Sure, I got my GED but I don’t have anything to turn to yet besides dancing. So while I feel better about myself and what I can do I don’t know how to actually change my situation. Aria, on the other hand, is full of ideas on what she can do in the future and how she can get out of the club.
I do my best not to let these insecurities ruin our time together and I think I do a good job of showing her a great day in the city. I even surprise myself when I ask her to stay the night. The fact is, I want her here when I get back from work tonight. I don’t want to go to an after-hours club or to hang out at the bar with Theresa serving me free drinks. I don’t even want to see what hot women are out on the prowl for a man to spend the night with. I want to come home tonight and have dinner with Aria and I don’t care what she cooks; I will eat it and like it because she made it for us.
Aria happily agrees to come back tonight.
“I need to go to Theresa’s and get some clean clothes and pick up a bottle of wine for dinner.”
“I’ll see you tonight.” I give her a quick kiss and head out into the night.
I dance better than I have in some time tonight. All the pressures of getting my diploma and sorting things out with Aria are gone. It’s like a weight has been lifted off of my shoulders. It’s not until after I’ve collected my tips for the night and the guys ask me if I’m going out to find some ready pussy that a new set of worries comes crashing down on me.
“I’m going home tonight,” I tell them.
“Temptation’s going home early? Guess there is a first time for everything. Next thing you know pigs will be flying in the sky,” Cole says.
I’m too preoccupied with the creeping fear that Aria isn’t going to be waiting for me in my apartment to be bothered by their ribbing.
“I’m just giving you guys a fighting chance with the girls for once,” I say. I head out of the club before they can ask me any more questions about why I’m not going out.
I get home and take a deep breath before opening the door. Not only am I not used to having a woman in my apartment cooking for me, I am not used to thinking I’m not good enough and that I’m going to be left before things even get started.
Screw it, I tell myself. I am better than the life I have and it’s time to be more. I open the door and no smells of dinner in the oven or noises from the kitchen greet me. I am instead stopped dead in my tracks. Aria is sitting on the couch with a woman who has to be her mother. She looks just like Aria, only older and worn down by years of bitterness.
Aria looks like she has been crying and I am torn by my desire to comfort her and to hold back any show of emotion until I can figure out just what the hell is going on. Aria looks up when I walk in and shrinks back into the couch away from me.
“Ryan,” she says. “This is my mother, Jacqueline. She came because my father is sick.”
I don’t say anything in response so she continues on. “She wants me to go home and see him.”
She looks at me with those big blue eyes and I want to scream, “Don’t go!”
Instead I rush over to her and embrace her tightly. I tell her, “I’m sorry about your father. Is there anything I can do? Can I come with you?”
Aria looks up at me and starts to talk, but her mother interjects. “We have only two tickets for the flight, and we need to leave immediately,” she tells us in a stern voice.
I stand there, unsure of what to do. “I’ll call and get a flight too!” I tell her.
Her mother gives me the once over and walks to the door. “Come, Aria,” she says. “There is nothing for you here.”
Aria follows blindly but then stops and looks at me beseechingly when she gets to the door. I turn away from her, not able to watch her leave or ask her to stay.
“Have a safe flight,” I say, while I turn around, upset at the situation. I let the door close behind her without another word.
Aria
I recline the seat back and try to watch a movie. But even first class and a romantic comedy can’t ease the tension between us. My mother and I have barely spoken since we left for the airport. And now that we are on the flight, she is sitting next to me and pretending to be as engrossed in a fashion magazine as I am in the movie.
I don’t understand how and why things got this bad with my parents. I knew they were going to be upset when I called off the engagement and then decided to stay in New York, but I never thought it would cause them to give me such a harsh ultimatum and cut me out of their lives.
I try to forget how much they hurt me, but it’s easier said than done. I try not to think about the possibility that my father may die and our last conversation on the phone ended with my saying I didn’t care if the choices I made meant losing my family.
I wish Ryan was here with me. He seemed so distant when I left. I’m not sure he believed me when I said I would be back. My mother treating him like a servant she had to tolerate didn’t help matters.
“Aria, stop that,” my mother said. She pulls my hand away from my hair and shakes her head in exasperation. She has been trying to break me of my nervous habits for as long as I can remember.
“Leave your hair alone and stop moping about that boy. He is not worth the frown lines.”
I don’t take the bait and turn back to the movie. I hate how much control my mom has over me. I won’t get in an argument with her about Ryan. Especially, when I don’t even know where I stand with him. Losing my virginity to him and discovering a whole new part of myself made me forget about anything more serious than just the pleasure of being with him.
We fall back into silence and I close my eyes and think about Ryan and what he does to my body. I want to feel his touch so badly that I ache inside. I imagine him licking me from my neck all the way down to the cleft between my legs and into my hot damp center. I wriggle in my plane seat trying to get comfortable. I am getting aroused but I can’t stop myself from reliving our time together both in the bedroom and out of it. When I get to the part where he goes between my legs and licks and swirls with his tongue on my most inner and tender parts I think I may actually come here in my plane seat. I can feel him bringing me so close to an earth shattering climax and then pulling back. Teasing me with his tongue. Not letting me reach release until I beg him for it.
The stewardess announces that we are about to land. I open my eyes, flushed from the memory of Ryan, and am immediately brought back down to earth when I see my mother staring at me.
“I knew we never should have let you go to school in New York. Look what it’s done to you.”
“Sorry,” I mutter. But I’m not sure what I’m apologizing for. Is it for going to school in New York, or falling for Ryan?
“Are we going straight to the hospital?” I ask.
“Your father is at home.” Is this a good thing or a bad thing? How sick is he? My stomach is queasy from worry and guilt. I haven’t been able to eat all day. At least we are going to the house and I will not have to go to the hospital. He must be getting better, I tell myself.
I expected to find my father sick in bed but I am floored by what I find in my parent’s home. My father is standing in the backyard, hitting golf balls into the lake behind the house.
I turn to my mother for answers but she is expertly avoiding any eye contact. I stride through the house and throw open the French doors leading to the back yard to confront my father.
“Aria, I see your mother was successful in getting you to come to your senses.”
He didn’t even look up from his putter when he said this. I am so angry that I could spit. How dare he? How dare she? First, it was Xavier and Ella that betrayed me, and now my parents have deceived me. If the four most important people in my life could break my trust so easily, how can I ever have faith in anyone again? Can I trust Ryan not to be as hurtful and deceptive as the people who were supposed to love me unconditionally and always be there for me?
“What is going on?” I yell at my father. “I came here because mom said you w
ere SO sick, if I didn’t return I may miss seeing you one last time before you die.”
“Your mother may have exaggerated my condition. We are concerned about you, Aria, and needed to get you home. Xavier has told us that he is distressed over your welfare. He expressed to us that you are most likely under the influence of drugs, and a group of bad influences are leading you astray.”
“Xavier,” I stutter. “The man who thought a three-way between me, him, and Ella was the perfect way to spend a Sunday morning? You’re going to trust a man like that over your own daughter?”
“Aria, we raised you better than to speak to us this way.”
“You’re absolutely right dad. You raised me better than to settle for anything less than the best and you raised me better than to look the other way when someone treats me disrespectfully. That includes you. I won’t stand for it one minute longer.”
I don’t give him time to respond, but instead turn on my heel and walk to my childhood bedroom.
My bedroom is exactly the same as it was when I left for college. In the past when I returned home, it was comforting to find my room unchanged. Now, it just feels like a slap in the face. My parents obviously have no concept of the fact that I’m an adult, or they wouldn’t show such contempt for me.
I need to talk to my mom. There was a time when we were close and shared almost everything. But how can I trust her? She let me believe that my father was close to death in order to convince me to come home. She treated Ryan like something she scraped off her shoe. And what hurts the most is that even though she knows Xavier is a cheater, she chooses to believe him over me, and actually believes I should spend my life with him.
I wipe the tears away and wash my face before going downstairs to find my mom. My eyes are puffy and red and it’s obvious I’ve been crying but I don’t care. My mom should see how much she’s hurt me. I find her in the kitchen, baking. This is something she does to calm herself when she is upset. Whenever she and my father have problems, or when my brother would start a fight with them, she would bake up a storm. At one point, when things were particularly bad between them, the house smelled like apple pie and cinnamon rolls for a month.
I think my mom likes baking so much because it requires precision and attention. She likes everything to be perfect, including me. She probably feels that I have let her down as much as I have been let down by her.
“Mom, we need to talk about what’s going on. I can’t believe you lied to me about dad being sick.”
“We had no choice, Aria. You’ve been acting crazy. I have been so worried about you, living in New York and doing who knows what.”
“I’m working and making real friends,” I say, thinking of the difference between my friendship with Theresa and the toxic and manipulative relationship that I had with Ella.
“Friends? You mean like that ill-spoken man I found you with in New York?”
“He was not ill-spoken, mom,” I tell her.
“Your friend was stubborn, that’s what. And he was trying to interfere in matters that don’t concern him,” she said.
Is Ryan a friend? I would have said yes a day ago but now I’m not so sure. He hasn’t called to ask about me or my father or even to say he misses me. Theresa and I have been texting nonstop since all of this started. She keeps asking me if I’m alright. I have no idea what to answer. Yes, I’m fine in that I am safe and with my family. Am I alright when it comes to whom I can trust and what I should do? Not even close. All I know is that I want to be self-sufficient, and I am head over heels in love with Ryan. Sadly, I know that my feelings for him may not be reciprocated and being self-sufficient is easier said than done.
“I’m trying to rebuild my life, mom. I lost everything in one day: my home, my fiancé, my best friend, and my family. So I would appreciate it if you stop talking like that about the only people that stepped up to love and support me after you and dad abandoned me.”
“Abandoned you? Don’t be so melodramatic. You threw away everything we provided for you because Xavier slipped up once. You are the one that failed and abandoned us.”
I stand there, silent, and staring at my mother for what feels like ages. All I had wanted was to talk to my mom, and now all I want is to get out of this house and never come back. I realize now what my brother must have figured out about our parents years ago; they are so worried about their reputation that they have lost the ability to love their children for who they are. I wish things could be different, but I am not willing to throw away what I want to make them happy.
My mother doesn’t even turn around as I say my last words to her ….
“One day, when you and Dad are all alone, you’re going to remember the way you treated your children, and what you gave up for the sake of appearances. I hope it was worth it.”
Ryan
Back and forth, back and forth, I’m not even bothering to look out the windows anymore. I feel like I have been pacing my apartment for hours and I probably have been. I don’t know how everything went so wrong, so quickly.
Aria and I were heading into unknown waters and I actually felt great. For the first time in my life, I looked forward to waking up and seeing a woman next to me in the bed. More accurately, I looked forward to waking up and seeing Aria in the bed next to me. I never thought this would happen to me. I definitely went into stripping with the idea that it would provide me with a carefree, no-strings-attached, easy lifestyle.
That free-wheeling life is exactly what I had until the night Aria walked into the club. I have danced hundreds of nights for thousands of women and the only woman who has ever mattered to me is Aria.
I still dance for the audience as though I want each and every one of the women in the club but the feeling isn’t the same for me. When I’m dancing, when I’m at the bar, when women are propositioning me, all I can think about is Aria and how she feels when she’s in bed with me. The crazy thing is that it’s not just about the sex. I also really like talking with her and doing regular things like going to the park and out to eat and snuggling up to watch movies. How the hell did I end up so taken with her?
The worst part of it all is that I just let her leave without a word. Instead of telling her what I wanted to, all I said was, “Have a safe flight.”
I wanted to say. “I’ll miss you. I will go to Texas with you. I hope your father will be okay. I love you.”
And there it is, what I’m really feeling. I love Aria and I need her to know that I love her and want her to come home. Her home is here with me. It’s not in Texas and it’s not with people who don’t appreciate and respect her. I had no idea I could feel this passionately about a woman. I want to give her everything. Mind-blowing sex every day of the week and love, care, and respect every second of the day.
Now I just have to figure out how to tell her. Expressing my feelings isn’t something that has ever come easily to me. I find myself in an all or nothing situation with Aria and I’m afraid that I’ll blow it.
I think about flying out to Texas and showing up in person but I worry about her family and her father’s illness. I have not heard from Aria and I’m afraid of showing up when the family is grieving. I’m also afraid that I haven’t heard from Aria because she is mad at me for being so nonchalant when she agreed to fly home with her mom.
What did she want from me? Her mother is an ice queen, and she hardly acknowledged my presence, let alone as a friend and of her daughter’s. However, none of this is important. The only thing that’s important is that Aria knows how I feel about her and that I want to be there for her. But most of all, I want her to come back to New York and be with me.
I decide for the first time in my life that I am going to express myself in a letter. Aria taught me how to make sense of words and writing and I’m going to use this new knowledge to tell Aria how important she is to me.
Hours and many crumpled-up drafts later, I mail off the letter and have nothing left to do now but hope she forgives me and feels the same.
I do my best to keep my thoughts off of Aria and the fact that I haven’t heard anything from her yet by focusing on the lawsuit and what I will do with the money. The lawyers are extremely eager to help me get a settlement from the fire, and I’m anxious to get the whole thing over with. The only other thing that keeps my mind off of her is work. It’s different now though. I’m not as into it as I used to be. Mickey told me to get my shit together or he’s going to move me off the prime rotation. I know he’s right. It’s been a week and I still haven’t heard anything from her. I have been telling myself that silence isn’t an answer but I know it is. I’m done lying to myself.
Tonight, the old Ryan Temptation will be back in the club. I decide to do the routine I was working on when the lawyers came to the door and put all of these events into motion. As I’m getting ready for work, there is a knock at the door and I freeze in place, halfway dressed in my jeans but no shirt yet. Calm down, I tell myself. It’s not her. It’s probably just Theresa coming to yell at me for chasing Aria out of New York. I fling the door open ready for Theresa’s barrage of insults but it’s not Theresa.
Aria is standing in front of me and she’s holding my letter in her hand. She looks up at me through her long black lashes with her clear blue eyes and a smile brightens her face. I want to play it cool, act like it’s no big deal that she’s here but I can’t. I pick her up in my arms and meet her lips with mine for a long, deep kiss. Then I carry her through the door like a hero in a romance.
I think of heading straight to the bedroom. This week without her has been pure torture and even though we never discussed our status, I didn’t want to be with any other women. I’m growing hard with her in my arms and breathing in her scent is pure arousal to me.
I know we need to talk though. We have so much that needs to be aired out. There is her family, the future, what we are. But first I kiss her again and she responds just as passionately.
Object Me: A Bad Boy Lawyer Romance Page 36