My brother had it in him to wince before he kept at me.
“You’re all I’ve got.”
“I’m sorry, honey, but you aren’t all I have. Not anymore,” I replied quietly.
On my last word, Barry’s arms moved from around me and Gray’s arms took their place.
Casey’s eyes went up over my left shoulder then his face twisted and they came back to me.
“Did what I did because I loved you, sis.”
I knew that. Way back when, I knew it. Casey was everything to me and I was everything to him. Before we ran, we had a Mom who was less than nothing and we had a lot of troubles and a whole lot of nothing else.
All we had was each other.
But now that had changed.
“Then keep loving me and let me keep what I found,” I whispered.
I watched him swallow.
Gray’s arms got tight.
My eyes filled with tears.
Without another word, looking down to his feet, my brother turned away and walked out of the bar.
I knew he had no money, no skills, nothing.
I had no idea where he’d go, what he’d do, how he’d get there and how much trouble he’d catch when he landed wherever he landed.
And it killed me.
But one thing my brother Casey taught me was to look out for myself.
So the tears slid silently out of my eyes, down my cheeks and Gray turned me in his arms to face him. My arms closed around him, I shoved my face in his chest and I concentrated on that rather than running after my brother and giving him all of my money just to keep him safe for a little while.
Instead, for the first time since I was fifteen, I didn’t look out for my brother.
I cried in Gray’s arms and looked out for me.
* * * * *
“Dollface, know you’re awake.”
I blinked at the pillow, sighed and turned to face Gray.
He looked beautiful in the sunlight, in the moonlight, in the lights of the bar, in the light thrown from a TV.
But he never looked more beautiful than in the morning with his head on a pillow beside me.
“Hi,” I whispered, sliding my hands up his chest and his lips curved up.
“Hi,” he whispered back, his arm not around my shoving under me so both of them could gather me close.
He dipped his chin, I tipped my head back and he brushed his mouth on mine.
Then his hair slid across the pillow as he pulled slightly away but gathered me even closer.
“You doin’ okay?” he asked, his blue eyes studying me.
“No,” I answered honestly.
“You’ll get there,” he muttered.
I would. It would take some time but I would. And it would hurt but I would still get there.
“He’s a man,” Gray went on. “It’s time he acted like one, baby. Took care of his own shit. You still haven’t shared and I told you I’d wait, I’ll wait. But I know this, what you were doin’, and I get the impression you been doin’ it awhile, it is wild-ass luck you two made it this far without some kinda tragedy. And he’s a man. Those tragedies he could face are a far sight fewer and a far sight easier to move on from than what a woman could take. He put you out there. You. A miracle you didn’t get chewed up. You didn’t. Hold onto that. Hold onto the decent you carved out for yourself and let go of the shit.”
“He’s all I had for a long time, Gray,” I whispered.
“Yeah. And what you said last night is true. He’s not all you have anymore, Ivey. You’re with people who give a shit about you now.” When I opened my mouth to speak, his arms gave me a squeeze and he went on. “I mean give a shit about you in a healthy way not some fucked up, dysfunctional way borne of whatever-the-fuck you two had goin’ was borne of. I get that you love him. I get he’s your brother. I get that you worry about him. But he shoulda sorted his shit and yours a long time ago and I also get that this has come to you. Don’t let guilt and worry fog that, darlin’. You’re on the right path. Don’t allow him to veer you away.”
I held his eyes then, nodding, I dipped my chin and pressed my face to his throat.
Gray tilted his head back and sifted his fingers in my hair. Then he kept doing it.
I let him because I liked it, it was soothing and after he did this for awhile, I asked his throat, “You know what I wish?”
“I can guess, dollface, but tell me anyway.”
“I wish I’d met your Dad because I would like to have had the chance to meet the man who made a man like you.”
His hand stopped and his body went completely still.
My head tipped back and his tipped down and I saw instantly he didn’t guess correctly. His eyes held surprise and something else, something I’d never seen on him or anyone.
But whatever it was, it made the area around my heart get warm.
“Gray?” I called when he didn’t say anything.
“You still fallin’ in love with me?”
I stared, my cheeks now getting warm and opened my mouth to answer affirmative when he went on.
“’Cause you should know, baby, I’m already gone for you.”
My mouth stayed open only because at that point it was hanging open.
Then I snapped it closed and asked, “You love me?”
“Yeah,” Gray answered.
“You love me,” I stated but it was still a question.
Gray grinned, dimple and all and he repeated, “Yeah.”
Tears filled my eyes and I whispered it again, “You love me.”
Gray’s grin faded, he rolled me so I was on my back and he was mostly on me. His face got really close and he whispered back, “Yeah.”
I stared into his blue eyes with their russet tipped lashes and shared quietly, “I fell for you after you first kissed me.”
And quietly back from Gray I got, “I win since I fell for you that night at my kitchen table when you blew on me.”
Oh God.
When I blew on him.
Oh God!
He went blurry as tears filled my eyes.
“Say you love me, Ivey,” he ordered.
“I love you, Gray,” I did as ordered.
“Good, baby, because I love you too,” he whispered.
Then, finally, he kissed me.
Then he made love to me, he did it slow, it was sweet, it was beautiful and if I had any questions that I was on the wrong path, which I did not, then I wouldn’t anymore.
I’d driven all over the country and back again probably eight times.
But finally, I was going in the right direction.
Chapter Seventeen
Veer Crazily Under My Feet
Six weeks and a day later…
“Fuck, I shoulda planned for this,” Gray muttered, lips at my throat and I knew what he meant.
We were naked in my bed. We’d finished. It was fabulous. So fabulous, as usual, we wanted to start up again.
And he needed to get home to Grandma Miriam.
His hands slid up my sides, one moving in to cup my breast but my fingers curled around his waist.
“Get off me, Gray, you gotta go home to your Gran,” I whispered even though I really didn’t want to and he growled against the skin under my ear.
I shivered.
His head came up, his hand leaving my breast to frame my face. “Love her, you know it darlin’. My Mom left and she stepped up and was there for me. When she lost her legs, I vowed I’d pay her back and she could depend on me no matter what, no matter how long it lasted. But, right now, I wish my uncles weren’t assholes and most of my cousins didn’t hightail their asses outta Mustang to get away from their asshole Daddies ‘cause this shit is killin’ me.”
I knew what he meant about that too.
Audie was good for once a week and Audie had stepped in for us with no notice when we needed him, going to Gray’s after Casey did his thing at The Rambler so Gray was free to stay with me. But Audie made it clear that was all Gray
got. And Grandma Miriam refused to let anyone but Audie, Gray or me help her with things at the house.
But tonight was a special night.
Tonight, I’d bought a new outfit, including heels and hose and tonight Gray had taken me for a fancy dinner at Jenkins. Tonight, we drank wine and ate steaks that were really good but not as good as the VFW. Still, they had fancy sauce that tasted awesome and Jenkins had superior desserts that were phenomenal.
Gray had even dressed up.
It was fun. Better than the movies Gray took me to which I loved. Better than most everything.
Except for his birthday, his birthday we had at his house, Shim, Chastity, Roan and Audie came over. Grandma Miriam made a cake and I helped with dinner and we had a blast.
And Audie stayed and Gray and I came back to my place where he stayed.
And he’d loved my present but not so much at first.
It was a scarf given to him in March and when he opened it, he grinned at me and teased, “Dollface, it’s March. In about a day I won’t need a scarf for another eight months.”
To which, I returned, “When I saw you walking up to me in the playground that first night, I thought that a scarf said you had a woman who cared about you. And a man having a scarf does say that. So you’ve got two women who care about you therefore two scarves.”
After that, he kissed me then he made love to me and that was when he told me he loved his present.
So that was the best.
But his frustration now was about more than just this being a special night.
We had two and a half months of this and Gray wanted me falling asleep at his side and waking up there just as much as I wanted to do it.
I knew this because he told me.
Incidentally, that made me cry too, just like when he told me he loved me.
“I’m gonna talk to her,” Gray decided and my eyes got big.
“Sorry?”
“I’m gonna talk to her about you movin’ in,” Gray replied.
I blinked rapidly then told him something he already knew, “You can’t do that.”
“I sure as fuck can.”
“Gray!” I cried. “She’ll lose her mind.”
“Better’n both of us doin’ it. I gotta drag my naked ass outta your bed one more time, get dressed, go home and go to sleep alone when that is the last thing I wanna do, dollface, I’ll lose it. And you want me to go about as much as I want to.”
“Actually, less,” I informed him. “At least you have Mrs. Cody’s strawberry preserves to wake up to. Macy’s graduated me from hamburger to roasts to casseroles and now I’m just cracking desserts. I haven’t made it to breakfast and definitely not preserves so I still wake up to boxed cereal or toast so you’re ahead of me on that score.”
Gray stared down at me a second then burst out laughing, collapsing on me then rolling so I was on top.
I lifted my head and he lifted his hands, tucking my hair behind my ears then holding it there, still chuckling.
“Just an FYI, dollface, for a guy, preserves do not make up for goin’ to sleep alone when he can go to sleep with your face, hair and body and wake up to your smile, your breathy ‘hi’ and your ability to make me laugh.”
I allowed his compliment to settle deep as I muttered, “Good to know.”
“Though, seein’ as I love you, I’ll pinch a jar of Gran’s preserves and bring it to you. She inventories that shit so she can call Macy out when she steals it and ream her ass but I’ll take that hit for you.”
I grinned at him and whispered, “Thanks, Gray. And, just so you know, if I had a Grandma I could steal jam from and catch flack for it, I love you enough to do it for you too.”
He shook his head, grinning, dimple out then he lifted it and touched his mouth to mine.
Then he rolled me to my back and did it again.
Then he lifted his head, looked me in the eyes and muttered, “I gotta do this or I won’t.”
I knew it. I knew by his words that it wasn’t easy leaving and it was getting harder.
I loved that just about as much as I hated it.
And I knew it because it wasn’t easy letting him go and it was getting harder.
“Okay, honey,” I whispered.
He lifted up, kissed my forehead then slid out of the bed making sure the covers never left me but still, once out, he pulled them to my shoulder. I slid my hands under my cheek and watched him dress. When he was done, he got close and smoothed my hair back, leaned deep and kissed my temple.
I turned my head, lifted a hand and caught the side of his neck before he pulled away.
“Thanks for tonight, honey,” I said quietly.
“Anything for my girl,” Gray returned quietly. “See you tomorrow. I’ll talk to Audie, see if I can get him to take an extra night.”
I knew that wasn’t going to happen because Gray did this daily. But I was glad he wanted to try.
I nodded. “That’d be good.”
“Say you love me, Ivey.”
“I love you, Gray.”
He grinned, gave me the dimple then whispered, “Love you too, baby.” He bent again, touched my lips with his then whispered against them, “’Night.”
“’Night,” I whispered back.
Then he was gone, using his key to lock the door behind him.
I closed my eyes, sighed then threw back the covers, got out of bed, pulled on undies and a nightie, put away my pretty new dress, my pretty high heels, dumped my hose in the hamper, washed my face, brushed my teeth, turned out the lights and went to bed.
And I did all of this not knowing the path to beautiful I was on was going to veer crazily under my feet.
* * * * *
Five hours fifteen minutes later…
“Ivey!”
I woke with a start, my heart racing and a hand shaking me.
“Ivey!”
I scooted across the bed, terrified.
“Ivey, sis, it’s me,” Casey whispered.
I blinked at the shadow in the dark.
What on earth? How did he get in?
“How’d you get in?” I asked.
“Doesn’t matter, Ivey, I don’t have much time. I don’t…I don’t have much time, honey, they’re after me.”
Oh God.
“Who?” I asked, moving toward the lamp by my bed.
“Don’t turn on the light!” Casey hissed and I stopped dead.
“Who’s after you, Casey and why can’t I turn on the light?”
“’Cause I’m worried they’re close and I don’t want them to know where you live.”
Oh God!
I shoved up to sitting and demanded to know, “What’s going on?”
“I ran into some of our history.”
Oh God!
No.
What we’d always feared.
Always.
“Casey,” I whispered.
“Worked me over,” he whispered back. “Bad dudes. Serious bad dudes. Wanted to finish me off. Don’t even know how I got away. Just know I did and they followed me. You turn on that light, you’d see. It’s bad, sis. They’re pissed, they wanna do me and while they were workin’ me over they asked for me to give up you.”
I closed my eyes.
Then I opened them. “Right, I’ll get dressed, we’ll go to Gray.”
“Are you crazy?” he hissed. “There are five of them, Ivey, they are on a mission and they got hardware. You want your cowboy steppin’ up for you and gettin’ his denim shirt filled with holes?”
My heart started beating wildly.
No, I didn’t want that.
“We’ll go to the police,” I told him.
Something filled the room. Something I forgot seeing as Casey had been out of my life awhile. Something that was not good. And it was something that told me Casey messed up big.
“When I left you, Ivey, I was hurtin’. Did somethin’, we go to the cops, they might put two and two together and know it was me.”
&
nbsp; God!
My stupid, stupid, STUPID brother.
“What’d you do?”
“What I did, they nail me, I’ll do five to ten in the local penitentiary.”
Yes, my stupid, stupid brother.
“Get up, pack a bag, we gotta go,” Casey ordered.
At that, my heart clenched.
“Go?” I whispered.
“Go, honey, go. We gotta go.”
“But I can’t. I have a job, rent to pay…”
Gray.
“They followed me, they’ll find you. Won’t be hard, Ivey and all these folks, someone shields you, they’ll buy it. You cannot do what you’re doin’. You and me, we gotta evaporate, sis, to stay alive and to keep these folks safe.”
“Who are these people, Casey? Where did we play them? How are they here?” I asked.
“I’ll explain on the way,” Casey evaded.
“Casey!”
Then he turned the light on, just for a flash but in that flash I caught his mangled, swollen face then he plunged the room back to darkness as I sat frozen in my bed, his image burned on the backs of my eyes.
“Get up, get dressed, get packed, Ivey, we don’t got a lotta time if we have any at all.”
I sat in the bed, breathing heavy.
Then I told my brother, “I have to write Gray a note.”
“Sis, I told you, we don’t got a lotta time.”
“I’m writing Gray a note!” I hissed.
“Fuck! Whatever! Just do it and let’s go!”
Heart beating wildly, lungs working overtime, I got up, got dressed, got packed and wrote Gray a note.
Then I stole out into the dark spring night that was still cold but not freezing and took off with my stupid, stupid brother.
* * * * *
Buddy Sharp
Eight hours, twenty-three minutes later…
“You gotta go to her place, she left a note,” Casey whatever-the-fuck his name was whispered in his ear.
“That’s been seen to,” Buddy Sharp told the moron. “Be sure to lose this phone.”
“Good phone, shame to dump it,” the idiot replied.
“Yes, it would be, so do whatever you want. It isn’t me who has to explain the phone to your sister.”
Play It Safe Page 17