by Jenna Mindel
“I’ve been RIFed. Got the letter while I was over there on my last deployment.”
His father nodded. “I’d heard there’d been deep cuts.”
Zach thought he’d try to practice a little of Ginger’s look-at-the-bright-side attitude. “Didn’t get my twenty years but I had over eight as a captain, so I’ll stay a captain when it comes to retirement pay, even though it’s less than it would have been in another year. Some of the other guys who’d commissioned late weren’t so fortunate.”
“You served your country well, Zach. Don’t let being forced out make you think otherwise.”
“Sure, Dad.” But how could he not think so?
His father stopped walking and faced him. “I mean it, son. I know you lost good men a few years back. As a leader it’s not easy to accept loss of any kind. But you have to focus on your gains, or you’ll get eaten alive by the could-haves.”
His father spoke from experience. His special ops unit had been part of the team that had invaded Grenada. His father had also lost men under his command. Zach had been little then, but he remembered snippets of stories heard on the news and clipped conversations over the phone.
He also remembered his mom’s frantic pacing. She’d tried to protect him from the details, but never once did she gloss over the reality that his father was in harm’s way. Even then, she’d clung to her faith and encouraged Zach to pray as well.
Zach nodded. Those could-haves were killers. How many times had he relived what he did and what he could have done until it had made him crazy? Ginger had said the same thing as his dad, but how was he supposed to find that shift when he couldn’t redo what was done? It wouldn’t make a difference to those families.
This morning at church, he’d finally given in to the pain. Maybe God had waited for him to break before Him so his heart could be softened. All that anger and guilt had frozen it up solid, but would the nightmares stop now that he’d melted? Now that he’d opened up some?
He looked his father in the eyes, not seeing his dad but the lieutenant-colonel he’d been. The military figure Zach had always admired and the reason he’d enlisted. “Do you ever dream about it?”
His father’s eyes widened in pain, but he didn’t look away. “Sometimes. Even after all these years. What are these dreams you have?”
Zach sighed. Maybe he’d live with the nightmares forever. But maybe getting his father’s view of where he’d gone wrong might help him accept what happened. Now more than ever, Zach needed his father’s insight, even if he’d hear where he’d made mistakes.
“The nightmares are the ambush. It’s like a skip in a movie that plays over and over.”
They started walking again, past the boat shop with its storage area and lifts, toward the summer homes of Bay Willows that were closed up for the season. They walked the shoreline sidewalk and their footsteps crunched through snow. The cold air made Zach’s nose run.
His father nodded. “Have you talked to a VA counselor?”
Zach shrugged. “Yeah, but—”
His dad touched his shoulder. “But not since coming home.”
“No.”
“I have a good friend at the VA here. He’s been where we’ve been.”
Zach leaned his head back. “I’m talked out.”
“You haven’t told me. Tell me what went down.”
Looking into his father’s stern blue eyes, Zach saw his superior instead of his dad. He’d get a fair hearing. One he could believe. One he was afraid to hear.
Good or bad, Zach had to know his father’s reaction. He was ready for it. “I ignored a hunch and followed orders, taking the planned route. I could have changed it. I could have postponed and regrouped.”
“Why didn’t you?”
Zach braced for the disappointment, the recrimination he knew should come. “I didn’t trust my instincts. The scout team had given their clearance. I was tired, pushed to get this mission done, so we could get out of that hole. I went with it.”
His father’s eyes held understanding. Nothing more. “Sounds like that hunch might have been a natural case of the jitters. Zach, you were acting on the best information you had at the time.”
“But it was a different feeling than other missions and other movements.”
“How far were you before you got hit?”
Zach shrugged. “Not far. Not far at all.”
“Maybe your intel was right and this group planned to attack the base, and your convoy got in the way.”
Zach blew out his breath. “Maybe.”
“That could have been worse.”
All conjecture. Zach wanted to be blamed for something. He’d come home in one piece.
They turned away from the shoreline, walking up a short street that cut away from Bay Willows back to year-round residential homes. When his father stopped before a small ranch surrounded by a white picket fence, Zach knew they were headed here from the start.
And his hackles rose. “What’s this?”
“There’s someone I’d like you to meet.” His father’s eyes held nothing but hope.
Zach considered balking, but something in his father’s expression made him stay and give in. He followed his father through the gate up to the front door.
It opened right away, before they even knocked.
“Andy.” A guy limped toward them.
“Rob, this is my son Zach.”
Zach knew Rob was a returning vet. Not hard to guess, taking in the prosthetic leg and haunted stare. He held out his hand. “Good to meet you.”
Rob took it for a firm shake. “Yeah. You, too. Come on in. I just made coffee.”
Zach looked at his dad. There’d be no backing out now. “Sounds good.”
“Andy says you opened up a glass studio.”
“Yeah. You should stop by sometime.”
“I will.”
Entering Rob’s home, Zach experienced a sense of relief, and maybe even a feeling of rightness. He needed to be here right now, meeting this guy. Maybe Zach was finally ready to talk.
And his father looked proud.
* * *
Ginger dragged bags of newly purchased decorations into her break room. Zach had challenged her to dig into her heart. So she had. But because that gun-shy organ seemed filled with wishes, she went with her girlish dreams of what romance should be. Moonlight and stars and fireworks.
She heard a tight rap-tap-tap on the glass divider and knew it was Zach. Her pulse skipped a few beats. She shoved her bags on the shelf and walked around to the slider and opened it. “Hey.”
Zach looked drained.
She wanted to push back his hair but clenched her hands into fists instead. “You okay?”
He gave her a half smile. “I talked with my father today. My earthly father.”
Ginger smiled over the hitch in her throat. Why’d seeing this strong, impatient man so subdued make her want to cry? “Did it help?”
“He gave me perspective. And introduced me to a guy that goes to the local VA.”
“Are you going to go, too?”
Zach nodded. “Yeah. I think I might.”
Ginger wanted to jump and down, but she stayed cool instead, taking his admission to seek help in stride. Whatever had happened this morning at church had been a good thing. A very good thing.
“Did you find what you were looking for in TC?”
She took his quick change of subject for what it was. Zach wasn’t up for digging deep, so she gave him a cheerful smile. “I did. Here are the receipts for you, too.”
“So, what did you decide?” Without even looking at them, he stashed the folded thin paper receipts into his pocket.
Her stomach flipped at the softness in his voice. “Not telling. You’ll see it when I hav
e it all up and in place.”
His eyes darkened. “That good, huh?”
Ginger thought so, but she wasn’t giving anything away. “It’s the usual Valentine’s Day stuff. You know, stuff the town wants to see.”
He looked at her closely a moment more before gesturing toward his store. “There’s a box over here for you.”
“My teapots!” Ginger flew by him.
Running her hands over the huge box, she looked around the counter for scissors. And then looked at him.
Zach handed her a Swiss army pocketknife that looked way too sharp. “Here.”
She scrunched her nose. “Will you do it?”
He chuckled and sliced through the tape.
Ginger pulled out plastic packing pillows and then finally boxes with ceramic teapots shaped out of two hearts with a wrought iron handle. She’d ordered them in Valentine’s Day colors and set a red one on Zach’s counter. “Aren’t these awesome?”
He picked it up. “Kind of small.”
“They hold two cups. Get it? Two hearts, two cups, one tea.”
He looked at her, like really looked at her. “Two hearts blended into one.”
And Ginger’s breath caught. “Romantic, huh?”
“Yeah. I think so.”
Ginger got the feeling they weren’t talking about her teapots. The space around them seemed to shrink and the air grew tight. She glanced at his mouth, wishing for a better kiss than the one they’d already shared. If she leaned close, what might happen?
“Go with me to Matthew and Annie’s wedding this Saturday.”
“Sure, I’m already going.” Ginger looked forward to seeing her friend given away by her late husband’s parents. Annie and Matthew had decided not to have attendants, and Ginger was happy to just be a guest.
“Be my date.” Zach’s voice was whisper soft.
“Your date?” Her voice squeaked.
“Yeah.”
Ginger’s cheeks flushed, and she retreated to the safety of teasing. “You better watch it or your icicles might melt.”
His face looked grim, but there was mischief in his eyes, too. “Maybe they already have.”
She tipped her head. “That’s good then, right?”
“Depends on your answer.”
Ginger hoped he couldn’t hear her rapid heartbeat pounding like a base drum inside her chest. The smart part of her wanted to refuse, but that wishful side looking for dreams jumped at the chance. “I’d love to be your date.”
“That’s good.” Zach echoed her words, but then his eyes shone with concern. He was thinking too much. Or maybe she was.
Did he regret asking her?
Sure, it was only a family wedding, but they were going together. As a couple. Like two hearts blending into one. They were taking that big step forward.
Her stomach dipped and fluttered. Ginger hoped she didn’t regret saying yes.
Chapter Ten
Zach woke drenched in sweat. This was getting old. Really old. With a groan, he got up. He didn’t feel as shaky as he normally did after dreaming. But then, tonight the dream had been different. He’d been the one torn in half, and Ginger had pulled him out of her red Volkswagen.
Padding into his small kitchen, he then filled a glass with water and chugged it. Ginger had charged into his dreams, trying her best to save him even there. He peered out the window onto dark streets below. A lone runner with red hair streaming out from under a knitted hat jogged toward the high school.
Ginger.
The urge to throw on his clothes and join her tugged hard, but he ignored it. He needed to take things slow. He shouldn’t race after her every chance he got. He searched Main Street and his gaze snagged on the icicles hanging from the roof of the building across the street. They looked like glass.
Recalling Ginger’s reaction when he’d asked her out, he chuckled. Those dripping icicles reminded him that he was definitely thawing. Ginger had melted away his resolve to be just friends. He wanted more and wasn’t sure if that was good or bad.
Either way, it made sense for them to attend his brother’s wedding together. It was supposed to be a small gathering at the nearby Maple Springs Inn. The wedding provided an easy opportunity to ask her out and a neutral place where they could have fun without the pressure of being alone. It’d make a good first date.
Glancing at the clock, he decided he might as well stay up. At six in the morning, he’d had a full night’s sleep in spite of dreaming. His day off and he couldn’t sleep in. Maybe he’d never sleep late again. Wide awake, he changed into shorts and a T-shirt and lifted weights. Then he ran on his treadmill before popping into the shower.
By the time he made it downstairs to his shop, he spotted the beginning attempts by Ginger at decorating her window for Valentine’s Day. The small café table with two chairs had been placed near the far wall and corner of the window. Covered with a frilly lace tablecloth, the table had been set with two red teacups and one of her new double-heart-shaped teapots, also in red. A basket of loose tea wrapped in heart-covered cellophane sat next to the teapot. The teddy bears were gone. Nice. He looked forward to what she’d come up with for the windows.
His cell phone buzzed to life and his heart froze when he spotted Darren’s number. It was early for his brother to call. “Hey.”
“Your shop is closed today, right?”
“Yeah.”
“Good. Grab your sled gear and meet me at Mom and Dad’s. We’re hitting the trails pronto.”
“Who is?”
“Just us guys. Hanging out before Matthew gets married. Even Luke drove up last night. Mom’s having a fit that he’s skipping classes today and tomorrow.”
Zach laughed. He could use a day away from everything. Especially away from a certain redhead who turned him inside out. “Why didn’t you call last night?”
“I did. I left you a message, didn’t you get it?”
Last night he’d worked in his studio. He wouldn’t have heard his phone ring and hadn’t checked it for messages before coming upstairs. “Yeah, probably but— It doesn’t matter, I’ll be there.”
“Great. Thanks, Zach.”
“See you soon.”
Zach gathered what he needed into a small duffel. His snowmobile gear remained at his parents’ house along with the sleds. The last time all his brothers had been together was right before the last deployment of his career. They’d gone camping a few days before Darren’s wedding—the wedding that had never happened because the bride took off with the best man the night before the ceremony.
Zach had pitched in to help make those awkward phone calls to friends and family informing them the wedding was off. It wasn’t fun. But then weddings were not exactly a barrel of laughs to begin with—at least not for him. This one might be, with Ginger as his date.
He flipped off the light and exited.
Ginger came in from outside and practically ran into him as he locked the back door to his studio before leaving. Her cheeks and nose were red and her brown eyes wide with surprise. “Morning.”
“How was your run?” He felt himself smiling. One of these days he’d join her.
“Good.”
“I’m taking off to snowmobile with my brothers. Do you need anything before I go?”
She gave him a fierce look. “Why would I need anything?”
He laughed. “Look who’s grumpy. Just being polite.”
“Guess I’m not used to that—you being polite.” Her eyes teased.
“Nice.” Zach’s gaze strayed to her lips. “Maybe you’re rubbing off on me with all your positivity.”
Ginger grinned at him then. “Yeah?”
“Yeah.” He needed to get moving or he might kiss her right then and there. And that would make h
im late for sure. He gestured toward the top landing and their respective apartments. “Ladies first.”
Ginger nodded and tore up the stairs. At the top, she spun around, her face flushed and beautiful. “Hey, be careful, okay?”
Zach’s heart skipped a beat or two as he looked up at her. Warmth spread through him, melting those icicles some more, making him smile. “I will.”
Ginger smiled back and entered her apartment with a soft close of the door.
She cared.
He did, too. But he wasn’t sure what to do about it. Like any objective with variables, he needed to think it through and be sure. The last thing he wanted was Ginger getting hurt.
* * *
The following morning, Ginger headed downstairs to open up her shop. With her rent check clutched in her hand, she hoped Zach didn’t mind that it was two days late. She also hoped he was home.
As usual, Zach had left his side of the slider unlocked, giving her open access to his shop. Yesterday, she’d had a field day with the windows. Uninterrupted and able to focus, Ginger had created starlight and moonshine with strings of tiny white lights swathed in rhinestone-studded tulle. But she’d hated that every sound she’d heard had made her heart jump in anticipation of seeing Zach.
She’d wanted his thoughts on the windows, but as far as she knew he hadn’t returned from his snowmobiling trip. And that meant he’d missed seeing the decorated windows at their best. At night.
She opened the slider and stepped inside his retail space. Nine thirty and no lights shone from his side. “Zach?”
“Yeah?” He stepped out from the back of his workspace with a steaming mug of coffee in hand. His hair looked damp from a shower and his eyes tired.
“You just got in?”
He nodded. “About fifteen minutes ago.”
“You don’t look like you slept.” Ginger hated the worried sound in her voice.