“I’m so sorry that it wasn’t real Lawson. That you loved someone who didn’t love you back.” Ellerslie saw right through what I was saying and saw the truth. She could see it was loving Piper that had screwed me up – loving her and not being loved in return.
“I guess we have that in common pretty girl.” I stroked my hand down her silky hair and soaked in the warmth of her. “From that moment on, I decided love was a load of shit. Commitment? Ridiculous. Feelings? Unnecessary. I became a heartless bastard who wanted nothing more than casual encounters with plenty of women.” I felt El flinch, but I carried on, she needed to hear it. “For the last ten years, I haven’t had anything other than a series of meaningless fucks. I’ve never developed any feelings towards a single woman I’ve been with. There was never any difference between any of them.”
Ellerslie’s body had tensed in my arms. “I get it okay. You’re a man whore.”
I shrugged. “I was. I can’t change who I was. But I can change who I am now. I already have changed. I don’t think I’ve so much as looked at another woman since some punchy blonde bird handed me my balls in a parking garage.”
I felt her relax and heard her laughing lightly at the memory.
“You are the difference Ellerslie. The only difference.”
Jesus Christ I’m a sap.
“Do you write part time for Hallmark or something?” I laughed at her joke – Ells and I were on exactly the same wavelength.
“It’s you. You’re making me soft. It’s not going to be good for my reputation you know.”
Ellerslie rolled into me and lifted up her head to look at my face. She settled with her face in her hands – elbows resting on my chest, the entire rest of her body pressed against mine. I was so hard for her. There was no way in hell she wouldn’t notice.
“Making you soft am I?” She teased. Wiggling her hips a little, she feigned confusion. “But you don’t feel soft…”
I thrust my hips up to meet hers and she moaned. “There’s nothing soft about that pretty girl.” I watched the desire build in her eyes – saw her pupils dilating with need.
She wants this as much as I do.
That thought alone was nearly enough to make me throw all of my plans out the window, but I couldn’t. Not when it came to El. Even with how willing she was, I knew this had to be done properly. I knew she was it for me.
Mine.
I just needed her to know it too.
Then, and only then, would I claim her.
“He’s more myself than I am. Whatever our souls are made of, his and mine are the same.”
- Emily Bronte
38. Ellerslie
Oh god.
I was ready… So ready. I wanted him now. Right this minute.
“I want you so bad Ells.” Lawson practically moaned.
“I’m yours.” I replied as I wiggled my hips again.
Lawson tensed beneath me. I saw emotions flickers through his eyes. Elation, confusion, disappointment. “I wish that were true.” He spoke so quietly I wasn’t sure I was even meant to hear.
I slid to the side so I wasn’t pressed on top of him any longer.
He was staring directly up at the ceiling, like he was trying to avoid my gaze.
“Lawson? What is it?” I tugged on the sleeve of his shirt.
He blew out a deep breath and brought his beautiful green eyes to meet mine. “There’s nothing wrong pretty girl. I’m not a very patient man, and I need to learn better. I’m sorry. I get caught up – I see something I want, and I go for it with everything I have.”
“I don’t understand. What do you want?”
He looked me dead in the eyes. “You.” He replied simply.
My heart felt like it was beating out of my chest as I held his gaze. “You can have me.” I cocked my head to the side as I observed him. I couldn’t figure it out. It was obvious he wanted me, I’d felt how hard he was. He would have to be completely clueless to not see how much I wanted him. This was certainly not Lawson’s first rodeo, so I doubted he was oblivious.
He turned abruptly, pulling me from my thoughts. I gasped at the look in his eyes, they were burning with need. Scorching holes into my own. “I don’t just want to fuck you Ellerslie.”
I flinched.
“I want you. All of you - I won’t compromise. I’m going to try my best not to pressure or hurry you, but know this. I am coming after you with everything I have - and I will have you Ellerslie Rush.”
My breathing hitched at his statement.
Oh hell.
“But I won’t just screw you. I’ll own you. Your heart. Your body. Your soul. You’ll be mine and I’ll be yours.”
Well shit. He had laid it out there. He was on point in his assessment of himself. When Lawson wanted something, he went after it – hard. I felt shivers run up and down my spine with the thought that what he was after, was me.
I wanted to throw myself at him, tell him I was already his - but I couldn’t. The reality was, I was still fucked up. I needed a little more time, I needed to know more about him, and I definitely needed more kissing.
“I know you’re not there yet Ells. And it’s ok.” He smirked in a cocky way that was far hotter than it should have been. “I’ve always enjoyed a challenge.”
“Well then cowboy. Game on.”
***
I startled awake.
Where the hell am I?
The deep, rhythmic breathing behind me brought me back to reality.
Lawson.
I relaxed back into position under the weight of his arm.
We fell asleep.
I smiled as I remembered the rest of our evening. We’d played a game of truth or dare - just like teenagers. I’d ended up spilling the details about losing my virginity, which had caused Law to curse under his breath and wish he’d never asked, and he’d ended up with no shirt on. That of course had lead to kissing, touching, and exploring. We hadn’t taken it very far, Lawson was apparently serious about his rules. But it was nice. Exciting and new, but comfortable and somehow familiar.
Being with him felt right. I’d heard people say the phrase ‘being with them, it was as easy as breathing’. And as much as that summed it up perfectly, it was also completely wrong – when I was around Lawson I could barely breathe.
His deep green eyes made me catch my breath and his words took it away all together.
Being with Lawson Pierce was as easy, and as hard as breathing.
I revelled in the feel of his warmth. He was huge, and he easily covered the width of my body. I felt safe here in his arms, I knew I could rely on Lawson to protect me, not that I actually needed any help – but it was a comforting feeling none the less.
I lay there in his arms for what felt like forever, my mind going a mile a minute, flicking through every moment I’d spent with Lawson so far. I knew I was falling for him.
How could I not?
But every time I allowed myself to try and accept my feelings, I’d freeze up and images of Baxter and Amelia would flash through my mind – the hurt and betrayal was still there and I didn’t know if I could put myself at risk like that again. I knew I was being unfair to Lawson. He wasn’t Baxter. But I couldn’t help it, I was broken.
Now I needed to figure out if I should let this amazing man help fix me… or if I should run.
I need to talk to Quinn.
I had no idea what the time was, but I could see light peeking around the corner of the blind, and that was good enough for me. I picked Lawson’s arm up and tried to move it off my waist.
Hell, the heavy bastard.
I twisted and pulled and shoved until I finally got enough space to wiggle free from his grasp. I breathed a sigh of relief when I saw he was still asleep and swung my legs lightly to the side of the bed.
I shrieked as I felt strong arms around my middle, pulling me back down.
“Jesus Lawson.” I thrashed against his hold. “You scared the shit out of me.”
H
e chuckled.
The asshole is laughing at me now.
“Where do you think you’re going?”
Oh god his voice was all sleepy and throaty and sexy. I stopped thrashing and leaned into him. I breathed deeply as his scent flooded my senses.
Oh god.
“Did you just sniff me?”
I froze and then broke out laughing. “Oh shit.” I choked out. “I’m sorry. You smell amazing, did you know that?”
I felt the vibrations of him laughing along with me. “Don’t worry, I get it pretty girl. I’ve never eaten so much French vanilla ice cream in my life.”
I wiggled so I could see his face, there wasn’t much light in the room, but I could still make out his strong jaw and his tousled hair.
“What has ice cream got to do with me smelling you?” I raised one eyebrow at him.
He looked at me with a guilty expression. “That’s how you smell.” He leaned up to my neck and breathed in a deep breath. “Mmmmm. French vanilla.”
I gaped at him.
He laughed at me again. “Honest to god, I’ve had about a dozen ice creams in the last month. It’s a craving I can’t seem to shake.”
I shook my head at him in disbelief – the man was certainly a surprise.
“But back to my original question. Where are you sneaking off to at…” He paused to check his watch. “Six thirty in the morning?”
“I needed to talk to Q.”
“You know she’ll kick your ass if you wake her at this hour right?” Lawson gave me smug grin. He knew I wasn’t going anywhere now that I knew how early it was.
I flopped back down on the bed. “Yeah, yeah. She’s a bitch in the morning.” I giggled.
His voice turned soft. “Is everything okay?”
“I’m just scared.” I whispered. “I just need to talk to my best friend. Quinn always grounds me, calms me down.”
Lawson simply kissed my head and tucked me back into his side. “It can wait pretty girl.”
***
I woke up alone and stretched my arms out.
“Good morning sleepy head.”
I just about jumped out of my skin as I whipped my head around. “Jesus Quinn. What is it with you Pierces? Are you both trying to give me a heart attack?” My heart rate settled as I looked at her.
She was curled up in an armchair, laughing at me.
I yawned. “What are you doing here anyway? Where’s Lawson?” I looked around and spotted a note.
I held it up to show Quinn and she shrugged.
I opened it.
““There are moments, when you’re getting to know someone, when you realize something deep and buried in you is deep and buried in them too. It feels like meeting a stranger you’ve known your whole life.” – Leah Raeder.”
I fell back down on the bed and tried to remember how to breathe.
“What’s he done now?” Quinn asked.
I sighed and read out the note to her.
She shook her head in amusement. “Lover boy went out to get some supplies. Don’t ask me what, because I have no clue. That man has lost his god damn mind.” She smirked. “And I, my dear was summoned to wait for your hot ass to wake up. He said you wanted to talk to me?”
I sat up in Lawson’s bed and leaned back against the headboard. “Yea I do. I don’t know what to do Quinn. I’m so confused. I mean, clearly I have feelings for your brother. But I’m scared, really scared. I don’t want to get hurt again, and it’s not that I think that he’s going to set out to hurt me, I know he’d never intentionally hurt me. But still… what if he just gets bored. I’m afraid to let myself feel Q.”
“I don’t know what to tell you El.” Quinn hopped up and moved to scoot in next to me on the bed. “I think you’re the only person that can decide what the right thing to do is. Has he told you how he feels?”
I nodded. “Yea he opened up to me, put it all on the line. He told me he wants me to be his.”
“He shouldn’t be pressuring you like that.” She looked pissed.
I grabbed her arm. “It wasn’t like that. Actually he said he won’t pressure me. I think he was just putting it all out there, you know? So I wouldn’t have any confusion about the way he feels. He was reassuring me. He was intense – but he said the sweetest words I’ve ever heard.”
“Okay. What else happened?”
“We talked. A lot. We laughed and played and eventually we fell asleep.”
“No sex?”
“No sex.” Quinn shook her head as if she couldn’t believe what she was hearing.
“I know. Trust me, it wasn’t my decision.” I grumbled.
“I just can’t believe that he’s taking it so slow and serious. It’s not like him.”
“Yea he told me about his colourful past.” I frowned at the thought of it.
“Oh my god we’re not going to be friends anymore.” She gasped.
“What the hell Quinn?”
“We’re going to be sisters.” Quinn shrieked.
Oh good grief.
I rolled my eyes. “Settle down you crazy bitch. We’re not even dating yet.”
“Oh I know. Obviously I don’t mean right now. But mark my words Ellerslie Jaymes Rush, I’ll be there to see the two of you get married.” There was no point in arguing with Quinn when she got like this. She was off her head. She was probably already planning wedding details.
I rolled my eyes again.
She really is fucking crazy.
“Whatever you say babe.” I pinched her butt and she squealed. I needed to change the subject and fast. “Any progress with you and Colt?”
“Oh my god El. You have no idea…” I laughed to myself as I sat and listened to a complete play by play of the events of Colt and Quinn’s night in the bedroom.
39. Quinn
“The guy knows how to have a good time El. I’ll give him that. It was fun, I’d definitely go for another round with that young buck.” El was pissing herself at this point. I’d given her a detailed and colourful description of the hot sex I’d had last night.
“Was he in charge?”
“Na. Not really. But I didn’t actually mind.”
I kind of had a thing for men being in control of the bedroom. El thought it was the funniest shit she’d ever heard, but that’s just because her husband – ex husband, was a pussy. I’d swore to her time and time again that a strong man taking control of sex was as hot as all get out.
It might not have been my usual preference but Colt and I had some serious sexual chemistry, we were damn good together in bed. I did feel like there was something else missing but I didn’t know what it was, and bugger it, it didn’t matter, it was all just a bit of fun. I wasn’t going to let it get to me.
“So has he said much to you about what he wants?” El asked with her head cocked.
“He hasn’t. To be honest, I’m a little concerned he’s more serious about this than I am. But there’s not much I can do about that.”
“So you’re not a couple?”
I shook my head. “No. I’m not saying I’d be totally opposed to the idea. But at the moment, we’re not.”
“Wish some casual sex would come my way.” El mumbled.
I smacked her with a pillow. “Oh come on. You do not. You are the queen of sex with feelings. You wouldn’t have a clue what to do with casual sex.”
El grinned at me and a sly smile slid onto her face. “I’d be willing to try for that brother of yours.”
I smacked her again. “Well then I guess I’m lucky he’s obsessed with you. I get to wait a bit longer to hear about y’all getting it on.” I mock shuddered.
“You’re worse than me.” El yelled and smacked me back with a pillow. “You’ve already got us married off with kids.”
I dissolved into a fit of laughter. “It’d be so perfect though! We’d be sisters. Each others kids aunties.” I nudged her gently.
El smiled at me. “That’s why I got so excited that time I thought you and Re
eve were going to get together.”
I chuckled at the memory. She’d been so certain that we were perfect for one another – had the whole fairytale mapped out for us.
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