When he has scraped the last bit of chili from his bowl, Kallen breaks the silence. “How did it feel when you could control the magic?”
Hmm, how do I describe it without him laughing at me? “Well,” I begin but I close my mouth and frown as I try to think of what to say. Finally, I just go ahead and let it flow out of my mouth. “It felt like the magic was as tired as I was. Kind of like it gave up the fight for control and decided to let me win that round.”
Now it’s Kallen’s turn to frown. “You speak as if the magic is a sentient entity.”
I shrug. “It kind of feels like one to me. Like when we caused the avalanche, the magic felt like a bad child that refused to listen to its mother. It was almost as if it was sticking its tongue out at me and saying na-na, I’m going to do what I want.”
I expect Kallen to laugh at me but instead he looks thoughtful. After a few minutes, he says, “My grandmother speaks of magic like that, as if she can talk to it and reason with it.”
“Is your grandmother crazy?”
He cocks his head and raises an eyebrow and I feel color rushing into my cheeks. “I wasn’t trying to insult your grandmother; I was asking a serious question because if she’s crazy for thinking that then I must be, too.”
“No,” he says dryly, “my grandmother is not crazy. She is the most powerful Fairy alive.”
Good lord, he’s touchy. “Maybe she should have come to teach me,” I grumble under my breath which must have been loud enough for Kallen to hear because he’s giving me a dirty look now.
“I can guarantee you that she would have been a harsher instructor than I.” His tone is hard and makes me want to concentrate all of my attention on my chili because I apparently hit a sore spot and now he’s looking for an argument.
“I apologize if my education has not met your expectations, perhaps I should have stayed in the realm that I can no longer return to. Ever,” he pushes but I’m not going to give him the satisfaction of pushing me into bickering back or letting him make me feel guilty.
Meeting his eyes, I say, “I’m sorry you had to make that choice and I’m grateful that you did.” Oh, that was good. He can’t get mad about that.
As if thinking the same thing, he scrapes his chair back across the floor and picks up his bowl and spoon. He opens the door and closes it loudly behind him as he goes outside to clean them. Wow, touchy much? It’s not like I haven’t had to give up my life plans, too.
I finish my chili slowly savoring every bite. When I’m done, I leave my bowl and spoon on the table. Kallen hasn’t come back in yet and I don’t want to be near him right now so I’ll clean them later. Instead, I drag my chair in front of the fire and warm my hands. As the heat begins to seep into me, I find that I am actually getting too warm so I slip off my boots and jacket laying them neatly by the cot and sit back down. It feels good not to have the bulky jacket on but in some weird way it feels like I’ve molted because it kind of became like a second skin over the last few days.
After about half an hour or so, Kallen comes back in. He still looks kind of surly so I just ignore him and bathe in the heat that I haven’t felt for what feels like forever. He pulls the other chair close to the fire and we sit like that for a long time without speaking. As he warms, his outer clothes begin to disappear until he is in a pair of jeans and a black sweater that fits him like a glove. It’s hard not to stare because he looks really, really good in that sweater. He’s only interested in me because I have fairy blood and features, I tell myself for the hundredth time. Not to mention the fact that I’m the only female of any type of blood around at all.
“Do you feel rested yet?” he asks without looking away from the fire.
I groan. “Do you really want me to go back outside in the cold to practice?”
“That is why we’re here.” Oh, goody. The condescension is back as well as the haughtiness. This is going to be a long day.
“Fine,” I grumble and I retrieve my boots and coat and begin to put them on resenting him the entire time. Kallen makes his heavy winter clothes reappear and walks out the door with a look that isn’t going to win him the Mr. Congeniality award. Yup, definitely going to be a long day.
I join him outside in front of the cabin. “Should I try to shake the snow off a tree again?” I ask and he nods.
My magic is definitely stronger after having rested even for such a short time but it’s still manageable. I direct it towards the tree I want to shake and I’m disappointed that I make three trees lose their snow instead of just one but it’s better than making the trees blow up so I still consider it a win for me.
“Again, but this time try harder to control it,” he says with an edge to his voice that I don’t like. Jerk.
I’m so annoyed that I decide that I’m not going to shake a tree. Instead, I focus on the roof of the cabin. More specifically, the snow on the roof of the cabin. And I imagine all of that snow finding its way to Kallen.
“What the hell?” I hear him yell and I open my eyes. All of the snow from the roof of the cabin is now on and around him and none of it has fallen on me.
“Is that enough control?” I ask sweetly and the look on his face makes me lose my simpering expression and back up. It only takes him a moment to have most of the snow off from him and the glint in his eyes tells me he’s going to retaliate. I can feel him drawing a large amount of magic and I turn around and run. But I don’t run fast enough to avoid the wall of snow he sends towards me and suddenly I’m covered in more snow than I had dumped on him. The force of the snow makes me fall and I go face first into even more snow.
When I flip myself over, Kallen is standing over me. “Not as good as that,” he says and the corners of his mouth are possibly thinking about rising into a smile but he’s not there yet.
Pulling on my own magic again, I begin to imagine the snow around me rising up but before I get enough magic, Kallen is kneeling over me. “I don’t think so,” he says breaking my concentration as he throws a handful of snow at me without using magic. When I try to collect some snow in my hands, he grabs my wrists and holds them still with a smug grin that he’s so much stronger than I am physically.
“Okay, I give up,” I say sounding defeated.
Kallen let’s go of my wrists still smug that he’s won and as soon as he starts to get up, I sweep my leg under his causing him to fall backwards into the snow. He’s stunned into inaction for a second and now it’s my turn to kneel over him. I grab as much snow as I can and drop it on his face.
He sputters as he tries to wipe the snow from his eyes and mouth and as soon as his eyes are clear, I know I’m in trouble. I scoot backwards and try to get up to run again but then he has my arms and I find myself again lying on my back in the snow with him holding my wrists. “Just do not know when to quit, do you?” he asks and he really doesn’t look mad at all anymore. He actually looks like he’s having fun.
“I give up. For real this time,” I say but I don’t think he believes me.
“And what guarantee do I have that you won’t simply attack me again when my back is turned?”
“I’ll make all our meals if I go back on my word and I hate to cook.”
He considers me for a moment and then he nods and lets go of my hands. “It’s a deal,” he says as he stands up. Hey, was that a contraction he just used?
Kallen offers me his hand to help me up, but I wave him off. He shrugs and starts walking back towards the cabin so as quickly as I can, I pull magic and hit him in the back with a burst of snow causing him to fall face first into the snow on the ground.
“That was so worth it,” I say referring to the cooking. Kallen pushes himself out of the snow and he looks like a Yeti when he stands up and starts stalking towards me. Okay, he looks mad again now.
I turn around and start running fully expecting him to throw snow at me so I’m taken completely by surprise when he grabs the back of my jacket and pulls me backwards causing us both to fall with me ending up on top of him. He rolls out from
under me and pins me to the ground with his knees straddling mine and his hands around my wrists again. “You are the most obnoxious and aggravating female I have ever met,” he says as he glowers down at me.
He looks even cuter when he’s mad because his eyes shine an intense green that isn’t even found in nature. “Don’t hold back,” I say dryly, “tell me how you really feel.”
“Do you want to know how I really feel,” he asks narrowing his eyes at me.
No. “Yes.”
“I feel like kissing you until you can’t think about anything other than my lips on yours.”
“Oh.” That’s not what I thought he was going to say. But I can’t say it sounds like a bad idea.
Releasing his hold on my wrists he leans back and this time the smile does appear on his face. “But I’m not going to because I don’t want to be accused of only being attracted to you because I have no better options.” Simpering, he stands up and walks away and I lay there wishing I could shoot Fairy darts at him with my eyes.
Chapter 16
Kallen insists that I practice for two more hours until I am so tired that I have a hard time drawing a drop of magic from the earth. But even then he doesn’t let me go inside. I’m pretty sure he’s just trying to torture me.
“Why can’t I go inside if I’m not able to draw any more magic right now?”
Without any sympathy whatsoever for my frozen fingers and toes, he says, “Because I want to show you what it should feel like channeling someone else’s magic.”
I back up and cross my arms over my chest. “Uh uh, no way. You are not going to burn me with your magic.”
Kallen crosses his own arms and looks at me stubbornly. “That is my point, it should not burn which is why I want to teach you the proper way to do it.”
I still shake my head. “Why do I have to learn to channel my magic through someone else if I’m learning to control it?”
“So you can tell when you are close to killing someone,” he says evenly.
He knows I can’t say no now but I’m not happy about it. I don’t believe that it’s not going to hurt. This would be the perfect opportunity for him to get his revenge for all the times when my magic burned through him. Grudgingly, I take off my glove and hold my hand out to him.
Kallen takes my hand and almost immediately I can feel a warmth spread through me. It’s not unpleasant but I still don’t like it. I don’t like being at someone else’s mercy and I’m starting to get agitated. I want him to pull his magic back. I try pulling my hand out of his but he holds on to it more tightly. I’m beginning to get the same claustrophobic feeling I had when we were covered by snow in the avalanche. I have to get his magic out of me but I’m too weak from all the practicing.
As if it hears me and says ‘no you’re not,’ my magic starts to rise. It starts out weak but it gets stronger and I hear Kallen say, “Xandra, let it go.” But I can’t. I feel like even though his magic is coming from the same place as mine that his magic is foreign and impure and my magic needs to cleanse me of it. I try to push my magic back down but it won’t go, not as long as Kallen’s magic is inside of me. Finally, I have pushed his magic out and I try to send mine back to the earth but now it shifts from defense to offense and it is determined to attack Kallen who is trying to let go of my hand and is letting his own magic retreat but I hold tight and he can’t pry my fingers loose as my magic begins to burn through him. Attacking him because he attacked me. I’m trying to regain control but it’s as if the most base part of my brain has taken over and is reacting on pure instinct and no signals from the higher functioning parts of my brain are able to communicate with it. I know I’m hurting him and I don’t know how to stop.
“Xandra, please,” I hear him gasp and he’s on his knees now. I try to let go of his hand but I can’t and I know Kallen’s trying to fight but he’s not strong enough. The instant the fight goes out of him and he loses consciousness my magic retreats. It flows down through me so fast I drop to my knees next to Kallen and open my eyes. He’s so pale and still that for the longest second of my life, I think he’s dead. Dead because I killed him.
But then he takes a breath, a gasping raspy breath that sounds like he can’t get enough oxygen but he’s breathing and I’m so happy that tears I didn’t know had formed start to fall from my eyes. “Kallen, wake up. You have to wake up!” I yell and I want to shake him but I don’t know how badly I hurt him, if there are physical injuries caused by my magic.
Finally, he opens his eyes but they close again immediately but I hear him trying to talk. I put my ear close to his mouth to try to catch what he’s saying. “Too strong, couldn’t get it out,” he says in a barely audible whisper.
I have to get him out of the snow. I need to get him inside where it’s warm. “Kallen,” I yell because I think he lost consciousness again. “I need to get you inside but you have to help me because I can’t lift you on my own.” I put my arm under his shoulders and hang his arm over mine and I pull. I’m able to get him to a sitting position but I can’t stand him up. “Kallen, you need to help me. I want to get you into the cabin. Please, you have to stand up and walk with me.”
He nods slightly and even though he seems as weak as a baby, he somehow helps me stand him up and we walk slowly back to the cabin. I almost lose my grip on him several times and I am so relieved when I can reach the handle on the door and push it open. “Just a few more feet,” I tell him. We make it to the cot and he slumps down on it. I push him down and swing his legs up so he’s laying on it. I feel like every muscle in my body has been strained but I don’t care, I got him in here. I take a blanket from the shelf above the cot and I cover him with it.
When I have him situated, I go to the fire and stoke it. I add more wood until I have a nice blaze going and the cabin begins to feel warm. I’m so worried about Kallen that I can hardly see straight. I go back to the cot and feel his forehead and he’s so cold. Too cold and he’s begun to shiver. I need to warm him up.
I grab a clean pan from the wall and I go outside and fill it with snow. Back in the cabin, I light a burner on the stove and I begin heating the snow until it becomes hot water in the pan. There are no towels in the cabin so I take off my outer sweater and I dip the sleeve in the water and wring it out. Then I place it on Kallen’s forehead. I feel him start to relax as the warmth flows into him. When the sleeve becomes cool, I bring it back to the hot water and dip it back in. I keep doing this getting more and more worried that he’s not waking up.
What if he never wakes up? “Kallen,” I whisper. “Please, you have to wake up. I need you. I’m so very sorry I did this to you, please come back. You are haughty and arrogant and infuriatingly sexy and you laugh at me way too much but you’re so important to me. I need you to teach me how to be a better Fairy. I promise I’ll never hurt you again. Just please, come back to me. I care so very much for you, I can’t lose you.” I lay my head down on his chest and my tears soak into the blanket as I hold the warm sweater to him.
After what feels like forever, I feel him stir. “Kallen, are you awake?” I shake him gently by the arm. “Please be awake.”
He pats my hand with his other arm. “I’m okay,” he whispers. “Just need to sleep.”
I nod even though his eyes are closed and he can’t see me. I make sure the blanket is around him snugly and I retreat to the table leaving him in peace to sleep now that I know he’s most likely okay. Folding my arms on the table I lay my head down and you’d think that I’d have no more tears left by now but they keep coming. I’m never going to learn to control my magic and the prophecy is probably going to come true not because I want it to but because I won’t be able to stop it.
At some point I fall asleep. It’s dark outside when I wake up stiff from sleeping at the table. When I sit up and yawn, I see Kallen sitting up on the cot with his back against the wall.
“You’re awake,” I say with a relieved smile. He nods and he has the strangest expression in his eyes. If I
didn’t know better, I would say it was fear. “How do you feel?”
“Better,” he says.
“Can I get you anything? Are you hungry?” I would do just about anything for him to get that look out of his eyes.
He shakes his head. “No, thank you.”
“I’m sorry,” I say quietly and he doesn’t respond, he just nods his head once.
“At least you get the cot,” I say with a poor attempt at humor. This he doesn’t respond to at all.
“Kallen, please talk to me. I’ve been so worried.”
“Why didn’t you stop?” he asks and I hear the accusation in his voice.
“I couldn’t. I tried but I couldn’t make it stop.”
“I let my magic go but you still didn’t stop.”
“Kallen, I swear, I tried to make it stop but I couldn’t. I would never hurt you like this on purpose.”
“I thought I was going to die.”
True of Blood (Witch Fairy Series) Page 18