He started the engine and drove away. “Do I even want to know?”
“No, but let’s just say that we have to run. I know he pays your salary, but I love you and I know that Daddy would need a man like you. If you come with me we can have our happily ever after.” His deep laugh made me go hysterical, we were laughing as hell and both of our phones were ringing to death.
Dylan should be happy, I didn’t kill him; I just made him pay with his favorite part of his body.
I worked all day and turned off my cell phone. Aware of Dylan’s craziness, I decided to schedule all my meetings out of the office. But by the end of the day I couldn’t avoid him anymore, he was going to kill me, and I was going to suck it up.
To my surprise, my apartment was silent and dark. No Blue Eyes on sight, which should be a relief, but you can never trust someone that has watched every episode of Criminal Minds. I called the only person who would hide a body with me. “Baby, are you coming home tonight?”
The sound of Kevin’s office was unmistakable in the background. “No Katie, I’m really busy. The market is crashing and we are all going crazy here. Do you need anything?”
Suspicious, really suspicious, but I didn’t want to explain what I had done, so I was on my own. “Ok Kev, good night babe.” Hanging up my phone, I walked to my room in the darkness of my apartment. Not one sound on the street, being a New Yorker, silence made me nervous.
I dropped my purse, removed my trench coat, was about to kick off my shoes, when I turned on the lights. “Holy shit!” Fuck, fuck, fuck princess run for your life!
“Not how I was expecting to be welcomed Katherine.” Fucking Blue Eyes was sitting in the middle of my bed, in the shadows of my apartment, making no noise. Probably he was expecting me to receive him on my knees. After what I had done in his office, the darkness in his now cobalt eyes, was no surprise. He stood up, with the pace and grace of a jaguar, and round me putting his arm around my waist, his front to my back.
He started smelling my neck in a primitive fashion, licking my neck while his hand was tracing my thigh towards my crotch under my skirt. “So now we are even Berkeley?” You are panting princess, shut up.
The pain from the bite on my neck startled me. “Oh no doll, you’ll pay, All.Night.Long. I’ll probably need to spank you after what you did today.” My body froze for one second and then I turned in his arms separating our bodies.
“Let’s make something clear Berkeley, you’re hot as hell and I want you. But I’ve already been educated by my parents, nannies, and thousands of private school teachers. So, if you ever feel the need to “punish” me in the future, if you ever touch me that way, I promise I will kill you with my own hands.” The Sicilian blood in my body made me know I could kill if needed.
His arm pulled me against him again with that pain in the ass smirk on his face. “You made me crazy today Katherine.” His voice was already deep and low, and hitting all the right places in my body.
“So you are going to fuck me?” My hotline voice was competing with his. Why are we talking? We should be naked by now, please, please Blue Eyes!
The pause before his answer was almost as sexy as his three-piece suit, which was still in place. “No doll, after not seeing you for weeks, the only thing I want is to make love to you all night. And I’ve already told you, I’ve never fucked you.” His mouth took mine, while his possessive hands grabbed me hard. He did what he promised…all night long.
We were lying exhausted over my bed, but neither of us was willing to sleep and lose the few hours that we had left together. I still was not comfortable with too much body contact, but he couldn’t care less about my bullshit. My face was resting over his chest and his arms around me. “You called Kevin to stay out of the apartment.” It was a statement, not a question, I was learning the way his head works.
“Let’s just say that I will be buying him so many hockey tickets, that I am thinking about getting him his own box.” His raspy voice was killing me, but I couldn’t move myself for my own life.
“You understand you are completely fucked up, right?” I was not looking for a fight, but God, someone needed to tell him. And if his school teacher never sent his parents a note with this information, I was meant to let him know.
He covered his eyes in desperation. “Why Katherine? Why do you have to swear all the time?”
I turned my head so my chin could rest on his chest and I could see his face. “It’s like asking Madonna, why she needs Botox. It is just my way to survive.”
He took his hand off his eyes. “It is just that women like you don’t swear.”
Who are these women like me? “Yes, they don’t swear, or work, or think. As you can see I am nothing like them, therefore I’ll swear as much as I can.”
I moved my head back to its initial position, but his hand came to move my chin back to him. “You can lower your walls with me, you know?” The power of those blue eyes was hypnotizing me. “I’ve never thought about you as a trophy wife. You are so much more, you don’t have to prove anything to me. You are already in.”
That last phrase was just a whisper, but it moved me. Getting serious princess! I remained silent for a while, and just opened my mouth to finish the conversation. “You know that you are still fucked up, right?” The tremble of his laughter resonated on my face. And I just whispered to him. “Good thing I like you fucked up.” And then, we both fell asleep, in perfect happiness and calmness.
Chapter 6
I caught myself daydreaming about that day several times during the next week. It was as if we both were close enough to avoid our usual MO’s. I was not pushing him away any longer, and he was not looking for more flavors in the freezer.
Just when I was perfecting this revelation and sending emails to my clients, the buzz of my cell phone got my attention. “Hey biaaatch!” How could I have survived so long without that whining voice?
“Chelle, the baby can hear you, swearing in front of adults is normal, swearing in front of little babies is vulgar.” And I would probably be vulgar in the future, but it was nice to make fun of my really pregnant friend.
“It is not even born bitch! And Katie, I am believing that Marc’s middle name is Damien, because this baby is the antichrist. It is killing me! I can’t stand up, my bladder is exploding every second and I don’t recognize my body. Thank God the guys are having more free time now, because if that son of a bitch leaves me here to go to the office, I’ll kill him!”
Free time? The reason why Dylan hadn’t been to New York was because he was busy, definitely not free time. I couldn’t distress my murdering-mom-to-be friend, so I went for the easy subject. “It can’t be that bad babe, you have been fat before, don’t you remember our senior year?” She had never been fat, not a little, but it was good to distract both of us with her tantrum.
“I’ve never had a fat day in my life lying bitch! Just for that you’ll be my baby’s godmother!” She laughed as if she had just said a joke. A baby, Michelle loved me enough to let me be responsible for the most precious thing in her life. “Of course Marc made me promise Dylan would be the godfather.”
I was not that happy with the lying asshole, but I couldn’t avoid the joy of sharing that baby with him. “Baby I can’t tell you how happy it will make me. And even when that man is a pain in the ass he looks amazing in a suit, so I’ll suck it up.”
“I love you Katie.” I missed her, really, missed her.
“I love you and that baby C, say hi to Damien.” I hung up so happy for my friend that I couldn’t help but thank God for giving her the family she always wanted. But all those pretty thoughts couldn’t erase the uncertainty of knowing that probably Dylan was probably lying to me.
I had never exposed myself remotely close to what I was doing with him. But I reminded myself that I didn’t need him. If he was cheating on me, I could let him go, I could kick his ass and get back to my life. Keep dreaming princess, he has damaged you for a life without him.
Even when I tried to convince myself, I couldn’t quiet my brain. It wanted to enlist all the possibilities of Dylan’s affair. The long time without seeing each other, the sudden trips and the missing visits. If I were just one bit crazier, I would probably have hired a private detective to follow him around. But I couldn’t think of a way to make Daddy pay for that without sounding maniac.
I was dealing with my crazy head, lost in my own thoughts, when Mrs. Cherry knocked at my door. “Darling, may I come in?” I just smiled at her and she came to the chair in front of my desk. “Ms. Bianchi, not meaning to pry but is everything ok? I can hear your brain from my desk!” I was not a warm person, people never felt confident enough to ask me those kind of questions, but she did, and I needed her.
“Is it that obvious?” I smiled at her and dug in my soul for some humility. You better dig deep princess, you know it won’t be easy. “It is just that my head can’t stop thinking.” I timidly smiled again.
With the wisdom of her years she smiled back at me. “This is about that man of yours, right?”
“Have you ever seen me like this before him?” Sarcasm, my first sacred coping mechanism. But her silence gave me no out. “All of this is just too new to me and I feel…I feel” -nothing good has ever come from a sentence that starts with ‘I feel’- “I feel inadequate. And I hate to be inadequate!”
We both laughed, it was dumb, I knew it, but that’s how I felt. “You’re always perfect Ms. Bianchi. So I understand your discomfort.”
“God, Mrs. Cherry you can call me Katherine. And I am nothing close to perfect.”If you are opening your big mouth, you better be honest princess. “My whole life I’ve worked for perfection. I need it; control, order, work. But this thing is so unpredictable. And then the fact that I know I’m not cut out for it.”
The frown on Mrs. Cherry’s face caught my attention. “Sorry darling, explain that last part for me. You are not cut out for what?”
She was going to make me say it. My Italian roots took the best of me and I was making dramatic gestures with my hands. “This, relationships, the messy love thing. It is just that my whole life I have felt that people think I don’t deserve this. Being cold, not that easily attached, not fragile, meant that I would die alone surrounded by cats. I had accepted my fate long ago, and then Berkeley came to change everything. He messed with my perfection!”
Fuck! You just said it! “I hate to participate in things that I’m not good at. But I’ve always had everything I want, so my frustration tolerance is really, really low. My selfish being can’t walk away from Berkeley anymore. But that would make my life much easier.”
Drained from my admissions, I stared at her, truly believing I had already said it all. “Katherine, can you explain to me why you think you don’t deserve love?” Her tone was harsh, and Mrs. Cherry was never harsh, with that name she wasn’t allowed. So I knew that I better start giving her the answers.
“People don’t want love for cold hearted bitches. Even people that think Chelle, my best friend, is a slut. They want love for her, because she’s a damsel in distress. She needs a man, she’s fragile and lovable. But then, tough women don’t need men, they stay alone because they don’t need any man’s attention.” She didn’t answer, which freaked me out. “I should probably fall in love with junk food. That’s it, cupid should set me up with junk food. A true, real, everlasting love. I should stick with what I know, and I don’t know about feelings.”
I truly thought she was going to laugh. But she didn’t, her lips were tight in a straight line. “Katherine, I’ve known you five years. You’ve been in this office every day, working later than anyone, and never making a mistake. If I didn’t know better I would think you are a machine. No one, can be as perfect as you have been all these years. But guess what darling, human relationships are uncontrollable. Humans are unpredictable. And despite what you have convinced yourself, you are a human.”
My eyeballs were about to pop out of their orbits with surprise. “If you ever again call yourself a ‘cold heart bitch’, I’ll knock your teeth out with my hand. You are loud and I know in private you swear more than what is healthy. But evil is measured in actions, not in words. You are kind and gentle, you care for the people that you love, and protect them. Even with all your temper issues, you have never been unfair or mean.”
“But the best thing, is that you don’t have a say in what people feel about you. You can’t control that guy’s feelings. And I think he has made it real clear that he decides what he does with what he feels. So darling, for your own sake stop trying to control things that are messy, and enjoy this. I’ve been married for 34 years, and sometimes I still feel ‘inadequate’. But the way that boy looks at you, should be enough to open your eyes.”
She stood up and was ready to leave when she turned to me and grabbed my hand in hers. “Katherine, you’ll make this work. You always do it.” She walked to the door and mumbled under her breath. “What’s with these uptight girls that think they have to be perfect?” If only I knew!
Fuck! Mrs. Cherry made me think about things I didn’t want to. I was so fucked up that I was projecting my own insecurities on Dylan’s behavior. And I promised myself that I was going to calm down, to calm down until I found evidence, and then kick his ass.
The Wednesday after his visit, my life was completely full with the avalanche of work that the His Magazine campaign meant. If everything would go as planned, it was going to be the biggest success of my career. While staring at some copies, my cell phone rang. Wishing to see Dylan’s name on the screen, I ran to the phone and was disappointed to find Kevin’s.
I was usually not anxious about Berkeley’s calls, but he hadn’t called since yesterday. And his obsessive personality didn’t allow those kinds of silences. “What’s up hottie?”
“Baby, just letting you know that one of my girls needs me, so I won’t go home tonight.”
“Kev, you realize sex is not a need? She doesn’t need you, she wants you.” My chuckle on the phone took the attention of my team. With one cold glare, all of them went back to their jobs. I can laugh jerks! You just never make me laugh!
“I am all about fulfilling wants and needs! See you tomorrow Katie.” Just two hours after his call, I was laying on my bed watching a Criminal Minds marathon. I am not a sissy, but the amount of blood made me cover half of my face with the blanket. My heart was already to its full intensity, when the noise of keys at my door took my breath away.
I took my cell phone, dialed 911 and ran to meet the aggressor. A strong chest collapsed against me, and a pair of firm arms surrounded my body. Without talking and with more strength than necessary, the firm arms carried me, forcing my legs to straddle his waist. My phone went to the floor and my back got crushed against the wall. If it weren’t for the hand that was covering my head, I would have been hurt, sadly my back was not that lucky.
The moment when his lips found mine, my whole face resonated with the impact. It hurt, but it was a good kind of pain. His mouth tasted of alcohol, and that was the only clue of what was happening. The urgency in his fingers was hurting the skin of my ass and thighs. I moved my face and let him bite my neck. “Dylan, what’s happening?” He didn’t answer, he just shut me up by biting my lower lip.
It was in the exact same moment when he bit me, that his fingers went to my crotch and started working roughly against the delicate skin. The moment I felt his fingers leaving me, he entered. Hard, solid, reckless, something felt odd. I had never seen Dylan losing control like this; I suspected that like me, he never let alcohol steal control. The only time when I had heard about the possibility of him being drunk, had been during the anniversary of his parent’s death. This had to be about that.
My head was all over the place trying to figure out what was happening, but as always his touch was driving me crazy. With every pound I felt more, more of him, more of his need, more of his anger. I hadn’t done anything wrong, so this couldn’t be about me, but then I was t
he one being nailed to the wall.
If I couldn’t do anything else, I was going to try to erase that need and that anger. The moment he came, his legs buckled and we fell against the floor. Him inside me, his arms around me and his face buried on my neck. His breathing was so erratic, that I only could caress his back trying to sooth him.
There was no way he could speak in that state, if I was hoping for an explanation it would not be until the next morning. He had trusted me enough to let me see him as drunk as hell and as vulnerable as I never thought he could be, I could only pay back with my silence. It took him a while, but he fell asleep in my arms and I didn’t let him go.
The light in my bedroom woke me up. I was alone, tucked in my bed. At some point during the night Dylan had brought me to my bed and probably left. You were fucked and abandoned darling. Each part of my body hurt more than the other, it was no surprise to notice a bunch of bruises when I stood up. One of them was so big and dangerously positioned that if I had been a stripper I would have been fired.
My body analysis was interrupted when a perfectly dressed Blue Eyes came out of my bathroom. “Good morning doll. You better hurry up because I want you to take me to the airport.” What the fuck is going on? Freshly dressed, no evidence of a hangover, and definitely no intention to talk about what happened.
Maybe he wanted to talk about it during the ride, and that was why he was asking me to go with him. But if he thought for a second he was going to act as if it never happened, he was fucking crazy. “I’ll be ready in an hour.” I tried to sound as normal as I could, but you could cut the tension with a knife.
We were already in the SUV with Joe and Max when I tried to get our conversation back to normal. Maybe if he was comfortable enough, he would start explaining his madness episode. But before, I needed a bunch of documents that I had forgotten in his parents’ place, and this was my only chance to get them, since I didn’t know when he was coming back. “Dylan, I had forgotten to tell you. I left a pair of contracts in your parents’ apartment, and I really need them.”
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