by Kris Jayne
Shannon lifted her chin. “I think ninety days is enough time for us to get to know each other.”
“Alright. Jeff do you have a response on the timeline for allowing Shannon unsupervised visits?”
Jeff gritted his teeth. “Do you remember what happened two weeks before you left, Shannon?”
“That was years ago.” Shannon darted her eyes from the doctor to Taryn, then dropped her eyes and pressed her lips together.
Jeff turned to Dr. Baker. “Two weeks beforehand, when Olivia was about eighteen months old, I came home early from work and found Shannon passed out on our bed with a needle next to her. Olivia was on the floor in a dirty diaper, wailing. I had no idea how long she’d been there without anyone watching her. Anything could have happened to her. She could have hurt herself. Wandered out of the apartment. She could have been kidnapped. Anything. I couldn’t trust you to watch the baby for a day without getting high. Then you take off. The next time I see you, you’re high and living in a drug house. Then, I hear nothing from you for five years. And now, how long have you been out of rehab? Six months? On the basis of a few months of sobriety—assuming I believe you—I’m supposed to leave you alone with my baby. It’s not happening. That’s my response. It’s not happening.”
Taryn put her arm around Jeff, and he leaned back, letting his heaving breath slow as his anger subsided.
“I’m not that person anymore,” Shannon sputtered through tears. “You can’t keep punishing me for things that I did back then.”
“Let’s take a moment, and everyone take some deep breaths,” Dr. Baker urged. The doctor inhaled deeply through her nose and out of her mouth. Taryn glanced at the doctor and squirmed in her seat. She didn’t need a deep breath. She needed Shannon to realize she was being irrational. The doctor continued.
“What Jeff describes is very serious child endangerment, Shannon. If he doesn’t take reasonable care to ensure Olivia’s safety, he’s legally failing to do his duty as a parent. I know it’s difficult to have your past come up again and again, but he has an obligation. He can’t afford to end up in a situation where not only are your parental rights in question, but his as well.”
“It seems like I don’t have any rights here at all,” Shannon whimpered.
Jeff had stayed silent, and Taryn certainly didn’t want to pipe in. She was glad to be there for Jeff, but she was half wondering if there was any place for her there. Shannon wasn’t likely to respond well to anything she said, and she certainly wasn’t going to contradict Jeff in front of her. Thankfully, the therapist addressed Shannon’s sentiments.
“You know, Shannon, I’ve worked as a guardian ad litem for the courts. When a parent, either the mother or the father, leaves a child in someone else’s care, without communication, child support, or any other indication that they intend to return for five years, that can be deemed abandonment. Your best path forward is to focus on creating a new history, so the old one becomes less relevant. It sounds like you’ve already started doing that, and I’m here to help you continue.”
Shannon sank back into the armchair, sighing. “So when can I have regular visitation?”
“I’m not an attorney nor am I a court-appointed therapist who will make any judgment in that regard. I’m giving you my best advice as a counselor. Control what you can control, which is your progress in solidifying your life. As we progress in therapy, you and Jeff can establish a co-parenting plan that includes greater freedom for you. Now, Taryn, you are going to be Olivia’s step-mother, and from what I understand, you have been her mother figure for the past couple of years. What would you like to see going forward?”
Ugh. That phrase again, “mother figure.” Taryn hugged Jeff’s shoulders and cleared her throat, imploring herself to be honest. “I see much the same thing as Jeff does. I want to make sure that we don’t rush into anything.”
“Meaning?” the doctor prompted.
“In ninety days, Olivia will know that Shannon is her biological mother. Then, who knows how long it will take to help Olivia understand why her mom left and why she’s back. And until we know that Shannon will be here and not take off again, I think we have to be careful about Olivia’s getting too attached. I can’t predict that timeline, but I know it’s not a short one.”
“I don’t understand why she’s even here. Why she gets to throw her two cents in?” Anger filled Shannon’s tear-reddened eyes.
“I’ve been with Jeff for two years. I see Olivia nearly every day.” Taryn took a deep breath, trying not to jump immediately into a lengthy defense of her presence. Luckily, Jeff did that for her.
“Olivia is very attached to Taryn. Taryn has taken care of her when she’s sick, picked her up from school, read her bedtime stories. I hadn’t mentioned this to Shannon, but I’d planned for Taryn to adopt Olivia after the wedding. That’s why I hired a PI to find her. I hadn’t said anything to Olivia. We were going to tell her on our wedding day, but she thinks of Taryn as her mom. Sometimes she slips and calls her ‘Mom.’”
Taryn sat back in her chair, surprised. Despite her relief at his defense of her, his candor made her nervous.
“Shannon, I’m seeing you tense up. How do you feel about hearing that Taryn has such a prominent maternal role in Olivia’s life?”
“I knew that he wanted something. I knew it wasn’t to get back together. I don’t guess it’s a surprise.” Shannon twisted up her mouth. “I’m back now, so I don’t see it happening. I’m not giving Olivia up.”
Shannon’s words hit Taryn like a truck. Taryn suppressed her urge to shout. This woman left the best man and the sweetest child Taryn had ever met. Now she thought she could stroll back like nothing had happened. The last time Shannon was in the picture, she was a danger to herself and others. Was everyone supposed to forget all that? It was too much.
Each day since Shannon’s return, Taryn had a greater and greater sense that her dream of adopting Olivia was over. But to hear it out loud shook her. She bit hard on her trembling bottom lip. She would not cry in front of Shannon. Taryn swallowed and squeezed her eyes shut for a second. Then, she opened them and stilled her shaking legs.
Taryn’s voice spilled out of her even and determined. “Maybe the adoption is off the table. But I don’t get how you’ve dropped back in from out of nowhere expecting that you get to dictate what happens. You abandoned your husband and your child without so much as a phone call until Jeff hunted you down. He cared more about making sure you had a chance to be a mom than you did.”
“I don’t have to answer to you.” Shannon’s jaw squared as she clenched her teeth, and her eyes narrowed to blue slivers. Taryn glared back at her, unblinking.
“Shannon. I think it’s worth addressing the issues that Taryn raises. Separate the message from the messenger for a moment. What will you say when your daughter asks why you were away? She’s young, and the story that Jeff laid out might work for her now, but she’s going to have questions. You will have to answer to Olivia for what you’ve done and not done.”
“I’ll tell her the truth. I’ll explain things to her. I’ll do it so that she understands. I’m her mother.”
“Up until now, you haven’t been a mother, and Olivia doesn’t see you that way. And simply telling her you’re her biological mother won’t make her see you that way. Not if you don’t even understand why you never called, wrote, sent a birthday card. Part of preparing to meet Olivia is preparing you for those hard questions.”
“What am I supposed to say? My life was a mess, and I couldn’t handle being a mom. Now things are different.”
“Different how?” Jeff asked.
“I’m sober. I’m clean. And I’m tired of running and living one day to the next without a clue what’s going to happen. I can do this, whether you believe me or not.”
“I think everyone is behind you Shannon. Everyone wants you to succeed. We need to take this one step at a time. Why don’t we take a quick break and get some water. We can come back togethe
r in five minutes and begin a script for your introduction to Olivia.”
Taryn exhaled. She hoped these therapy sessions whittled away Shannon’s denial and selfishness, but a zebra doesn’t change its stripes.
In another thirty minutes, the threesome finished up their first session and agreed to come back the following week with their homework. Dr. Baker asked each of them to write down their vision for what this family would look like in one year. Taryn didn’t know how she could answer that honestly without opening up a can of worms. In her ideal outcome, Shannon would take her trouble elsewhere.
Before Taryn took off in her car, she climbed into Jeff’s so they could talk. She simmered with all the things she couldn’t say with Shannon in the room.
“You realize that if Shannon has a brain in her head, she’s getting a lawyer,” she speculated.
“I figure she’d have a lawyer at some point.” Jeff shrugged.
“Well, if she gets a lawyer, won’t that complicate things? Maybe you should serve her those custody papers sooner rather than later.”
“Why?”
“So you get to her with the options you’re comfortable with before someone else starts planting other ideas in her head.”
In Taryn’s mind, the best defense was a good offense. She had a nose for people, and for all Shannon’s bluster, the woman was fumbling in the dark. If Jeff showed her the light, she’d fall right in line. Taryn didn’t understand Jeff’s hesitation.
“I can’t blow stuff by her without her understanding what’s going on. She’s entitled to have an attorney, and if she gets one, she gets one.”
“You got her to sign the divorce papers.”
“But I didn’t push those papers on her. I tracked her down and left her a copy to sign. I told her to take her time. I got them back in the mail a week later. I didn’t trick her. Do you think I’d try to manipulate her?”
“Maybe you should. Not trick her, but influence her. You know her as well as anyone probably, so why not use that to your advantage?” Taryn pressed.
“I’m not trying to get Shannon to do anything. She’s going to do what she’s going to do. My thought is that if she does right, she’ll have a place in Olivia’s life. If not, she won’t.”
“You think it’s going to be that simple? I think you underestimate her. She’s not some victimized girl with a sad story. She’s a woman who’s lived a life where she hustles for her keep. She maneuvers. You can see it in her eyes. Those wheels are turning.”
“Now she’s plotting? She never once contacted me about anything—ever. Either she’s completely disinterested or she’s trying to worm her way back into my life, but it can’t be both.”
“Of course, it can, Jeff. She may not have had any thoughts about sweet talking you until she saw your big house and nice car. What if she’s looked you up and she knows that you are an executive with a business worth millions? She might even know about the sale coming up. It’s not like that’s a secret.”
“Do you really think Shannon is reading Mashable?”
“All it takes is a Google search, and she can start seeing dollar signs. Hell, for her, any decent amount of money is more than she’s getting working at a Wal-Mart.”
Jeff frowned. “Don’t be mean, Taryn.”
“It’s not mean. It’s the truth.”
Jeff twisted in the driver’s seat to face Taryn. “Look, I want to be very clear. I am only going to be direct and above-board with Shannon. Trying to run covert operations is what got us into this, but I’m hoping maybe that’s not all bad.”
“Meaning?”
“I’ve got to leave room for the possibility that Shannon could end up being a positive force in Olivia’s life instead of a negative.”
“Please tell me you don’t believe her bullshit about working on herself? Court-ordered rehab and probation are the only reasons for her sudden journey to recovery. You saw her rap sheet.”
“I’m not naïve, Taryn. I’ve dealt with Shannon before. If she’s going to say she wants back in, then it’s not abandonment anymore. She could flip out and take off at any moment, but this is the first time she’s shown up. So I’m taking this one day at a time. I look where we are right now. And right now, Shannon may not be in a position to be a full-time or even part-time mom, but if she’s moving in the right direction, that doesn’t mean she never will be. I know you would just as soon have her hit by a city bus, but it’s not my job to run Shannon off. It’s my job to protect my daughter and do what’s right for her. Using her lack of resources as leverage is not what’s right.”
“I feel like you don’t see her. The real her. You still see the idea of her that you’ve always had in your head.” Taryn’s voice rose with frustration. Even as she spoke, she knew it wouldn’t make any sense to Jeff.
“I’m going to say something, and I want you just to hear me. Are you sure you’re not jealous? Just think about it before you answer.”
Taryn did as her fiancé asked. She stopped, and she thought about it, her teeth grinding. It hurt to realize the adoption was probably off. She found Shannon’s actions appalling. A part of her would never understand how Jeff got entangled with a woman like her—an aimless drug addict without so much as a GED. That probably made her a snob. Yes, within the storm of emotions she felt, there was some jealousy, but that had nothing to do with her suspicions. Her BS meter alarmed at code red.
“Maybe, but I’m telling you that there’s something off. You need to have all the ammunition you can. Something’s not right, and you can either trust me on that or not.”
Taryn squeezed Jeff’s knee, and they looked at each other.
“It’s not that I don’t trust you, Taryn, but I also have to trust my gut. I realized something today. I need to start making room for Shannon in Olivia’s life. I have to figure out a way to be a parent with her. If you can’t be around Shannon without looking like you want to punch her, that’s a big problem. That’s all I’m saying. I need you to find a way to be open minded.”
Jeff’s words sounded alarm bells.
“I can’t even think about this right now.”
“I get it, but I need you to think about it at some point. Because if you can’t find a way to manage it, I don’t think it’s a good idea for you to be there when I tell Olivia. I don’t want your feelings about Shannon to color how Olivia sees her mother.”
Taryn wiped away the tears that sprung to her eyes. “Now you don’t want me to be part of this?”
“I’m not saying that you won’t be a part of this. I need Olivia’s introduction to her mom to be as drama free as possible.”
“Oh, and I’m the one causing drama? I can’t believe this.”
Taryn flung open the door and climbed out of Jeff’s BMW. Jeff called her name, but she kept going until she was in her car and firing up the engine to head back to the office. She felt an almost physical pressure in her chest from the wedge hammered between them by the situation with Shannon. Never had the distance between the heads and their hearts been so great. In the place of the closeness they’d had for so long, Taryn found doubt.
Chapter Fifteen
A stack of invoices from the last private event sat on Taryn’s desk, requiring reconciliation with accounting. She owed her boss a revised budget estimate for the quarter and needed to sift through event proposals from half a dozen hotel properties for the company’s analyst conference.
Attacking that list of to-dos would typically energize Taryn. She wouldn’t leave the office until at least two of those items were off her desk. Instead, Taryn sat stunned in her office, luckily concealed behind frosted glass.
Her eyes puffed from spent tears. She should go home, but she didn’t dare face coworkers looking a wreck. So she sat. Her pile of work troubles looked like a mole hill next to the disaster mounting in her personal life.
Jeff kept calling. Taryn responded to his earlier attempts to talk to her with text messages, telling him she needed a night to herself to think. H
e wasn’t listening, and Taryn didn’t know whether to be glad or profoundly irritated. She needed space. She couldn’t process the day’s events and manage how she felt, what she said, and how it all came across. The last thing she wanted was to say something to make Jeff even more convinced that she was jealous and hysterical.
She finally dragged herself home around four thirty, schlepping past the reception desk to the elevator and scurrying to her car in the parking garage. When she arrived home, the persistent ringing and buzzing of her phone seemed to resonate in the empty apartment and turned into a pounding in her head.
She sent Jeff one last text message, letting him know that she was turning off her phone—not because she was mad at him, but because she needed to think. She left her phone on, but Jeff stopped trying to call her.
Taryn ran over their conversation in the car over and over. If she couldn’t be full of kindness and sweetness, then she’d be a “big problem.”
He could cut Shannon all kinds of slack. Slack she hadn’t earned. The unfairness of it pitted in her stomach. Feeling alone, she dialed Micky and her cousin, Alexa. She needed reinforcements. With troops on the way, she took advantage of the early winter darkness and went to bed at eight o’clock though she hardly slept.
All night, Taryn wondered how her relationship with Jeff had devolved so quickly. She should be there when Olivia met Shannon for the first time. Would Olivia be confused? Scared? Of course, Jeff would be there, but there were times when Jeff—as wonderful a father as he was—wasn’t the best at dealing with Olivia’s more emotional side. She loved him and respected him, but he was a man. Taryn had a uniquely female connection with Olivia. That bond wasn’t something that Shannon could just step in and recreate. Could she?
By morning, Taryn felt crazed by uncertainty and lack of sleep. She finally drifted off around 6:00 a.m., dragging herself out of bed at ten thirty when her mother returned her call.