Chapter 7
“Good morning. Are you feeling better?” He stepped into the kitchen and she handed him a cup of coffee.
“Actually I am feeling much better. It’s amazing what a little rest can do.”
“Oh my gosh are you admitting I was right?” He slapped his hand to his chest in a shocked gesture.
“No, you didn’t invent rest Matt. As much as you would like to think you did.” Her remark didn’t dampen the teasing twinkle in his eye.
“Say what you like, I was still right.” He grinned.
“Missed you last night.” Dixie said bumping him as she came through the door.
“Yeah, how’d you do?”
“I won!” She grinned.
“I think she stacked the deck.” Faith mumbled coming in the door behind her.
“Did not.” Dixie insisted.
“What are you talking about?” Rose asked feeling like she had missed something significant.
“We played poker last night and Katrina put up her room.”
“What?” Rose gasped.
“Yep, she did and I won!?” Dixie gloated.
“You either got lucky or you cheated.” Raven said coming through the door.
“You’re just sore because I called your bluff.” Dixie laughed. Matt saw Rose slip quietly out of the room while the girls were teasing each other.
Rose tapped lightly on the door and waited until she heard the voice on the other side call her in. She stepped in and closed the door behind her.
“Hi.”
“Hi.” Katrina was taking things down off her shelves.
“Do you want me to stop this? I can tell them no one is allowed to move.”
“Thanks Rose but I know what I am doing. I wouldn’t have suggested it if I wasn’t prepared.”
“Trina, are you okay?” Rose whispered. Trina smiled even though her eyes were filling with tears.
“Yeah you know me. I am tough.” Rose sat down on the edge of the bed and watched her old friend packing up her belongings. She watched as she sorted the things that belonged to Jonathan into a separate box. A couple of shirts, an old hat, a couple of books. She stopped when she picked up a corn husk doll. Rose watched as she stared at it for a full minute and the tears fell from her eyes.
“He made this for me. The summer we met. We were so young,” she whispered. She sat down beside Rose on the bed.“We had only known each other for two weeks and he asked me to marry him.”
“I told him he was crazy. We barely knew each other.” Trina wiped her cheeks and Rose’s heart ached for her. Even her own eyes were filled with tears. “He said… he said his heart knew me before he ever met me. That he knew he loved me the moment he saw me. He hadn’t even kissed me yet and he told me that he would love me forever.” Trina squeezed her eyes shut and more tears flowed down her cheeks. “He asked me so many times and I always turned him down. I told him forever was a very long time and he might change his mind.” She swallowed and wiped her cheeks again. “He wasn’t even supposed to be here you know. Pam and I were running away to New York. We thought we could sing on Broadway. He insisted that we couldn’t go alone. He said two defenseless women would never make it all the way to New York. It made Pam so mad, but he was right. He kept us alive, kept us safe. We never did make it to New York but it didn’t matter, we got to sing.” Trina turned and looked her in the eyes. “Do you think he would have stayed if I had married him, Rose?” She whispered.
“No Trina, I don’t think it would have mattered. He didn’t leave because he didn’t love you or because he thought you didn’t love him.”
“Why then?”
“I don’t know, I think he just didn’t know how to deal with the grief of losing Pam, because they fought he felt responsible.” Katrina surged to her feet and began to pace.
“I loved her too,” she shouted. “You loved her and we’re still here! But he just left, he said he would love me forever and he just walked out! He didn’t even say goodbye,” she said more quietly. She took the doll in both hands and ripped it apart. Rose gasped but she just kept shredding it until there were pieces of dried corn husk all over the floor then she dropped down to her knees and began to sob. Rose went down and wrapped her arms around her friend and cried with her. “I miss him so much.” She cried against Rose’s shoulder. “I feel like I am not whole without him. I want to hate him, I need to hate him but I just can’t.”
Rose cried with her rubbing her back and gently rocking her until both their tears were spent. Even then neither of them moved they just sat there huddled together on the floor.
“He’s not coming back.” Trina whispered.“I need to let go but I needed a push. So I let Dixie give it to me. For now I’ll move out of this room and then when you go I’ll be ready to go too.”
“Do you want to come with me?”
“No, I am going to strike out on my own for the first time in my life. Maybe I’ll finally make it to Broadway.”
“Broadway would be lucky to have you.” Rose hesitated but her curiosity got the better of her,“Can I ask you something? If you could do it all over again… would you? Or would you keep yourself from ever meeting him?” Trina lifted her chin and thought for a moment.
“He was… the best thing I have ever had in my life. We had some good times. Some of the best. I wouldn’t give those up even if it meant I wouldn’t have this pain. Would you have given up Pam?”
“No.” She knew that without a doubt. She was thankful for the time they had had together.“I guess it’s better to have loved and lost after all.” She whispered.
Matt was concerned and on edge the moment he saw her. She had been upstairs a long time. It was nearly time to open so she was rushing through her last minute preparations and double checks. Not that she needed to, he had never seen anyone more organized and prepared. That’s not what had him on edge. She had been crying, her eyes were red and puffy she was somber and subdued, much more than usual. He finally approached her when no one was around just before opening.
“Are you alright?” he asked softly. She flashed him a small smile briefly then it was gone.
“I’m fine.” She turned around to put bottles on the shelf and he nearly sighed. He didn’t like that her mood could affect him so much.
“The front of the building is finished.”
“It is?” She perked up ever so slightly.
“You want to see it?”
“Yes.” She quickly pulled off her apron and followed him out the door.“Oh Matt It looks fantastic!” He had painted the whole front red but then he painted all the trim pieces white. She threw her arms around him in a tight hug.“Thank you,” she whispered. He was surprised by the gesture but he squeezed her.
“You’re welcome.” He pulled back and kissed her softly. She didn’t pull away be she looked a little surprised when he looked into her eyes. They were clear and bright and just a little red rimmed. He left his arm around her as they walked back to the saloon.“Is Katrina alright?” Rose took a deep breath and then she just shrugged.
“I don’t know, I think she’s going to be alright. I hope so.”
Rose felt like she was suffering from an emotional hangover. She felt hollow. She and Pam had had a plan for the future. When Pam died she had redoubled her efforts and thrown herself headlong into completing their mission. Now she was beginning to falter. She was beginning to wonder if she was doing the right thing. She had been so focused on doing what she had to she hadn’t let herself focus on the fact that Pam was gone. She was going to be doing this by herself. It had been three days since she had spent the afternoon with Katrina and she hadn’t been able to shake off the experience. Not completely. Pam was gone but she wasn’t doing this alone. She wasn’t even doing it for herself. She needed to see Clay, she needed the renewal it would give her. She just had to figure out how she was going to do it.
Matt watched Rose cleaning up as he stacked the chairs. She wasn’t quite herself, or at least she wasn’t
what he had come to anticipate her to be. He really wondered what had happened between her and Katrina. He hadn’t seen much of Katrina but that was normal. It was Rose he was worried about. He swept the floor and stood watching her when he was done. She was preoccupied, completely lost in her own thoughts. He hadn’t even been able to tease her into a response he couldn’t get a rise out of her.
Rose heard a soft twang and looked up. Matt had the guitar in his lap softly strumming the strings. The instrument was across his knee and he had his arms round it. It looked as if her were cradling it. It brought to mind the few times he had held her cradled in his arms. She took down a chair and sat in front of him. She didn’t say anything she just watched his fingers as they moved over the strings. Despite his vow to seduce her he really hadn’t tried again. She was beginning to wonder if he had lost interest or if it was just all part of his plan. He could be letting the anticipation soften her up. If that was his plan it was certainly working. She could remember clearly the way his lips had felt. The roughness of his beard growth. The gentleness of his fingers. When he said he would prove she could be seduced she had expected a sensual onslaught. She might have been able to withstand that, but this was torture. She was tempted to kiss him just to remember what it felt like.
“Sounds like it is coming back to you,” she said when he stopped playing.
“Nah I was just messing around.”
“Well it sounded nice anyway.” She smiled.“How did you learn to play?”
“Cows.”
“I beg your pardon?”
“It calms the cattle. Some cowboys sing. I found this to be preferable.”
“When did you work with cattle?”
“Oh, a long time ago.” His fingers began absently strumming the stings again.“My brother had it in his head that we would have… I don’t know the biggest ranch in Texas or something. So we worked the drives.”
“So what happened? How come he is a rancher and you are a Ranger.”
“To tell the truth I never really wanted to be a rancher. At the time I enjoyed the drives a lot more than the actual ranching. Luke understood. He knew I didn’t have the same passion for it he did.” He stood up and put the guitar back then put his chair up. He held out his hand to her and she took it. He pulled her to her feet and put the chair up. He put his arm around her and she leaned against him. He led her into the bedroom and shut the door. She looked at him and he smiled and made a point of locking the door. She reached up and began pulling the pins from her wig and he stepped forward.
“Let me,” he said softly. He took out all the pins and lifted off the wig. He grinned as he watched her shake out her hair.
“So how did you become a Ranger?” she asked picking up the thread of their earlier conversation, oblivious to his fascination with her hair.
“I went after a cattle rustler.”
“A cattle rustler?” She sat down on the bed and began taking off her shoes.
“Yeah he and his crew hit a drive that my brother was the drover on. Killed a couple of men made off with a couple hundred head. So I went after him. He wasn’t hard to track, that many cattle leave a nice trail.” He sat down and lifted her foot into his lap. He began rubbing it as he was talking. “The problem was, when I caught up to them it turned out to be a much bigger operation than what I thought. They had twenty five to thirty men and a couple thousand head. I couldn’t take them on myself so I went to the Rangers for help. They sent me in, undercover with the gang. Long story short they got every one of them. After that I guess I was hooked. They hired me on and I haven’t looked back.” Until now he thought but didn’t say that aloud.
“Is that when you met your partner?”
“No.” He laughed.“I met him a couple years after that. I was looking for a vaquero down around the boarder and he literally got in my way.” Rose smiled at that.“I almost shot him. He didn’t look like any Ranger I’d ever met. He looked more like the vaqueros I was chasing. Except for the stupid hat. He swore he’d never wear a sombrero. It really threw off the look.” He smirked and she laughed.
“How did he get in your way?”
“He was after another vaquero and he thought my guy would lead him to him.”
“Were you fast friends?”
“No, not at all. I almost shot him after I knew he was a Ranger.” He laughed and she grinned. Our superiors mandated that we work together to bring them both in. It did not go well, it took two weeks longer than it should have probably because we fought about everything and I do mean everything!” He chuckled.
“So, did you get the vaqueros?”
“Of course we did!” He was slightly offended by the question and she giggled.
“What happened to make you friends?”
“Not really sure.” He shrugged.“He saved my hide, I saved his. It turned out that we actually made a pretty good team.” Rose smiled. She had both her feet in his lap and he didn’t want to break the connection.
“Alright your turn, I have a question for you.” He saw a moment of panic in her eyes.“What is with the blond hair?” He pointed at the wigs. He saw her relax a fraction.
“Well because I wanted straight hair, and the color… well I guess the color was for Pam.”
“Why do you want straight hair?” She lifted her hand and pointed at her head and the riot of curls popping out in every direction. He didn’t think that was an explanation.“Uh-huh, why would you want straight hair?”
“Do you know how much effort it takes for this to not be a giant frizzy mess? Especially when it is humid out.”
“Actually I have no idea how much effort that would take,” he said, and she laughed. He leaned forward and put his hands behind her back and pulled her closer so that she was nearly sitting in his lap. He carefully separated one section of hair and wound it around his finger. He slipped his finger out the bottom and it stayed in a perfect ringlet.
“Straight hair can’t do that,” he said triumphantly. She smiled. Her heart was still beating erratically from his having pulled her so close. She pushed her hands into her hair high on top of her head and shook it then squeezed. She pulled her hands out but the hair stayed puffed up on her head.
“It doesn’t do that either.” She grumbled but she was smiling.
“I like it.” He grinned. She could feel the color creeping into her cheeks. She had always hated her hair. She had worn wigs all her adult life, keeping her hair hidden from the world. She drew courage from the way he was looking at her and reached out and touched his face. His whiskers were more short beard than whiskers now. He had been clean shaven when he got there but he hadn’t shaved since.
“Are you growing it out?”
“No, I just really hate to shave. I shave it when it starts to itch.” She smiled and slid her hand down his face. She swept her thumb over his lower lip. She saw a subtle change around his eyes almost as if they focused. Unconsciously, she pulled her lower lip in running her tongue over it. He saw it. She didn’t even realize what she had done until she saw what it did to his eyes. She could see the hunger. She had seen the look before. Usually it was a sign to avoid the situation. This time she was tempted to see where it took her. He leaned forward very slowly so slowly that she moved forward and met him. He didn’t seal his lips against hers, he stopped a half a breath away and ran his tongue across her lip in the exact same place she just had. She shuddered, her breath coming out in a stuttered sigh. She felt his hand on her cheek but then she felt his arm around her waist. He half pulled and half lifted her and then she was sitting fully in his lap. She griped his shoulders suddenly a little off balance but she didn’t pull away. She felt queasy as his tongue met hers. She never would have thought she could feel queasy in a good way but she was. His hands felt strong and tight as he gripped her waist. It felt as if a tight band was moving up her body. She felt his fingers bite into her ribs as he continued to plunder her mouth. Then his hands were on her breasts and she nearly jerked away but forced herself to
stay as her heart rate accelerated. He moved from her mouth kissing down her neck. She felt him begin unbuttoning her blouse and she started to panic. She couldn’t breathe, she felt as if she were about to cross a line that she couldn’t come back across. She jumped off his lap and lunged for the door, barely managing to flip the lock before she wrenched it open.
Blind fear made her run. She didn’t know where she was going she just knew she had to hide. She ran into the saloon and ducked behind the bar. She pressed herself into the corner up under the bar as far as she could. She grabbed a bottle of whiskey and took a long swig straight from the bottle. She closed her eyes tightly trying to calm her pounding heart. It felt as if it was going to pound right out of her chest.
Matt approached very slowly. He didn’t know what was going on but he knew enough to be wary. Where she had put herself had cornered her. If he approached her he could make it worse and yet he couldn’t not. Her knees were pulled up and her head was down on them. He stopped a good foot and a half away and eased down to the floor.
“Rose?” he whispered.
“I’m sorry,” she said,her voice muffled.“I am so sorry.” She lifted her head and then he saw the tears. His heart halted within his chest.
“No, no don’t be sorry. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to…”
“It’s not your fault.” She sniffed.
“Rose, all teasing aside. I am not going to… I would never… You don’t have to do anything you’re not comfortable with.” He stammered.
“I know that.” Her voice was thick from tears. She looked up at him her eyes were shiny and wet,wide as saucers.“I’m afraid.” He moved forward forgetting that he was trying to leave space.
“What are you afraid of?”
Whiskey Rose (Fallen) Page 7