouts, quickly regretting his anger. “I’m sorry, sweetheart. I am not angry at you, and you know I love your hugs so much.” He leans down, picks me up and hugs me as a tear runs down my cheek. Not wanting to add to his heartache, I stay silent and hug him back.
I continue my studies each day at kindergarten. Sharyn and I sit together always, whether being read to, painting or eating lunch, and we both agree that Mrs Tucker is the best teacher ever. I confide in Sharyn, telling her that I hope all teachers at the big school are just as nice. Being at kindergarten is the only time I feel happiness from the other people in the room. At home, all of the joy is gone.
Mid-way through the year, I arrive home on my bicycle. As I walk past my parents, I know it is more bad news. My sisters and I are again seated in the living room, waiting for the hammer to fall. Looking around, I try and find any physical signs of trauma on my family. If somebody else has messed with any of you… As my skin starts to burn in anger, my train of thought is cut when my father starts to speak.
“Your mother and I need to discuss something with you girls,” Dad says. Mum sits in her chair and stays quiet. “Your mother and I are going to live apart for a while. We both need you to know that it is not because of anything you girls have done. We both love you very much. We just need to have some space from each other so we can figure some things out about our future.” Silence fills the room. Three sets of very rounded eyes stare back at them, as this news takes us all by surprise.
“Aren’t we all unhappy enough right now?” I ask angrily. “Why do this? It’s like you both want everything to get worse. Well guess what, I don’t even know if that is possible anymore!” I yell as I run to my bedroom. Slamming the door behind me, I lie face down on my bed, soaking my pillow with tears. When I am all cried out, I hug Ralph and carry him back out to the living room. He always makes me feel better.
While I am sad that my parents are splitting up, I feel that it has something to do with our dead evil grandfather. I stare at my mother, trying to read her thoughts. I instead see a vision of her and my father screaming at each other.
“You disgust me!” my father yells at her. “You knew what he was like and you never said a single bloody word to me about it. Our babies were subjected to that filthy monster’s paedophile doings. YOU did this!” The shame my mother feels is overwhelming and I want to scream at him to stop yelling at her, but this vision is not of the present, but of the past. This memory of accusation was one that my mother could not argue with. As she lay there on the bed in tears, my father said to her, almost calmly after taking a very deep breath, “I can’t be near you. I’m sorry, but us being together is hurting us. More importantly, it is hurting the girls. Just… pack your stuff and go.”
Although I am horrified at being witness to the argument which led to their decision, I also think it might be good for them to be apart for a while. Too much hate and anger creates nothing but misery for everybody involved. I don’t like my parents being so unhappy. That night, my mother takes a couple of suitcases full of clothes and leaves. When the front door closes, my father stands and stares at the door. Anger again oozes from him like a tidal wave. I start to understand his anger, but hope it soon ends.
I go to him and hug his leg, hoping that his leg will tell the rest of him that I love him. He leans down and picks me up. Hugging me back, my father’s anger is replaced with sorrow. I wish I could make him feel happy again. Maybe after my parents have been apart for a little while, they will miss each other so much that they get back together and everything will heal.
“I know what will make you feel a little bit better, you know,” I say. When I look at him, one of his eyebrows shoots up, making me giggle. “You need to put me down first.” When he lets me back down to the floor, I walk over to our special bookcase and pull out one of my Little Golden Books called The Tawny Scrawny Lion. Taking his hand, I lead him back to the living room. He sits me on his lap and my sisters sit on either side of us and look at the pages as I “read” the story to them. By the time I have finished, both of my sisters are on the floor, laughing so hard that their ribs hurt. Dad pulls me into a hug and thanks me for such a beautiful story.
* * *
It’s been three months since my parents separated and things are slowly starting to settle down at home. When I arrive at the kindergarten one morning, Sharyn tells me that her parents have finally bought her a bicycle! She is learning to ride and has training wheels on the back, just like I used to have. I ask Sharyn’s mother if my best friend can come to my house so I can introduce her to my family.
“I’m sorry, Krystal, but I don’t want Sharyn riding out on the road. She is still learning and it will be some time before that happens,” she says firmly. “Perhaps, if you give me your home address, I can bring her to your place in the car?” I think about it, but decide not to give it to her without asking my dad first. One of his biggest rules is that I am not allowed to tell people those things unless it is to a policeman. Both Sharyn and her mother look disappointed at my response.
At the end of the day, Mum arrives at the kindergarten to pick me up. This is a very strange occurrence since I don’t live with her, I live with my dad. The last time I saw or even heard from my mother was when she walked out the front do
or with her suitcases. She doesn’t even ring to see how we are doing and I almost feel like she is a stranger. “What do you want? What are you doing here?” I enquire, not real keen on getting into the car with her. “Is Daddy okay?” Without answering any of my questions, she puts my bike into the back of her car so she can take me home. After we arrive, I put the bike into the storage room under the house. Waiting in front of our house are my dad and two sisters. Finally, they are getting back together! Everything can be good again! In my excitement, I run over to my father and hug him tight. Looking up at his face, I smile. The sad look he sends in return tells me that something is definitely wrong.
“You, Leena and Tania need to go with your mum for a few hours.” Dad says. “I will make some nice food for you girls for dinner, okay? Be a good girl for Mummy.” Confused, my sisters and I climb into my mother’s car without argument. Leena sits in the front because she is the oldest. I feel the same worry coming from my sisters that I feel inside my own skin. During the drive, I wonder if we are going back to the mean doctor who was rude to my dad. If yes, then why is Dad not with us?
Finally, the car stops. I look out the window and see that we have pulled into the driveway of a small house. There is a fenced yard at the back and a big balcony at the front. The house is on a hill.
“Whose house is this, Mummy?” I ask, frowning.
“I want you to meet somebody,” she answers mysteriously. It is strange how she seems to be avoiding answering any of my questions today. I know something is up. My sisters are wearing the same facial expressions that I am. Frowning, I lift my eyebrows silently at Leena and Tania, hoping they will clue me in as to what is going on. Both of them shrug and shake their heads in response.
At the front door, I raise my hand to knock so I can see who answers, but before I can do so, Mum pulls out a key and opens the door herself. I guess this is her house. It is nice of her to finally let us see it. I look around at the entrance, which leads us to a second door before we are inside the house. As soon as the second door opens, a man comes into the lounge room and starts kissing my mother on the mouth. I find this to be not only rather mawkish but entirely inappropriate. My sisters and I all have the same reaction as we stare at the disgusting scene before us with our jaws gaping open.
Feeling slightly nauseated by what had just transpired, I wait for an explanation. I had never seen this man before and I very much doubted Dad would like his wife kissing another man, especially like that. When he leans in for yet another tongue-prodding kiss, I frown and my skin starts to burn. The moment their lips reconnect, red sparks ignite between them. The man jumps, startled, before looking down at the carpet.
“Fucking static electricity shooting up sparks, dammit,” he says, not seeming to care that three young girls are standing right there, listening and watching. My mother playfully slaps him on the chest with the back of her fingers and whispers that he needs to watch his mouth in front of us. He steers a look to our direction and rolls his eyes.
“Please do not kiss my mother again,” I request politely. I am not smiling.
A worried look comes over both his face and that of my mother. Thankfully, they both decide not to show any more overwhelming displays of affection in front of us. We are then asked to sit at the table while our mother gets us each a glass of iced water. She then sits at the table next to the man who was kissing her only minutes earlier.
“Girls, your father and I will not be getting back together,” our mum says to us. “This is Eddie. We are getting married. Soon you will have a new brother or sister! Eddie is going to be your new father,” she finally says.
“He will NOT be our new father!” I immediately yell at them both. Almost growling, I glare at her, my eyes feeling like they are about to bore holes through her. I cannot even bring myself to look at Eddie. “We have a father, thank you very much. Now please take me home!”
“Krystal, please listen to me,” my mother says, almost pleading. “Mummy and Eddie are going to have a baby soon. You will have a little brother!” She smiles and looks at me and my sisters, waiting for us to smile back. None of us did.
“May I speak?” Eddie asks. His voice is gentle, which I find surprising after the cussing he had done only moments earlier. None of us answer except for my mother.
“Sure, Sweetheart,” our mother says.
Eddie winks at Mum before saying to us, “Girls, I am not interested in replacing your father. You only have one Dad and I know that you love him very much, am I right?” Eddie says. My sisters and I stay silent. “How about we start as friends? I love your mother very much and I would never hurt you. Please, I would just like to be your friend.”
I look at Eddie. His eyes tell me that he is completely sincere about his feelings for my mother. But it does not change the fact that my mother betrayed her daughters and our father. When she left, we all thought that she would someday return. Now she says that she is marrying a stranger and that she is having a baby with him. It is too much.
“Please take me home, Mummy,” I say, repeating my earlier request.
My mother’s voice – her thoughts, I presume – play inside my head. I look at her and realise that her mouth is closed as the voice continues to play. Looking almost defeated, she thinks to herself: ‘Great. THAT went well.’
I do not want to be near either of these two people who are supposed to be the grown-ups. When I look at my sisters, their faces betray their hidden emotions; they are feeling just as angry and as heart-broken as I feel.
Mum apologises to Eddie and tells him that she will be back soon. She grabs her keys and we all walk silently to the car. Not a word is spoken between us for the whole journey back home. Sitting in the car behind my mother, I can feel her anger, anguish, shame and embarrassment. She pulls up in the driveway and toots the horn to let our father know that we are back. He opens the door at the top of the stairs. As my mother starts saying something to us, I open the car door and get out. Right now, I just want to be with my dad.
Leena and Tania sit in the car for a few minutes longer and listen to what our mother has to say. I have absolutely no interest in her words. I go inside the house, walk to my bedroom, closing the door behind me. After climbing onto the bed, I hug Ralph tight and cry myself to sleep.
Dad wakes me a few hours later, telling me that dinner is ready. Looking outside the window, I notice that it is dark. I go to the bathroom and wash my face. When I look into the tall mirror on the back of the bathroom door, I see puffy red eyes and I remember the sickening kiss between the potty-mouth and my mother. Eddie will never be my father. My insides start to hurt when I try to figure out how to tell Dad that our mother has a boyfriend and is having a new baby.
After washing my face, I slowly walk into the dining room. Mashed potatoes, mashed pumpkin, peas, broccoli and sausages sit on the plates at the table. My sisters and I sit and stare at our food. It smells nice. Dad’s cooking always smells great. But I cannot get beyond this overwhelming sense of betrayal from his wife. I look at my dad, wondering if he knows. What I see in his eyes is a mix of anger and sadness. I climb down from my chair and walk over to his. Leaning over, I hug his arm while he is chewing his food.
“I love you, Daddy,” I say. “I am never going to leave you.”
“I love you too, Krystal,” he says, hugging me as he speaks, “…and thank you.” After a few minutes, I go back to my chair and start to eat. Leena and Tania also start eating. The mood inside our home is grim and I don’t like it. I hope the feeling goes away soon.
As soon as everybody has finished eating, my sisters and I put the dirty dishes onto the sink. Once the table has been cleared and wiped down, Dad tells us that we all need to have a very important discussion in the living room. When my sisters and I are seated, I wonder if I should mention about our day.
“I know that you all met Eddie today,” Dad says, shocking us all. “Your mother and I will not be getting back together,” he continues. “I know this is going t
o be a very hard decision for you girls to make, but I would like to offer you a choice right now. You can decide whether you want to live here or live with your mother.”
Knowing that I will be staying put, I blurt out “I already told you at the table, Daddy, that I am not leaving you!” I say. I see a glint of a smile on my father’s face. Even though it is small, it fills me with relief. Leena and Tania both agree that their place is here with our father. He calls us over from the sofa and gives us all a big hug. My sisters and I feel loved. Nobody is ever going to replace you, Daddy. I hug tight him so he knows that he is not alone.
Later that night, while lying in my bed, reading ‘If I Had A Dog’ to Mindy and Ralph from the Little Golden Books collection, I hear shouting from the kitchen. Our parents are having another screaming match over the telephone. Eventually, one by one, Dad calls us to the phone to talk to our mother.
“So you don’t want to see me again?” she yells into the phone at me. “Is that it, Krystal?” My jaw drops, wondering where she had come up with such a ludicrous statement. I stay silent as she screams into the phone, obviously very upset that I have rejected her new boyfriend and her ‘big news.’
“Of course I want to see you again, Mummy,” I reply. “But right now I am very mad at you and I don’t want to be near you. I hope you understand. I still love you.”
“Put your father back on the bloody phone!” she yells at me. As I hear Eddie’s abuse in the background, I pass the telephone receiver back to my dad and run to my room. Once again, I close the door, hold on tight to Ralph, and cry myself to sleep.
Chapter Seven
With the kindergarten year almost over, I ask Sharyn if she is going to the big girl’s school at Cribb Island next year. Sharyn tells me that she won’t be going there. Instead, she will be going to a boarding school. I picture her inside a school with boards over all the windows and doors. Inside the school, all of the students are learning how to hammer nails into boards. The thought is rather freakish and I shake my head to erase the image from my mind.
Once Upon A Karma (Karmic Krystal Book 1) Page 7