by J. Kenner
I wanted to escape myself, but there was nowhere else to go and no one else to be.
And I couldn't do any of that anyway, because Evan caught my arm and jerked me violently back to him. Then he clutched my other arm, as well. He held me there, his hands tight on my upper arms, as I battled down the urge to spit in his face.
"No," he said. And then more forcefully, "Goddammit, Angie, no."
I tried to shake free, but he held me tight. My arms, I was certain, would be bruised by morning.
"That is not why I'm here." The ferocity in his voice slashed over me. "I'm here because I want you, dammit. Not because I want something from you."
I wanted to believe it--I so desperately wanted to believe it--and yet how could I? I shook my head. "Bullshit, Evan. You promised my uncle that you wouldn't do this. And you were damn sure willing to keep that promise--until you realized that I inherited the notebook." I saw him flinch and knew that I'd struck a sound blow. "Kevin was right," I said. "You're only interested in yourself."
"Do not--do not--bring that bastard into this conversation."
"I'm not even going to have this conversation," I said wearily. "Just get the hell out."
"No."
"Excuse me?"
"I'm not going anywhere. Not until you listen to me."
"I said to get out. I'm not kidding. Do you know how many panic buttons are hidden in this apartment? If you think I won't push one--"
He tightened his grip on my arms, and I remembered the man I'd seen in the alley. The man who had so efficiently and ruthlessly pressed a knife to another man's throat.
The truth was, unless he let me, I couldn't push any button at all. I couldn't run. I couldn't call for help. I could do nothing but submit. And though I knew that empirically I should be afraid, I wasn't. I was pissed off, sure, but I wasn't afraid of this man. Not even a little.
"Push them all," he said gently. "Kick me out, scream for Peterson. Do whatever the hell you have to. But listen to me first."
I glared at him.
"Please," he said, but it was his tone more than the plea that melted me.
"All right," I whispered. "Talk."
He released my arms, then took a step backward. "I need to show you something. Come with me."
I followed, feeling lost and defeated and just wanting to get this over with. In the living room, he went to the briefcase he'd dropped beside the couch. He bent down, opened it, and pulled out a letter. "Recognize it?"
I shook my head. "Should I?"
"Alan gave it to me. It's the letter Jahn left for me."
"Oh." I wanted to ask what the hell that letter had to do with anything, but I kept my mouth shut. Obviously that's where we were heading, and Evan was going to get there on his own sweet time.
He handed it to me. "Read it."
I took it tentatively, feeling strangely vulnerable.
It took me a second to get the letter out of the envelope. My hands were actually shaking. I didn't yet know what Jahn had said in this note, but I knew that it was important. And, somehow, it affected me.
I unfolded the paper and read the words written in Jahn's familiar scrawl: I had my reasons.
I read it again, then looked up at Evan. "What does that mean?"
He ran a hand through his hair. "It means he's not holding me to my promise to stay away from you. What I don't understand is why."
His words seemed to ricochet through my mind. "But--wait. Where does it say that? How do you know?"
"I know," Evan said.
"How?" I repeated.
He turned so that his back was to me and moved toward the wall of windows and the gray of the lake and sky. "Because that's what it has to mean."
I shook my head in confusion. "I don't get this at all."
He turned to me, capturing me in the wild gray of his eyes. "That's what it has to mean, because anything else is unacceptable. I was fine until I touched you, Angie. Fine until we crossed that line. But now that I've felt your skin against mine--now that I've tasted you--there is no way I can keep that promise. So that is what Jahn's note has to mean. It's a Get Out of Jail Free card, sweetheart. And I took it--took you--because I wanted you. It has nothing to do with the goddamn notebook."
"Oh."
I sank down to sit on the couch as I tried to organize my thoughts. At the moment, I didn't exist as a rational being. I was only emotion, and that emotion was joy.
Joy, yes. But confusion, too. "But at Destiny--you put me off. I mean, not only did you put me off, but you put on that whole show with that redhead."
I heard the jealousy in my voice, and from the way the corner of his lip twitched, I knew he heard it, too. "I don't get involved with the girls at the club," he said, as my body sagged with relief.
"Never?"
"I believe I've mentioned that I have a code. And not sleeping with my employees is high up on my list."
"Does that little redhead realize that?" I asked cattily, then immediately wished I could pull back my words when Evan chuckled.
"Careful," he said. "Green isn't your best color."
"Dammit, Evan, I--"
"Hush." He moved to sit beside me, then gently stroked my cheek before tucking my hair behind my ear. "Christy was putting on a show. For your benefit, actually, though she's done it before. Sometimes I find it beneficial for colleagues to have a certain impression of me."
"And she knows it's all a show?"
"She does," he said, then gently kissed the tip of my nose. "And so does Maria."
"Who's Maria?"
"Her lover."
"Oh." I grinned. "Oh," I repeated as what he said sank in. But then I thought about it more, and had to press. "I still don't understand why you did that. The whole show to turn me off. All the fighting to push me away. You'd read the letter by then. You had your Get Out of Jail Free card."
"I know," he said. He took my hand and idly traced my fingers with his. "I'm still a bad bet, Angie, and for all the same reasons."
"You haven't told me those reasons."
"No. I haven't. And I don't intend to."
I eyed him, certain that I knew. This was all tied up with Kevin's allegations. He was involved in some sort of criminal shit, and I'd be lying if I didn't admit I was curious--and intrigued. There was sweet temptation in the danger, and I licked my lips, wondering if I should press the point. If I should ask him what he was mixed up in. If I should press for details about his crimes, both now and five years ago. But I kept my mouth shut. That kind of talk might push him away--and I was selfish enough not to want to go there. I wanted the reality of the man in my bed, and the fantasy of his wild and dangerous side was just an added perk.
"If you're such a bad bet," I said instead, "then why did you give in at all?"
He brushed his lips over mine. "You said it yourself. No commitment, no future. Just you and me and this one weekend. Dammit, Angie, do you have any idea how long I've fought the urge to touch you? For that matter, do you have any idea how close I came to breaking my word after that damned alley? I meant what I said--you're my goddamned Kryptonite, and you have totally destroyed all my defenses."
His words crashed over me, tempting me even as he tethered me. Didn't I already know this was a man I could let go with--a man who unleashed a wildness in me that didn't involve fast cars or petty theft. With Evan, I felt free to be Lina again, even though Angie was the woman I needed to be. The woman I was going to have to be starting in three short weeks. Once I stepped into the world of politics, I needed to be squeaky clean because anything else could cost my father his career, not to mention his reputation.
This was my last chance. To let go. To fly. To have this man that I craved.
Just you and me and this one weekend.
It sounded so perfect. So tempting.
And too damn short.
I took a deep breath, trying to organize my thoughts. Because the truth was, I wanted more than this one night with Evan. I wanted a connection. I wanted
the time we had left to be real and solid and shining.
I needed him, and I trusted him, but I was afraid that my earlier frenzied accusation about him trying to snatch the Creature Notebook had left a shadow looming between us. And the only way I could think of to banish that dark, was to explain exactly why Jahn had given the notebook to me in the first place.
"Earlier this year," I began. "When they rushed Jahn into surgery, he didn't wake up when they expected him to--nothing seemed to go right. It was horrible."
"I remember."
"I was a wreck."
"I remember that, too," he said, and I nodded agreement. Evan and Tyler and Cole had spent at least as much time at the hospital as I had, and I'd been grateful whenever our visits had overlapped because I'd soaked up their strength and claimed it for my own.
"I can't recall any of the details of those days. They're a blur. But the moment that they said he crossed the line--that he was okay--I had to get out of there. I had to just go, you know? Because all of that fear and worry that I'd been holding inside while I paced the hospital and waited was poisoning me. I had to get it out. And I--well, I kind of stole a diamond bracelet."
His scarred brow lifted. "All right," he said. "You have my attention."
"I got away with it, or so I thought. But it turns out there were security cameras. It took them over a month, but they caught me."
I shuddered, remembering how mortified I'd been when the cops had confronted me in the condo lobby on April Fool's Day. Jahn had been home from the hospital about a week, but he hadn't yet been cleared to go back to the office. I'd been on my way back from an ice cream run, and they'd taken me away. "I spent the night in jail, and the next day I told Jahn everything--including why I did it."
"Why did you?"
"To feel that rush," I said, looking right at his eyes. "Sometimes, when I needed to let go, when everything just got to be too much for me--well, sometimes that's what I would do."
"I get it," Evan said, and I knew that he needed no further explanation. "So you were in jail," he continued. "What did Jahn do?"
"He moved heaven and earth for me without ever leaving his condo. I think you could probably interview the arresting officers now, and even they'd swear they have no knowledge of me. This is a big year for my dad, what with the talk of him being on the short list to run as VP. That kind of scandal would not have been good."
"And then he changed his will," Evan said, seeing exactly where I was going with this.
"He did," I said. "He left me the notebook. Me, not you. And I think it was his way of telling me that no matter how badly I fucked up, that he still believed in me. That he still trusted and respected me." I shrugged. "I loved that notebook, and he knew it. I guess the bottom line is that I think the bequest was his way of saying that he loved me."
Evan nodded slowly. "Why are you telling me this now?"
I hesitated, taking a moment to draw courage. "Because I wanted you to understand why I'm not going to give it to you. And because--"
"Why?"
"Because
I want three weeks," I announced boldly. "And I thought you deserved the truth before I said so."
"What are you talking about?" He was watching me intently, and there was a small crease above his nose, as if he was concentrating on a particularly knotty problem. That, apparently, would be me.
I sucked in a breath. "I'm moving to Washington. My dad got me a job as a legislative aide. That's why I went to Destiny." My cheeks flamed, which was ridiculous considering all we'd done together in the last few hours. "I wanted to have you. Just once, like I said. I wanted to finish what we started. More than that, I wanted the way you make me feel."
"But?" There was an edge to his voice that I couldn't quite identify.
"But once wasn't enough. Now I want more," I said firmly. "You asked me how high? Well, that's my answer. As high as you can take me before I leave. And who knows--maybe we'll get each other out of our systems."
I was breathing hard, watching him. And, dammit, just thinking about what I was suggesting had turned me on. My nipples were tight behind the terry cloth of the robe, and I was suddenly aware of the heat at the juncture of my thighs.
"No," he said.
I looked up sharply, prepared to protest, but didn't have the chance before he continued.
"No," he repeated. "I don't think you'll ever be out of my system. But as for how high I can take you ..."
I held my breath as he reached out, trailing a finger down the neckline of the robe.
"We've already gone pretty damn far," he whispered. Slowly, he reached out and tugged loose the tie of the robe, then spread the top open, revealing my shoulders and breasts. "But have we gone far enough?" he asked. He brushed the pad of his thumb over my already erect nipple. "You're right, baby. I can take you one hell of a lot further." He took his thumb off my breast and drew it along my lower lip, then thrust it gently into my mouth. I opened for him, sucking and tasting, my eyes closed as I simply reveled in it.
I wanted it--god how I wanted it. Wanted to go completely and totally wild with him. And yet the tightness in my chest was growing. A bone-deep trepidation. Because the more I realized that this was really happening, the more my old fears bubbled up.
Part of me screamed that I was the one that started this, so I needed to just keep my damn mouth shut. But I couldn't help it. All my doubts--all my fears--were once again rising to the surface.
"Evan ..." I trailed off, determined not to go there.
"What?"
"Nothing. Never mind. Just me being stupid." But I didn't quite look at his eyes.
"Hey," he said. "Tell me."
"It's just ...--It's just that I go a little wild and do these things sometimes," I said slowly, feeling foolish since I was the one who'd said I wanted these three weeks, so what was I doing now backing off?
"I mean, I want this--I want you. But ..." I went silent, thinking of Grace who'd died because I'd run off to play wild child one night. Thinking of my night in jail that had come so close to destroying my dad's good name. Hell, even thinking of Evan who'd been attacked in an alley. Because that tied back to me letting go, too.
"Oh, hell. I guess I'm afraid we'd be tempting fate," I said lamely. "Besides, you're not a safe bet, remember?"
"No," he said.
"No?" I repeated, confused.
"No. No thinking, no rationalizing, and absolutely no saying no. I'm a man who gets what he wants, sweetheart, even if I have to take it. So that's what I'm doing. Consider it my present to you. Hell, consider it a going-away present."
"A present," I repeated dumbly.
"One hell of a kick-ass gift," he said firmly. "I'm the one taking responsibility. You're not diving into the rush, I'm pulling you in with me. You're not going wild, I'm just taking you along for the ride. No," he repeated when I opened my mouth to protest. He pressed a soft finger to my lips. "This isn't a subject for debate. It isn't a question. For the next three weeks, we're taking that fall together--all you have to do is surrender."
"That's just semantics," I said, but I couldn't help the flutter of bliss that was growing in my belly. A gift. Maybe. Just maybe ...
"It's not just semantics," he said firmly. "It's a shift in how we look at the world."
I licked my lips, so very tempted.
"Come on, Angie. Fall with me."
I drew in a breath, held his eyes, and made the leap. "You called me Lina on the roof the other day," I said softly. I felt suddenly, unreasonably exposed, and I crossed my arms over my chest.
"Did I? I suppose I thought it suited you." He stroked his palms down my bare shoulders. "Do you like it?"
I hesitated. I should back off. I should say no; I should be Angie. "Yes," I whispered as he closed his fingers over mine. "I liked it."
"Me, too." He stood up, then held out a hand for me. "Come here, Lina," he said, gently pulling me to my feet. The robe hung open, and he pushed it off my arms, leaving me naked.
I could do this; I could take these three weeks. Because surely with Evan keeping me tethered, nothing would go horribly wrong.
"Come with me," he said, then led me to the bedroom. He sat on the edge of the bed, then guided me on, as well.
I knelt on the mattress, sitting back on my ankles. Then I cocked my head and regarded him playfully. "I'm not sure Lina is quite as compliant as Angie."
His smile was slow and held a touch of victory. "Is that a fact?"
"Mmm."
"Well, what would Lina do?" he asked.
"She'd be bold," I said, as I moved closer. "If she wanted something from a man, she'd just take it." I reached down, and stroked his cock through his slacks, then sucked in air as I felt it turn to steel in response to my touch. "Or maybe she'd just drive him wild," I said, as I slid my hand slowly up and down. "Take him to the edge and then push him over, knowing that she was the one who made him fall."
"Lina." He drew in a noisy breath. He reached out for me, but I shook my head.
"No. Lay back. Lina can be very bossy."
His dimple flashed as he slid down to stretch out on the bed. "That's it," I said as my fingers worked the button and then the zipper. "Lift your ass," I ordered, then tugged his pants down along with his underwear. Once I got him free of the slacks, I got back on the bed, then returned my attention to his cock as I moved to straddle him.
His eyes were opaque with pleasure, and when I dipped my head and ran my tongue over the very tip of his penis, I felt him tremble beneath me. I basked in a glow of feminine pride, knowing that it was my touch that was driving him crazy. That I was making him hard.
I didn't waver in the attention I was paying to his cock, but I did relax my thighs, so that I was sitting on his leg instead of perched above it, and I undulated my body in time with my ministrations to his cock, teasing my clit with each delicious motion and stoking the fire that was already raging inside me.
"Jesus, baby," he said, as I licked his shaft all the way down to where I cupped his balls and then back up to the tip. His body was rigid and tight, as if readying for the explosion that I intended to give him.