After a while, Ode began to wonder if Briar would ever appear. He looked at the sliver of a moon, like a slice of cream cut into the night’s sky, and judged that he had already been waiting some hours. He started to feel foolish and wondered if this was all a joke. Perhaps she was lying in her bed in the temple right now, laughing at him.
Ode fiddled with his cotton shirt, chosen especially because it was the cleanest clothing he had. The ties around his neck were undone because he had wanted to show off the new muscles in his neck, but now he just felt stupid and cold. He hastily tied them up and wondered why he had ever thought Briar would be interested in him.
Ode had so thoroughly convinced himself she was not coming that when she suddenly appeared at the mouth of the mountain pass, his mouth dropped open in surprise. He jumped up from his slouched position against a scrubby bush and tripped over one of the roots, landing face first on the dusty ground.
“Oh!” gasped Briar, hurrying down the mountainside. “You be all right?”
Ode quickly climbed to his feet, his cheeks red. “I’m fine,” he said. “How are you?”
Briar stopped awkwardly in front of him, burying her hands in her skirts.
“I be well, yes.”
“Why are you talking like that again?”
Briar’s brow creased. “Like what?” she asked.
“Like the other Kins and Kinesses. You weren’t speaking like that last night.”
“I … I be having to speak like this. Otherwise, they be suspicious.”
“But they’re not here. You can speak normally to me.”
Briar sighed. “That is just it,” she muttered. “I do not speak normally. I sound different.”
A shadow slipped through the mountain pass behind her, its long tail flicking from side to side. Jet crept over the rocks, keeping her eyes on Briar.
“Why do you speak with a different accent?” asked Ode, wanting to fill the silence. “When did you come to the Castle Temple?”
Briar looked as if she might not answer him, and then finally she mumbled, “I came here when I was a baby. I do not know why I sound different.”
“I think your accent is nice,” said Ode truthfully; he could have listened to her soft, sweet voice all night.
“I thought you wanted to ask me about my companion,” said Briar, shuffling her feet. “That is why I came.”
“Yes! Let’s … um … sit.” Ode gestured to some rocks and they both sat, avoiding looking at each other. Briar tucked her feet beneath her and pulled her cloak into her lap.
“I have never met anyone who has a companion before,” Ode began. “I just wanted to ask you about it. Where did you find Jet?”
The snow leopard slid gracefully from the shadows and butted her head against Briar’s shoulder. Briar giggled and tickled the chin of her large cat until Jet purred.
“I found her when she was a baby. A wolf was chasing her, and I threw stones at it until it ran away. She has been mine ever since, and I visit her whenever I can.”
“That’s just like me!” said Ode. “I found Arrow when he was a cub.”
Briar smiled at him.
“So, do you think Jet was drawn to you?” he asked.
Briar’s smile fell away. “You mean like Magic?” she whispered, her voice faltering.
“No … I didn’t mean …”
“It is nothing like that.”
“Of course not!” agreed Ode in a squeak. “No, no, it’s nothing like that,” he added, lowering his voice to a deep grumble. “That would be … terrible.”
Briar nodded, and Jet glared at Ode with sharp blue eyes.
Ode tugged at the ties of his shirt, wondering desperately what to say next.
“Is that all that you wanted to ask me?” Briar said after a long pause.
“Yes,” said Ode, because he could think of nothing else to say. He knew he was ruining this moment and would regret it later.
“May I ask you some questions?”
“Yes!” Ode tried to mask his initial excitement with a casual shrug.
“What does it feel like when you are away from your wolf?”
Ode glanced at Arrow, who was still laying on the rocks above them, watching with a sulky expression and pretending he did not care about their nighttime visitors.
“I’m never away from him,” Ode replied.
“I wish it were the same for me. I cannot be seen with Jet in daylight, because I do not know what the others would think if they saw us together.” As she spoke, Briar buried her hands in the silky fur around Jet’s neck. “It hurts when we are away from each other. It is like … like part of me is missing.”
Ode nodded. “I can imagine,” he said.
“What is your name?” Briar asked, suddenly. “I realized that I do not know it.”
Ode had repeated her name so often, muttering it in his sleep and reciting it in his mind: Briar, Briar, Briar, Beautiful Briar. He had not even considered that he was nothing but a nameless shepherd to her.
“My name is Ode,” he said quietly.
“Ode,” she echoed, and he loved the way it sounded with her accent. He wished that she would say it again.
He glanced sideways at her, noticing the pretty curves of her legs, tucked beneath her, and her straight nose, silhouetted in the moonlight. He caught the hostile gaze of Jet and quickly looked away.
“I think your wolf does not like me,” she said. “He has not moved off that rock.”
“He’s just jealous,” said Ode without thinking, and then blushed furiously, the tips of his ears burning pink.
“I have heard Kins and Kinesses at the temple say that they come from all over the realm,” he babbled quickly. “Which country did you come from? I haven’t seen someone who looks quite like you before.”
It was Briar’s turn to blush, and she fiddled with the edge of her headdress, which folded over her ears.
“I do not know where I came from,” she said. “The High-Kiness brought me back from her travels when I was a baby and she forgets where she visited. I suppose she has been to a lot of places.”
“Your eyes are so blue….”
“Yes, I know that I look strange.”
“No, you’re—” Ode stopped himself before he said something embarrassing. “You don’t look strange,” he corrected himself.
She bowed her head and smiled. “I have never seen anyone who looked quite like you before either,” she said. “And I live with Kins and Kinesses from all over the realm.”
Her eyes wandered across his face and Ode’s heart thumped in his chest.
“Your skin is golden brown—and your hair is so dark. Where did you come from?”
“The Wild Lands.”
“Oh, you are the Wildlander they brought back?”
“Yes.”
Both Kiness and shepherd stared at the dark valley below them, sleeping and still. They could hear the faint rush of the wind through the rocks and the contented bleating of the sheep.
“I must go now,” said Briar.
Ode jolted with surprise. It could not even be midnight yet; he had not expected her to go so soon.
“But … but … what about the wolves? What if they come back?”
“You will be able to hold them off,” said Briar, looking away. “I have stayed too long as it is, and I must go.”
Ode watched her gather up her skirts and turn to leave, dying to think of something that would stall her.
“You will not tell anyone about me, will you?” she asked.
He shook his head.
“I be seeing you,” she said in the accent of the temple.
“I be seeing you,” he mumbled in response.
Jet galloped ahead—a silvery shadow flitting through the mountain pass—and Ode watched with fingers clenched as Briar followed the leopard. Then she stopped, and just like last time, she turned back to look at him over her shoulder.
“If you are here the night after tomorrow then I will meet you,” she
said, as if she could not help it.
Ode struggled to keep a delighted grin from breaking across his face.
“Yes … yes! I’ll be here.”
Once she disappeared, he punched the air with delight.
Two nights later, the pair met again. They sat side by side on the same rocks, staring down at the valley and stealing glances at each other, blushing furiously. Ode did not dare to think that Briar liked him the way he liked her. He knew that, as a Kiness, she had taken vows against such things, but he simply could not help but find her enchanting. Every time he looked at her, he noticed something he had not seen before, like the pretty, pronounced cupid’s bow of her lips or the elegant contours of her cheeks.
As they chatted at their second meeting, it slowly dawned on Ode that Briar was lonely. He discovered that he had never seen her in the eating hall before, because she dined in a separate room, and he would not have come across her around the temple, because she kept to the classrooms and the dormitories, only venturing out for the daily ceremonies.
“Why do you have to live like that?” he asked.
“The High-Kiness says that I am in training. She thinks that I could be the next High-Kiness one day.”
“But the High-Kiness walks all around the temple and—”
“That is just what she says,” Briar interrupted, and Ode did not want to push the matter.
The two spoke instead of the temple and the few Kins and Kinesses they both knew, their chatter drifting into the night sky. Ode managed to make her laugh and he considered it a great triumph. To hear her giggle was, he felt, the biggest achievement of his life thus far.
“I must go,” Briar said abruptly, just as Ode was beginning to relax.
He felt the same disappointment and the same frustration as before. Briar did not mention meeting him again until the very last moment, as she stood at the top of the mountain pass and looked over her shoulder. She told him the night after next she would be here again, should he wish to meet her.
Ode practically collapsed onto the ground in relief as she faded into the darkness.
They met for the third time, and so it went on. Sometimes Briar did not appear and Ode knew it was because she could not creep out of the temple. She had explained that it was difficult to leave her dormitory unnoticed if the High-Kiness was prowling around, and on the nights she did not arrive, Ode sat sulking in the chilly darkness. He knew that his feelings for her were dangerous because they could not be returned, but he could not help it.
Sitting next to one another on the rocks at each meeting, both Ode and Briar felt they had finally found someone at the temple who understood them. They did not think each other’s companions odd and Ode was no more afraid of Jet than Briar was of Arrow.
“I think I have almost won him over,” Briar said with a grin one night, when the wolf wagged his tail as she appeared.
Jet, too, was gradually becoming used to Ode, and she would sometimes flick her tail around his neck and rub her shoulder against his back if she was in a friendly mood.
“That means she likes you,” Briar laughed the first time it happened.
Neither shepherd nor Kiness wanted to overthink their meetings. For the moment they were happy living night by night, meeting by meeting. They looked forward to seeing each other with fluttering thrills in their chests, and then, afterwards, a low sorrow when they were forced to part. If they thought too much about what they were doing, they knew they would realize the danger of it, so they tried not to think of it at all.
They established quickly that they were friends. It was Briar who said it first when they met one summer’s night and shared a wedge of goat’s cheese. Ode offered her the last piece and she asked, “Is this because I am your only friend?”
Ode blushed. “No, it’s because you’re my best friend,” he said.
Briar grinned. “I suppose apart from Jet, you are my best friend, too.”
“Of course,” said Ode, trying to hide his joy.
“Of course,” she echoed, impersonating him.
They both laughed. Friendship it certainly was. Yet, they did not realize that they were actually falling in love.
CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR
The Changing
It seemed Ode’s life now revolved solely around Briar. He thought of her when he woke in the morning, and he thought about her all day as he dug vegetables in the valley and carried produce up the stone steps to the temple. He could not believe that she ventured out every other night to see him and a secret part of his heart dared to believe she might begin to share his deeper feelings. He knew that she was lonely and in need of a friend, but he hoped their meetings meant more to her than just friendship. The only problem in their bright, delicious summer full of love was Magic.
Ode was beginning to feel the old itching of his transformations. It was like a tickle between his shoulder blades that he could not scratch. At first, he thought it was merely due to the hot summer days, but when he began to dream again, he knew it was more than that. Now, when he went to sleep each night, it was not images of Briar and her beautiful face that danced through his thoughts, but visions of Cala. He saw her walking through sandy desert lands and searching sprawling cities. His past bitterness toward her had slowly trickled away with time and he was relieved to see her safe, but he wished that he knew what she was looking for. We wished he knew what his dreams meant.
As the summer cooled into autumn, Ode’s Magic grew worse. He began to fall asleep with a sinking heart, fearful of what would happen. Several times he had woken in the shepherd’s hut at night, on the edge of a transformation and only able to stop himself at the last moment. Tumbling onto the floor, he lay shaking with his teeth clenched and the white feather around his neck burning a hole into his chest. Luckily, no one else had noticed except Arrow, who whined in his ear and licked his cheek until he was calm once again. Ode did not want to turn into the white bird. He had thought that his Magic had left him and he had not been sorry to see it go. He hated to think what Briar would say if she knew about his gift and the thought made him despise himself.
“Is something the matter?” Briar asked one night, and she put her delicate hand on his arm.
Ode jumped at her touch and realized he had been staring silently at the valley below them.
“I don’t feel well lately,” he said.
“Oh, is there an ointment you can use? Have you asked the Kins and Kinesses at the temple? Your friend Molash is good at such things.”
“Nothing would be able to help this.”
Briar took her hand off his arm and pulled her cloak around her shoulders. She was silent for a moment before she asked, “Will you tell me what is wrong? Maybe I can help.”
Ode winced, wishing he could. They spoke with each other easily now, laughing, joking, and teasing. Sometimes they still blushed and found looking into each other’s eyes difficult, but the awkwardness of their first meetings had long disappeared. Ode wanted to tell her everything about him: his homeland, his past and his gift, but he felt she would not like it. Sometimes he hoped that if he told her, she might be able to see that he was still the same person. He had Magic, but he was still Ode. In the Room of the Gods, every evening he prayed that Briar would one day understand, but he knew the time for that was not now.
“I … I am not sure I can even describe it,” he said, picking at a piece of scrubby grass on the ground beside him.
Briar was quiet for a while and they both listened to the far-off bleating of the sheep and the purring of Jet, who lay stretched out nearby.
“I have not felt right recently either,” she said.
Ode glanced at her in surprise. Briar was normally quiet and secretive, preferring to hear about his life in the valley with the other herders and his daily chores rather than talk about herself. If Ode wanted to hear her thoughts and feelings, he usually had to prod her for answers.
“I am worried about a friend,” she continued. “I feel like she is in danger, but I
do not know how to help.”
“Another Kiness?” asked Ode.
Briar nodded. “It is Kayra. I think I have told you about her before? She is a good friend of mine, but for a while she has been … seeing one of the yak herders.”
Both of them flushed and bit their lips. They knew that at the Castle Temple this was scandalous—and that it was exactly what they were also doing, too.
“This man was once a Kin, but he lost his way,” Briar continued. “He and Kayra were friends, and she always hoped that he would return to the temple. She spent time talking to him about the gods and I–I–I think she became … attached to him.”
Ode swallowed hard and began tearing the scrubby grass in his hands into little pieces. “That’s terrible,” he said.
“Yes, but there is more. Kayra has been changing lately, and I think there might be something wrong.”
“How is she changing?”
“She is getting bigger, but she is not eating more food.”
Briar mimed puffing out her cheeks.
“Oh,” said Ode.
“Oh?”
“Perhaps she is with child?”
Briar gasped and her pale skin turned a violent red. She stared at Ode and had she not looked so horrified, Ode would have laughed.
“That is … that is abominable!” she stuttered.
Jet lifted her head and flicked her tail in concern, and from his perch on the rocks above, Arrow also looked down in surprise.
“It is impossible!” Briar cried.
With the training of a birther, Ode did not think it so strange, but he decided to keep that to himself. “Yes,” he said, nodding in agreement.
“I think you have that wrong,” Briar added.
“Yes, perhaps.”
“No perhaps about it!” Briar suddenly stood and brushed down her plain skirt.
“It is time for me to go now,” she said and marched primly through the mountain pass without even looking over her shoulder.
The following day, Ode worried he had offended her. He hoped that she would still appear at their next meeting, and though she took her time, she did eventually emerge through the darkness that evening. They did not speak of such things after that.
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