by Sam Crescent
“Is that all this is to you? A lot of fucking fun?”
“It’s a lot more than that.” Out of the corner of his eye, he watched Gunner’s anger simmer beneath the surface. His friend was struggling to contain his need for violence. They really didn’t need this right now. Not with Kent willing to strike at any moment and the fact Gunner was vulnerable.
John would never wear the patch, but that didn’t mean that he wouldn’t protect him with his very life.
“We fucked up big time with this. We shouldn’t have done this to Scarlett.”
“You wanted to fuck my wife,” John said. “This worked out great, more than great. We’re just having a few hiccups along the road. Nothing a little time won’t fix.” He finished his whiskey and grabbed the bottle he’d brought along with him. Scarlett was taking forever to arrive home, and his nerves were completely shot.
Watching Scarlett walk away had killed a part of him, especially as he didn’t even know the words that would work to keep her.
“What the fuck are you saying?” Gunner asked, stepping toward him.
Tilting his head back, he looked at his friend. “You wanted to get your dick inside her so bad. It wasn’t hard to see. Even your wife knew that you wanted it and had probably been craving it most of the past ten years. I handed you paradise on a plate.”
The pain was expected, and so was the violence. It had been a long time since John had needed this to help him deal with his own fucked-up problems.
Gunner’s fist in his face was a welcome reprieve from what he needed. There weren’t many men out there that could match John in a fight, but he had the one man he trusted more than anything. He was hauled to his feet.
“Why? Fucking why?” Gunner asked, yelling out his demand.
In answer, John brought his head down on Gunner’s nose, which threw him back and made him release John.
Gunner’s hand went to his nose.
He didn’t hear a break, so he didn’t for a second believe that he’d broken anything. When Gunner pulled his hand away, he saw that it wasn’t broken, but his friend wasn’t done, and neither was John. Gunner charged to his waist, pushing him back so they toppled the sofa.
Rolling on the floor, John swung his leg over and slammed his fist against Gunner’s face, but even still, he didn’t have the upper hand.
Gunner shoved him hard, getting his foot back and slamming it hard into his stomach.
John landed in a heap against the wall, but he was still ready for more.
“It’s my baby that’s inside her,” Gunner said. “I’m the one that knocked her up because you’re not man enough to do it.”
His rage went to a fever pitch as he launched himself at Gunner. They charged from the sitting room through to the bathroom. The force of being slammed on the table shattered the legs, and the top dropped onto the floor. For a second it knocked the wind out of him, but he’d been told to never give up, to keep on fighting. He didn’t have it in him to stop.
Infertile.
Never father a child.
Zero percent chance of fathering a child.
Sterile.
The words rang inside his head, going over and over. He’d tried not to think about them. To ignore the words that had shattered his entire world. Going to Gunner, it had brought together a piece in his life that he’d been missing, but even still, he hadn’t thought about why he’d done it.
In the back of his mind, it had always been there.
He couldn’t have kids, but he’d not given himself time to even think about it.
Slamming his fist into Gunner’s ribs, his friend reared back for a second, giving him the upper hand, but it lasted a second if not even less before Gunner had him around the neck.
“You can’t have kids, John. You’ll never be able to have them. That nursery up there, it’s a fucking sham. That’s what it is. A fucking sham.”
John clenched his teeth, grabbed Gunner’s arm, twisted it, and threw him off.
Just as he was about to slam his fist against Gunner’s face the door opened. His attention diverted to watch as Scarlett came in along with her guard, but he didn’t look at the man. No, his attention was on his wife.
On her stomach, and Gunner used his distraction to his advantage.
He shouldn’t be fighting Gunner or in his home. Scarlett had worked so hard to make it a beautiful home, and he was destroying it.
Even as he thought that, he kept on fighting.
“What the hell are you doing?” she asked, coming toward them.
“Get out,” John said, yelling.
He couldn’t have her seeing this. He’d not needed this fight in the ten years that he’d known her. She didn’t know this was how he dealt with his rage, and how he’d been trying to find other ways of dealing with it for some time. He’d not craved this for a long time though. His life with Scarlett had been precious and still was.
She had given him a beautiful home, and had brought Gunner to him.
“Ford, leave!” Gunner said.
Ford didn’t say a word as he turned and left the house.
Suddenly, John’s head was locked in a hold, and he couldn’t get out of it. He stared at Scarlett, his beautiful wife. A wife that was currently looking at them in horror.
“You see, John, I knocked her up, not you. I fucking put my kid inside her.”
“Gunner, stop it.”
“You couldn’t do it.”
He hit out, but it wasn’t having any effect on his friend. John’s throat clenched as he looked at his wife.
I failed.
I couldn’t give her everything.
I’m infertile.
John slumped down as the tears started to fall. Gunner released his hold, and then pulled him into his arms.
“It’s okay,” Gunner said.
“What is going on?” Scarlett asked.
“I’m sorry, Scarlett.” The pain in his voice was clear to hear. He heard it himself. “I’m not a man. I’m half a fucking man. I promised you the world, and I couldn’t even give you a fucking baby.” He pressed the palms of his hands to his eyes, and just sobbed. Those words were behind his eyelids like a nightmare on repeat. He kept trying to blank them out, but no matter what he did, it was there in the background, mocking him, waiting to take him down. When he came home and he saw that nursery, he only saw his failing.
Gunner had been his salvation most of his life. John didn’t intend to break her heart.
“You’re a good man,” Gunner said.
“I broke her heart. I just wanted her to have everything. I love you, Gunner, and I knew that if anything was to ever happen, you’d take care of her for me because Scarlett has to have a man taking care of her. She’s too kind.” Realizing his wife was still there, he turned to her and let her see the pain that was inside him. “You’re too precious to let go. Gunner deserves your love.”
“You deserve it,” she said. Her voice was a faint whisper, and tears filled her eyes as she spoke.
“I never wanted to hurt you. We’ve been talking about kids for so long. I was selfish for a long time, wanting you all to myself. Our nights alone together, wanting to make love to you without having a kid around interrupting us. I saw that you wanted it, and you’ve waited long enough. So we started trying, and then nothing happened for a long time, and so we went through all the tests, and it’s me. I promised you a baby, a big family. I can’t give it to you.”
“That doesn’t make you any less of a man.”
“I broke my vows.”
“You have never broken your vows to me, John. I love you, not what you can give me. You.”
Gunner stood up and helped John to his feet.
John knew that everything Gunner had said, he’d done so to help him, to make him open the dam that had been building inside him, and he’d refused to let go.
“Let’s clean you up.”
Scarlett reached out, taking his arm. All three of them went upstairs, and it was kind of sur
real to have Gunner waiting on him as Scarlett stood in front of him, removing his clothing. He liked the feel of her hands on his body.
“How was the doctor’s visit?” he asked.
“It was okay. They confirmed I’m pregnant. I asked if I could stay and wait to see the results, and they put a rush on it. I’m pregnant.”
John went to put his hand on her stomach, but recalling the pain in her eyes, he stopped himself.
“Can I?” he asked.
She took his hand and placed it on her stomach. “Yes, you can. You can’t really feel anything right now. In time I’ll blow up like a balloon.”
“I can’t wait to see that, Scarlett. I know right now you’re hating me, and I took this decision out of your hands, but I wanted to give you everything. If you couldn’t have my baby, then the only one I wanted you to have was Gunner’s.”
“I don’t hate you, John.”
Once he was naked, they helped him into the bath, and neither of them made any move to climb in.
Together, Scarlett and Gunner washed him, and he was thankful for their attention. Even as he had the two people he loved more than anything in the world, the tears continued to fall. He’d not cried on the day that he’d been told he’d never father children, or after. His focus had been on finding a way to give his wife what she needed, what she craved.
Every night he’d glanced into the empty nursery, and it was like the room was mocking him. Laughing at his failed attempts to make his wife pregnant. All those nights of filling her, of taking her constantly in the hope of getting her pregnant had all been for nothing.
Once he was completely washed, he climbed out, and Scarlett dried him as Gunner got the first aid kit. He didn’t fight them as they dealt with the cuts on his hands. He’d seen his reflection in the mirror, and it wasn’t pretty to look at.
Bruises were already starting to appear.
After they treated him, Scarlett told him to lie in bed and she tucked him up, pressing a kiss to his temple.
She’d done this many times when he’d been ill with “man-flu” as she called it. He didn’t care. For tonight he’d take any attention she’d give him.
****
“Did you have to say those awful things to him?” Scarlett asked.
Gunner picked up the table, resting it against the wall without any pictures on it. Scarlett was placing the shattered pieces of wood into a large sack.
“Yes.”
“You shouldn’t have been so mean.”
“John hasn’t cried, has he? He didn’t talk to you about what was in that letter. I read that letter, and to a man like him, those words must have completely torn him apart. Still, he kept his shit together. He kept on going to work, dealing with life, and all the time, ignoring what was going on inside him.”
“I never blamed him.”
“He blamed himself, Scarlett. I remember asking him when he was going to knock you up, and he’d always say the same, not yet, I want her to myself. Not only did he get you to himself, but when you were ready, he couldn’t even give you what you wanted.”
Scarlett rubbed her temple, and Gunner wanted to go to her, to hold her. Right now, he didn’t think it was the right time. She was still pissed at him for the vile words he’d spewed at John.
“Fighting fixed that?”
“John has always been able to keep on going. To push his feelings to one side, and just allow them to fester beneath the surface. In the military, they want that. You don’t go on one mission, and come back with some of your friends dead, and they tell you to go and take a break. You get some rest, and you’re back out there within a few hours with a bunch of new men. The thing is, it doesn’t take long for that fucking dam to break, and when it does, you got to be prepared for it. John hadn’t dealt with that letter. He kept pushing it back, seeing that nursery, and back it would push. Over and over, he did that, and you’ve got to be willing to deal with the consequences of that. He had to respond to that pain.” Gunner shrugged. “I never said I agreed with what I did, or what I had to say to him. He deserves more than that, better. I also know John, and in the morning, he’ll feel better. He’ll be able to handle everything.”
They finished picking up the few bits of wood, and he placed all the large broken pieces against the wall with the main table top.
Someone rang the doorbell, and Ford was there with pizza.
“I’ve got this,” Gunner said. “Head back to the clubhouse, take care, and ride safe.” He slapped his man on the back and took the pizza into the living room.
He held out a can of soda for her, and she nodded.
“Yes, I can’t have wine now.” She took the soda, popping it open, and taking a sip. He opened the lid on the pizza, pushing it back. Handing a slice to Scarlett, he took a slice for himself and sat back.
“A girl came to visit Bennie today.”
“Yeah?”
“I think he likes her. Once she was gone, he seemed so happy even with Cherry there.”
Gunner tensed up. “Cherry was there?”
“Yes, with flowers and looking every part the doting mom.”
He glanced at her, and saw she was hurting. “Did she say anything to you?”
“She said a few things, but it doesn’t matter. She knows about you being the one to get me pregnant. I don’t know if she knows I am, but she mentioned something about it.”
He gritted his teeth. “I’ll deal with her.”
“It’s fine. I can deal with it. Honestly, it won’t be the first time that I have.” She finished eating her slice, licking her fingers as she did. “You won’t think I’m a pig for taking a second slice, would you?”
He leaned in and got her one of the biggest. “Eat up. You’ve got to keep your strength up for two.”
Her hand went to her stomach and she sighed. “Everything has gotten so crazy and so messed up.”
“That’s life for you.”
“I don’t like it. I don’t like my life being crazy like this.”
He saw the sadness in her eyes, and he placed a hand on her knee. “It’s going to be okay.”
“How can you be so sure of that?”
“Easy. I know that you love John more than anything. You’re hurt that we took that choice out of your hands, but for ten years you’ve been married to him, and you’ve not forced the issue of kids so you must love him a whole lot, or you’ve been lying for years.”
“I love him more than anything.”
“You love me as well.”
“I don’t like your ego right now.”
“It’s not my ego. You and I both know that there’s something going on between us. I’ve been honest with you. I love you, Scarlett. I love you, and I love that crazy man up there enough to say fuck it, and to give you my kid, and I promised myself no one else would ever have that kind of hold on me.”
“I would never do anything to hurt you,” she said.
“I know. Which is why I know you’ll find it in your heart to forgive, if you’ve not already. You’re not about holding a grudge, Scarlett. You’re about mending bridges, and bringing people together. It’s a gift you have that no one else will ever be able to match.”
“Now I’m crying again.” She wiped away the tears, and he leaned over to take care of the rest, cupping her cheek as he did.
“It’s the hormones.”
“It can be that quickly?”
“You’ll be surprised. Your body won’t be yours for a little while, but I can’t wait to see it.” He moved his hand from her face to cup her stomach. She leaned back, and he placed it where he knew she was going to get bigger. “I want to be with you every single step of the way. When you go and get your first ultrasound, and we hear the heartbeat, I want to be part of it all.”
She nodded. “I know John would want you to be part of it as well.”
“I didn’t give a shit about this kind of stuff with Cherry. She was pregnant, and I left her to deal with all the women stuff.”
&n
bsp; Scarlett chuckled. “What do you want to tell your boys? I don’t want nasty rumors to go around town, and for them to have it thrown at them, used against them out of spite.”
“I’ll talk to my boys. You don’t have to worry.”
He heard her gasp as he bent down, kissing her stomach. “I don’t even know if you can hear me yet. I bet you’re this tiny little bean-looking thing.”
She chuckled, and her hand went to his head. Gunner closed his eyes, knowing her touch meant a great deal to him. If she could touch him and laugh, then it meant she didn’t hate him. In time she’d get over his and John’s agreement if she hadn’t done so already.
“What are you doing?” she asked.
“I want him or her to get used to my voice. You see, little bean, you’re going to be a little confused because you’re going to have two very strong, very sexy dads that love you more than anything in the world. You’ve got two brothers as well. I don’t know if they’ll be too cool to be nice, but I’ll make them be nice. We’re going to have a big family. You see, when you come out, I’m hoping that your mom loves me enough to give her another kid, and another, until she’s happy with the family all of us have built together. Like her husband, John, one of your daddies, I love her very much, and I want to give her the family that I know she wants.”
Once again, the tears started to fall, and she shook her head. “Don’t do this to me.”
“I’m telling you the truth. You can hate me, and I’ll take everything you can shoot at me. I don’t mind. You love me, Scarlett. You love that man up there that is hurting more than anything, and you don’t have it in you to hate.”
He pressed a kiss to her stomach, then to her lips. “Do you think you could take a third slice of pizza?” he asked.
“Yes.”
“Good.” He handed her a third piece of pizza. “I’m going to take some food up to him,” he said.
“I’ll follow you up. I want a shower.”
He locked the house up, taking care with the windows and the doors to make sure they were secure.
Checking on Scarlett, he saw she was already in the shower, and he made his way toward the bed.
John’s head was facing the bathroom, and Gunner sat on the floor, the plate with the pizza held up.