I gestured to the wall. “Everyone get back behind the table. There’s a metal partition that slides out and will seal the rest of the shelter so the air doesn’t escape.” The only area it excluded was the front part—where the ladder and door were. And me. James hesitated but moved farther back with the others.
“Just let me back in, okay?” I yelled.
James gave me a thumbs-up, before he became obscured from my view by the wall that Kale slid across the room.
I took the ladder two rungs at a time, and peered out the hole where the door used to be. There wasn’t anyone on the ground. Kale’s small ship stood miraculously intact. He’d been right that they wouldn’t want to waste a good ship. Its hatch door was open though, so they’d either looted it or tried to fly away with it. I hoped it was the latter and wished I could’ve seen their faces when they realized Kale had sabotaged their plans.
The roar of the Consulate ship caught my attention and I looked skyward. It had flown about a thousand feet away but circled back around toward the shelter. If they hadn’t realized they’d succeeded in breaking in with the last bomb drop, they’d sure know it in a minute when they passed over the empty space where the door had been.
The large white ship revved its engines, blotting out the sun for one glorious moment as it sped toward me. Laser pulses shot out from the ship. They’d spotted me. I hunched close to the ground and raised B.K., waiting for the perfect shot. It was difficult ignoring the pulsing lasers as they got closer to me. The pulses crackled loudly as they hit the dirt, and the acrid smell of smoke filled my nostrils. At least there was nothing that could catch fire. Except me.
One shot came close to Kale’s ship and I knew we weren’t ever getting off this planet without transportation. My heart raced about a thousand beats per minute. I took a deep breath and bolted out of the doorway. I ran, dodging the death rays coming my way, until I was directly under the ship. I lifted my gun, aiming it right at the rear underside of the ship. They must have guessed what I was doing right as I hit the trigger panel. The ship veered sharply to the left just as the laser traveled the distance to the ship. I still hit it, but not dead center in the engine like I’d planned. If it had been a perfect hit, the whole ship would have exploded.
Instead, the laser connected with the area where the right wing merged with the ship. Flames licked along the ship where I’d shot it. The ship swerved, no longer in control without the functioning wing. Huge clouds of smoke billowed out as it dropped. It hit the ground just over the ridge where Kale’s ship had been last night. An explosion ripped through the air as the ship crashed, but the only thing visible over the ridge were large plumes of rising smoke. I turned to run back to the shelter and jumped when I came face-to-face with a suit. My body—already on overload—started shaking. “What are you doing out here?”
James’ voice rang low and clear through the helmet coms. “I thought you might need help. I didn’t know your plan was a suicide run straight at the ship.”
“My plan was to save us. Remember? I did what I had to.” I tried to calm myself as we went back to the shelter, but adrenaline still coursed through my body. My legs shook as I climbed back down the ladder then refused to hold me up when I hit the floor. I sank to my knees, trying to catch my breath. The metal containment wall remained shut tight on the other side of the room.
James jumped down behind me and knelt at my side. His hand pressed lightly on my lower back. “You can’t fly solo all the time.”
“Like I’ve had any choice about that,” I said. I was too tired to move away from his touch.
His hand dropped as the wall slid open a foot. Kale leaned out. “Get the hell in here, you two.”
James steadied me and helped me through the partition. I pulled my helmet off and took a deep breath, while Kale secured the sliding door. He turned and assessed me. “Please tell me the explosion I heard was their ship being blown to smithereens.”
I inspected my feet. “Um … let’s just say that while I didn’t exactly kill their ship, it is severely injured. It crashed—that’s something, right?”
Britta groaned. “Great.”
Seriously? Let her try and take out a ship that size on her own. “I did the best I could. What is your deal?”
Britta opened her mouth to respond. Her gaze flicked to James and she shut it again. Finally, she sighed. “No big deal. Just sayin’ it could have gone better is all.”
James stared coolly at Britta. “She risked her life out there.”
Kale raised an eyebrow at James, then turned to me. “You’re quite the soldier. I’m impressed, Tora.”
I shrugged. “They were close to hitting your ship and I wanted to save it.” All heads swiveled in my direction. “I knew if the ship was compromised, we’d have no chance of getting out of here. So I thought I’d run out real quick and blow them up.”
Kale laughed. Britta scoffed but otherwise remained silent.
Markus smiled like a proud parent. “I told you she was a tough one.” Then he pointed at the metal wall. “I hate to be the voice of reason, but if any of those burners lived through the crash, I’m thinking not having a door could be problematic.”
He was right, nothing would stop a bomb from being thrown inside. But they’d have to be able to walk to do it.
Kale grabbed his helmet. “Britta, suit up, and guard the opening. Call me on the com if anything looks suspicious.”
If you asked me, Britta was the thing that looked suspicious. But no one asked me. She glared at Kale like he was a moron. “Where the hell are you going? And why the hell aren’t we just moving the guns and getting out of here?”
Kale spoke calmly, as though bringing down government ships was something he did before breakfast each day. “Because we need to make sure they’re all dead. Hopefully the crash knocked out their com system and there won’t be any help on the way.”
“It’s standard military procedure,” James added. A mix of anger and sadness crossed his face as he spoke the words.
“We’ll move the guns,” Kale said sharply. “But we also have to salvage all spare parts we can from their ship … and we have to finish off any survivors. Do you think you can handle this, Britta?” His face burned with contempt and I knew he was referencing her earlier defiance.
I stared at Kale in disbelief. “You mean, if someone over there is injured, you’re just going to shoot them dead? I’d hope we could be more civil than that.”
Kale squared his shoulders. “Hope is for pansies who can’t shoot straight.”
“No enemy survivors left alive. It’s protocol.” James spit out the words.
Kale’s voice was flat. “Trust me. They’d do the same to us.”
I believed him. I mean it wasn’t like the Consulate came waving peace signs at us, but I just didn’t get it. With so few human survivors in existence, everyone still insisted on the “us versus them” mentality. It would probably stay that way until the last human fizzled out. Markus was right that I didn’t think we deserved the chance to mess up another planet.
Britta still wore a sour expression on her face, but I’d begun to think it was the only one she had. Kale tipped Britta’s chin upward. Maybe he meant it in an encouraging way, but it looked menacing to me. “Buck up, soldier. We’ll be out of here soon.”
Kale would go to his ship to make any necessary repairs and reinstall the fuel converter, while Britta, James, and Markus guarded the shelter door and watched for trouble.
“Oh, one more thing,” Kale said before he left. He touched the device on his forearm. “I want everyone’s com devices left on from here on out.”
Britta looked quizzical. “Why?”
Kale seemed to weigh his response before answering. “We need to be able to hear one another at all times. What if something happens while we’re separated?”
James flipped his device on immediately. “Yes, sir. Good idea.”
I couldn’t decide if Kale did this because he didn’t trust Br
itta, or because he didn’t trust me, but I knew for sure that it had nothing to do with his concern for our well-being. He just wanted to hear what was said at all times. Britta and Markus turned on their devices, and it made me glad I didn’t have one myself.
After Kale left, I excused myself and said I needed to gather my things. This was it. I was leaving this place forever. The place I’d considered home for half my life. Memories of my family, the good and the bad, wouldn’t come as easily without the familiar reminders of the shelter around me.
I only had one more chance to visit my favorite room, so I headed down the hall. Even after all this time, the presence of my father was strong in the room. The study held a feeling of safety and comfort. I sat at his work station, running my hand along the smooth surface. The desk reminded me of him. Silent and strong constitution. The contents of the desk were neat and orderly, his work space meticulous. I’d briefly riffled through his things after he died, yet felt like I was violating his privacy even in death. Color-coded tablets were stacked in one drawer. I’d looked through the secret, plastic tablets after his death, but they mainly involved notes about the bioenergetic weapons. Most people had long ago shunned notebooks in favor of energetic devices, but my father knew you couldn’t hack a notebook the same way you could an e-device—the Consulate would have to physically find it first.
The last time I’d been in this room with him was the day before he left for his last Consulate meeting. He’d been in there for hours, and when I knocked on the door he hadn’t answered. Worried, I’d opened the door and found him sitting at his station with his head in his hands. The tablets were spread out everywhere.
“Dad?” I’d asked. “Everything okay?”
“Come in, Tora. I want to tell you something.”
The tone in his voice sounded worried and sad. I didn’t detect any of the confidence he’d had when he’d taken me to the Consulate meeting in the pod city.
“Do you see these books? All my years of work are contained in them—everything about bioenergetic weapons that you’d ever want to know.” He took his arm and swiped the tablets onto the floor. “And I’m ashamed of them. I wish I’d listened to my gut instead of the Consulate propaganda. I’m so sorry. You must think so little of me.”
“No, Dad. I think you’re so strong. It takes a lot of guts to stand up to the government.” Even though I still had no clue what the Consulate intended to do with the weapons, I wasn’t used to seeing Dad like this. He was usually so stoic and calm. I picked up the tablets and set them on the edge of the station.
He reached out and gave me an awkward pat on the arm. “Thank you. Remember how strong you are, Tora. Don’t ever forget that, no matter how hard things are.”
I smiled and put my arm around him. “Come on, Dad. We have a dying sun and barely any air or water. How much worse could things get?”
If I’d only known at the time. I picked up a random tablet and leafed through it. It wouldn’t be good to leave these behind. This one contained detailed descriptions about how to rekey a trigger panel to a different vibration. Pages of equations filled other pages. Equations I didn’t understand, nor wanted to, but knew they’d be of interest to the Consulate. Not that I wanted to bring the tablets with me either. Too easy for them to fall into enemy hands—or Kale’s. I wasn’t sure which option was worse. I decided I’d use the natural resources around me to my advantage. I’d burn them.
When I set the stack of tablets atop the desk, one stood out, different than the rest. The one that I’d stuffed deep in the drawer because the sight of it caused me pain. Instead of a red, yellow, or green color, it was mauve. My mother’s journal. She had to have been the only person left in the world that still used a diary. She’d started using it after we’d moved to the bunker, after she’d become a ghost of her former self. She kept it mostly to herself, hidden, which I guess was the point. I found it after Dad died and thought reading it might help me understand the great sadness she carried. The first few pages broke my heart so much that I couldn’t go on. I’d put it away where it couldn’t hurt me anymore.
I gripped the edges of the notebook, and forced myself to uncurl my fingers and open the cover. I lifted the pages to my nose, inhaling, desperate for a trace of my mother’s scent. All I smelled were the plastic pages.
My mother’s loose sentences flowed along the pages, tangential ramblings about her fears and shattered dreams. Nothing about hope or love. Before I knew it, tears dripped from my eyes onto her words. It was just pain and more pain—no wonder I’d stopped reading. I wiped my face in frustration and flipped to the last page of the book. Instead of my mother’s large, looped writing I found my father’s small, blockish handwriting. I looked up to the date at the top of the page and slammed the book shut.
It was the date of my mother’s and sister’s death.
Chapter FOURTEEN
I SHOVED THE BOOK DEEP INTO THE BAG, NEXT TO THE MEDS, like that could distance me from whatever truth it contained. Truth that I wasn’t sure I wanted to face. Memories of my mother, begging my father for more pain meds, crying late into the night. Memories of my sister’s light laughter as she danced just out of reach. If I read any more of the journal right now, I’d fall apart, which was something I couldn’t afford to do. Maybe the day would come that I’d be ready, if I lived that long, but today was not that day.
“Get the hell out here, Tora. We’re packing for survival, not an intergalactic vacation.”
I marched down the hall with my bag over my shoulder and the stacks of scientific notebooks in my arms. “For your information, Markus, I was going through important documents.” Then I realized that their com systems were on, and I didn’t want Kale to know about the existence of the gun journals.
A sharp rapping echoed on the metal wall and Britta stumbled inside when he opened it. She tore off her helmet and threw it on the floor at Markus’ feet. “Your turn, big guy, it’s so burnin’ hot up there I’m about to pass out.”
Despite her whining, she managed to smile at him, and he grinned at her. “Don’t worry, baby. I got it covered.”
Baby? Just when I thought they couldn’t get any worse.
He patted her ass as he went past her. She blew him a kiss before securing the wall behind him.
James looked up at me from the table. “Hey, can I talk to you a sec?”
I shifted the tablets in my hand. The book burning could wait another minute. I nodded toward my room, and he pushed his chair back slowly and walked toward me. My stomach started doing somersaults.
I led James into my room and put the books on the floor before turning to face him. He took a step toward me and kicked the door shut with his foot. Even his method of shutting doors was hot. “Before we leave, I just thought I should get a look at those ribs. Make sure they’re healing okay.”
My hopes deflated. “Seriously?” Maybe I’d only imagined that time in the weapons room. “Uh, sure. Okay.” I shifted my satchel over to the other side, and lifted my shirt up a little.
James took his fingers and gently pressed on my rib cage. “Does that hurt?” he asked.
“No.” My eyes focused on the wall in front of me. I was not going to look at him.
“Not even a little?”
Did I detect a note of urgency in his voice? I forced myself to look at him, and his eyes seared into mine. I didn’t know what he wanted me to say. The crackle of his com device reminded me we weren’t really alone. I tried to focus on his voice.
“Um, maybe a little right there,” I said.
He moved closer to me, until our faces were inches apart. Still staring at me, he moved his hand down lower over my ribs. Electric tingles shot through me as he ran his hand back up my rib cage and traced the highest rib from the outside toward my sternum. His touch was soft but sure. His eyes were what got me. They looked vulnerable, like they did when we were in the weapons room. If this was all an act, he deserved a prize, because I was beginning to buy it.
O
ur lips were so close that I felt his breath in my mouth as his fingers continued to caress my body. My body shuddered under his hand.
“How ’bout here? Does it hurt when I touch here?” he asked in a professional tone, but both his hands slid down toward my hips and his lips almost touched mine. I was no doctor but this was definitely not part of any medical exam I’d ever seen. My legs turned to jelly and I trembled. When I sighed, James raised a finger to his lips. Oh yeah, the com system.
“Um, no. Just a little tenderness there but I think I’ll be okay,” I lied. I might never be okay again, knowing how his hands could make my body react. Not that I minded him speaking through his hands, but I wished he could also use words.
Words. My eyes fell on the stack of books on the floor, and I pointed at them. He nodded and grabbed one, while still talking about my injury in clinical tones.
He handed me one of the books and kept his hand on my arm, while I dug for a writing instrument in the satchel. My body burned in a way it never had before. Maybe some feelings weren’t so bad after all.
I found my e-pen and flipped open a page, while James coughed to mask the sound. How come you can fire the guns too? I wrote, while I asked aloud about my estimated recovery period. His hand felt like fire on my arm.
I have no idea. I was hoping you could tell me. He paused, then scribbled quickly as he spoke about the projected healing time of a fractured rib. What’s your sister’s name? He handed back the pen.
My hand froze. I hadn’t spoken her name since I was ten years old. It was painful enough referring to her as my little sister. Her name might rip me into a thousand little pieces. I’d been afraid all these years that saying her name aloud might kill me. Guess writing it might be easier. Callie.
He twisted the e-pen from my hand and left his fingers twined with mine a minute before he started writing again. My sister’s name was Autumn. Even though the only season we’ve known is summer, my sister dreamed of leaves. Like Callie and her flowers.
I grabbed the pen again. They would have gotten along great. I knew what else I needed to know. Why so loyal to Kale?
Burn Out Page 11