He grinned a cocky smile at me, pushed off the wall and pursued me with that unbelievably sexy swag he had.
Oh hell.
I opened the door to the guest bedroom and flicked on the light. “This is it.” I moved back against the door to allow him room to move past me.
He stepped through the door. I gave him a small smile and moved to step into the hallway.
Lawson’s arms moved quickly to either side of my head, effectively caging me against the open door. I heard myself gasp at his nearness.
“Tonight was… It was great Ells. Thank you.” He whispered to me as he ducked his head down to bring our faces level.
I couldn’t even reply back to him, my head was swimming, and my thoughts were all jumbled together. He was intoxicating. I just nodded slowly, my wide eyes never leaving his.
He leaned his head down.
Oh hell, he’s gonna kiss me.
“No. Stop.” The words weren’t more than a whisper, but I knew he’d heard me. He stiffened and started to pull away from me.
I gave the collar of his shirt a quick tug before he could move any further.
Fuck – he thinks I don’t want him.
“I want to kiss you. God I want to. I just know it won’t stop there. I’m not ready for that right now. I’m sorry.” I spoke lightly, my eyes falling to the floor with my embarrassment.
He used one finger to gently lift my chin back up. I watched his eyes soften as the reason for my rejection sunk in. He gave me a sweet smile. “Don’t be embarrassed. There’s no hurry Ellerslie. I’m not going anywhere.”
I felt my heart rate increase.
Does that mean he plans to see me again?
He leaned down again – his mouth only millimetres from my neck. I could feel his hot breath on my skin.
“Relax.” He commanded. “I’m not going to touch you.” He blew gently on the soft skin beneath my ear and all the way along my jaw and back again.
I went a little week at the knees.
“Goodnight Ells… sleep well.” He whispered and pulled swiftly back away from me, his eyes blazing.
I could see this was as much of a struggle for him as it was me, but this couldn’t happen.
Not here, not now, possibly not ever.
I watched him unbuttoning his shirt as he walked towards the bed and I quickly backed out of the room shutting the door as I went.
A girl only has so much self-control.
I leaned my head back against the closed door and tried to steady my breathing. I needed to get a grip on this attraction. I needed casual in my life. I needed to learn how to be involved casually with a man, and I knew that my best friend’s brother was not the ideal place to start learning.
***
I woke feeling a lot better than I knew I deserved. I felt rested. More rested than I had in a long time. Unwinding last night had probably done me a world of good, and the fact that early signs pointed to me escaping virtually hangover free, was a complete bonus. I felt around in the sheets for my Blackberry, I squinted against the screen and saw that it was 11.45am.
Holy shit I slept half the day away, no wonder I feel good.
I couldn’t remember the last time I’d done this. There was always something to pull me out of bed early – the office, study, Baxter and his terrible early morning singing. It felt amazing to be carefree and lazy, even if it was just for one day.
I stretched my arms high above my head and took note of my sleeping attire.
An oversized T-shirt… not attractive.
I didn’t know if Lawson was still here, but just to be safe I decided on a shower and something decent to wear.
***
Laughter and the bubble of voices floated down the hall as I made my way from my bedroom.
Is he still here?
I wasn’t sure how things would be between us this morning.
Will our attraction still be here in the light of day?
I decided the only way to find out was to put on my big girl pants and go find out. Walking into the living room, I smiled as I took in the scene before me. Reeve was reclined on our couch, his feet up on the coffee table with Lisa tucked snugly into his side.
They seem very cosy for a first time hook up.
I could hear Colt and Q bantering back and forwards in the kitchen and my smiled widened. I was glad that Quinn didn’t seem to be worrying about their age difference anymore, she sounded like she was really enjoying herself. I quickly scanned the rest of the living area.
No Lawson.
The disappointment that ripped through me took me by surprise.
I guess I really was hoping to see him again today.
“Sleeping beauty, nice of you to join us.” Quinn laughed at me as she moved towards the other couch, Colt following right behind.
Looks like that boy has got it bad already.
I grinned. “I’m not even gonna say sorry, I certainly don’t deserve to feel this good.”
“Nice for some.” Reeve yawned as he looked up from Lisa.
I smirked at him. “Yea, well some of us went straight to sleep last night.”
Lisa blushed and gave me a shy smile. I moved around the coffee table and gave Reeve a kiss on the forehead.
He looks like death warmed up.
I gave Lisa’s arm a small squeeze and a reassuring smile.
I perched on the arm of Quinn and Colt’s couch and tried to think of a casual way to ask about Lawson leaving. I was feeling very much the fifth wheel. Q looked up and gave me a questioning look – I replied with a small shake of my head.
Chicken shit.
I was just beginning my interrogation of Reeve and Lisa, and how well they really knew each other, when a shiver ran down my spine and caused me to freeze. All the hairs on my arms stood on end. I stopped mid-sentence and turned to look around the space behind me.
My heart leapt out of my chest when I saw him.
Lawson was standing just inside the hallway, leaning against the wall and looking hotter than hell. He was still wearing last night’s jeans, but had swapped his shirt for a grey t-shirt that I recognized as Reeve’s. It was a lot tighter on Lawson, his biceps bulged against the fabric and my eyes raked over the exposed tattoos that ran up his arm.
He was just staring at me, drinking me in – as I was him. I forgot all about the other people in the room, and time stood still as I felt the connection between us building.
“El.”
“El!”
I reluctantly pulled my eyes from Lawson. “Uh… Sorry Reeve, what?”
Reeve looked at me with a concerned expression. “I asked what you wanted to eat.”
I gave him a sheepish smile. “Ah… I would kill for a bagel and a smoothie.”
The closeness of Lawson’s deep voice behind me surprised me. “There’s a little place not far from here, they do deliveries.” I held my breath as he moved towards me and reached down to tuck a loose curl behind my ear. “Good morning Ells.”
I swallowed slowly and tried to focus on making words come out of my mouth.
I’ve got fucking nothing.
I settled for a smile.
God I’m pathetic!
Quinn seemed oblivious to the fact that I had turned into a puddle of raging hormones. “Let’s order, I’m starving. What do y’all want?”
Everyone called out their orders and Quinn noted it down on her phone, I made a conscious effort not to look at either Lawson or Reeve. I could feel Lawson’s eyes on me constantly and I could also feel the concern radiating from my big brother. I was going to need to have a chat with him very soon.
As it turned out, I didn’t have to wait long. Reeve slipped his arm from around Lisa and gave her a light kiss on the forehead. “Hey El, can you help me find something for my headache?”
I got up from the couch and followed Reeve into the kitchen. He didn’t say a word as I rummaged around in the drawer for some painkillers. I stalled a little, pretending I couldn’t find what I w
as looking for. Eventually, knowing I wasn’t going to escape, I turned to face him, handed him the pills and waited for his lecture.
“He’s a good guy El.”
What?
“Who is? Lawson?”
Reeve nodded at me.
“Yea. He seems pretty great.” I gave him a small smile.
“Yea... does he know you’re still married?
I gaped at him. I couldn’t believe Reeve was concerned about this. “As far as I’m concerned Reeve, I stopped being married a while back now. The rest is just a formality.”
Reeve looked at me sympathetically. “I know you feel that way now, but are you sure you won’t change your mind in the future? Don’t get me wrong El, you are way too good for Baxter, but are you really sure you don’t love him anymore?”
I instantly felt terrible for keeping the truth from Reeve for so long. I had refused to talk about the whole Baxter-Amelia-baby situation since we had moved to Boston, which had unfortunately resulted in Reeve knowing nothing about it.
“No way. Never going to happen. I despise that man.” I took a deep breath and laid it all out there. “I haven’t told you everything… I hadn’t spoken to Baxter for a month or two before we left LA. He called, I ignored. Anyway, we ran into him on our way to the airport. He’s… Um… He’s having a baby with Amelia. She’s probably over 6 months pregnant by now.” I couldn’t meet Reeve’s eyes as I told him. I was embarrassed. Embarrassed that I hadn’t told him, and embarrassed that my friend and husband had had an affair behind my back.
“Fucker!” Reeve roared.
I jumped. “Jesus Reeve you scared the shit out of me.” I scolded him with my hand on my pounding chest.
“I’m going to wring his fucking neck.” He ground out. I looked over at my brother, I could practically see the steam pouring from his ears. “Why didn’t you tell me sooner?” He asked more softly.
I took in his hurt expression and burst into tears.
“El, no. Hey, it’s ok honey.” Reeve quickly pulled me into his arms where I sobbed loudly into his t-shirt.
I wasn’t sure why I was crying all of a sudden – I hadn’t cried in months and god knows this was not the appropriate time to start.
Quinn appeared next to us and began softly rubbing my back. “What the hell is going on in here?” She hissed at Reeve.
“She told me about the baby, the pregnancy.” Reeve growled.
His deep voice came from behind us. “What baby? What pregnancy?”
I pushed off Reeve’s chest to look at Lawson. He looked hurt. And angry. And disappointed.
He moved his focus to Quinn. “What baby Q?”
I burst into tears again. There was no way I wanted this gorgeous man to know my most embarrassing secrets. I hated the fact that once he knew how naive and foolish I was, he would look at me differently.
Lawson turned and walked away.
Seeing him walk away made the decision for me.
He deserves to know.
“Just tell him Q.” I choked out between sobs.
Quinn squeezed my shoulder and walked off after her brother.
18. Lawson
Holy fuck she was so stunning. When I’d walked in earlier, I’d had to stop for a second to get myself together. She was perched on the arm of the couch, her back to me with her long blonde hair piled up on top of her head in a way that was incredibly sexy. She was wearing a tight white t-shirt and I’d almost let out a groan when I thought about how it would be clinging to her breasts.
She was easily the most desirable woman I’d ever laid eyes on.
As if she’d sensed me behind her, she’d turned and looked straight into my eyes. I’d seen her gasp at my presence there in her living room and I’d watched her big blue eyes widen even further.
All morning I had convinced myself that the pull I’d felt towards her was impacted by a combination of the charged atmosphere and way too many drinks last night.
I could not have been more wrong.
If it was possible I’d wanted her even more in that moment. Wanted to pull her to me, smell her intoxicating scent, taste every inch of her. I wanted to claim her.
I didn’t realize that someone else already had.
She’s pregnant.
I knew this news shouldn’t be destroying me like it was. I had barely known the girl for a day, and there I was feeling like I needed to come to her rescue.
I should have just stayed on the damn couch.
I knew there wasn’t a shit show of that happening. I hadn’t been in control of myself when I’d heard Reeve’s yelling and Ellerslie’s heartbroken sobs.
I had to go check on her.
Seeing her crying in her brother arms had crushed me. I knew then and there that I never wanted to see that kind of pain in her beautiful eyes again.
But a baby?
I didn’t know what to do with this new information.
Quinn came barging through the guest room door, slamming it behind her. “What the fuck Law? She’s already upset enough. She doesn’t need to be worrying about you too.”
I shook my head at my sister. “Sorry Q. It was just a shock. I thought she was single, unattached. Not pregnant. Does her ex-husband even know?”
Quinn was gaping at me. “Huh? Wait… what?” She burst out laughing at me. “Oh god, you really are losing your mind.” She shook her head “El is not pregnant you dick. Do you really think she would have been drinking the way she was last night if she were pregnant?”
I didn’t think of that…
Idiot.
“No. Her fucker of an ex got our friend Amelia pregnant…” She lowered her voice. “While he and El were still together.”
I saw red.
What a stupid prick.
He had someone as amazing as Ellerslie and he threw it away for what? Some skanky redhead? And what kind of friend was that bitch?
“She found out? Is that why they got divorced?”
Quinn fidgeted a little before meeting my eyes. “They aren’t actually divorced yet.”
“Fuuuuuuck!” I groaned.
I’m all wrapped up in another man’s wife?
Quinn reached out for my arm. “So you really like her huh?”
I pulled my eyes back up to meet my sisters. She always could read me like a book. “Hell… I don’t know Q. My heads a mess. I can’t keep my eyes off her. We’re like magnets. I’m drawn to her.” I rubbed my temples. “Is it that obvious?”
Quinn barked out a laugh. “Are you serious? The space between you two crackles with energy. I can see the connection you have from across the room, so yeah. It’s pretty god damn obvious right now. In saying that though, I know the two of you like the back of my hand, so maybe it’s more obvious to me.”
“I don’t do relationships. She strikes me as a relationship kinda girl.” It was embarrassing admitting it aloud. But Quinn knew me, she knew I hadn’t been in a relationship for a long time.
“I’ve noticed. For quite a few years now Law. You ever gonna tell me why that is?”
I would have to be stupid to think that she hadn’t noticed the change in me back then. I knew she didn’t ask out of respect for my privacy, but knowing Quinn, she would have been dying to know all the juicy details.
“Not if I can help it.” I sat down and hung my head down into my hands.
Quinn sighed and sat down next to me. “I figured. Look, El has been through a shit time, a really shit time. She’s lost a lot of her confidence, but I feel like since we’ve been here in Boston, she’s starting to get it back.” She snorted a laugh. “Having to defend herself to some sexist bad boy in an elevator seemed to work wonders.”
I smirked as I remembered how sexy and mad she had been that day.
So beautiful.
Quinn narrowed her eyes at me as she carried on. “I don’t want to see her get hurt again. I’m not suggesting that you would intentionally hurt her… but I know El. I know that she’s got it into her head that she’s
not capable of anything more than fun now. But you were exactly right when you said she was a relationship kind of girl. I don’t even know if she would be able to have a sexual relationship where feelings weren’t involved.”
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