by Penny Dee
I rode her home on my bike so she could get ready for work. Again I took my time through the early morning streets, not keen to end my time with her. Having her on the back of my bike with her arms wound tight around my waist seemed like the most natural thing in the world.
“You’re still coming tonight, right?”
“Sure. I’ll catch a cab from the gallery.” She gave me a kiss on the cheek. “Thanks for the ride home. I’ll see you tonight.”
* * * * *
I was in a bad mood. Why the fuck wasn’t she here? It was almost eleven o’clock. She said she was coming.
Moodily, I stared into the almost full glass of coke. If she wasn’t here, then she was still out with him. And what the fuck was so fucking great about the date that she’d still be out with him?
We were due to go back on stage for our last set, but I didn’t want to. For the first time in my fucking life, I didn’t want to go back on that stage. What I wanted was to find out where my girl was.
Whoa! What?
She’s not your girl, asshole.
I pushed my coke away and ran frustrated fingers down my face. God, this was doing my head in. I knew I should do her a favor and stay away from her. She was way too good for me and when she worked it out I’d be in too deep and it would hurt like a bitch.
But goddamn it, there was a part of me—a big part—that just couldn’t let her go. It was turning me into a psycho.
My cell vibrated in my pocket and I grabbed it.
Harlow: How you doing mr rock star? Having a good gig? I’m not going to make it but I will catch you tomorrow, ok? Lunch?
What. The. Fuck?
What did that mean? Why wasn’t she going to make it?
Before I had the sense to stop them, my fingers started texting.
Me: You said you would come.
Almost immediately my phone pinged with her response.
Harlow: In bed ;-)
Was that a winking smiley face?
Seriously, I think I saw red. Blood fucking red.
She was in bed? What, with that douche?
I wanted to punch something.
Okay, I had no proof that she was with him. But my imagination was making me her bitch with some pretty fucked up mental images.
See? A fucking psycho…!!
“Hey dude, what’s up?” Jesse slid onto the barstool next to me.
“Harlow can’t make it.”
He shrugged like it was no big deal. “So?”
“So asshole, she said she would.”
His eyebrows shot up in surprise. “Whoa, what’s with the name calling dude?”
When he picked up my glass and sniffed the contents, I wanted to yell at him. He was checking for alcohol because basically I was an asshole on alcohol.
No. I was just an asshole full stop and Harlow knew that, that was why she was with Dean and not with me.
“Sorry,” I said, frustrated. This morning I’d woken up with her in my arms and for the first time in my life I had felt an overwhelming contentment. Life was good, because she was in it.
How could everything turn around so quickly?
Jesse shrugged. “Why don’t you ring her?”
Although I wanted to, I was afraid of what I might find out if I did. I didn’t know how I’d cope if I heard him in the background.
Shaking my head I put my phone back in my back pocket. “Come on, we’re due to go back on.”
I climbed off the barstool. But when I turned, I walked straight into a douche bag from Fat Tony’s who had run into Harlow and Dean earlier.
And what he had to say to me was the final straw.
Chapter Eight
HARLOW
My phone rang just after midnight. The screen told me it was Piper.
“Hey, is everything okay?”
“No. The big dummy went and got himself into another fight.”
“Who? Jesse?” I asked, surprised.
“No. Heath. The big jerk.” She paused. “Listen, I know you might be, you know … busy. But can you come down to the hospital? I think seeing you might … it’s just …” She sighed. “I think he needs to see you.”
She gave me the address for the hospital and I took Bridget’s car. When I arrived twenty minutes later Piper and Jesse were out the front.
“Is he okay?” I asked.
“He’s alright,” Jesse replied sagely, his tone indicative of someone who’d been there many times before. He drew on his cigarette, his brows drawn in. “He’s getting stitched up now.”
“He needs stitches? What happened?”
Jesse and Piper looked at one another and Jesse shrugged in a you-tell-her gesture.
“He got in a scrap with Danny Woods at the show. He was pissed you didn’t turn up. Then Danny said he saw you with Dean—that you guys were looking pretty cozy together and it was no wonder you hadn’t shown. And that he was pretty sure where you two had ended up.” She bit her lip and looked down. “It was too much for Heath. He warned him to shut up.”
Jesse continued to explain. “But Danny was out to push Heath’s buttons. He knows you are Heath’s Achilles heel. He said if Dean was smart he’d be seven inches deep into you by now.”
I blushed. “The jerk!”
“Heath didn’t hold back then. He broke Danny’s nose and a couple of teeth,” Jesse continued. “It took three bouncers to get him off. I’ve known Heath a long time Harlow, and I’ve seen him fight. But I’ve never seen him like this.”
“This is bad,” I whispered.
“Yes,” Piper agreed. “He’s already on probation. If Danny presses charges, then he’s gonna be in some serious shit.”
“That douche bag won’t press charges,” Jesse said blowing out a funnel of cigarette smoke. “The guy’s got so many warrants out for him, he won’t be going anywhere near a police station.”
I exhaled deeply. It was almost one am. “If you guys want to go, I can make sure he gets home.”
“Are you sure?” Jesse asked. “I mean, if you have somewhere you need to be …”
He and Piper looked at me weirdly and I twigged. They were wondering if Danny Woods was right. They were wondering if I had come here from Dean’s bed. Seriously, what sort of girl did these people think I was? Was it a stretch to think I was just hanging out with Dean as a friend?
“You guys go. I’ll make sure he gets home safe. Thanks for calling me.” I started to walk away and then swung around. “And guys … when you called, I was in my bed asleep. Alone. Dean is just a friend. No more. And just in case it matters, if I were to date anyone, it wouldn’t be him.”
Because they both looked so relieved, I shook my head as I walked away and entered the hospital.
Inside, I told the triage nurse I was there to pick up Heath and she buzzed me in. I found him in a cubicle in the ER receiving stitches to a small gash in his left eyebrow.
I leaned against the doorway. “So I miss one gig and this is what you get up to?”
It was a feeble attempt to lighten a dark moment and it didn’t work. Heath’s face was pure thunder. He was pissed at me. So pissed I doubted the pain from the needle was even registering.
Just like Jesse and Piper he thought I’d come from Dean’s bed.
Not that it should matter. How many groupies did he have for dinner tonight?
But he wouldn’t look at me, instead he studied his fingers. “What are you doing here?”
“I’ve come to take you home.”
“Don’t bother. I’ll hitch with Jesse and Piper.”
“I sent them home.”
He looked up, his face still thunder. “Why did you do that? Don’t you have somewhere you need to be?”
“I am where I need to be.”
“Aren’t you on a date or something?”
How many times did I have to tell him it wasn’t a date? I gritted my teeth and was going to snap something at him but the nurse dropped the suture into a stainless steel bowl with a clang.
&n
bsp; “All done,” she said. I watched as she stuck medical tape over the cut. “You just need to sign out at reception and you’re right to go.”
“Thanks babe.” He winked at her and I couldn’t help but feel it was for my benefit.
We walked in silence to the reception where I watched him sign insurance papers, observing his drawn in brows and the anger simmering just beneath the surface. He still wouldn’t look at me. Wouldn’t talk to me. I wasn’t stupid. He was angry at me for not showing up at his show and was now determined to make me pay.
I sighed. “You’re pissed at me. I get it.” I unlocked Bridget’s car. “I’m sorry I didn’t show up tonight.”
Heath said nothing as he climbed in the car and slammed the door.
Inside I turned to him. “Heath, I’m sorry I didn’t make it tonight. I didn’t realize it was such a big deal. I did send you a text message.”
He snickered. Actually, it was more like a scoff. “Yeah. Nothing like a bit of salt in the wound.”
I shook my head. “I don’t get you. Why are you so upset with me?”
He didn’t say a word but just glared ahead, his big arms folded across his broad chest.
“Now you’re just acting like a child.” I inserted the key in the ignition but looked at him before turning the key. “Jesse and Piper told me what happened.”
He turned away from me to look out the window and I could see the thick beat of his pulse against his throat.
“The guy is a jerk,” he said.
Nodding, I said, “Yes. And he was wrong.” I sighed and asked quietly, “Can you answer me one question?”
He turned to look at me, his brows drawn in, his lips full, his chin dimple deep in the shadows of the car.
“Did you hit Danny because he said those things about me? Or because I went out with Dean?”
His eyes held mine and then slowly he turned his head to look out the window again.
“Like I said, the guy is a jerk. He has trouble keeping his mouth closed, so I helped him shut it.”
I shook my head and started the car. We drove the few blocks to his home in silence.
When we pulled into his driveway he ripped open the door and stormed up to the house. Something inside of me ignited.
“Oh no you don’t!” I snapped, jumping out of the car and following him up the front path to the porch. “You don’t get to treat me like that and then just walk away,” I yelled at him.
Ignoring me he slammed the key into the front door. He pushed the door open and disappeared inside.
Angrily I followed him in, determined to put an end to this ridiculous tantrum.
Inside, a single couch-side lamp barely made a dent in the shadows. The house was quiet. Leigh was at work and Nikki was out of town on a modeling assignment. I let the door bang closed behind me. Heath stood across the room with his back to me, his broad shoulders stiff. The distance between us was tense and I didn’t need to see his face to know how angry he was.
“Heath!” I was ready to fight but stopped when he turned to face me.
His eyes reached out for me from across the room. A look of anguish on his face.
Within seconds he had crossed the distance between us and slammed his lips to mine, knocking the wind out of me. Powerful hands cupped my face as his strong tongue filled my mouth in a kiss that left me dizzy and turned my world upside down.
Instead of pushing him away like I knew I should I grabbed his t-shirt with two fists and pulled him closer.
He walked me backwards until my back was against the wall, moaning as he held his body firm against mine. My world toppled. I could see nothing. Only what was happening in my mind’s eye as he awakened things in me with the slow, powerful rhythm of his mouth.
A guttural groan escaped from deep within him and I could feel all of him. Every muscle. Every thud of his pounding pulse. Every deliciously hard part of his body against me.
I knew I should stop. I knew this was overstepping the line of our friendship but I was too intoxicated by the tempo of his tongue in my mouth and the sweet serenity of his luscious warm lips against mine to see sense. And suddenly it wasn’t enough.
I wanted him.
Every single delicious inch of him.
I felt breathless as he stopped our kiss and pulled his face back. But only slightly, so we were almost touching.
His eyes were dark and they dropped to my lips. “Did you fuck him?” he breathed heavily.
“Heath—”
He stopped me by nudging my head with his.
“Tell me,” he demanded.
His breath was a warm caress against my neck and I could feel the heat radiating from his body as it trapped me against the wall.
Excitement mingled with anxiety. I was mortified by his question, yet aroused by his display of emotion. He wasn’t supposed to care this much. Yet pinned beneath him I could feel his desperation. He nuzzled his face to my neck and I could feel his lips against my throat as he spoke.
“Tell me.”
“No.” I swallowed hard, more aroused than I had ever been in my entire life. “No, I didn’t.”
His body relaxed slightly, as if he was relieved.
“Did you want to?”
“No,” I whispered.
He leaned deeper into me, so I felt just how much he wanted me. “Do you want to fuck me?”
Oh. God. Yes.
“Yes,” I breathed.
His lips and tongue caressed my neck, whispering slowly across my jaw until they found mine and he kissed me fiercely.
“Tell me you’re mine.” His lips glided across mine as he spoke. But I was too distracted by the sheer pleasure of his body pressing against mine in all the right places to respond. He took my jaw in his hand. “Tell me you’re mine.”
I blinked up at him.
“Are you all mine?” I asked breathlessly.
He pulled back just enough for me to look into his eyes. They were alight with dark fire. His jaw clenched. “You are everything,” he breathed huskily.
It wasn’t something I ever expect to hear him say and my own words failed me.
He closed his eyes, frowning as he breathed in deeply and I could feel the rapid thud of his heartbeat between us.
“Damn it H-bomb,” he whispered as his forehead fell to mine. “You’re going to have to stop this before it goes too far, because I can’t. I’ve tried. I’ve tried so hard. ” He looked pained, his brows drawn, grimacing as he fought the war between pleasure and pain. “But you make me weak,” he whispered. “What I feel for you … it’s too strong … you need to stop me.”
I looked at him, dazed. Stop? Was he kidding?
It was easy to forget all the reasons I couldn’t be with him when his delicious body had me pinned against the wall.
“What if I don’t want to stop?” I whispered, feeling reckless.
He groaned and squeezed his eyes shut. “You have to stop me,” he begged. He leaned in to kiss me again but stopped short of my mouth. “I want you H-bomb. I want you so fucking bad it makes me crazy. But I’m no good for you so you need to stop me before I go too far and ruin us.”
His body was a wall of muscle against me, and I could feel the full, hard length of him through his jeans.
And in that crazy moment all I wanted was what I could feel pressed into me. I didn’t care about right or wrong. This felt too good to be wrong.
“I’m not going to stop,” I said, sounding more confident than I felt.
He growled. “If you don’t then I am going to fuck things up. Do you understand me? I’m going to take you into my bedroom and spend the night exploring every delicious inch of your body with every inch of mine. And then I’ll do something to ruin this. To ruin us.”
I didn’t care. I had made up my mind.
Taking his chin in my fingers I turned his beautiful face so he had no choice but to look at me. His face was tortured, his eyes glazed with a desire he seemed desperate to fight.
“Kiss me,�
� I whispered.
My body was on fire at the thought of what could happen beyond his bedroom walls.
He pushed himself away from me. “You have to go. You have to stay away from me. You’re too good for me.”
“Stop saying that. I’m not too good for you.” I was sick of hearing that bullshit.
“Yes you are. And if I don’t stop this now, it’s going to kill me that little bit more when you work it out.” His brow furrowed, as if just the idea hurt him. “It’s a self-preservation thing. Do you understand? If you care for me at all, you’ll go.”
“Heath, please …”
Yes, I was ready to beg.
“You have to go Harlow.”
His words were like cold water. He was serious. But …
Hot desire was quickly replaced by the heat of humiliation. I dropped my eyes to the floor and bit my bottom lip. Why the hell did I feel like crying?
When I looked up, I looked into a pair of pained eyes. He swallowed hard and the muscles in his jaw clenched. “You need to stay away from me,” he warned.
I was confused. I didn’t understand where any of this was coming from.
“Heath—”
“Just go … please …” He squeezed his eyes shut.
I bit my bottom lip to stop my chin from quivering. Then without a word I launched off the wall and disappeared out the door.
* * * * *
He was avoiding me. He wouldn’t answer my texts. He wasn’t waiting for me after work to drive me home. It was like he had disappeared off the face of the planet. I didn’t see or hear from him. He didn’t ring. He didn’t show up unannounced. I even rang his home phone and when Leigh answered he said, “Yeah, Heath’s here … er … no apparently he’s not. Sorry Harlow. Looks like the asshole is out.”
Over the week I experienced a range of emotions. At first I was annoyed by his unexpected rejection, insulted even, but this was quickly followed by a crushing sadness. Not seeing him made me realize how important he had become to my day-to-day happiness.
By Thursday I was overcome with an overwhelming irritation that he would just walk away from our friendship so easily.