“That’s the coolest idea I’ve seen all year!” Ziggy beamed, stepping up beside Junior.
And then they spoke the words he never thought he would hear.
“Hey, Junior, want to help us with our paper route today?”
Helping them deliver papers was one of the highest honors around. But Junior played it cool and tried not to look too excited.
“Sure, why not,” he answered, jumping up and down and screaming for joy inside.
Laura wasn’t nearly as excited. She didn’t like the sound of this. It was as if warning sirens were going off in her brain like the ones alerting all of Bumblyburg to the stormy weather.
CHAPTER 6
BRAINSTORMS
11:00 A.M.
“It’s a new style. I’m starting a fad,” Junior told Larry the Janitor, as he entered the meeting room of the Daily Bumble. The clothes hanger was still sticking out of the back of his shirt.
“No kidding,” said Larry. “That’s pretty cool. Where can I get one of those?”
“Try a closet. They’re called hangers,” said Bob the Tomato, carrying a stack of papers into the room for the daily staff meeting.
“It’s very bold,” Larry said. “It really makes a statement.”
“I’ll give you a statement,” Bob scowled. “Get back to work.”
“Right away, Chief!” Larry said, as he hopped to it. Larry the Janitor dusted in the background, while the staff talked news. It was their daily brainstorming session.
Little did the staff know that Larry, the mild-mannered janitor, was also the caped cucumber. He was the purple, plunger-headed defender of all that is good, true, and in need of vacuuming.
He was … Larryboy!
“All right,” said Bob, the top tomato at the newspaper. “What do we have for the front page, besides two stories on the tornadoes?”
“Plum Loco, the famous brain surgeon, is in town giving a lecture,” said Vicki Cucumber, flipping through her notes.
“Sounds interesting,” said Larry, dusting Bob’s head.
“Larry, my head does not need dusting!” Bob shouted.
“Sorry.” Larry started dusting Bob’s coffee mug.
“We’re trying to have a meeting here,” said Bob. “Why don’t you forget the dusting for now?”
“Sure thing, Chief.”
Larry pulled out his vacuum cleaner—his trusty Cyclone 1000.
“So what do we have on the robbery at Mr. Snappy’s Extremely Gigantic Toy Emporium?” asked Bob. “I heard that all of the stuffed animals were stolen.”
Larry’s heart leaped into his throat. (Not literally. That would be too gross. It’s just an expression.) He was shocked.
“All of the stuffed animals were stolen?” Larry said. “Then Officer Olaf was right!”
“What do you mean?” asked Vicki.
“A friend of mine saw Officer Olaf putting stuffed animals into an armored car for protection this morning,” said Larry. “Somebody must have stolen them from the armored car!”
“But Mr. Snappy said the toys were stolen right out of his store,” Bob clarified, very surprised. “He didn’t say anything about giving them to Officer Olaf to protect!”
Larry turned on his vacuum cleaner and began to push it around the room.
“Vicki, you’d better check on this story about Officer Olaf,” Bob shouted over the noise of the vaccuum. “And turn that thing off, Larry! We’re trying to talk!” “Sure thing, Chief.”
Unfortunately, Larry didn’t push the Off button. By mistake, he pushed the button for supersuction cyclone.
ROOOOAAAARRRRRR!
The supersuction vacuum came alive and sucked up the drapes that Larry had been vacuuming. THOOOOOMP!
It was like a wild animal, devouring things right and left.
“LARRY, TURN THAT THING OFF!”
“I’M TRYING!”
But it was too late. The Cyclone 1000 vacuum cleaner went on a rampage.
It sucked up all of Bob’s papers from the table.
It swallowed an entire mug of coffee.
It chased two reporters around the conference table.
It sucked all of the water out of the water cooler.
It even latched onto Bob’s nose.
In fact, the Cyclone 1000 might have swallowed Bob the Tomato whole if Larry hadn’t finally remembered another way to stop the machine—he pulled out the plug.
Silence fell over the staff. The meeting room was in shambles.
“The commercial was right. This vacuum sure has supersuction power,” said Larry.
At that moment, a piece of the ceiling crumbled and fell right on top of Bob. Larry hurried over and dusted the debris off of Bob’s head.
“I guess you needed dusting after all,” Larry said.
Bob wasn’t smiling.
CHAPTER 7
AN EMERGENCY WEATHER BULLETIN
11:32 A.M.
We interrupt this story with an emergency weather bulletin.
A cool front has been seen moving through the halls of the Daily Bumble newspaper. This cool front, made up of several cool kids, is expected to move in from the west. The cool kids are heading toward warm, kind-hearted kids, creating a dangerous, unstable situation.
If you are anywhere near these cool kids, please find shelter immediately. We repeat. Please find shelter immediately.
We now return you to your regularly scheduled story …
CHAPTER 8
BULLY BOWLING
11:33 P.M.
Junior Asparagus strutted through the halls of the Daily Bumble, with Ricky on one side and Ziggy on the other. He felt like a king. Ricky and Ziggy were wearing hangers in their shirts, too.
A new style had been born.
The old disco song, “Staying Aloof,” blared with every step they took. (Ziggy and Ricky always played that song on a boom box whenever they strutted down the hall.)
“OOO-OOO-OOO-OOO, STAYING ALOOF, STAYING ALOOF. OOO-OOO-OOO-OOO, STAYING ALOOOOOOF!”
The three sang at the top of their lungs.
Paperboys and girls stared at them every step of the way. Only this time there were no snickers. If Ricky and Ziggy wore hangers, it had to be cool.
The trio made quite a team—Ziggy, Ricky, and Junior.
“Oh my,” cooed a papergirl as they passed by and looked her direction.
Things were going great for Junior—until the triumphant trio came upon two of Junior’s friends. Wally and Herbert were paperboys too and definitely not cool in the eyes of Ziggy and Ricky.
“Hey, let’s have some fun,” snickered Ziggy.
“I’m up for it,” Ricky agreed.
“Let’s not,” squeaked Junior, but the two bullies weren’t listening.
“Time to go bowling,” Ziggy said.
Just what Junior was afraid of. You see, Ziggy and Ricky liked to bowl. But not the kind of bowling you’re thinking of. When Ziggy and Ricky went bowling, they bowled Veggies over. They sent bowling balls zipping down hallways and sidewalks, knocking over broccoli, zucchinis, and carrots like bowling pins. You might say they were equal opportunity bowlers, and literally no one who got in the way stood a chance.
“I’m not really in the mood for bowling. What about soccer?” Junior asked, as Ziggy pulled his bowling ball out of his backpack. Ziggy never went anywhere without it.
“Nah, soccer’s no fun.”
“Then how about if we go get our paychecks?” Junior suggested.
“My money’s not going anywhere,” Ziggy said, lining up his shot.
Taking three bounces forward, Ziggy let loose. The bowling ball zoomed down the hall. His precision was amazing. Ziggy’s ball hit Wally, knocking him into Herbert, and both of them crashed to the floor.
“Great shot!” shouted Ricky.
Herbert glanced up, his goofy sunglasses shattered. “Oh hi, Junior,” he said, with a weak smile. “Nice hanger.”
Junior didn’t know what to say.
But he did know
what to do. Junior knew God would want him to be kind. He knew he should help Wally and Herbert get back up. But if he did that, Ricky and Ziggy would turn on him.
“Are you friends with these two guys?” Ziggy asked Junior with a scowl.
Junior looked at Wally. Then at Herbert. Then he stared into the accusing eyes of Ziggy and Ricky.
“Ahh, not really,” Junior said quietly.
“Good answer,” Ziggy told him.
The trio continued to strut through the circulation department like kings … but Junior no longer felt like a king. A traitor was more like it.
“OOO-OOO-OOO-OOO, STAYING ALOOF, STAYING ALOOF! OOO-OOO-OOO-OOO, STAYING ALOOOOOOF!”
CHAPTER 9
THE MASKED TAILOR!
12:01 P.M.
Meanwhile, our plunger-headed hero headed to his Superhero 101 class, which was usually held at the Bumblyburg Community College.
But today was special. Their teacher, Bok Choy, took them on a field trip to the Masked-Tailor Superhero Costume Factory, secretly hidden deep below an ordinary clothes store.
Most members of the superhero class were there—Lemon Twist, Iron Clad, Electro-Melon, Bubble Gum, Scarlet Tomato, and others. All of these heroes had their costumes made at the factory. But the factory had never been set up for superhero tours … until now.
“I am the Masked Tailor. Welcome to our factory,” said the owner, a masked string bean dressed in black. He wore the latest in capes—a high-tech cloak that could even flap indoors without wind.
The tour was amazing. Bok Choy’s superhero class got to see where the Superseamstresses (all wearing masks) sewed the costumes. They wandered through a museum that told the longtime history of superhero costumes. (The very first costumes were made out of rock, which explained why prehistoric superheroes couldn’t fly more than a foot off the ground.)
After the “Salute to Spandex” musical show in the factory auditorium, the superheroes even got a chance to improve their costume-changing skills. A special simulation center had been set up with hundreds of telephone booths. Each superhero was timed on how fast he or she could change into their costumes and then emerge from the phone booths.
The class concluded in what looked like an ordinary classroom.
“I’d like to end this field trip with a one-question, extra-credit quiz,” announced Bok Choy. “My question is this: what is the most important thing that a superhero should wear?”
The superheroes gave the usual answers: mask, cape, utility belt, emblem, magnetic undershirt, atomic-powered slippers.
But they were all wrong.
“For the answer, turn to Section 51, Paragraph 3, Line 12 in your Superhero Handbook,” said Bok Choy.
The Scarlet Tomato read it aloud: “You are God’s chosen people. You are holy and dearly loved. So put on tender mercy and kindness as if they were your clothes.”
“None of our superpowers or supercostumes would be any good if we didn’t clothe ourselves with kindness,” said Bok Choy. “That way, when people look at us, they see our kindness—just as clearly as they see our superhero costumes. Remember: superheroes have a heart.”
No sooner had he said this than the lights in the classroom began to flicker. Weather-warning sirens began wailing. The Masked Tailor threw open the door and shouted, “A twister is heading straight for the store upstairs! You’ve got to help!”
The superheroes reacted with blazing speed. Scrambling out of the room, they barged up a spiral staircase that led directly to the Vegetable Bin clothing store above. What the superheroes saw was truly shocking.
Whirling right in front of the store was another tornado. But strangely enough, the twister simply spun in place—like some giant, deadly top.
“Let me handle this!” Lemon Twist shouted. “This job is right up my alley.”
Right up her tornado alley, that is. Lemon Twist had the amazing ability to control wind within a one-foot radius of her body. She was the perfect match for the twister roaring outside the door.
Lemon Twist went whirling outside. And that’s when the twister made its move. It rushed forward like a pouncing beast. When the twister smashed into Lemon Twist, the force of wind increased seven times over.
The roof of the clothing store ripped right off the top of it. Hundreds of clothing items went flying out of the top of the building like birds. The twister swallowed up Lemon Twist, and then it turned and whirled away, leaving mayhem in its trail.
CHAPTER 10
THE HEART OF DARKNESS
2:03 P.M.
The famous brain surgeon Plum Loco once again showed up at the police station. Only this time he claimed to be the superhero Lemon Twist. Stranger yet, the real Lemon Twist was spotted on the east side of town STEALING STUFFED ANIMALS out of the homes of Veggie children!
Larryboy was stunned.
“I can’t believe that Lemon Twist would rob anyone,” he told Archie back at the Larrycave.
“It’s certainly odd,” agreed Archie. “But here’s something even stranger. The tornadoes cropping up around Bumblyburg don’t appear to be naturally occurring. I think that they may have been artificially created by something evil.”
Larryboy took a big gulp of his chocolate malt, leaving a chocolate mustache on his upper lip. “If that’s the case, then we should be able to turn these twisters off! But how?”
“There’s only one way to find out.” “And what’s that?” asked Larryboy.
Archie paused dramatically. “Someone must get into the very center of this mysterious whirlwind by flying into the tornado.”
“Wow! But who would be crazy enough to fly into the middle of a twister?” Larryboy asked.
Archie continued to stare at Larryboy, as if to answer his question.
Larryboy glanced behind himself, hoping somebody else was standing there. There wasn’t.
“Peanut brittle,” said Larryboy. “You’re looking at me, aren’t you?”
Fifteen minutes later, he was soaring high over Bumblyburg in the Larryplane.
“This is crazy!” Larryboy said.
The caped cucumber couldn’t believe that Archie had talked him into flying his plane right into a swirling mass of killer wind. He also couldn’t believe the other problem that he had to deal with—Fred the Computer.
“Land this plane! PLEEEEEEEEASE!” pleaded Fred. “I’m afraid of heights!”
“You’re a computer, Fred. How can you be afraid of heights?”
“I don’t know! How can computers run the Internet? It’s all a mystery to me!”
“Why didn’t you tell Archie you were afraid of heights?”
“Archie installed me in the Larrymobile. How was I supposed to know that your car changed into an airplane?”
Larryboy dove low over the city.
“WHOOOOOOOOOOAAA!” screamed Fred. “I’m going to be sick!”
“Twister dead ahead!” Larryboy shouted.
“Do you have to say the word dead? I can’t look. I’m keeping my eyes closed.”
“You’re a computer. You don’t have eyes.”
The Larryplane closed in on the twister, which swirled just outside the city.
“My ears are popping!” shouted Fred. “My ears are popping!”
“You’re a computer. You don’t have ears.”
The tornado appeared to be heading straight for a farmhouse. The Larryplane picked up speed.
“Remind me why we are about to fly into a tornado,” Fred begged him, increasingly panicked.
“We’re going to try to turn off this twister. But don’t worry, Fred. Archie made some changes to the plane so it can survive two-hundred-mile-per-hour, twisting winds.”
“But how do you know his changes will work? Archie isn’t perfect! He made me, didn’t he?”
Larryboy had to admit that Fred had a good point. But there was no turning back now. The Larryplane zoomed straight into the side of the monstrous storm, and the funnel cloud swallowed the little plane like a giant fly.
CHAPTER 11
A MOOOO-VING EXPERIENCE
2:55 P.M.
Larryboy couldn’t believe it. He was looking at one of the greatest mysteries of nature—the inside of a tornado. The Larryplane spun around and around and around and around and around and around and … Now add about three hundred million more arounds, all in about ten minutes. That’s how fast the twister spun the plane.
By this time, Fred had completely blacked out. (Of course, computers can’t black out, but leave it to Fred to find a way.)
Inside the vortex of the tornado, all sorts of things whirled around, along with the Larryplane.
Pieces of wood.
A rocking chair.
Ma Mushroom riding a bicycle.
Two penguins playing checkers.
An air compressor.
A flying monkey.
An oil tanker.
And three cows. At the state fair every year, Larryboy’s favorite ride was the Nauseator, which spun him at speeds that would tie his stomach in knots for days. But that was nothing compared to this twister.
Suddenly, the wind whipped the cockpit hatch off of the plane, leaving Larryboy completely exposed to the storm. He ducked as a piece of wood zipped by him, just inches above his head.
“That was close. Good thing I’ve got catlike reflexes. Otherwise, I might have—”
WHAP!
Larryboy forgot about the funnel effect—what goes around comes around. The piece of wood got him on the next lap around.
When Larryboy regained consciousness, he was lying in a haystack. His airplane was sticking through the side of a barn, and Fred was calling for a medic.
Very woozy and sore, Larryboy got up on his wobbly feet.
Feet?
Larryboy looked down. He not only had feet. He had four of them!
Running to a nearby farm pond, Larryboy stared at his reflection in the water. He couldn’t believe what he saw.
HE WAS A COW!
How in the world did his brain wind up in the body of a cow? Was it all a bad dream? Was it from hitting his head? Had he landed somewhere over the rainbow?
LarryBoy in the Amazing Brain-Twister Page 2