by J. D. Brown
“Whoops,” Jesu shouted over the pelting rain. A smile dimpled his left cheek as he blinked against the droplets slicking his eyelashes.
“You did this?” I laughed.
“I only meant to draw a few clouds together to give us some shade.” He lifted his hands skyward and made a strange shape with his fingers.
“No, don’t.” I jumped up and grabbed his hands, pulling them down with me. “A little water never hurt anyone, right?” I tilted my head back and stuck out my tongue, until I caught a couple drops in my mouth and sputtered. I expected crisp and sweet, but got what tasted like flecks of ash—bitter and chalky. I made a face. “Never mind. That tastes terrible.”
Jesu laughed and our gazes met. His dimple deepened, gracing me with that goofy, sideways smile I loved so much. We were still holding hands, the heat of his palms suddenly paramount. A whisper in the back of my mind told me to let go. Let go. Let go...
Moisture slicked his blue skin. It made him look slippery, like ice, and I just knew that if I kissed Jesu right there, in the woods, in the rain, he wouldn’t taste like ash. He would taste exactly like his essence—like snowflakes and dew drops, dandelions and honeysuckle, rivers and streams, the sun-kissed grass and the untouched sky. He would taste like summer dreams and wild adventures.
Jesu watched me and his gaze lowered to my mouth. As if he knew my thoughts. As if he saw what I’d guessed and sought to confirm it. He lifted his hands, dragging them along my arms, to my neck. He cupped my jaw and brushed the wet strands of hair from my face, sliding his thumbs over my cheekbones. The rain turned his T-shirt translucent. Beneath the fabric, a strange necklace rested against his chest. It rose and fell with each breath. His muscles worked back and forth, tensing and un-tensing. I held onto his wrists, feeling his pulse quicken at the touch, hearing my own heart pound in my chest. I closed my eyes. His pulse jumped. Jesu leaned toward me, so close I could feel his breath on my lips, but the kiss never came.
He lingered. Hesitated. And every second he waited tore through me in utter agony. Still, I found myself rooted to the ground, unable to do what I wanted.
Kiss him. Kiss him.
Let go. Let go.
Why didn’t he just kiss me?
“Jesu...”
“I know,” he said, and I felt him pull back. Just an inch, but it might as well have been worlds. “We shouldn’t... I shouldn’t...”
“What?” My eyes blinked open. In the same instant, he yanked his hands away and put several steps between us. He slumped against the other side of the tree and sighed.
I wanted to dig a grave and bury myself. It honestly couldn’t be as embarrassing a moment as this one. At some point, the rain lessened to a light drizzle.
“Can I ask you something?”
I shrugged, unable to look at Jesu.
“Brinnon?” That was all he said.
I sighed. “There’s no wedding. There was never going to be one. I had absolutely no idea he was going to ask me to dance—yes, I know our outfits matched, remind me to throttle Maria for that—but I swear it was not a proposal. It was all just because Tancred—”
“The Alpan King is really gay? Like homosexual-gay?”
So he did hear me.
I looked at him. He was still leaning against the tree, but had turned just enough to face me.
“Yes, gay as in homosexual. And I promised I wouldn’t tell anyone. I don’t think his family knows. So you’re under oath too, got it?”
“But why would he tell you?”
“He didn’t. Not exactly.”
Jesu upped his brows. “What exactly does ‘not exactly’ mean?”
“Well,” I winced. “I kind of accidently walked in on him while he was... you know. With someone.”
“Who?”
“Uh-uh. I made a vow and I intend to keep it.”
Jesu looked thoughtful for a moment and then nodded. “So the dance...”
“It was Brinnon’s response to Tancred’s threat to absolve the contract. My guess is Brinnon didn’t have a lot of time to deal with it just before the ceremony, so he improvised.”
“I see.” Jesu pushed away from the tree and took a step closer. “So there were never any plans for the twins to grow up as Alpan heirs?”
I blinked at him and then deadpanned. “Jesu, I don’t know whether to laugh in your face or smack you. Seriously? Did you not hear me say Tancred is threatening to absolve the contract?”
Jesu scoffed to the side. “I will not apologize for imagining it. You will love again someday, Ema. I am the one who is cursed. Not you.”
I put my hands on my hips. “Um, okay, what about Bridget?”
He looked at me, and his brow furrowed. “She mentioned you asked her to seduce me.”
“Looks like it worked. You two were real cuddly at the coronation.”
Jesu’s gaze darkened and he took another step toward me. “Ema, Bridget is gone.”
“Gone?” I wrinkled my nose. “Gone where?”
“Home. To Paris. She left right after the coronation. That is why I was late for dinner. I saw her off.”
“You let her go?” I threw my hands in the air. “Why didn’t you stop her?”
He shook his head. “Why would I?”
“Because you deserve to be happy, Jesu. Cursed or not, you deserve to be happy.”
His mouth teetered in a pained smile. “So does she. I do not have feelings for Bridget. The kindest thing I can do for her is let her go.”
“Yeah, I guess so.” I hugged myself and kicked at an exposed root.
Silence passed between us, and I thought about going back to the castle. My heart was exhausted. It felt as though I had been running an emotional marathon. I began to daydream about the abandoned schoolroom.
“I assume Brinnon is still fighting for your contract.”
“Yeah,” I muttered. “Hence the horrific dance of doom. Think anyone else understood the message, or do I have some groveling to do? I wonder if the Queen likes me enough to be disappointed that I’m not her daughter-in-law.”
“Names,” said Jesu.
I frowned at his change in subject. “For?”
“For when the time comes—so you do not hesitate.”
I knew what he meant. I needed to name the twins so I could add them to the contract, along with the list I already had in mind. Maria, Naamah, Jesu, Bridget, Mom, Dad, and Anthony. They would all be protected under the contract for as long as I had anything to say about it.
“That’s a lot of responsibility,” I said. “Naming a person. What would you pick?”
Jesu didn’t fall for the bait; he didn’t try to lecture me about how a baby was a lot of responsibility, and I was having two. But he did take the question seriously.
“Jordan,” he said.
“Jordan?”
“My mother’s name was Jord, but I suspect that one is a bit outdated.”
“And feminine, I guess. Lilith predicted boys. So, Jordan. I like it. What else you got?”
Jesu snorted. “Promise me one thing?”
I glanced at him and instantly knew from the look on his face that I wasn’t going to like whatever he said next.
“Promise you will not chasten yourself to spare my feelings.”
“You want me to sleep around?” I joked.
“I am being serious. When you think you are falling in love again, tell me. Shout it at me. Embrace it. Do not hide. I could not endure it if you hid.” His gaze flickered to mine, but where I expected sadness there was only determination. “I will not stand in your way.”
Like how I stood in his way? I frowned. Jesu should be out looking for the girl in his vision. Not putting around in another clan’s castle waiting for me to need him. I broke up with him so he could do exactly that. Yet somehow, I was still stringing him along. Still holding on to hope.
The rain stopped, but the dark clouds remained. My heart swelled with the need to tell Jesu that it wasn’t possible. I couldn’t love any
one else. The very idea made me want to throw up. But that wasn’t fair. He needed to go, for both our sakes. Jesu was a man with all the forces of nature at his fingertips, a man with more than enough power to rule the world. How he resisted was beyond my comprehension. And yet, he was the gentlest most disciplined creature I’d ever known; consumed completely by his remorse. He’d never leave me of his own volition. I had to hurt him. In the end, it seemed more humane to tell Jesu what he wanted to hear, no matter how false the words were, no matter how much it broke my heart to give them voice. I smiled at him and nodded.
“I promise.”
VALAFAR
Moisture tingled against the thin veil of my essence, making it difficult to decipher Ema’s and Jesu’s conversation while phased. I caught the tail end of it, some juvenile promises of love. Seemed like Cupid’s arrow had become an epidemic.
Returning to the castle was the only way to quell the blinding headaches. I could only ignore Mother’s command for so long before I suffered a seizure. It was easier to obey orders. I didn’t owe Ema anything, and I hadn’t survived Lilith’s wrath this long without being a little selfish. Honestly, though, the duo’s conversation was so disgustingly sappy that I soon found my mind wandering for my own sake.
I mulled over the news of my sister’s pregnancy. Dora had already suffered through a dozen miscarriages and one stillborn. Why keep trying? And why the bloody hell would she tell me about it? Even if Dora didn’t know about Mum’s current obsession, or my involvement in it, she knew better than to tell me anything remotely important. I couldn’t lie to our mother. Not outright. I’d found some loopholes over the years, but they weren’t fool proof. Lilith could rip the truth from me with a simple command.
And yet, I knew why my sister would seek me out—especially if she thought Mum had given up. Half our relatives were dead—hunted down like animals—the other half lived off grid to survive. Dora was the only one I kept in touch with. Not just because she was the only one who didn’t hate me, but also because she was the most vulnerable. She still tried to have a normal life. She still believed it was possible.
It was my fault. I made the mistake of shielding her from the darkest parts of our mother. I hadn’t been there for all my siblings. Call it naive, but it took a few centuries before I realized our family wasn’t normal. I thought sex was love. I grew up believing Mother touched me because she loved me most of all. Well... I was her favorite... but my world turned upside down when I realized parents and siblings weren’t supposed to fuck each other. I was the eldest. The first to survive. She used me to beget my brothers and sisters, to start an entire race.
I was young. I didn’t know. By the time I realized it, they already hated me. There was just Dora. Sweet, innocent Dora.
I got her away from Mum and our brothers before she was old enough to lose that innocence completely, but saving her made her weak. Reliant. Growing up like an orphan, she craved approval more than the rest of us. She clung to the hope of family and closeness like a drug, and corrupted herself over and over—man after man, pregnancy after pregnancy—until she was as screwed up as the rest of us. By saving her, I stole whatever harsh lessons of survival she would’ve learned from our dear mum. Basically, I sucked at helping people. After Yumil and Dora, it was a wonder I still tried. But like my sister, I had vices.
Something moved in the periphery of my vision and approached fast. Ema and Jesu felt it too. They faced the direction of the castle. A vampyre shouted Ema’s name as he ran toward them. He crossed the first line of trees entering the woods when his left foot landed on a mud slide and he slipped. His entire pant leg was covered in mud. Ema ran to his side and helped him up.
“Where have you been?” The vampyre grunted.
“Sorry, something came up,” said Ema.
“That’s for sure,” he said. “Your brilliant dance pushed Tancred over the edge. He had a private meeting with the Council members. Brinnon and I have been looking everywhere for you.”
“Crap.” Ema looked at Jesu and winced. “I have to go.”
“I am coming with you.” But Jesu didn’t quite move as Ema and the other man took off toward the castle. Instead, Jesu turned on his heels and looked right at me.
My phantom breath hitched. No. It wasn’t possible. I was phased. He couldn’t see me.
Except this was the second time.
I brushed off the first occurrence as coincidence, but twice? I didn’t have a scent or a tell like they did. I was quite literally invisible.
Jesu narrowed his gaze, searching but not seeing. He wasn’t looking at me—he was looking through me. After a few moments, he calmly turned and walked out of the forest.
I could’ve dismissed the look, except for a niggling feeling deep in my gut.
Logan...
The Hunter had all kinds of tricks up his sleeves, and Ema’s old man had been getting chummy with the vampire. He could have given Jesu something to enhance his instincts.
I trailed after them, but kept my distance. If I was right about Logan, then I needed to find whatever Jesu was using to sense me and destroy it. Lilith would kill me if the Hunter discovered her plans.
I followed the trio into the castle, to Brinnon’s office. They went inside. I hesitated. I didn’t want to see Brinnon. At least not so soon after I had killed half my liver trying to forget him—but I needed the intel; anything that might be a clue to the location of the ring, or a hint at how to throw Logan off my trail. Whichever came first.
Steeling myself against my emotions, I phased past the door, into the office, where my latest ex-lover sat with one hand over his eyes, messaging his temples. I backed into a corner by a stuffed grizzly bear and settled in, still invisible to the room. Or to most of the room. I paid close attention to Jesu as he took a seat.
Brinnon gave Jesu a look that suggested the vampire wasn’t welcome, but Jesu stayed put. The King drew a breath and focused on Ema. He scowled at her soaked appearance. “Where were you?”
Ema shifted her weight and lowered her gaze. “Maybe you should just tell me what happened. Tancred had a secret meeting? Without you? Can he do that?”
“It wasn’t an official meeting,” Brinnon explained. “More like a private discussion between a select group of colleagues. He told them about the contract and his stance. He made a very strong case against you, Ema, using your relation to Apollyon.”
I rolled the sound waves through my mind again, and decided I was impressed by what I’d heard. I wasn’t aware Brinnon’s commander had switched sides, but I liked him more for it.
“What?” Ema squeaked.
Brinnon shook his head. He seemed disappointed. “Council members have been calling me all morning.”
“What do they want?” asked Jesu, his tone stern. I detected a deeper meaning to the question, but couldn’t begin to guess what lay between the lines.
“The philosopher’s stones,” said the man on Brinnon’s right. “Both of them.”
“No,” said Ema.
“The only way we’re going to win this is by proving your intentions.” Brinnon sounded as though he were begging her to understand.
“But,” Ema’s gaze darted between Brinnon and Jesu, “what does the Council want with them?”
“You are the only person who can activate the vessel that holds Apollyon,” said Brinnon. “You must realize how that seems like a conflict of interest.”
“The stones will be locked away and guarded,” the other man added. “They will be safe.”
“Until they’re not,” Ema grumbled.
Jesu leaned toward her. “Ema, this is an easy fix. Just give the Council what they want.”
Ema bit her lip. Her gaze lowered, and she shook her head in thought. The men all seemed to hold their breaths as they waited for her answer—myself included.
Would Ema give up the location of Apollyon’s ring? Would she fetch the jewel herself and hand it to Brinnon? I could get a twofer. Lilith would be beyond pleased if I han
ded her both the ring and the bracelet.
Ema drew a shaky breath. She leaned forward, rolled up her pant leg, and unclasped the silver rose bracelet. Her hands trembled as she set the ruby on the mahogany desk.
Brinnon reached for it, but Jesu snatched the delicate chain out from under him.
“The bracelet is hers.” Jesu twisted the single link that connected the ruby to the bracelet, until the soft metal broke. He handed the charm to Brinnon then fastened the silver roses around Ema’s wrist. Her heart pounded as she lowered her quivering hands to her lap and fisted all ten fingers. A hint of blood tinged the air.
“I’ve hidden the ring,” she said. “I’ll get it.”
Bingo.
“There’s one more thing.” Brinnon handed the ruby to his new right-hand man. The vampyre dropped the jewel in his breast pocket. “The Council wants you to complete a task for them.”
Jesu groaned.
“I’ve struck a deal with them, and with my family,” Brinnon continued. “If you do this one thing, our contract won’t just be a contract—it will be law. By royal decree, you and yours will always find protection under both the crown and the Council. My family will live up to our end of the deal, no argument.”
Ema sucked in a breath, eyes wide.
“What is the task?” Jesu narrowed his gaze.
Brinnon blinked to the side and drew a steadying breath. “You have to...” He cleared his throat and then mumbled something that felt like, ‘kill Lilith’.
Jesu shot to his feet. “Kill Lilith?”
Ema went white as a ghost.
“Absolutely not,” said Jesu. “That is a suicide mission.”
“It’s not,” said Brinnon. “I have every confidence she can do this. It’s just like Apollyon.”
“Is it?” Jesu growled. “Are you going to lend her your army again?”
Brinnon glared at the vampire, but ultimately pulled his lips between his teeth and lowered his gaze. “I cannot. She must prove herself without my help.”