Silence pervaded the room, thick and suffocating. An unnerving hiss spewed from the radio’s speakers, like a puncture in the hull of a ship, leaking out air, but drawing us in to try to hear it. The calm before the storm as a clap of thunder came in the form of a thousand voices transmitted over the radio all at once, some whispering, others singing, shouting, and humming at different volumes and pitches. Only one voice was recognizable and coherent: Cara’s.
“Control, this is Cara! Psychic slip confirmed. Jayce, do you read me? We were right,” Cara ended her transmission.
Jayce scrambled to the com, pushing his way through the crowd at the panel. “Cara, it's Jayce. We read you. We can hear it on our end. Are you okay?”
The radio washed in and out, sounds akin to waves on a beach. Cara's voice slid down the wire and faded in, getting louder as she spoke. “...as we thought. I don't detect any entity or intelligence. The fact that you can hear it over the radio is amazing. I feel like it must be channeling through me and projecting into the com system.”
My mouth was dry in disbelief. A science fiction movie was playing out in front of my eyes, and despite always yearning for something like this to happen, the feeling of queer distaste for the situation is impossible to describe. The unnatural occurrences taking place so close to my own reality was foundation shattering. This exploratory space flight now threatened to uproot my grip on a stable and firm world within my mind.
“Instruments are recording. We'll have lots of data to— AHHH!” Cara's scream trailed off and set everyone in the room on their heels. The radio was static and noise, unearthly noise that sounded like everything and nothing at the same time. It was loud, and if it were coming from anything else it would have hurt your ears, but something about its coarse, high pitch was also dull and soothing. I was off my perch and shoving my way to the console.
“Cara, come in! What's going on, are you alright? Operations, give me vitals. What's going on inside that damn shuttle? Tech, get video display up right—” Reinz was cut off by the sudden silence from the radio, and then the video snapped to the main view screen with the technician's hands not even touching his console. He sat there in disbelief as he never typed a single keystroke.
The picture was clear and the scene calm. Cara sat in the cockpit looking out the port display. The sight of her slender form in her flight suit made my stomach lurch. It made me remember that for all her talk and inner strength, she was a fragile, young woman looking for something—or someone. I had forgotten that since meeting her on Luna. I came to this place a runaway young man myself. It made sense that I saw her as a strong and worldly woman. Maybe if I could have been stronger and shown some ambition, I could have convinced her to go back to Earth with me sooner.
I stood beside Jayce and the rest of the crew. A strange feeling of inaction grew and spread over everyone. Jayce finally nodded at me in approval. I hunched over the console and enabled the video transmission from our end. “Cara?” I beckoned without any acknowledgment.
She continued to look out the display, not moving or talking. The side view of her helmet obscured her face and features. All I wanted was for her to turn and look at me.
“Cara!”
Suddenly aware of my voice, she turned looked at me in the display and smiled. “Andy, oh I'm glad it's you, Andy.”
I quivered, some reason not knowing what to say. “Are you okay?”
She smiled and turned back to the window. “It's beautiful out here, Andy. I can hear and feel everything. It's warm. It's so warm, you'd like it, I know you would.”
Jayce and I looked at each other with concern. Cara's indifference toward the situation was disturbing. “Cara? It's okay, you can come back now. Look at me, Cara.”
I could hear Sebastian whispering to Jayce behind me. “Like hell, Godspeed. We're making it to orbit. You tell your friend here to get her to shape up. Reinz, don't you even think about directing this flight anywhere but to Mars’ orbit and back!”
Cara giggled and shook her head, “Come back? I've finally made it, Andy. I can see everything out here. Oh, I know it still looks like empty blackness to you, but you just can't see it.” She turned to look at me again, her face so calm. “I could never leave now. There is no confusion here, nothing weighing me down. My thoughts are one with a universal consciousness. I can hear everyone's thoughts, like music, not oddly shaped, crude, jagged words. I hear yours, Andy. They're beautiful, languid, but passionate. So rich and full of life, and without care or fear, mostly. You fear for me, but you shouldn't.”
The room behind me was abuzz. Jayce, Sebastian, and Reinz were in a frenzied argument. Operators and technicians were clearly ill at ease with Cara's sudden shift in personality and mental state, the events leading up to a sudden snap in psyche. All of it behind me, a dull drone; I felt like I had a direct tunnel to Cara's mind, my consciousness being pulled to her. Gravity pulled me toward her, albeit a different type of gravity.
Cara looked past me and to the growing noise behind me. “I hear your thoughts too, Sebastian.” Their conversation died and I felt their stare as Sebastian moved to the console.
“Cara, you don't feel well. Listen to me. Engage the sleep mode and continue on course. You'll feel better after you rest, the sedative will help—” Sebastian managed to say before he was cut off.
“You are a dark shell of a life, Sebastian. Your thoughts are only for yourself and your desires. You have no connection with anything or anyone.”
“What!?” Sebastian demanded. “Shut your mouth and engage the sleep mode! Con! Override from here, engage Athena's sleep mode.”
A few pecks later and the chief operator sat at his terminal, stunned. “It's not working. It's … denying me access, sir.”
“Your world is cold Sebastian, and for that I'm sorry. The warmth of embracing others and all things is like no other. I'll keep you in my thoughts despite your lack of appreciation for life, because …” Cara trailed off as light began to fill the cockpit. It bathed over her flight suit and washed down the visor hiding her face. It seemed that she was sinking into a blanket of soft cotton. The video feed was lost.
“Jayce!” I yelled in desperation.
“That's it, execute remote order for orbit and return now, Reinz!” Jayce ordered.
“No! Disregard that order! Ops, get visual back and engage sleep mode on the shuttle. I don't care how you do it,” Sebastian barked.
Reinz stood in disbelief. Confused and perhaps for the first time in his career unsure of what to do next, he looked back and forth between Jayce and Sebastian. “I'm sorry Cara,” he said to himself, staring at the screen. “Coop, get remote execute control back and engage sleep mode,” he finally said to the chief operations officer.
“You son of a bitch, Sebastian. It is over! We don't know what is going on out there and Cara is in no condition to continue,” Jayce flared, posturing himself in front of Sebastian in the first display of aggression I'd ever seen from him.
“We are going to Mars and back this time, Jayce. Nothing is going to stop that. We don't need a live pilot to do it, we just need the flight data,” Sebastian said with disgust in his voice.
I moved around Reinz and Jayce, and as before, Sebastian saw me just as it was coming, but too late. He tried to put his arms up but instead of hitting him, I just gave a strong push that unbalanced him and as he tried to catch himself on the console, I swung over and over again, feeling flesh and bone meet and part, the sound and impact of the act both barbaric and satisfying. Security that had been at the back of the room now rushed in with everyone else, pulling me off a bloody and fury-crazed Sebastian.
“Get him out of here! Now! Arrest him! I'll deal with you later, gopher!” Sebastian screamed and flailed as the crowd tried to hold him back, Jayce included. “Get off of me! You, Godspeed! You get out too! Take them both!”
Jayce kicked and struggled, shouting curses at Sebastian while being pulled away by guards. The entire room was in chaos. Workers still at
their station pecked away at the console, trying feverishly to carry out the commands. A rift formed between several operations officers as they quibbled and shoved, in obvious disagreement with their orders. Reinz was wiping away a bloody lip, having been hit by someone's flailing limb during the scuffle. Just before the guards got Jayce and me to the doors, the view screen flicked on. Light in every spectrum glinted on and off a central bright white-gold spot hovering in the middle of the screen. Jayce and I fell to the floor as we were shoved violently though the security door, which sealed and locked behind us. The security on this side of the door kept their sidearms holstered, but soon had us on our feet and were preparing to handcuff us.
Outside we watched through the plexiglass window as the room fell still and silent as the orb of light stopped flashing. Chatter in the room picked up as several technicians sat back at their terminals, rattling off numbers and instrument readings. We may have been put out, but we were not unable to observe the events of the flight control room. Their panic was palpable even through a foot of metal and plexiglass.
“I don't understand it. The master relay is back online and channeling power to the gate,” said one technician.
“Energy Management has no idea what is going on. They can't shut it down on their end,” added another.
“Vitals coming in from the shuttle, but they don't make any sense. There is life on board though,” said Coop, the chief operations officer.
Reinz stood with an open maw. His pen slipped from his grasp and fell to the floor, rolling down the aisle of terminals.
“Disconnect the couplings to the main relay! The power levels are through the roof, you idiots! Jettison the gate's power core now!” ordered Sebastian, who was now clearly the only one in charge. An alarm sounded just before the explosion of the gate rocked the tower and the shock wave sent debris flying in all directions. The proximity alarm chimed in before a piece of the gate smashed into the control tower's main view window, cracking and shattering it. Atmosphere escaped the room, bodies and equipment were flung about, moving in what appeared to be a slow motion waltz through zero G as they began to drift into Luna's cold orbit.
The image on the screen now formed a pattern of rotating lights and spiraling dots that appeared to be stars. Pulses of light came in their own pattern, overlaying the rotating spiral. A deep purple hue began to ebb and flow like a wave from the ocean, crashing and receding in time with the pulses. The patterns of light and color coalesced into an inaudible sound, something that could be heard through the eyes … or perhaps only in the mind.
The security barrier came down to close off the open wound gushing out into space. I could no longer see what was happening in the control room. Shapes moved in blurs, like thick globs of slow-drying paint on a canvas. Darkness began to close in around me as the power blinked before going out, short circuits and power conduits arced sparks, and Jayce became a place holder object at my side, not existing in physical form, but more so as a comforting glow of light near your bed in which to read by. I heard her talking to me like she had been going on for hours, never missing a beat, as if we'd been having a conversation all along.
It's like when you wake up, and your mind begins to dissolve the light that is shining through your eyelids. You know it's out there, but when you see it through your mind it becomes more clear what it is you're looking at. You open your eyes and the light rushes in, blinding your senses and your mind. Do you know what I mean, Andy?
Yeah, I do. I guess I've always known. Hey, Cara, what's the point of all this?
I don't think there is one. Does that make it unbearable for you, Andy? Can you find purpose without the purpose to do so?
Sure, why not? There's no purpose to falling is there? But falling feels good anyway.
You have a clear mind, Andy. And a beautiful heart. We like to think we want to be free of gravity, but the truth is we need it. We're all just falling.
Does it matter what we are falling toward? I don't think it does. Though, the light is shining from what we are falling toward. How will we be able to see it if we ever get there? How could you feel the warmth of it? I don't want to become light just yet, Cara.
Oh, Andy, in-between the cracks and spaces of all things is what holds the universe together, and I am too now. You'll never be alone while you fall again.
Cara?
It's time to wake up now, Andy. Remember, all things in nature seek out something to fall toward. In this way, everything and everyone is gravitational constantly. Don't be so hard on Jayce, okay? And, Andy … I love you.
Chapter XII
When I walked into Cosmos, a young French girl in her teens was playing the acoustic guitar and singing something slow and sad. The atmosphere had not changed with the absence of Cara's glowing charm and image behind the bar. It still felt otherworldly to look out the great glass dome-sphere and gaze upon Earth and its deep blue beauty. I ordered a drink and sat at the farthest table from the bar and closest to the dome-sphere. I'd found that scotch tastes best in the morning; it's earthy flavor with a hint of peat moss, the perfect drink to get the day started, especially a day involving flying.
I let my ice melt to water down the whisky and improve the taste. I watched as tired crewmen and stewardesses came in for a drink and something to eat between long shifts. A man in a suit that looked slept-in ordered a rum and cola and sat at the bar stool in which I had my first drink at Cosmos. Most likely a gambler who had lost all of his money at the casinos. I'd seen his type many times before, having a drink to improve his confidence before the flight back to Earth. Soon he'll be explaining to his wife that his business trip to Luna had accidentally broke the bank. Poor fool.
As I sipped my scotch, I tried to remember my first trip to Cosmos—the first time I'd met Cara. I remembered far too well, however, and a sharp knife began to twist in the closing wound. It'd been several weeks since the “accident,” and I was coming to grips with it. Luna had suffered considerable damage due to the explosion of the gate. Power and life support were at dangerous levels for two days. No ships could dock at Luna during that time, all flights to and from Earth were canceled. Energy Management, Public Works, and Public Safety worked around the clock to stabilize the power problem of the main relay and carry out search and rescue in the quarantined areas outside of Futura's territory in the Science district.
Jayce and I were pulled out of the rubble and ash only six hours after the catastrophe. The compartment we were in was sealed and held atmosphere, luckily. The guard in the room with us was not so lucky. A conduit pipe burst and shot free of its anchoring clamps, slamming him in the face and leaving him a foot shorter. The sight was horrific and still left me in chills when I thought about it. I'd had several nightmares about his headless corpse since the accident, and I feared that they would always haunt me.
Futura was finished. Sebastian was dead, along with Reinz and the rest of the flight operations crew. Luna's counsel and pressure from Earth forced Sebastian's father to officially announce its closure of operations on the Moon, along with an apology and a major contribution toward the cleanup and restoration. Jayce and I were unemployed. I couldn't be happier about that situation, if only it hadn't come at such a high price.
I was just finishing my drink when Jayce came striding into Cosmos. He was wearing a sharp blue suit and black tie, brass and black cufflinks, and polished black leather shoes. His flight was scheduled to leave this morning as well as mine, although our destinations couldn't be more different.
Jayce waved from across the bar and signaled to the waiter. “I'd say it was a little early to be getting started like this, but I do know how much you hate flying,” Jayce said with grin.
He sat his rolling luggage by the table and hung his jacket on the seat. “I'll have what he's having, if you please,” Jayce told the waiter. “I won't have you drink alone, I wouldn't dream of it.”
He sat, crossed his legs, leaned back—smiling of course—and looked me over. “You look alm
ost good enough, Andy. We'll slap a tie on you and you'll be right as rain. What d’ya say? Why don't you come down to New Mexico with me? You'll love the VLA. It will be like old times, you can work as my assistant, with all the perks of being my assistant.”
I, however, was not going to a job interview and was dressed in a more causal salt and pepper sports jacket, white shirt, no tie. I had no intention of going to New Mexico with Jayce. Even with the “perks” of being his assistant, which meant short hours and plenty of time to loaf around, take long naps on the desert floor, and staring up into the clear night sky lit up with thousands of stars.
“I don't think so, Jayce. That time has passed. It was fun though. I'll never forget it. I'm grateful for the job and everything you did for me. I really am.”
The waiter delivered our drinks and we both drank deeply. Jayce, his face hinging on anticipation and hard to read, leaned forward. “Alright,” he said as he tried his best to look serious, “I can't force you I guess, but you come visit, okay? I won't be much good down there without my 'idea man' around.”
Jayce had pulled some strings and had all but secured a comfortable position at the Very Large Array in New Mexico. Although his reputation was almost ruined from the disaster at Futura, he did possess a vast amount of knowledge and experience from years on Luna. The idea had been tempting at first, but the absurdity of us continuing this friendship while on a never-ending quest for truth seemed to be the recipe which served the indigestible meal we were now roiling from.
I was headed back to Earth, but not home. The old country in Europe had long been a place of great interest to me. A place to disappear into a sleepy town, take up some small jobs to make ends meet, and work on a life-long dream of writing. Somewhere like that, I could find peace and solace, and most importantly, be left alone.
Gravitational Constantly: A Novella Page 9