Project Scrooge

by A M Heath

  I scratched my chin and watched her go. She was right. I didn’t want Kelly to be happy. I couldn't imagine myself praying blessings for her like I ought to be doing.

  My chest burned and my mouth clamped up at the thought of whispering such a request. Lord, give me the desire to want what You want, because I don’t want to forgive her.

  Such a simple admission, but it was the key to the flood of confession that followed. As it turned out, I was in just as much need of forgiveness as she was … just as Viola had said.

  Stave Four

  “Men’s courses will foreshadow certain ends, to which, if persevered in, they must lead,” said Scrooge. “but if the courses be departed from, the ends will change. Say it is thus with what you show me!”

  Natalie:

  “We’re ready for the Ghost of Christmas Future,” Ms. Carol said with a clap of joy followed by the excited squeals of the rest of the group.

  But my heart just sank into my chest. I had known from day one that it would come. But … maybe deep down, I didn’t think we’d come this far. Or perhaps I thought I’d feel more comfortable than I suddenly did.

  Thoughts came of seeing Kelly in the gym, her growing child, and, just behind her, a pained Sanford. She had done her damage to him, but was I any better?

  I pulled in a calming breath and pictured a happy Sanford. Like the young man I used to know. Like the man I knew he could still be today. My motives were different from hers. With new resolution, I lifted my chin and met the eyes of my fellow ghosts. “What do I need to do?”

  My stomach spun in circles. I had tried several times to create a plan for this phase but always seemed to come up empty. I wanted him to know that he could love again. That he could trust again. But everything I thought of felt calculating, and I didn’t want him to fall in love with me that way, especially after his accusations. So the only thing I had found was guilt. But guilt was counterproductive. Even if Sanford wouldn’t love me, he should repent and seek peace. I wanted that for him more than anything. Did that mean it was okay for me to flirt with him as part of the scheme? I couldn’t tell anymore, but it was too late to back out. I looked to Ms. Carol for guidance, the unease clear on my face. She thought there was more to Sanford’s feelings for me and a gentle nudge would help him along, but I wasn’t so sure.

  Ms. Carol’s smile grew. “Not to worry, dear. I have it all under control, you’ll see. Just come tomorrow night for dinner.”

  “But shouldn’t she know what to expect? How can Natalie be expected to pull it off if she doesn’t have time to rehearse?”

  Mia nudged Hunter with her elbow. “You can’t rehearse feelings, dodo.”

  My face heated. Did she notice how I cared for Sanford too?

  Hunter rolled his eyes in response.

  “Mia’s right. You just look lovely as always, and let nature take care of the rest.”

  I sent an uncertain shrug to Hunter, who responded with the same, but inside I was reeling. Sanford had once thought I was manipulative. Would he forgive me if he knew that we were plotting against him now? If I wanted to see him healed, did I have a choice?

  After dinner dishes were cleared, Ms. Carol stood up, hands clasped at her chest. “I thought we might sing some Christmas carols together.”

  Hunter and Mia cheered.

  “If you insist,” Sanford said, likely knowing arguing with his grandmother was useless. Either that or she had pumped him with so much chicken and dressing that he was in a trance. Although there was a peace about him tonight that I hadn’t expected to see. He was quiet and still kept plenty of space between us, but he was strangely compliant.

  “Perfect! Let’s start with … ‘O, Come, All Ye Faithful.’” Ms. Carol turned to Hunter, her brows lowered. “Hunter, dear, how do you get music to play on this thing?” She held the remote out to him.

  Hunter took it in hand and, after a moment, had the desired song ready to play on the karaoke DVD.

  Once the music started, we sang.

  I kept watching Ms. Carol, still uncertain how this would send me into my role as Christmas Future. Maybe I wouldn’t have to do anything more than I had been by simply being here.

  Ms. Carol caught my study and sent me a wink but continued singing. We changed songs twice before she turned to Sanford and me with a twinkle in her eye. “Let’s do ‘Baby, It’s Cold Outside.’”

  My stomach flopped, knowing my time had come.

  Sanford shifted his eyes to me, then back to his grandmother, his usual frown in place.

  Hunter snorted, drawing everyone’s attention. “Granny, you can’t sing that song!”

  She reared back. “Why ever not?”

  He eyed her like she had lost her mind. “Have you not heard that they’re gonna stop playing it? It’s all over social media.”

  She made a face and flapped her hands in the air. “Oh, all the more reason to stay off social media.” With new determination, she turned to us. “What do y’all say? Will you show these two why it’s such a fun classic?”

  My heart thumped in my ears as I looked at Sanford. The thought of singing the flirty duet made me warm all over. How many times had I sung that one and secretly envisioned Sanford leaning in to sing his lines with a look of adoration on his face just for me?

  Sanford met my gaze but concealed his thoughts. At last, he tipped one side of his mouth. “I’m not allowed to be a Scrooge, so I’m game if you are. Besides, it’ll be fun to feel like a social rebel.”

  I smiled up at him, my heart leaping in my chest. “Alright.” This had to be easier than the kiss at the diner.

  I drew in a calming breath and prepared myself for my role: showing Sanford what love could look like if he let it.

  Hunter found the song, and, in a moment that came all too soon, the opening melody was swirling around us.

  Sanford turned to me, a smirk on his face.

  I sang my first line, peeking up at him through my lashes.

  Sanford reached for my hand as he sang his line. His touch sent waves of anticipation through my hand. But I knew it was all fake. It had to be. He wouldn’t flirt with me like this after striving to stay so far away from me for over a week. Any joy of the moment evaporated. This wasn’t how I wanted his attention.

  I delivered my next line, but a new wave of guilt consumed me that was too hard to ignore. I didn’t want to play-act. I wanted the real thing.

  Sanford sang his line but eyed me with concern when I missed mine.

  I gulped and watched Sanford with wide eyes.

  At his questioning frown and muttered line, I leaned in. He met me halfway, angling his ear to reach my mouth.

  His nearness did funny things to my heart, but I ignored it and whispered, “I need to speak with you … in private.”

  He nodded and pulled away. Sanford cleared his throat. “Maybe some other time, Granny.”

  I sent Hunter and Mia a pinched smile and walked out of the room, weaving through the furniture and skirting the Christmas tree until I was standing in Mr. Stone’s old office.

  Sanford followed behind me, closing the door softly when he entered.

  I stood in the middle of the room and whirled back to him. There was a myriad of questions playing out in his eyes.

  “I can’t do this. I’m sorry.”

  He examined me, his lowered-brow gaze traveling the length of me as if he was checking for an injury before settling back on my face. “I don’t understand.”

  I licked my lips, a slight tremble in them. “I’m supposed to be the Ghost of Christmas Future,” I blurted out, but that only made Sanford lean back and the ridge between his brows deepen.

  “I had this idea that we would walk you through A Christmas Carol and try to help you get over this bitterness that you’ve clung to for so long.”

  Sanford’s face lost color.

  “I was supposed to help you see what your future could be like, if you could only allow yourself to fall in love again, but … I can’t do it.�
� Tears swam in my eyes, and I blinked them back. “This just feels so wrong. I don’t want to manipulate you into loving me back. It shouldn’t be this way.”

  Sanford only blinked but said nothing.

  I took a step forward. “I’m sorry.” Again my lip trembled; this time so did my voice. “I shouldn’t have gone along with it. Especially not after what you said a couple of weeks ago. I knew it didn’t feel right. But … but I only wanted to help you see the truth. We all did.”

  “And what is that truth?” he asked, his voice flat and devoid of emotion.

  My shoulders fell and a tear spilled over my cheek. “That you needed to forgive. That your bitterness has led to you keeping everyone at arm’s length instead of holding them near while you could.” Another tear escaped as I lowered my voice and whispered, “And that you were wrong about me.”

  I shook my head, breaking eye contact. “In the beginning, it was just an idea, a challenge, to pull you out of your home and have you celebrating Christmas with your family again. The phase of Christmas Future put me in the focus.” My gut twisted, but I pressed on. “I shouldn’t have gone through with it. At least not this phase of it.” I met his cold stare. “But I told myself that the end justified the means, and I so badly wanted to see you happy again.”

  “And in love with you?” he accused with a raised brow.

  I stuck out my chin and stilled the emotion on my face. “Despite what you think, I will not have you this way. If you cannot care for me on your own, I don’t want you. In the words of Dickens, I ‘can release you.’”

  Not needing to say or hear anything else, I circled around him and went for the door.

  “Have I ever sought release?”

  My heart froze at Sanford’s even voice reciting the next line of the famous scene. I whipped my head to the side to see him over my shoulder, slowly turning my body to face him. I studied this friend of mine, then delivered a line that not only completed the scene but spoke as honestly as anything I could have written on my own. “In words. No. Never.” When he said nothing in return, I let my eyes fall to the floor and opened the door. With one last look over my shoulder at him and one last word from Dickens himself, I said, “May you be happy in the life you have chosen.” Not waiting for any reply, I walked out. Any hope I carried of Sanford stopping me faded with each step I took.

  I passed my stunned friends in the living room and met each of their anxious faces. “I’m sorry,” I mouthed and continued out the door. My work as the Ghost of Christmas Future was through.

  Sanford:

  I stood there like the fool I was and watched my Christmas Future walk out the door. One minute I was giving into temptation to draw Natalie closer, even if for just a moment. And the next, she was telling me that she had concocted the entire thing. The entire challenge had been her brainchild.

  I snorted and shook my head. I wanted to question what she had been thinking … better yet, what my own grandmother had been thinking to have gone along with such nonsense, but all I could see was the pain in Natalie’s eyes as she told me that she released me. Her words panged in my hollow chest. I wanted to chase after her and beg her forgiveness, but she was right. I kept everyone at arm’s length, and chasing after her would mean drawing someone closer. Just because she was right didn’t mean I was ready to let someone in again. I was working on forgiveness, sure. But that didn’t mean Natalie was one to be trusted. And it didn’t mean I had to play the fool again.

  After standing there for what felt like an eternity, I walked out of Grandfather’s office. The moment I entered the living room, their whispers ceased. I eyed them with a cold look and headed for the door, taking my coat as I passed the rack.

  “Uncle Sanford?” Hunter’s small voice called out to me.

  “Not now, Hunter,” I answered, not even bothering to turn to him. But as I stepped through the door, I peered back into the silent room. “We will discuss this later. Oh, and … bah humbug.” Their stunned looks coaxed a smug grin of my own. With that, I shut the door with a firm click behind me.

  I continued with Granny’s challenge even after their cover had been blown. I hated the idea of forfeiting, and I knew I was being challenged; I just didn’t know how deliberately Granny’s entire crew was involved. And I certainly didn’t know it had been Natalie’s doing. But it didn’t matter. I showed up the next day to watch claymation classics and the day after to watch an adult choir perform. But we did all of those things without Natalie. And as much as I had wanted her gone, I found that her absence irritated me as much as her presence had.

  Mia had left for the night and Hunter was in his room, so I sank down onto the couch with a huff.

  “Missing Natalie?”

  “Nope.”

  Granny snorted. “You sure act like you do. You’ve been sulking around here more than normal.”

  I shrugged. “Maybe I’m angry at her.”

  “Are you?”

  I shrugged again.

  “She wasn’t alone in this whole Scrooge thing, you know, so you can’t blame her.”

  I flexed my jaw and stared straight ahead. “I know that. This is … just typical Natalie.”

  From the corner of my eye, I saw Granny tilt her head as she considered me. “And what exactly is that?”

  I met Granny’s eyes. “Manipulative.”

  She blinked several times. “That doesn’t sound like Natalie at all.”

  “Yeah, well, you don’t know her like I do. She was like this in school, too.”

  Granny squinted at me, still not believing what I knew to be true.

  “She tried to break me and Kelly up because she was jealous.”

  “What are you talking about?”

  “You know how we had been so close all through school, but once Kelly and I started dating, she changed. I could tell she was jealous of our relationship, so I wasn’t surprised when she approached me right before the wedding.”

  “You mean when she approached you with the truth?”

  I wagged my head. “Just because it happened to be true doesn’t mean she hadn’t been jealous and manipulative before then. That’s not a friend, Granny.” I let out a loud breath. “I admit, I hadn’t let things go. Not completely. And I’m working on it. But … that doesn’t mean my relationship with Natalie is the same or will ever be the same.”

  “Because there are some things that are unforgivable?”

  “No,” I ground out, mostly because I knew it was the right answer. “Because I shouldn’t have to put myself back in the same situation and expect a different outcome.”

  Granny sighed and pushed against the arms of her chair, rising up. She pulled out a VHS tape and slipped it in.

  I scowled. “We’re not watching that again.”

  “You’ll do as you’re asked,” she barked, forcing me to sit back.

  “You’re not normally so pushy.”

  She eyed me after she hit the play button. “And you’re not normally so hard headed. Now, look, I want to show you something. I watched the rest of it the other night after y’all left. Everyone was in such an uproar after prom, and then graduation, that no one ever stopped to watch what we had filmed that night. And, well, … there’s something you should see. Consider it another message from the Ghost of Christmas Past.”

  I sat back with a pinched frown and watched throwback versions of myself and my former classmates come into focus. After fast-forwarding, she hit play again, then turned up the volume.

  In the background, I danced with Kelly, holding her near. Closer to the camera, Natalie sat down with some of the other girls, but she kept her gaze fixed in my direction.

  “I don’t understand what he sees in her,” one of them said, drawing my attention as well to the Natalie on the screen.

  “What?”

  “Kelly. She doesn’t deserve a guy like Sanford,” Laura said.

  Natalie frowned, dropping her head to study the flickering candle in the fish bowl on the table. She lifted her
gaze over her shoulder at me and Kelly again. “He loves her.”

  Laura rolled her eyes.

  “I doubt she loves him. She’s forever flirting with other guys when he’s not around.”

  Natalie’s frown deepened, but she neither confirmed nor denied it.

  “You should tell him, you know,” Laura whispered.

  Natalie cut wide eyes to her. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

  The girls shook their heads. “We know you love him,” Vanessa said.

  Natalie sent them a sad smile. “It doesn’t matter.”

  “It does!” Megan said. “And it will if you’ll just tell him.”

  Natalie bit her lip and sent them a strained watery smile, her gaze slowly traveling back in my direction. “I couldn’t. He’s already head over heels in love with someone else.”

  Vanessa reached forward, taking Natalie’s hand in a supportive grip. “How can you stand to watch him with her, knowing that you love him like you do?”

  Natalie’s eyes glistened, and she blinked several times. “Because I’m not selfish. His feelings matter just as much as mine, and he’s made it clear who he has chosen.” She shrugged, but it was weighted and weary. “If he’s gonna love me someday, I don’t want it to be because I stood between him and Kelly. I want him to see me on his own.” She fingered her lower lashes, soaking up any show of tears. “Besides, I’ve never heard that Kelly was cheating on him. She’s a flirt, but I don’t think she’d take it that far.”

  “If she did, would you tell him?” Laura asked, brows raised.

  Natalie slowly nodded. “It would kill me because I know it would kill him to hear it, but … he’s my friend.” She nodded more firmly. “Of course, I would tell him.”